So bizarre !

[Amy in the US]

Calling Old Red, Big Red, and any other campers out there! Here is a destination I'd not have thought of: http://londonist.com/2016/08/who-goes-camping-in-london

Ann, so glad you had a good trip and that you were able to go. Wishing you many happy miles in Old Red.

Not so happy to hear about MIL's fixation over "the war" and hope you don't hear a repeat of that. I hope you're able to sort the clothing situation. I agree a shopping trip seems a not good idea. Could you perhaps take in a few items in another size and just have her try them on there, and return whatever doesn't fit? More trips for you, but less stress overall, perhaps? I'm curious to know what you decide as I need to do the same thing for my mother (who has gained weight again, or else the laundry really is shrinking her trousers).

My mother also sometimes does the "isn't it time for you to be going" sort of thing (sometimes prompted by a mealtime or sometimes she just pops it out) and we always take that as a cue to leave. So I think it was smart for you to go ahead and leave. It's so hard to know about visiting sometimes. You're doing a brilliant job.

Slugsta, sounds like progress on the animal introduction front, if not on the care package side of things.

DH is still overworked at work (not burying himself with busywork, but a combination of a busy time of year, a new project dumped on him unexpectedly, a new person to train, and a person from a satellite office location to chaperone about) and having to go in earlier. He does not seem as stressed as last week, however. He did sleep quite a lot over the weekend and is going to bed earlier as he's getting up earlier. We had a quiet weekend, other than visiting my mother, and he picked out some DVDs at the library (primitive technology, I know, but it's free, and it works for us) and we have probably been spending too much time on the sofa watching them, but whatever works right now. The laundry and unpacking and cleaning are under better control and if he needs some television to distract him, I am not going to argue (we don't normally watch much). And I definitely could not argue with the second season of Broadchurch (we may be fans of UK productions in this household, ahem)!

It's all as okay as possible for now. I'm still upset about FIL's death and all the family drama but am maybe slowly coming to grips with it. I certainly feel better than last week. I'm starting to begin to feel like maybe I belong at home, and can maybe get back to some sort of routine. Getting caught up on sleep is helping as well.

Hope this finds everyone as well as possible and always look forward to all your updates.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

Slugsta, glad that the first brief meeting between Skye and Alfie went off without a 'cat fight' Slowly sounds the right way to go, with introducing them - but hopefully, it won't take that much longer It rang loud bells when you mentioned your Mum stooping and leaning to one side. That was something we encountered with Mil, perhaps 2 years or so ago. Sitting, she would tend to slump to the side, and the longer she stood the more she would 'stoop' forward (to the point, eventually, where you were addresing the top of her head when you spoke to her). I also wondered about TIA's or an actual stroke, and also about the possibility that respiredone (which she was on at the time) might be causing this to happen, especially as in Mils case, the stoop and leaning was accompanied by the emergence of what was referred to as 'Parkinson's gait' - tiny, rapid, shuffling steps, with her upper body tilted forward. I did speak to the consultant about it, as she also developed a noticable hand tremor and was told that all these things were 'Parkinsonisms' - apparently its not unusual for these 'traits' to develop with dementia, without them actually becoming Parkinsons disease. Although he was adamant that the respiredone wasn't responsible, I think that the leaning and stooping at least got better when that drug was withdrawn - though the gait and the tremor haven't improved at all. Hope you can get the blood work sorted quickly, which will hopefully at least confirm or rule out infection x

I suspect that its going to take some serious nagging and demanding and pestering on your part to get the care package sorted, I'm afraid. Maybe I'm cynical, but over and over again over the last several years, I've realised that unless you make yourself heard, unless you 'pester', then there is a tendency to have the so-called support agencies drag their heels about doing anything. Wrong, I know - but it seems to be the way of it

That's definitely not a camping destination that I would have thought of, either Amy! I'm going to look into that a little more - its not somewhere I would take the dogs, but if OH and I can escape for 3 or 4 days leaving them with the older kids, it might be something quite nice for us to do. Catch a show or two and a meal - its a reasonable price as well, around the same as you would expect to pay for the Welsh coastal camps we tend to favour.

