Night Times Are Becoming Stressful.

[sueivy]

Hi, not done this before but as I am sitting in my mums lounge at 4.35am I was curious as to how many other people are going through what my family are at this moment in time? It's all the usual...some members of the family care more than others...mum was diagnosed 7 years ago, dad died 6 years ago and ever since my mum has never been alone, we did the wrong thing of being here constantly too early in my mums dementia, now things are proving to be much harder, mum doesn't know night time from day time she prefers to sleep in a chair due to bad circulation to her feet..her legs ache all the time..she has blocked aorta's to both legs blood is finding it's way to her feet but not well enough, so she does a lot of night time moaning, I have a brother who lives at mums due to circumstances...but he drives arctic trucks and needs to have his sleep, he has been dealing with mums waking at night, but it's taken it's toll and tonight he couldn't take anymore, rang me at two and here I am. mum sleeping now and again in her chair and moaning constantly saying "oh god!" what I would like to know is...do you think the doctor will gives us sleeping tablets for mum? has anyone else had this kind of problem? how did they deal with it? I have a feeling I have placed this in the wrong place!!

 

[Spamar]

Sueivy, if the blood isn't getting to mums feet, why not get a referral to vascular surgeons, who can put stents into leg arteries ( usually femoral artery). If this isn't successful, a vein graft can be done ( OH had both these procedures carried out). Vein graft is a major op, but stents are pretty easy these days.

 

[sueivy]

Spamar;1296351

Sueivy, if the blood isn't getting to mums feet, why not get a referral to vascular surgeons, who can put stents into leg arteries ( usually femoral artery). If this isn't successful, a vein graft can be done ( OH had both these procedures carried out). Vein graft is a major op, but stents are pretty easy these days.

Thank you for your reply, mum has seen a vascular surgeon he said he did not want to put mum through a major op, she is 85 and well confused and not a good patient...tries to take out needles in her arm, gets up when she has a drip machine in her arm, she requires one to one nursing which they don't like as it costs the ward more money. mums veins are not good she was a heavy smoker! she also has a swollen heart with fluid around it so you see I don't think surgery of any kind is an option. she is a poorly lady all we can do is keep her pain free, it's the moaning all night that we find hard to understand, she has been known to cry in her sleep.

 

[Adcat]

Hi,

I just read your post. Sounds like your mother is in pain? GP/ specialist needs to review her. Some meds might not be good because of her underlying medical conditions. Can you hire help? If not seek respite from social services. You all need sleep.

I was in a similar situation with my dad. Night & day mixed up. I was exhausted and ended up sick.

Now dad has day time routine and NO NAPPING. Exercise, fresh air & natural day light. I appreciate your mother may have limited mobility but fresh air and natural daylight work wonders.

In my most desperate times I found the book, dementia, the one stop guide by professor June Andrews invaluable.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Shedrech]

Hi sueivy
this is a lot for you and your brother to deal with - personally, I don't see how you can continue without more support
please do contact her GP, there may be meds to help her, even some paracetomol may help her settle, but you'd need to check before administering yourself, as Adcat says
are you having home care visits? do ask your LA's Adult Services for a re-assessment of your mum's care needs, though I'm not sure what might be available at night - if she is self-funding and can afford it, you can arrange a night sitter, so at least she has company - that doesn't though take away whatever is distressing her
maybe it's time to consider a move to a care home so that your mum is looked after 24 hours a day and the staff take on the demanding task of night-time care, then you and your brother can continue with your lives (your brother needs to sleep to continue to drive safely) and visit her regularly but without the physical strain of being her carers
best wishes to you all

 

[sueivy]

Adcat;1296561

Hi,

I just read your post. Sounds like your mother is in pain? GP/ specialist needs to review her. Some meds might not be good because of her underlying medical conditions. Can you hire help? If not seek respite from social services. You all need sleep.

I was in a similar situation with my dad. Night & day mixed up. I was exhausted and ended up sick.

Now dad has day time routine and NO NAPPING. Exercise, fresh air & natural day light. I appreciate your mother may have limited mobility but fresh air and natural daylight work wonders.

