I am newly diagnosed at 65 with vascular dementia after a stroke. I have the most wonderful husband in the world so why do I get so angry with him and frustrated when he tries to help me. Sometimes I look into his eyes and it is breaking my heart. Has anyone else felt like this and what can I do
Hi, Holly.. I was given the diagnosis of vascular dementia about a year ago, altho the symptoms have been with me for a very long time. I have had severe hypertension and vascular disease over half of my life. I am 68. I have not had observable strokes.
I am just now coming out of a very dark place where all of my symptoms were in full bloom for many weeks. I could not communicate. My friends here at TP are precious to me and here is the first place for me to get back to...in fact, your post is the first one I'm responding to. I determined that I'm going to push myself to respond to at least one post a day on Talking Point.
You are speaking of the terrible anger that erupts without your permission. It hits you before you can catch it. You fly off the handle; you rant; and you hear yourself and it's so ugly and mean and you can't even begin to comprehend the why of it. It's just there and it's real! And perhaps underneath all that is an incomprehensible sorrow that causes you erupt into tears.
May I say that you are possibly reacting to a deeper sense that you may not be able to completely identify. You just react. It is our nature to protect ourselves from threats at deeper levels than we can easily describe. We just can't react to the sense like we used to. The areas of your brain required to deal with those triggers have been damaged. It is NOT YOU. It is an organic process that you have no control over. Horrible as it is, again...IT IS NOT THE YOU OF YOU.. no need for apologies to anyone.
Once I accepted this and was able to express it out to people who occupy space in my life, I was able to get about the business of moving forward. All I can do is express the nature of my dementia to those people who say the care about me..I cannot control nor decide how they are to react. That is truly their choice. Then again, I have had outbursts at perfectly innocent strangers--for them I can only hope that I will grab it long enough to just say: "I have dementia-it's not my intent to be hurtful". It is not easy for any of us. But you and me and all of us still have a life to live and I believe we want it as full and happy as it can be. A good knowledge base of what vascular dementia is, (in fact all the dementias that people here suffer), helped me to understand that even tho I'm powerless over it's progression, I am not helpless to learn what I need to do when my aware and reasoning self goes "ass over teacups"
Dementia can be an amazing teacher.
I live alone. I have people who come around and I have more help with household chores, and sometimes I wish I had someone here 24/7 to rant at. Mostly it's my cat, Pearl. But, I do have a few good friends who have decided to stick around and have made an effort to understand, and I am free to be who I am at any time with them..No matter who I am at the time!
Stay with us here, Holly. I can't tell you how close I've become to so many of these wonderful people. In many respects they restored my sanity. There is a wealth of information here, too. Take advantage of everything and everyone available to you.
None of us share the exact same symptoms.. just like we don't share the same exact brain. We are all unique in how our uniqueness is impacted by this disease. But every time it beats me up, I learn something new about myself.
Excuse the length of this..but honestly, it feels good to write again!
Peace and that in abundance to us all.. LoisJean