Feeling so down in the dumps

[Worthitprincess]

Hi all

Have just finished my weekly counselling session and just feeling so low about so much at present but mostly to do with my mum

It really has hit me about how this is going to be really hard as she progressively gets worse X


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[Harrys daughter]

It's I Scarry journey and it's made harder if you are alone but your never alone on here xx

 

[Worthitprincess]

Thank you Harry's daughter. Yes that's how I feel sometimes, alone! My brother is hopeless and doesn't understand and my extended family also have buried their heads in the sand

The one person who would have supported me would have been my dad, five months on after his sudden death I still miss him terribly and I can't imagine how he coped when he was alive. He shielded a lot from me I think X


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[henfenywfach]

Thank you Harry's daughter. Yes that's how I feel sometimes, alone! My brother is hopeless and doesn't understand and my extended family also have buried their heads in the sand

The one person who would have supported me would have been my dad, five months on after his sudden death I still miss him terribly and I can't imagine how he coped when he was alive. He shielded a lot from me I think X


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Hi
I care for my dad. Who has dementia. My dad has been my mum's carer for 30yrs. (My mum doesn't have a diagnosis ).

It's taken years of going on every session or workshop I can to I suppose try and keep myself strong.
I too have lots of promised support but in reality..They do very little. My own family are supportive but sometimes it easier to just get on with things as I only end up having to deal with 2 more emotional situations. I am there for them..but it's important they understand realities of caring for a person with dementia.

I need an outlet to vent my frustrations on dementia and it comes from an avenue that you wouldn't imagine helps..I volunteer with support activities groups for people and carers with dementia.

I know people will think how does that help you emotionally?? How do you manage it..?
When helping other family with other conditions I felt we were always fighting for cures and recovery..and generally achieved some of it..
I've decided that I won't waste our precious time no matter how good or bad ...and try to make it matter.

Don't get me wrong there have been emergencies. .falls eating drinking problems overdoses..you name it and it happens...its all very sad..and would challenge the strongest of people. I'm not superhuman..and don't have all the answers..and I do have emotional times but ..I don't want my time with my dad for him to sense that people feel sorry for him or that I'm emotionally struggling.

He might not be able to communicate or notice and tell me he knows how I'm feeling..but he still feels it..and that must be horrendous seeing a daughter or son and feeling the sadness or guilt or any emotion in their heart. Knowing that people they've loved over the years and helped over the years are no where to be seen...emotionally they will feel it even if they can't communicate they hurt or anguish. .This is where much agitation and anxiety comes from...

Sorry this isn't really helping you feel better.

I just wanted to share how much helping other people is helping me.

Every time another person smiles or achieves something they can't in ordinary everyday life..I feel like shouting...see this dementia you may determine so much..and try and stop such lovely people doing everyday things..but guess what we are not giving up we are just compromising and adapting...and you didn't expect that did you!!
Everyday as you change our lives..We learn more about you....
You know nothing about us...and yes you make us sad ...and you may break our hearts....and we will shed tears and struggle ..but we will make a life count..and matter....

I wish you courage and strength. You matter too.

 

[Worthitprincess]

I do get your post! I couldn't not look after my mother, I would feel so guilty and my conscience would kick in very quickly. I think it was just the way I was bought up. It's all about just doing what I think is best for her. Because at the end of the day that's all that matters to me, making sure she is safe, secure and happy.

However on the other hand I think she is a selfish cow making my life a misery by causing me grief and frustration. Not wanting to move closer to her family which in turn makes me feel ill

It's a huge rollercoaster of emotions I am finding


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[patmac]

Thank you Harry's daughter. Yes that's how I feel sometimes, alone! My brother is hopeless and doesn't understand and my extended family also have buried their heads in the sand

The one person who would have supported me would have been my dad, five months on after his sudden death I still miss him terribly and I can't imagine how he coped when he was alive. He shielded a lot from me I think X


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Hi Worthitprincess, despite having three siblings, I too, am totally alone in looking after mum, who I have lived with for the last three years. no two days are the same. I used to work on an EMI unit but looking after a family member is so much harder. We can't switch off at the end of a shift, our every waking moment revolves around their needs, but what about OURS? We need to be strong all the time (s-t-r-e-s-s) and TP has helped me immeasurably, knowing there is always someone to talk to, who understands and may be going through a similar situation. So sorry for the loss of your dad, sending you a hug.

 

[Worthitprincess]

Patmac- hats off to you completely that you also care for a living yet you have to come home and still do it! Poor you...I hope you manage to get some time to yourself X

Luckily I don't live with my mum and if I did I think I would end up just screaming at her all the time.

This morning she called me at 8:30am (on a Sunday which is lie in day) and started to tell me about the doors which had got stuck. I just sat there thinking what do you want me to do about it? You live so bloody far away I'm not jumping in the car for a two hour round trip just to fix some bloody doors!!!!! Also what's worse is that I'm not sure I believe her. Her sight is so bad she has probably put the wrong key in the lock....I can't call a locksmith for them to turn up and then nothing is wrong and they then charge £100 for call out *sigh*

I just wish she could see that living away from family just isn't working even if an issue with her doors seems like the smallest thing...when winter comes I dread how many phone calls I'll get each day about something not working or something going wrong

STRESS is definitely the word to describe how I feel this morning

I actually had a good day yesterday, the first in a while, shame I don't feel the same today


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