Glad to hear your OH doesn't seem as stressed - hope the work pressure eases soon for him though, last thing he needs whilst still dealing with losing his dad. And really glad to read that you are feeling a little better too. Another Broadchurch fan! OH and I downloaded both series about 4 or 5 months ago, and on the nights Mil went to bed at 9 (and actually stayed there) we would watch an episode before we headed to bed ourselves - absolutely loved it, fantastic series, well written and well acted. I'm sure I've read that there is to be a 3rd series, but when I have no idea - just hope its fairly soon

I think both you and Slugsta are right about taking Mils queries about 'Is it time you were going?' as a cue to leave. I honestly believe that its her way of letting us know that she can't cope with the stimulation of a visit at that particular time. We never quite know if we are going to get that, or if we are going to get 'home' throughout the visit. Out of the two, the 'Don't you have to go soon?' is preferable, I think - with the other, we usually get tears and pleas to take her with us, and its really heartbreaking and hard. OH decided he would visit yesterday, so as oldest went with him, I stayed home. They came back to report that there was no mention of the 'war' (thankfully) but that Mil was an odd combination of paranoia and giggles! She told them of a complex 'plot' she had devised to get hold of some cinema tickets and then use them to persuade 'those people' (the nursing staff?) to allow her to 'get out of this place' - she said if they thought she was going to the pictures, they would let her out! And there was a lot of 'Shhhhhhhh - the walls have ears! Keep your voices down - that man there has a big mouth and repeats everything! Be careful what you say - she tells tales!" But whilst the claims of 'tell tales' and being kept prisoner were coming thick and fast, she was also really 'giggly' (as dau put it) at the same time.

The other thing that they commented on was how very 'pass remarkable' she was, which is something that she has been doing an awful lot more than previously. And she is so offensive! She comments on what the other patients or staff are doing or saying, she makes fun of them and can be awfully personal and rude. And she is not quiet about it, at all. The other day, as a nurse led a gentleman patient by the hand, Mil made a comment about 'the nerve of her - carrying on with him all the time, when she has a husband at home!' and that was followed by a very spiteful comment about she didn't know what either the nurses husband or the 'other chap' (the patient) saw in the woman, anyway - because 'Its not like she's an oil painting'!. What I find really peculiar is that she will comment on perhaps one elderly lady talking about how she has to 'get home' to her mother, saying things like 'Listen to that stupid woman - she must be 80! Doesn't she realise that her Mum is dead?' and yet just moments before, she would have been saying something very similar herself. And nearly every visit, we get comments about how 'that chap isn't right in the head', or how 'that woman over there is a loony-tunes', or 'Look at him - bloody mental, he is'! or 'I wish she would shut up - she's a nutter and driving me mad!". She can see nothing wrong in any of this, and when we have tried to shush her or point out that she is being rude (usually when either another visitor starts to look askance, or perhaps it seems that the person she is talking about is taking notice) she tends to react with unrepentant giggles or a firm assesrtation that she is 'only speaking the truth'! For a lady who lived by the mantra of 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all', pre-dementia, its really hard to get your head round the huge difference in her attitude now.

Not visiting Mil today, as I have a meeting at the venue for Saturdays wedding ths afternoon. And I still havent tackled the ironing mountain from the weekend , so I have plenty to keep me busy!

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[doodle1]

Ann I wondered if you had looked at Damart for bras for MIL lots of choice not under wired and not too expensive .their clothes also are very reasonable and wash really well.just a thought.
Also could I ask you about the Risperadone and the leaning - when you stopped it was there a significant improvement in the leaning? Mum walks the way you described and leans badly at the dinner table but not in an armchair.
Glad things are more on an even keel for you now.x

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Ann, that's the problem with going away - the ironing mountain when you get back!

The idea of getting undies from somewhere like Damart sounds good. Mum also used Daxon quite a lot I think. I say 'I think' as she gets hundreds of catalogues through the door. This is partially, I think, because they offered free gifts with orders. Usually some sort of rubbish that no-one wanted anyway. Some of the things we used to get in our Christmas stockings were bizarre, even before the dementia!

