Crossing roads - a danger

[Jilly Bean]

My Mum will every so often pop to the shops even though she forgets what she is going for and even though I do all her shopping, she still goes as it is what she has done for years and years. The shops are a few minutes walk but she has to cross a busy road. As she has Dementia, she now struggles to judge how to cross the road safely and our neighbour said the other day that a car had to really slow down as she crossed in front of an oncoming car. It is so so worrying but I am not sure I can do anything to prevent this, does anyone have any suggestions or have also had to deal with this worry? Thanks for any response which is very much appreciated. Jill xx

 

[marionq]

Yes Jill it is a worry. I thought I was making too much of it but when my youngest daughter went out with her Dad she was shocked at his loss of road sense. It will be harder if your Mum lives alone. I don't let John go out on his own now because of this and his wandering. There will come a point when you need to make the big decision.

Good wishes.

 

[Risa]

The only practical thing I can think of would be to put some sort of high-viz jacket or stripes over her coat so at least car drivers could see her from a distance. It is a terrible worry for you though if she lives alone If she lives with other people, can you get an alarm for the front door so if your Mum starts to go out, someone will be alerted and go with her?

 

[angelface]

Have you looked at how your mum is coping generally? It does sound as tho is is getting towards the point where she may not be able to manage.

I found with my aunt that she could only focus on one thing at a time. So when she wanted to catch a bus,she ran in front of it. Said the bus driver told her off,and auntie thought it was funny!

Just before auntie went into care,we were waiting to cross, and auntie got impatient. So she just stepped in front of a speeding car.we just pulled her back in time.

We also found she got lost even from the local shops, 5 minutes away.

Please look carefully at the whole picture here. Sometimes it is just not safe for people to be at home. Sorry if I am being too blunt here.

 

[Rich PCA Carer]

I think you need to look at the whole situation. If your mum is safe at home, she doesn't need to be in a care home, but she may need help to ensure she is not out alone. This can be difficult if your mum simply ups and goes when there is no-one about to go with her, but the alternative, locking her in a care home, while she is OK to manage in her own home is likely not to be accepted and could cause even bigger problems.

Perhaps a care assessment is the best way forward. This might yield some care approaches that would enable her to be safe, but still at home.

 

[Beate]

If she puts herself in danger, she is a vulnerable adult at risk, and as such social services have duty of care and have to put preventative measures into place, and if that means never leaving a person unsupervised anymore, be it through day care, carers, sitters or a care home, so be it. Their first port of call won't be a care home anyway. My OH still lives at home with me but he isn't unsupervised anymore, he goes to the day centre daily except for the weekend, all other times sitters or I look after him. I always grab his arm now if we're so much as approaching a busy road. Just this morning he nearly stepped into the path of a cyclist on a designated cycle path close to the bus stop.

 

[everdrew89]

The problem is that you can't supervise anyone 24 / 7 (unless you live with them and physically stop them going out if they want to, which might cause problems).

My hubby has Alz and is now in residential care, was not allowed out for the first six months but is now allowed out. Even though we pay for extra carers on top to take him out, he still wants to go out all of the time and so goes out on his own a lot too (which is great for his mental well-being and sense of independence). And there is a dodgy road junction nearby too. At the end of the day you have to assess both the risks and the benefits of someone going out on their own. And realise that you can't prevent everything.

 

[Beate]

Supervising 24/7 doesn't mean stopping them from going out. You have to go with them though or employ a carer or befriender to go with them. If that is not possible, and they are a danger to themselves, really you have to think about other steps. You might not be able to prevent everything but letting someone without road sense go out on their own really should be avoided. Often it might be boredom and they don't know what else to do so why not break the pattern with day care? They provide lots of different activities, and they also take people out now and then.

 

[The Chewtor]

This really has been a very upsetting thread to read as over the last week my adventures have taken a big and disturbing turn. I now keep walking into the road, whether with others or not, even when I see and register a car is coming it does not always register that I should stop. Over the last week I have had to be pulled back 3 times, physically stopped twice, verbally stopped twice and also found myself once in the middle of the road, looking the wrong way, not really remembering getting to the middle???
My freedom is the only thing I have left that I care about so WAS thinking of asking for advice on this in my blog. This thread has shown that there does not appear to be ANY successful coping strategies apart from stay in dorrs or always have someone else there! Not what I wanted to hear yet!
Oh well, life goes on, or at least it does till I get knocked down

Wayne x

 

[Jilly Bean]

Yes Jill it is a worry. I thought I was making too much of it but when my youngest daughter went out with her Dad she was shocked at his loss of road sense. It will be harder if your Mum lives alone. I don't let John go out on his own now because of this and his wandering. There will come a point when you need to make the big decision.

