The day my dad got diagnosed

[Jaybird]

I've never really shared this story before. I mean, I've told friends and a few family members that he freaked out pretty bad, but never went into specifics. Not sure why I worry about telling them, it was years ago now and he only had one incident comparable to it. I don't think I have any trauma over it, but I've felt the need to finally share it here...

In retrospect, there were warning signs. His short term memory was already starting to falter. Anything past a month, maybe 2 he would find difficult to remember. Me and my mom, who typically tried to keep to ourselves anyway, thought nothing of it really.

At the time, he was unemployed and was trying to get disability due to his back, but had recently been denied. I will admit I do not know the specifics of why he was denied, but we were all fairly surprised. He had been diagnosed with spinal stenosis and my mom told me the social worker who was assisting them said it was pretty much a no brainer he'd get it. He played it off, but in retrospect this probably stressed him greatly. He would go off at any mention of money. This we wrote off as normal behavior, which it kinda was, but the 2 happening side by side is hard to not think about in retrospect.

Anyway, when my mom came to pick me up from school one day she looked worried. She went through the usial motions, asking me how school was and what not, but I felt something was off. She rather randomly asked if I wanted to go to GameStop, said she had enough I could buy a used game. I thought it was odd, but now I know she wanted an excuse to stay out longer, and perhaps to try and get me in a good mood.

We got home. I grabbed my bookbag and my new game and got ready to go in, but before I got out of the van she sgrabbed me by the shoulder and said "Listen, your dad is acting strange today." and trailed off as if she was trying to find the words. I laughed, said he couldn't be acting any worse then usual. She just nodded, but told me she wanted to open the house door. That worried me a tad, I thought maybe he had got drunk early and was already being violent. I'm REALLY not sure if I would have preferred that or not.

When we walked in my dad ran into the kitchen with a sword we kept on display at the house. He waited a moment and said thank God it's just you. Then he got irritated and yelled for my mom to shut the door. After she did, he asked how we could be so calm after being outside with the "men" and how we got in "past the gunfire." Obviously, we were not prepared for this. I just quickly went to my room. Overheard my mom tell dad there was no gunfire. He was baffled, but told mom to go into their room and get down and for me to stay down in mind. i did, but I eventually got up to go into their room.

I feel terrible for never thinking about this before, but bless my poor mom. She possibly had to deal with him doing this the whole time I was at school

I thought maybe he was faking a mental impairment. I asked him if he was, and my mom must of thought the same thing because she quickly added we would go along with the act. Dad ignored us, kept rambling about the men and names he never mentioned before or since (Can't recall them now) before yelling at me to get back down in my room. I did.

A few hours later my dad, who opted to stay down, allowed me and my mom to walk freely around the house. A friend called me, but once my dad heard the phone ringing he ordered me not to answer, saying it was one of them and that it was a trick. I obliged, but at this point I was terrified, annoyed, and kinda angry to be quite honest.

I went and told mom I was calling 911. She begged me not to, I think she was worried it'd make things worse, but I convinced her we REALLY needed to and she finally agreed.

Operator told us help would be there ASAP ahd advised us to find a way to get out of the house. We snuck out the back. Eventually help arrived and talked down my dad and convinced him to go with them. He was diagnosed with a UTI as well as dementia. He was also sapped of his strength after he calmed down. Had to stay in a home for a few months before he came home. Me and especially my mom were wrecks, but when my mom was helping him she did a wonderful job... Well, except when she gave him back POA. I do not like speaking badly about her, but that was beyond dumb... I still wish she was here though...

One positive, my dad got disability mot long after.

That was 8 years ago now, but almost feels like it was yesterday.

Wondering if anyone has dealt with similar behavior and also if anyone has a diagnosis story they'd also like to share...

 

[Grable]

Wow! It's when I hear things like this that I thank the Lord for my mum's slow slide into the demented realms. Thank you for posting your story.