Mum is funny about how long we stay or she stays with us. One moment it will be 'please can I/will you stay for a while?' Less than 5 minutes later she will say ' Will you take me home now/when are you going, I need to go up to D?'!

Hubby is very helpful and is good with Mum. However, he sometimes misses the point, or mis-judges how much help Mum needs. He took Mum to buy a couple of birthday cards when we were out yesterday - one for me and one for D. I then realised that he had just left them with her when we went home - and pointed out that I never found the Christmas cards I bought with her last year! We had to go back anyway, so her sorted my card out and brought it home, so at least we know where that is I also showed him a couple of things that I like (in one of Mum's catalogues ) and suggested hubby should help Mum buy one of them for me if she mentioned a present when reminded about my birthday.

Alf and Sky ate tuna separated only by a few inches today. Again, Alf had a little hiss when Sky got too close - but I think he was protecting his share of tuna!

Hope that everyone has had a quiet and enjoyable day.

 

[Katrine]

Our cats (one now deceased) were from the same litter and shared a food bowl for 18.5 years. He was big and greedy, fond of teasing her, but without malice. She is small but still defends her territory, and bore a lifelong grudge about the play ambushes he enjoyed! They had a complex feeding ritual:

Male cat: rushes to food bowl, blocks her access, scoffs several mouthfuls, then steps back and waits.
Female cat: takes her turn, eats as much as she wants, hisses at him if he comes near, then walks off when she's finished.
Male cat: returns and scoffs most of the rest of the food.
Female cat: returns half an hour later for another few mouthfuls.
Male cat: checks what is left, eats it, then begs for more at regular intervals for the rest of the day (which he doesn't get).
Female cat: smirks from her basket, thinks "Fool, how can you eat so much. No wonder you have trouble heaving your fat self into your basket. See me? I'm the same size I've been for 18 years. Willpower - you ain't got none".

 

[Mterpin]

thanks for posting

Enjoying reading about the bizarre things - glad to hear it's the norm, and not me!

I have two parents with dimentia - in different stages, so I can just read here to get some sanity back.

 

[Ann Mac]

Hi All,

Thanks for the suggestion, doodle, re damart - that isn't a comapny I've looked at before, but once I work out the right size for Mil now, it sounds like it will definitely be worth a look The resperidone - I felt that within a very short time of Mil stopping taking it, despite several consultants telling me that it had nothing to do with Mil leaning or stooping (or with the walking or the tremor), that both those things improved an awful lot within a short time of her stopping taking it. The stooping you still see when she has been stood for any length of time, but the leaning I honestly haven't noticed for a while now. Her walking, however, the Parkinsons 'gait' is still very evident. The other thing was that in the couple of months before she stopped taking resperidone, she started to have very regular issues with bowel incontinence, and a sharp upswing in urinary incontinence during the day - both those things improved massively, and an incontinence nurse said that resperidone was 'notorious' for increasing/causing problems with continence. Resperidone did help when it was first prescribed for Mil, but looking back, I think it probably could have been stopped much sooner than it was and I do wonder how much permenent impact it has had on her mobility issues now.

Sounds like Alfie and Skye's introduction is going really well, Slugsta It will be nice for you when they are both completely comfortable with each other. I haven't even really mentioned to Mil that its her Grandsons 21st this weekend, to be honest - now, the thought of birthdays or other 'present-giving' events causes her so much stress, that I simply avoid bringing them to her attention if I can. Even me bringing in a card for her to sign would I think throw her into a panic, so I'll just sort the card myself and pop some cash into it for him, from his Nan - so sad, she used to absolutely love going out and shopping for birthdays and anniversaries and chosing the gifts herself