Good wishes.

Yes you are so true, Mam copes very well on her own with our help, she thinks she does everything her self is incredibly independent or at least she thinks she still is and because of that is also very stubborn and gets very cross with you when you suggest things to help. However, I know we are doing things to help so I overrule what she says anyway, i.e. say mam you do need this or Mam you don't need that. Thanks for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

The only practical thing I can think of would be to put some sort of high-viz jacket or stripes over her coat so at least car drivers could see her from a distance. It is a terrible worry for you though if she lives alone If she lives with other people, can you get an alarm for the front door so if your Mum starts to go out, someone will be alerted and go with her?

I like the high viz idea, any little to help is a bonus. Mum lives alone but the road is right outside her house and by the time someone got to her, even if it was the next door neighbour it could be too late. Thanks for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

Have you looked at how your mum is coping generally? It does sound as tho is is getting towards the point where she may not be able to manage.

I found with my aunt that she could only focus on one thing at a time. So when she wanted to catch a bus,she ran in front of it. Said the bus driver told her off,and auntie thought it was funny!

Just before auntie went into care,we were waiting to cross, and auntie got impatient. So she just stepped in front of a speeding car.we just pulled her back in time.

We also found she got lost even from the local shops, 5 minutes away.

Please look carefully at the whole picture here. Sometimes it is just not safe for people to be at home. Sorry if I am being too blunt here.

I understand what your saying but Mam currently copes very well on her own with our help, she thinks she does everything her self mind, and she is incredibly independent or at least she thinks she still is and because of that is also very stubborn and gets very cross with you when you suggest things to help and says she doesn't need it. My sibling and I visit her between us every other day but she works part time and I work full time so we can't be there all the time. I always look at the bigger picture and putting her in a home is not an option at the moment, I have friends with their parents with dementia in homes and they are awful, Mam is no where near ready for that yet. It would devastate her and me. Thanks for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

I think you need to look at the whole situation. If your mum is safe at home, she doesn't need to be in a care home, but she may need help to ensure she is not out alone. This can be difficult if your mum simply ups and goes when there is no-one about to go with her, but the alternative, locking her in a care home, while she is OK to manage in her own home is likely not to be accepted and could cause even bigger problems.

Perhaps a care assessment is the best way forward. This might yield some care approaches that would enable her to be safe, but still at home.

Yes you are so right, she is more than safe at home, we have Telecare alert systems in to assist as well. Mam does simply just gets up and goes, the shops are so handy being minutes away, we could get someone to sit with her during the day, get her to go to day care but then the minute she is back at home or left on her own, she could easily pop to the shops again so I agree it's impossible to avoid I'm afraid. We have had many care assessments but not with regards to her crossing the road, not sure if they can help with that but I most certainly will ask, thanks so much for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

If she puts herself in danger, she is a vulnerable adult at risk, and as such social services have duty of care and have to put preventative measures into place, and if that means never leaving a person unsupervised anymore, be it through day care, carers, sitters or a care home, so be it. Their first port of call won't be a care home anyway. My OH still lives at home with me but he isn't unsupervised anymore, he goes to the day centre daily except for the weekend, all other times sitters or I look after him. I always grab his arm now if we're so much as approaching a busy road. Just this morning he nearly stepped into the path of a cyclist on a designated cycle path close to the bus stop.

I will speak with Social Services about this but have a feeling I won't get anywhere. When I rang them about cleaning for Mum they said that there is no resources in the area Mum lived at. They have no money anymore to have all of this care, it is SO annoying but I will deffo ask about this, thanks so much for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

The problem is that you can't supervise anyone 24 / 7 (unless you live with them and physically stop them going out if they want to, which might cause problems).

My hubby has Alz and is now in residential care, was not allowed out for the first six months but is now allowed out. Even though we pay for extra carers on top to take him out, he still wants to go out all of the time and so goes out on his own a lot too (which is great for his mental well-being and sense of independence). And there is a dodgy road junction nearby too. At the end of the day you have to assess both the risks and the benefits of someone going out on their own. And realise that you can't prevent everything.

