Keeping records

[Dog5Body4U]

Hi all
I was just wondering what kind of records we need to start keeping we have only just started helping mum sort out her money today, we took mum for her money and then to the shops (that was an interesting experience over 4 hours and only 2 shops) my wife has kept all the receipts but I am wondering if we should keep some sort of log of the strange things mum keeps saying or doing ? Never having anything to do with someone with dementia before we don't know what to do legally and my wife is very worried that someone might think we are taking advantage of mum

Unfortunately we have not really been in touch with mum for a few years but we were told that mum was having trouble and that was enough for my wife to ignore the squabble and start going round again and then we hear that her purse stolen on a regular occurrence & someone was taking money out of her bank for the past 2 years (since mum had a bloke move in with her) mum was never without a bit of spare cash before but now she is overdrawn at the bank (somehow someone got her to get a £250 overdraft why I can't understand as she only pays around £40 a month out and should never have needed that much) & in the last 7 or 8 months mum and her fella have taken out around £1200 in loans from some loan company I have never heard of before they were for between £100 to. £300 each time & mum is still paying 1 off (strangely enough all the loans taken out by mums fella got paid off quick the last straw was £300 being taken out of mums bank account (this was all going on while my wife's sister was supposed to be checking up on mum and would possibly still be going on but my wife wouldn't let it go on) sorry for rambling on but it just pops out anyway the fella is gone and my wife's sister just keeps saying that mum just kept saying he was good to her and now he's gone it's all over and done with but mum keeps asking where he is because she's going to give him a good rollicking & she knows people who will sort him out (it's a shame she can't always remember what he was called)
It's so annoying to think that people who prey upon others always seem to get away with it we tried talking to the police about it and all we got was "if mum gave him the cards and the pin numbers with him living with her there is nothing they can do" why is it that the law always seems to be in favour of the criminal not the victim !!!!!

Sorry I am off again I better stop

 

[Pear trees]

Do you have financial POA? I advise you to get this registered at your mum's bank ASAP, and get new bank cards thst you can use. I advise recording all withdrawls and card purchases against the statement and keeping all receipts. I use an Excel spreadsheet to help me keep track. I also suggest setting a withdrawl limit for you mum at the bank, £50 per month.
I suggestcyou contact loan companies to register the POA and explain your concerns about possible fraud and coercion to take out loans.
Your mum may be hiding money round the house, we found £1500 in cupboards and bed drawers, then forgeting where it is and thinking it has been stolen.
I give my mum regular small amounts of money to top up her purse.

 

[its a struggle]

Keep a diary!

Hello Ben-Cass & welcome to Talking Point. Sad that you have had to find your way here, but I'm sure,I like me, you will find a wealth of information and kind, loving support in its virtual pages.

Back to your question about keeping records. My MIL was doing some odd things around shopping too, as well as other lapses in her day to day management of life so I decided to keep a diary of incidents etc. I use a page a day academic year diary and note all of her appointments (social as well as medical), any expenditure on her behalf and any odd behaviour or occurrences.

This has been invaluable when accompanying her to medical appointments, or on visits from her CPN as I'm not relying on my own memory of what has happened & when!

It also serves as a record for purchases on her behalf and diary entries tie up with her bank statements.

Good luck with the journey.

 

[Dog5Body4U]

Small confusion

Do you have financial POA? I advise you to get this registered at your mum's bank ASAP, and get new bank cards thst you can use. I advise recording all withdrawls and card purchases against the statement and keeping all receipts. I use an Excel spreadsheet to help me keep track. I also suggest setting a withdrawl limit for you mum at the bank, £50 per month.
I suggestcyou contact loan companies to register the POA and explain your concerns about possible fraud and coercion to take out loans.
Your mum may be hiding money round the house, we found £1500 in cupboards and bed drawers, then forgeting where it is and thinking it has been stolen.
I give my mum regular small amounts of money to top up her purse.

What is a financial POA & where do you register for it and it would be great to have someone professional to help us out the biggest worry I have at the moment is my mother in law hasn't been for the brain scan yet to prove she has Alzheimer's and dementia they never seem to be in a rush but mum needs the help NOW!!!
We have made an appointment at the doctors for to morrow and the social services are coming over on Friday to assess mum
As for a bit of money in her purse we do that and have been putting the rest in the bank (it's just being taken for paying off the overdraft) in fact I took her to the bank today so she could put her money in & as we were going back to the car mum spotted a tatty little wooden duck on a flea market and she had to buy it for her garden (I tried telling her that she already has a load of ducks in her garden but she said she didn't have any wooden ducks how are we supposed to stop her from wasting her money???) we also went shopping for a bottle of milk and she was after buying a load of chocolate and sweets and she already bought a load yesterday when we took her for her weeks shopping I felt rotten having to keep telling her that she already had the chocolate at home
She is always trying to eat sweets or chocolate or biscuits but then she says she doesn't eat much

 

[Beate]

If you haven't got LPA yet, get it ASAP, while she still has capacity! Get both, they are incredibly important. You can fill it in yourself and do not need a solicitor, the forms can even be filled online, but if you're scared of forms, there are numerous charities who will help you fill it in for free. Then the only costs are for registration, at £110 each, though than can be reduced to half or nothing if the donor (your Mum) has got limited funds. Get it done now, don't delay: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

 

[Dog5Body4U]

Poa & lpa

The only problem is that my MiL isn't all there all the time she so far has called my wife "the big lady who stole her cards" until she realises that it's her daughter then it's all okay for a while (10 min or so) we try keeping her engaged with conversation but then she gets upset when we have to explain that the people she is talking about are dead
So I ain't sure if my MIL is capable of choosing a Power Of Attorney

It doesn't help when we are the ones doing most of the being there all the time me and my wife have been sleeping on the couches in my MIL's front room and my wife's sister says that she will take mum for 4 hours so my wife can get some sleep (by the time I get my wife home there is at least a half hour gone & when are we supposed to eat our tea ???) sorry to rant on again

 

[Beate]

Ok, she only has to understand and agree in the moment to sign an LPA.
If she can't or won't do that, deputyship will be your only option, but that's costly and onerous. Plus if she has lost capacity, you can't do any transactions for her if you don't have one or the other. So it's really important to try and get LPA. It costs nothing to fill in, so do it ASAP then get a good moment and explain it to her.

As an aside, try not to correct or contradict her on things like who has died. There is no merit to it and you are only creating upset. Please read this link about compassionate communication: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired