Hi all
I'm so confused, it's so hard to make emotional decisions, I find it hard to look at things objectively and really hope I'm not making decisions in my own interest.
My 59 year old mum was diagnosed with 'severe dementia with frontal features' about 18 months ago. I had seen the signs about 3-4 years ago but she refused to discuss it or see the GP. She was diagnosed after a crisis when my step dad, her carer, was rushed into hospital. I moved in and took a week off work with dependents leave but ended up off sick for another 5 weeks with anxiety. I'm still on anti depressants and it took me to a really low point. Since then her husband has been in and out of hospital with heart failure, each time I have moved in. He was given 12-18 months to live over a year ago. 3 weeks ago he was admitted again, I moved in but was due to start a new job a couple of days later. I decided respite was the only option as she's not safe to be left alone and had started having very agitated auditory hallucinations where she would shout constantly about someone killing me or killing a baby etc. It was mind bending to listen to and trying to reassure her was a full time job. Doctor increased her ridperidone to help.
She's been in respite 2 weeks and has settled relatively well. She asks to come with me when I leave but not specifically to go home. There are lots of activities and she is occupied most of the time and the 'killing' outbursts have diminished. We have today decided to make the placement permanent. I feel terrible. My step dad initially wanted her home but I don't feel he's well enough to give her the care she needs to be occupied during the day. He tends to let her wander round shouting and just ignores it. I don't think that's fair on either of them. They're health is going to get worse and I can't bear taking her in and out of respite if he's in and out of hospital. Plus there's no guarantee there would be s place at this home in future. The home manager and her CPN feel it's the best thing but I just feel so guilty and that I've failed my mum seeing her in a care home at 59 :-(
I'm so confused, it's so hard to make emotional decisions, I find it hard to look at things objectively and really hope I'm not making decisions in my own interest.
My 59 year old mum was diagnosed with 'severe dementia with frontal features' about 18 months ago. I had seen the signs about 3-4 years ago but she refused to discuss it or see the GP. She was diagnosed after a crisis when my step dad, her carer, was rushed into hospital. I moved in and took a week off work with dependents leave but ended up off sick for another 5 weeks with anxiety. I'm still on anti depressants and it took me to a really low point. Since then her husband has been in and out of hospital with heart failure, each time I have moved in. He was given 12-18 months to live over a year ago. 3 weeks ago he was admitted again, I moved in but was due to start a new job a couple of days later. I decided respite was the only option as she's not safe to be left alone and had started having very agitated auditory hallucinations where she would shout constantly about someone killing me or killing a baby etc. It was mind bending to listen to and trying to reassure her was a full time job. Doctor increased her ridperidone to help.
She's been in respite 2 weeks and has settled relatively well. She asks to come with me when I leave but not specifically to go home. There are lots of activities and she is occupied most of the time and the 'killing' outbursts have diminished. We have today decided to make the placement permanent. I feel terrible. My step dad initially wanted her home but I don't feel he's well enough to give her the care she needs to be occupied during the day. He tends to let her wander round shouting and just ignores it. I don't think that's fair on either of them. They're health is going to get worse and I can't bear taking her in and out of respite if he's in and out of hospital. Plus there's no guarantee there would be s place at this home in future. The home manager and her CPN feel it's the best thing but I just feel so guilty and that I've failed my mum seeing her in a care home at 59 :-(