I need some advice my mother has alzheimers and my dad was her carer but sadly he has past away a few days ago i don't even know if she understands what has happened do we try to explain or not we also have my dad's funeral would it be wise to take her or will it distress her too much we are at pains to know what to do any advice or experiences other members may have had that may be of help would be gratefully received
Hi Steve
We are in the same position(ish).
My Mum died 9 weeks ago. My Dad has Vascular Dementia. He was at her bedside when she died, but I know he wasn't taking it all in. He knew, but it was like on a different level of consciousness. If he had been totally 'with it' I know he would have been distraught.
Even this week he has still asked once or twice is Mum is out despite the fact that he goes to the cemetery 2 or 3 times a day!
My Dad is what they term 'moderate' so, his short term memory is not good, nor is his spatial awareness, but on the whole to the outside world he is still 'normal'. In fact, most days to us he is totally fine and you wouldn't notice at times that he has anything wrong (then he asks who I am..
) and they have lived with us 5 years.
Dad was at the funeral and he was very upset that day, but he isn't at a stage where a little white lie would hide our loss so I've been 100% honest with him.
I would say, if your Mum does understand what has happened and she will ask where he is, then you should be honest. If, however, she is at a more advanced stage of this illness and she doesn't even recognise that he is missing, then maybe for her sake you could tell a white lie or two.
Having said all of that..... I presume they have been married a long time, and if she can get through the day with support... even if confused, it would be a fantastic thing for her to do.
You need to do what you feel is best for her.
Best wishes.
Beverley