Newbie in need of some help

[Dog5Body4U]

Hi all
My wife's mother is going through the process of being proved to have Alzheimer's and we are wondering if there is any way we could get some help looking after her mother during the night my poor wife hasn't had a decent sleep since Tuesday and her sister just keeps saying that they should put their mum in a home but my wife really can't stand the idea of her mum in a home and I don't know what to do we don't have any room at our house at the moment as we are getting our full house re-wired and her mum only has a 1 bedroom bungalow so we don't know what we can do ?
Is there any way of getting someone to take care of our mum in her own bungalow overnight and we could look after her during the day but we don't know who to talk to about any of this please can someone help

 

[Quilty]

Its a very expensive option but you can get overnight carers. I got a list from social services of approved companies. Its £15 an hour where we live. I found a company that Mum really liked after sacking the first. You have a right to a care assessment so get your mil gp involved asap.

 

[lemonjuice]

Hi all
My wife's mother is going through the process of being proved to have Alzheimer's and we are wondering if there is any way we could get some help looking after her mother during the night my poor wife hasn't had a decent sleep since Tuesday and her sister just keeps saying that they should put their mum in a home but my wife really can't stand the idea of her mum in a home and I don't know what to do we don't have any room at our house at the moment as we are getting our full house re-wired and her mum only has a 1 bedroom bungalow so we don't know what we can do ?
Is there any way of getting someone to take care of our mum in her own bungalow overnight and we could look after her during the day but we don't know who to talk to about any of this please can someone help

Some agencies certainly will provide 'overnight care'. When I used one for my own mother there were 2 rates.
1 for just physically being there but able to sleep and
2 a higher rate for up to 2 'disturbances' where the carer needed to be awake.
It was very expensive, £90 a night (10pm -7am) over 4 years ago so you couldn't have many nights, but in the short term or occasional use certainly something to consider.

 

[arielsmelody]

My MIL has overnight care at the higher waking rate 10pm to 6am which is about £115 I think (weekday nights). But it is probably a non-starter if your MIL only has a one bedroom bungalow with nowhere for the carer to sleep.

 

[Izzy]

Hi and welcome to TP.

I think it might be helpful for you to talk with someone on the National Dementia helpline. Its closed now but you could try in the morning.

This is the link here.

You can phone or email -

0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.

This factsheets might also be useful for you -

After A Diagnosis

 

[Beate]

If she is self-funding, the world is your oyster.

If she isn't you'll need a needs assessment for her and a carers assessment for yourself from adult social services. They will assess what help they can give, be it day centre, sitters, carers or respite. Night care is very expensive, and there is a waking or a sleeping rate to consider. I get four weeks of respite a year. I can substitute one week for two nights at the sleeping rate (that is, the carer is allowed to sleep). That is all. But as has been said, there needs to be a bed for the night carer.

Have you applied for Attendance Allowance? It's not means-tested and strictly needs-based, even if that need is not met. A need for night care makes her eligible for the higher rate of £82.30 a week. It's by no means a fortune but it will help towards the costs.
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/overview

Is there any way of dealing with the night disturbances? Is she phoning all night long or going out in her nightie? Telecare could provide trackers or gadgets that alert when the front door is opened.

But if nothing else helps and she is a danger to herself, then you seriously have to think about a care home. I know that's a daunting prospect, but you want her safe and looked after, don't you?

 

[Dog5Body4U]

Thanks for the help

I am very thankful to all of you that have given such nice helpful comments it seems it's more and more likely that mum is going to have to go in a home I stayed with my wife at mums last night and we both got a couch each shame I am 6 ft & it's only 2 seaters so I sat reading all night while my wife tried to sleep on the other 2 seater and the mother was up every 1.5 to 2 hours until around 5.30am then she finally slept till 8am she kept trying to get out looking for a dog that she used to have 20 years ago which is why we daren't leave her alone overnight

 

[Dog5Body4U]

Thank you

Thanks for the good info I can see I'll be reading again all night but at least I can be doing something useful tonight while I try to make sure mum doesn't go wandering the estate looking for the last dog she owned (it's heartbreaking having to keep telling her he died 20 years ago
We are expecting a visit from the social services on Friday so fingers crossed we can get some help from them

 

[Martin099]

Hi, really sorry to hear about the situation that you find yourselves in. We arranged for a care company to provide daytime care for my mother, which did on the odd occasion extend to overnight care. The practical problems will be the cost and also the fact that your MIL lives in a one-bedroom bungalow - it's likely that an agency will insist on a spare room being available for the carer. To be honest I was similar to your wife in that I would do anything to avoid mum having to live in a care home - we actually progressed to have a live-in carer for a period of two months. However this proved to be very traumatic for mum. I think the morale boost that we thought mum would have from by being able to stay at home, was actually offset by the intrusion she felt from having a carer in 'her house' 24/7. The level of her dementia was such that she didn't appreciate why this person was intruding in to her home - all very sad and so so hard to do the right thing. I really hope things work out for the best for you

 

[lemonjuice]

Thanks for the good info I can see I'll be reading again all night but at least I can be doing something useful tonight while I try to make sure mum doesn't go wandering the estate looking for the last dog she owned (it's heartbreaking having to keep telling her he died 20 years ago
We are expecting a visit from the social services on Friday so fingers crossed we can get some help from them

Just a query, does it upset your mum to hear about her dog? If it does I wouldn't keep telling her but would say something else to circumvent it,
The dog will find his own way home / someone is keeping a lookout for him etc and stress how you all need to stay at home for when he returns.
I know it sounds dreadful having to lie, and was (still is) the hardest thing I found to do but it is generally recommended.

 

[Dog5Body4U]

Talking about Dogs

My MIL only has to see a dog on the TV and she is off but sometimes she just starts on about going looking for him in the night but thanks for your advice we will have to give it a go