I doubt if I am going to be around for the next 3 or 4 days - talk about everything happening at once! Today, I have both the older two's partners arriving for a few days stay, and after spending a long time yesterday at Saturdays wedding venue, and tackling the ironing, I still have a lot to do in the house. Tomorrow, I have the wedding during the day, and son's 21st birthday dinner in the evening. Sunday is supposed to be a family day out (and guess where son wants to go - yep, the zoo! ) and then yesterday, I got firstly a letter for me to attend the hospital for shock wave therapy on Tuesday - followed by a phone call that threw me into complete panic! I had applied for a job that I really liked the look of, assisiting young adults with disabilities to find voluntary work and activities to develop skills. For a lot of reasons, I felt it wouldn't come to anything, it seemed a good bit out of my league, but to my amazement, I had got an email to say I'd been shortlisted for interview a few days ago - and then yesterday, this phone call telling me I had got through to interview stage and asking me to attend an interview, on Monday - in Manchester, at the headquarters of the charity the job is with! I have to deliver a 'no more than 10 minute' paper presentation, saying what I feel I could bring to the job, as well as face an interview board. I have absolutely no idea what chance I have, but I am going for it - although its brought a sudden realisation of how much confidence I've lost in myself over the last 2 - 3 years, and I am almost dreading it too. I feel uncertain what to wear, even, and the thought of the presentation had me tossing and turning all last night - even though I had to give countless presentations throughout the time at uni, and at one stage was quite laid back and even enjoyed doing them, now I have this fear that I'm going to make an utter fool of myself and I can't still the little voice asking me why on earth I would think that I can do this? Even if - by some miracle - I get his job (or any other) the thought of going out and mixing again is suddenly incredibly daunting. It feels like my world has been so small for the last few years, I just don't feel I'll be any use in the 'big wide world', if that makes sense?

And so all this means that I have my hands exceptionally full, untill Tuesday at least. I'm about to start putting together this presentation, while the house is quiet - then housework, getting my gear sorted for tomorrow, then food shopping, then sorting tonights meal for 7 people (I'm going to cheat and do a 'build your own burger' buffet-type spread). At some point I've also got to sort out what on earth I should wear to interview - I don't do 'suits', but think the dresses/other outfits I have may be too informal for this, but don't want to spend a fortune on something I may well never wear again (The other jobs I've applied for don't quite fall into the same catagory as this one). So if I don't get chance to pop in, until this manic few days are over, I hope you'll understand why!

Hope you are all OK, and have a peacful and stress free few days xxxxx

 

[Spamar]

Good luck, Ann. I think you'll be great for a job like that! I can (could) do presentations, but I'm not very good at talking myself up!
How about a trouser suit?
Will be thinking of you,
S

 

[Batsue]

Ann, just go back and read some of the things you have posted and the replies you have receved, I think you will find the confidence and do a fantastic presentation, sending you a hug xxx.

 

[2jays]

Ann Mc

If you got this job, what sort of outfit would you wear?

What's your favourite colour that really suits you?

Which outfit do you feel comfortable wearing?

You will be involved with young, vulnerable adults, what you wear, if too formal, could possibly intimidate them... I suggest smart (clean ) informal - maybe an outfit that you would wear for a wedding job?

Ask your kids

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what you wear, so long as you wear something, as your personality and abilities will shine through. xxxx

Edited: at the start I said if... I meant when

 

[RedLou]

Spamar's suggestion - light-weight trouser suit may work, Ann. Or silky tunic and trousers??
As for confidence -- remember the care you've put into MiL should be a reason to be proud of yourself. You've dealt with crises, with different authority figures, with someone in dire need of your compassion and patience; you have 'mixed' with a load of strangers on TP and won their respect and admiration for your many skills and your character. (& I do think it's true mixing - we may not see each other but we certainly confide and we certainly present our 'true' selves.)
If needs be - forget the housework or give it a lick and a promise - be happy with your presentation - that's the important thing. No one else will notice the house, I promise you!
-- & enjoy the 21st!

Have a great weekend everyone. Amy - sending you a hug.

 

[angelface]

Good luck with the interview.
After what you have coped with during the last few years, be confident,you can manage any thing!

 

[Amy in the US]

Ann, what exciting news about the interview! We have confidence in you and your ability to handle the situation and sell yourself. You should have them let TP members write you a testimonial (kidding)!

But RedLou's point is well taken. You have dealt with all sorts of people, for MIL's care, handled any number of challenging situations, many of them at short or no notice, and certainly have demonstrated your dedication and ability to take on a difficult task and stick with it.