In my most desperate times I found the book, dementia, the one stop guide by professor June Andrews invaluable.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

I tried to take my mum out today as the sun is shining, but I have a feeling that will be the last time it was a struggle for me to get her to the car and when in she did nothing but moanI drove to the beach to park up and get ice cream thinking she would watch people but she had her eyes closed and continued to moan so I went back home, we give her paracetamols every four hours to keep pain at bay. she just wants you to sit where she can see you and she goes in and out of sleep sat in her chair.

 

[sueivy]

Shedrech;1296813

Hi sueivy
this is a lot for you and your brother to deal with - personally, I don't see how you can continue without more support
please do contact her GP, there may be meds to help her, even some paracetomol may help her settle, but you'd need to check before administering yourself, as Adcat says
are you having home care visits? do ask your LA's Adult Services for a re-assessment of your mum's care needs, though I'm not sure what might be available at night - if she is self-funding and can afford it, you can arrange a night sitter, so at least she has company - that doesn't though take away whatever is distressing her
maybe it's time to consider a move to a care home so that your mum is looked after 24 hours a day and the staff take on the demanding task of night-time care, then you and your brother can continue with your lives (your brother needs to sleep to continue to drive safely) and visit her regularly but without the physical strain of being her carers
best wishes to you all

I have a sister that alternates day care with me so I only do every other day, we can manage that and make sure mum is getting the best attention and care, but night time now is not fair on my brother and we will have to have a family meeting soon to decide what we will do, but no one wants to put her in a home, so dont think thats an option, I dont really want to start sleeping at my mums house on my days we used to do that before my brother moved in, I have the added problem of having children that live away from home so on weekends that they want to visit me with my grandchildren I am still having to leave them and look after mum which makes me feel I dont want to be with my mum when my family are at my house .....my siblings dont seem to understand as their families all live locally. I feel like I am moaning now! thank you for your replies.

 

[Shedrech]

You're not moaning sueivy, you're writing out your thoughts and concerns because you need to consider all the angles to find your way through a tricky situation
and the added benefit of doing that on TP is that others may make suggestions

for me there are 2 main issues
1 = your mum's situation - she badly needs as much support as possible, all day every day - and to get to the bottom of why she is moaning
2 = your brother's situation - he has got to be able to do his job safely

then there's yours - you have a right to your own family life and to sleep in your own bed
and then your sister's - how long can the 2 of you keep up this level of care?

I just don't see how family can support your mum 24 hours a day
is it possible to arrange live-in care? or at least a night carer?

it's not a case of putting someone away in a home - I don't think any family does that - however sometimes a move into a care home enables a family member to be cared for and for relatives to visit and continue caring without being under the physical strain and emotional pressure of providing the hands on care themselves

you've all worked together so well so far to keep your mum safe and well in her own home - if you're all honest about your situations and how much you will and will NOT do, hopefully the family meeting will take you forward

best wishes

 

[sueivy]

shedrech;1296871

You're not moaning sueivy, you're writing out your thoughts and concerns because you need to consider all the angles to find your way through a tricky situation
and the added benefit of doing that on TP is that others may make suggestions

for me there are 2 main issues
1 = your mum's situation - she badly needs as much support as possible, all day every day - and to get to the bottom of why she is moaning
2 = your brother's situation - he has got to be able to do his job safely

then there's yours - you have a right to your own family life and to sleep in your own bed
and then your sister's - how long can the 2 of you keep up this level of care?

I just don't see how family can support your mum 24 hours a day
is it possible to arrange live-in care? or at least a night carer?

it's not a case of putting someone away in a home - I don't think any family does that - however sometimes a move into a care home enables a family member to be cared for and for relatives to visit and continue caring without being under the physical strain and emotional pressure of providing the hands on care themselves

you've all worked together so well so far to keep your mum safe and well in her own home - if you're all honest about your situations and how much you will and will NOT do, hopefully the family meeting will take you forward

best wishes

Thank you for your sensible advise, I am fighting my eldest sister at the moment to get mum into some sort of day care to get her used to us not being around ...but my sister said mum stresses too much when we are not there, she is not happy for her to go anywhere, I will continue to try and get some help