For me, I had known for a while that Mum was losing words. She'd also started doing something odd when waiting to cross the road, in that she would stand as far away from the kerb as she possibly could while she waited for a break in the traffic! The time I knew that dementia had got her, though, was when we settled down to play Upwards (a game similar to Scrabble) and she couldn't work out which way up to put the tiles. The following day, I discovered that she had forgotten her debit card PIN number and, when I managed (eventually) to get a chip and signature version, it turned out that she couldn't use it because she could no longer write her name!

 

[Jaybird]

Thanks Grable. Glad you didn't have to see a quick mental decline for your mom. It really is confusing and scary how this disease seems to be a bit different for everyone.

I have to imagine your mom's slide was still scary for you nonetheless though. Thanks for sharing your own story and I hope you and your mom make it through this ordeal as well as one possibly could.

 

[Jasmine123]

Hi Jaybird,

Thanks for writing up your story. It must have been a truly awful experience to have gone through and is pretty amazing that you managed to stay so strong.


My mum being diagnosed was far less dramatic or traumatic than that. I knew something was horribly amiss for about six months before she got diagnosed. I actually went on a multiple choice nhs website and this said it was Alzheimers but then i looked at the statistical liklihood of a 56 year old having Alzheimers so decided it was more likely to be depression. But then it got worse, I would ask her in the morning, what the time was and she wouldn't be able to read her watch. Her speech became less fluent as well. I think the tipping point for my mum was when she got locked out of her online bank account and then couldn't remember her age to try and log back in. I remember seeing on the laptop in the kitchen, on google, a badly worded phrase asking 'age if born on ...' She then stormed of to the GP herself and told them that she had lost the ability to write anything. She was sent to a neurologists very speedily who said he was certain it was a brain tumour which had destroyed the part of the brain that controlled writing and speech. After a brain scan, this was ruled out and she was given the vague diagnosis of atypical alzheimers.

So no 999 or 911 phone calls, although those did come later on. I do remember my total horror at it all though. I had been playing tennis with a friend and was walking home with my friend and i got a phone call from my sister. My sister had been at work, having a chilled day, and my mum had said if she was free, she had a an appointment near my sisters work with the neurologists. My sister that evening had called me in horror saying 'do you know mum can't write! She couldn't even write her name on the form'. I responded with 'really', hang the phone up and didn't think to say to my close friend 'btw, my mum saw a neurologist today,' even though she was stood right next to me.

 

[Jaybird]

Thanks for sharing your own story Jasmine123. It's kinda incredible to me that your mom willingly took herself to a doctor to figure out what was wrong. Most of the time those suffering seem to go through a strong case of denial even when something occurs that should make it hit them, not that it's surprising since who would want to accept it? Even now my dad will acknowledge that his brain isn't working but that he's quite confident he'll bounce back. Glad your mom seeked the help she needed.

Don't think anyone can blame you for your initial reaction either. Took me awhile to mention that my dad had dementia to anyone outside the family, even my closest friends, and as I mentioned I never shared the full story before. It's a pretty scary thing to have to face for those around the sufferer as well.

 

[Jasmine123]

Hi Jaybird, I never really thought it was shocking that she thought to go to the Doctors herself. I think it came down to the fact that her first symptoms were the loss of key skills that she once had. So my mum realised she couldn't write, was terrified about this, and went to the doctors for help.

Three years later she started showing signs much like your dad in terms of psychosis, believing that there were evil enemies in the house and outside the house, became violent and from this point onwards she had lost any awareness of her illness. She died a couple of months ago, so 5.5 years after she booked her appointment at the doctors to discuss her inability to write. Sometimes I think that the disease progress was painfully slow but I can remember the time of her diagnosis so clearly that maybe it wasn't so long ago.

 

[Jaybird]

It could be more common than I realize, but based on everything I've seen and heard, initial denial is more common. You may be right about what made the difference though.

Sorry to hear about your mom's later stages and passing. I hope your healing process has gone smoothly.

I have this weird sensation of it feeling like my Dad has been dealing this for both a lot longer than he really has and a lot briefer. It's hard to find words to describe it properly, but I definitely get remembering it so well.