I hear you on the clothes. I get anxious about that sort of thing. I think a trouser suit, or decent pants and a top, or a dress with a jacket/cardigan over it, would probably work. Would any of your kids be helpful with wardrobe advice? Maybe there's a dress you wear for weddings that would work, with something over the top of it?

I wouldn't try to knock yourself out over the housework/cooking/et cetera this weekend. I am sure your kids don't care. I think the burger bar is a great idea.

Hope the wedding and weekend and interview and everything else goes well and we will look forward to an update when you have time.

RedLou, thanks for the hug, and here is one for you.

Looking forward to those Alfie/Sky updates! Consuming tuna in close proximity with a minimum of fussing sounds promising. We have two cats (littermates) and a few years ago we started having territory issues. It's very tiresome, so I hope Alf and Sky settle so you can all enjoy a peaceful household.

I am not a sports fan as a general rule, but I am an absolute sucker for the Olympics, so am looking forward to that very much. Any other Olympics watchers here?

 

[Grace L]

Hello TP friends,
Popping back in for a quick visit.

Good luck with the interview AnnM, hope you find the right outfit to wear.

Slugsta, good to hear Skye is settling in.


Welllll..... had a call last week from my knee Docs 'waiting list secretary'.
I thought she was ringing to cancel me , but she asked if I could go in later in the day (not 7.30am)
and be prepared to have surgery as late as 5pm !! I'm last on the list.
She said they like to be finished by 7pm.

OOOhhh my sister is coming to stay when I come home.
Her lovely boss (she works part time) has said she can have 2 extra days off.
We know when my op is, and I will be in hospital for X -ish days....
so sister is either going to be here the day before I come home, or the day after.
She said she will stay a week, if she needs to.
I'm paying for her train ticket. Sister is like me, does not like driving such long distances.
She can also fend off unwelcome visitors.


I've arranged with the local pharmacy to have any repeat meds delivered ...
and I've met the local milkman, who would be happy to deliver milk for a few weeks, IF I need it.


MiL still not aware of my surgery. No point telling her, she will forget I've told her.

This week, she been obsessing and worried about how a belated birthday card 'found her', she no longer lives at that address.
She does not recognise the persons name or handwriting, and is worried what they want from her.

MiL beginning to have more than occasional incontinence issues. I thinks she needs more than pads.
I've made a call to her surgery and spoken to the District Nurses, asked if they could call MiL for a health check .


AnnM... You could always buy MiL a Primark underwire bra and take the wires out.
I recently bought my MiL knickers, t-shirts and nightdresses from Bon Marche.
Sorry to hear they are still losing MiL clothes.

Not going in hospital yet.... so I'll pop back in a day or so.

xxxxx

 

[LadyA]

Ann, there's an online place called (no laughing now!) amplebosom- not sure if it's it's . com or . co. uk or what, but they have a fantastic range of bras in larger sizes.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all - woke up at very silly o'clock, so thought I'd pop in and say 'hello', lol!

Grace, everything sounds very well organised for your op, hun - it will be so good for you to get it over and done with, and then start planning for your move closer to your sister - I'm assuming thats still the plan? I think you are wise not to tell Mil about the op. I don't tell Mil anything now, because even if its something nice that's going to happen, she tends to fret and worry - and even when she forgets (usually within minutes) what I've told her, the fretting and worrying remain. I feel that nowadays its almost cruel to over-load her with anything other than general chit-chat. I haven't even reminded her about her Grandson's 21st (today) - I've sorted a card and put cash in it, as I know she ('She' being the pre-dementia Mil) would want me too - but have avoided the subject totally when I've visited.

