Every day my mother, a dementia patient, wakes up, gets dressed, puts her purse on her arm, and says, "Where are we going today?" Yet, my siblings tell me she shouldn't visit their homes, as it would upset her routine. I disagree. Any advice?
My mother wants ADVENTURE!
- Thread starter PiWhackett
- Start date
My husband was the same and very tiring it was finding different places to go. He would not remember how many times we had been to the same place but I would so to keep me sane was hard work.
When it came to the time when we could no longer do our daily outings as the dementia progressed I would have given anything to go back to the " where are we going today" part of our journey.
Sylvia is spot on, is certainly is a privilege to be able to provide the adventure.
When it came to the time when we could no longer do our daily outings as the dementia progressed I would have given anything to go back to the " where are we going today" part of our journey.
Sylvia is spot on, is certainly is a privilege to be able to provide the adventure.
Yes, in the early days my husband's first remarks were "what are today's plans?" It drove me nuts but it did force me to get us involved in things. As he got worse and I got more exhausted we limped into the day rather than bouncing into it. I would certainly urge you to make the most of this stage because it is just that - a stage.
My mum also wanted to go out all the time in early dementia. She went to lunchclub 3 times a week, and shopping with SIL twice a week. She would sit and moan all day on the days when we could not take her out, and when we visited she would be sitting with coat and shoes on ready to go out.
She hated being at home and never did any housework, reading or crosswords etc even before dementia.
She only goes out once or twice now for short periods and wants to go back home all the time.
She hated being at home and never did any housework, reading or crosswords etc even before dementia.
She only goes out once or twice now for short periods and wants to go back home all the time.
Yep, as long as my husband was able, I took him out every day. As his illness progressed, we went fewer places, but I only stopped taking him out when he started to forget how to get into the car, and we were stuck in a car park one day for about half an hour! He just couldn't remember how to do it - and if you try it, to explain to someone how to get into the passenger seat of a car, when they can't remember what to do, is very difficult! Especially when it's a tiny car! I took him back around the shops a couple of times to walk around and then back to the car - and finally it "clicked" and he just got in automatically!
That really rang a bell, Lady A - my mother forgot quite suddenly how to get into the car - it was so difficult trying to steer her in, she became frightened of the process.
I had been used to taking her out in the car, just for a drive somewhere nice, but could no longer even do that. Though to be fair she had sometimes started to be anxious when out, and would say she needed to 'get back to the children' etc. (living back in the past).
My Dad always wants to go out, he always went out before dementia, he would just get on the first bus or train and see where it took him. Now he is always asking are the buses running today? It is difficult to take him out because he can't walk very far . While it's difficult to take him anywhere it does have the benefit that at least he can't just wander off. If he was mobile we would have no idea where he was
Celebrate your mother's mobility and drive, it won't last forever! Take her out as much as you can as there will be a time where her abilities decrease and she either won't want to go out anymore or can't due to failing mobility. An active PWD is to be encouraged, unless it makes them unsafe of course.
I agree that taking your Mum out would be for the best. My late Husband loved going out until he suddenly got very anxious about facing the outside world. The noise/crowds got too much for him. Also, like Lady A's husband, Pete forgot how to get in/out of the car.
xx
xx
I have the opposite problem, not wanting to go out! I now make excuses to HAVE to go to the shops, just to get her in the car to go out for a while! After the event she always says thankyou I enjoyed that!
Make the most of taking her out!
John
PiWhackett
does your mum live with you, on her own, or in a care home?
is the concern that your siblings aren't wanting to take your mum to their homes?
does your mum have a 'routine'? - or is this an excuse they are using?
are their homes in some way unsuitable for your mum? eg the layout, lots of animals?
do they visit her?
seems to me that your mum's routine might easily be tweaked so that she visits each sibling's home once a week or so AND has an excursion out as often as someone is available
I agree with the others - dad had a trip out pretty much each day and a walk round the block - I treasure the memories of those times
and my sibling took dad to their home ( I had my concerns with loud, large children and dogs ... but dad survived)
I didn't bring him to my home as the only toilet is up a steep flight of stairs and dad just wouldn't have made it up
does your mum live with you, on her own, or in a care home?
is the concern that your siblings aren't wanting to take your mum to their homes?
does your mum have a 'routine'? - or is this an excuse they are using?
are their homes in some way unsuitable for your mum? eg the layout, lots of animals?
do they visit her?
seems to me that your mum's routine might easily be tweaked so that she visits each sibling's home once a week or so AND has an excursion out as often as someone is available
I agree with the others - dad had a trip out pretty much each day and a walk round the block - I treasure the memories of those times
and my sibling took dad to their home ( I had my concerns with loud, large children and dogs ... but dad survived
)I didn't bring him to my home as the only toilet is up a steep flight of stairs and dad just wouldn't have made it up
Even on late stage my mum enjoyed car ride or wheelchair ride.
She had a routine of going out on first years of CH. gym at gym. Sewing class ( of course she had tea, cookies and got a beautiful cloth to play while there). Visiting my sibling, with mini dogs to play. Going to a friend home to play with her dogs too.
I would made a weekly routine, so she had something new each day.
Enjoy
She had a routine of going out on first years of CH. gym at gym. Sewing class ( of course she had tea, cookies and got a beautiful cloth to play while there). Visiting my sibling, with mini dogs to play. Going to a friend home to play with her dogs too.
I would made a weekly routine, so she had something new each day.
Enjoy
