Relationship meltdown - anyone else been there?

[Worried123]

I havent been on this forum for a while - I registered over 3 years ago, worried about my mum. My worst fears were confirmed - sadly my mother has Alzheimers - now much more advanced.

I just wonder if other people have had similar experience - my mum and I, before she started to change had a great mother / daughter relationship - not perfect but certainly loving. Sadly her condition seems to have slowly all but destroyed our relationship - my mother has become paranoid, aggressive and withdrawn. When she is angry, I'm not sure I recognise her at all.

I'm heartbroken. I just wonder how other people have managed in this situation? I want to be there for her but seem to make her more defensive - she vents her anger at both me and my Dad - but mainly me. I try to remind myself that she cant help it but its so hard not to have a small part of you hurting Then I feel ashamed - its clearly so much worse for her. She knows 'something is wrong' but forgets and kicks back against any gentle explanation She genuinely thinks we are all out to get her and has accused me of all sorts.

 

[JenTay]

I havent been on this forum for a while - I registered over 3 years ago, worried about my mum. My worst fears were confirmed - sadly my mother has Alzheimers - now much more advanced.

I just wonder if other people have had similar experience - my mum and I, before she started to change had a great mother / daughter relationship - not perfect but certainly loving. Sadly her condition seems to have slowly all but destroyed our relationship - my mother has become paranoid, aggressive and withdrawn. When she is angry, I'm not sure I recognise her at all.

I'm heartbroken. I just wonder how other people have managed in this situation? I want to be there for her but seem to make her more defensive - she vents her anger at both me and my Dad - but mainly me. I try to remind myself that she cant help it but its so hard not to have a small part of you hurting Then I feel ashamed - its clearly so much worse for her. She knows 'something is wrong' but forgets and kicks back against any gentle explanation She genuinely thinks we are all out to get her and has accused me of all sorts.

My hubby is the same with me, we've been married 42 years and when he goes into hospital he's as nice as pie with all the nurses and doctors, yet blames me for everything. Same at home when things don't go his way, it's always my fault and I don't believe him (he says) when he sees things that are not there. He told the Social Worker that I don't care and wouldn't do anything for him, yet I'm still here looking after him and have done since we got married. I've never had anyone look after me and now I feel resentful that I've dedicated my life to him and now I get the blame for everything.

 

[Worried123]

My hubby is the same with me, we've been married 42 years and when he goes into hospital he's as nice as pie with all the nurses and doctors, yet blames me for everything. Same at home when things don't go his way, it's always my fault and I don't believe him (he says) when he sees things that are not there. He told the Social Worker that I don't care and wouldn't do anything for him, yet I'm still here looking after him and have done since we got married. I've never had anyone look after me and now I feel resentful that I've dedicated my life to him and now I get the blame for everything.

Hi - I really do think its the illness - its horrendous. I know in my mum's case they have prescribed her with anti paranoia tablets. It must be so incredibly frustrating and I understand the anger - I just dont know whether I personally handle it correctly. Its a really hard balance of emotionally reacting v naturally as if the person is well but in your mind, you know its probably the illness talking. Keep strong xxx

 

[Rheme]

Make an appointment with her gp to discuss the situation you are all going through. He/she should be able to provide medications to calm you mum down and improve the quality of life for you all. Take care. x

 

[Worried123]

Make an appointment with her gp to discuss the situation you are all going through. He/she should be able to provide medications to calm you mum down and improve the quality of life for you all. Take care. x

Thank you. We have the crisis team coming out tonight after a bad episode yesterday
Will see what they say. The emotions around this are a killer. Appreciate you making contact x

 

[byrnedjp]

I spend 6 days a week in almost total silence - my Uncle makes no effort to talk at all despite constant urging on my part - I arranged a Goodgym volunteer to come weekly but even she struggles some weeks - basically he makes no attempt after he knows somebody