That's the thing this care is not cheap although the cost is immaterial, it's the safety at the end of the day. You are so right though you cannot prevent everything. Some one suggested a day centre which sounds fab but again when she is returned home she could still pop to the shops again, the shops are open until 10pm!! Thanks for your response. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

Supervising 24/7 doesn't mean stopping them from going out. You have to go with them though or employ a carer or befriender to go with them. If that is not possible, and they are a danger to themselves, really you have to think about other steps. You might not be able to prevent everything but letting someone without road sense go out on their own really should be avoided. Often it might be boredom and they don't know what else to do so why not break the pattern with day care? They provide lots of different activities, and they also take people out now and then.

Yes but what are these steps, in my opinion, there are completely preventative steps, well unless you lock them in a care home which I am not prepared to do. Thankfully Mam rarely goes out on her own now but she does still every so often go to the shops, she needs nothing at the shops but she still goes, as you say it could be due to boredom. I like your idea of a day centre which I am going to look into but again once she is back home the risk returns again as there is nothing stopping her from still popping to the shops. I do like the idea of the day centre though, how do I go about finding out about this? Thanks again. Jill

 

[Jilly Bean]

This really has been a very upsetting thread to read as over the last week my adventures have taken a big and disturbing turn. I now keep walking into the road, whether with others or not, even when I see and register a car is coming it does not always register that I should stop. Over the last week I have had to be pulled back 3 times, physically stopped twice, verbally stopped twice and also found myself once in the middle of the road, looking the wrong way, not really remembering getting to the middle???
My freedom is the only thing I have left that I care about so WAS thinking of asking for advice on this in my blog. This thread has shown that there does not appear to be ANY successful coping strategies apart from stay in dorrs or always have someone else there! Not what I wanted to hear yet!
Oh well, life goes on, or at least it does till I get knocked down

Wayne x

Hi Wayne, I am sorry that my thread has been upsetting to you, it was not my intention, thanks for your response though, it really is very helpful to me. Take care and may I suggest where possible you don't go out alone. All the best Jill

 

[jknight]

This really has been a very upsetting thread to read as over the last week my adventures have taken a big and disturbing turn. I now keep walking into the road, whether with others or not, even when I see and register a car is coming it does not always register that I should stop. Over the last week I have had to be pulled back 3 times, physically stopped twice, verbally stopped twice and also found myself once in the middle of the road, looking the wrong way, not really remembering getting to the middle???
My freedom is the only thing I have left that I care about so WAS thinking of asking for advice on this in my blog. This thread has shown that there does not appear to be ANY successful coping strategies apart from stay in dorrs or always have someone else there! Not what I wanted to hear yet!
Oh well, life goes on, or at least it does till I get knocked down

Wayne x

Wayne, you are an awesome and inspirational person! God bless you xxx

 

[Aisling]

Yes but what are these steps, in my opinion, there are completely preventative steps, well unless you lock them in a care home which I am not prepared to do. Thankfully Mam rarely goes out on her own now but she does still every so often go to the shops, she needs nothing at the shops but she still goes, as you say it could be due to boredom. I like your idea of a day centre which I am going to look into but again once she is back home the risk returns again as there is nothing stopping her from still popping to the shops. I do like the idea of the day centre though, how do I go about finding out about this? Thanks again. Jill

Perhaps I am overly sensitive but remarks of locking people up in Care / Nursing home upsets me profoundly. If someone needs hospitalisation for a physical illness are we locking him / her up too? Some people with Alyzheimers/ Dementia may need high level nursing care. Everyone is different. I have made the most painful decision of my life. My OH needs high level medical care. It was for me a painful courageous but loving decision. I also sought expert professional advice . He is getting all the medical care he needs in an excellent NH. He is happy. Me?? Heart breaking in a thousand pieces.

It is not my intention to hurt / upset anyone. This devastating disease is not anyone's fault. Heaven help people suffering with it.

Aisling

 

[LadyA]

Aisling, you aren't being over sensitive. None of us who have had to make the heartbreaking decision that our loved ones need more care than we can give them have done it without an awful lot of heart searching, and usually the decision is made because it's the best way forward for the person with dementia, not for the good of the carer.