Thanks so much for all the confidence boosting lovely comments and the suggestions for clothes I took oldest shopping with me, and after trying on a couple of outfits, settled on very smart (but comfortable) trousers in a deep rusty colour, with a loose, silky white blouse, teamed with shoes, handbag and long length cardigan, all in black. My daughter tells me that its very smart and entirely appropriate and all the components I will wear again - apart from possibly the white blouse - me and white don't tend to do well together, if I wear white usually I'm guaranteed to spill something on it hoping I can follow 2jays very sensible instruction to keep it 'clean' until after the interview at least I spent a good couple of hours on the presentation, using the information I found on their website about the particular section I'm hoping to work in, and felt better after doing that - not only do I have years of experience supporting young adults with learning disabilities (as well as some experience with physical disabilities) but a lot of it is to do with finding voluntary work and learning opportunities within the community for young adults, to not only get them experience but to also help with social inclusion and being part of the community that they live in. The last 2 years in uni, I instigated and ran a group of 30 students, doing voluntary work in the community, so we could all gain some practical experience and I have links with so many community groups and organisations that I think I can make a pretty decent showing in terms of my suitability and experience. No guarantee that I will get the job, but at least I hope I can show that I know what I'm talking about. At oldests suggestion, I've printed out hard copies of the 'presentation', for the 'panel', and illustrated them with images from all the voluntary work I did, all the community things that I've been involved with, that I think demonstrate some of the qualities and criteria of what is neded for the role - and so I'm good to go.

I'm all set for todays wedding too - camera gear sorted, had some good chats with the couple so I know what sort of images they want, am absolutely over the top excited about the venue, which is fabulous and which combined with the gorgeous weather we have forecast for today, is going to make it pretty easy for me to hopefully get some really nice shots for them. I'll finish there at around 5pm, back here for a quick 'freshen up', upload todays images, then off out for sons 21st birthday meal.

Oldest also got her moving in date for her and her partners new flat - and she is going on Monday, too - part of me is sharing in her excitement, part of me hates the thought of her being so far away! I'm telling myself that she is happy and that's the most important thing, and I'm going to use that as my mantra when I wave her off on Monday afternoon. We'll be heading down to Coventry, in Old Red on Thursday to take the bulk of the things she has sorted for her new place, so I will see her then at least

No visit to Mil yesterday - simply couldn't fit it in, but OH is going today. Haven't had a single stitch of clothing returned for washing this week, so I've asked him to chase it up for me. All her things must be there, on the ward, somewhere, as only bedding and towels go off the ward for laundering - its just frustrating that when I ask, so little is produced for me to sort for her!

Right - off for a bath and then brekkie. Hope you all have a good day xxxxx

 

[AnoviceinN1]

Hi Ann, I just wanted to say good luck with your interview - you sound very well qualified, motivated and thoroughly prepared - go for it!

 

[canary]

Wow Ann. So much organised - I am seriously impressed. Good luck with the interview and wish the Birthday Boy Happy 21st

PS - I wonder if MIL is hiding her dirty laundry somewhere? Has anyone tried looking behind her wardrobe?

 

[doodle1]

Thanks Ann for the info on the Risperadone - will see if halving the dose helps. Good luck with the interview xx

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Wow! You are a bizzy bee at the moment Ann! I do hope that the wedding went well yesterday and that the Birthday Boy enjoyed his celebration. How exciting to have this interview too. The job sounds perfect for you (as does the interview outfit!), I hope you are calm enough to give the presentation you have prepared.

I understand why you don't tell MIL about things, or include her in family occasions. I also understand how that might make you feel. So sad when she has been such a part of your family life for so many years

Grace, I'm glad that your knee op is nearly here - and that you are going to get some support from your sister. It's high time someone supported you!

We took Mum out for lunch yesterday, didn't actually get to the garden centre we were aiming for as the traffic was dreadful. We went to a nice converted farm barn instead, Mum and I had crab sandwiches - they were not cheap but 1 meal would have done both of us (which I will have to remember if we go again).It used to be that Mum would get the occasional word mixed up (due to the dysphasia following her small stroke) but now she can barely manage a full sentence. She also needs to be told - 'get in the car', 'sit down here', etc otherwise she just stands where she is.

Alfie and Sky have had their evening meals together for the past 3 days and seem to be getting used to each other. We have had to occasional hiss but nothing worse. Sky will not be allowed outside until I feel sure that she will come back to us if/when she gets 'spooked'. At the moment I don't think we would ever get her back!I'm currently in bed and Alf has just come to lie on my legs. Sky is in her boudoir.

Hope that everyone has had some sunshine over the weekend and that you are all ready for the new week.