not eating or taking meds, any advice?!

[hancmont]

My mum recently went into a care home because the care visits in her own home weren't really working, rapidly becoming ever more confused, not eating or forgetting to eat and take meds and no pc anymore. Even though she says she doesn't want to be in care home, up to now she has been eating and taking her meds but the carers said that over the past two days she has refused meds and isn't eating. I know they can't 'make' her do either and my brother who lives nearby and visits regularly has tried all sorts, including bringing in favourite foods, offering to take her out for food (which she usually likes). She says she doesn't want to be in the care home (but she also has been saying for months now and repeatedly, how she doesn't want to live in her flat!) when asked where she would like to live, she just says 'in a place where there are other people like me and where I can be looked after' ie the care home!
Mums Alzheimers has deteriorated quite rapidly since been hospitalised for a month for a UTI and violent, delusional behaviour (combination of the UTI & Alzheimers). My brother just phoned and said he was up there with mum but she was refusing to speak to him. I gave it a try but she just said 'yeah, yeah not interested, don't care' . Any advice?

 

[marionq]

I think you need to step back mentally if not physically. She needs time to work through this phase and move on - and she will. You and brother can help her more if you don't get too distressed about it. Try and get her interested and chatting and if she wants to back off food and meds don't make an issue of it. If she complains of her health then remind her there is some very good meds she can take to help her feel better. If she puts up a barrier then only visit for very short spells until she gets over this. There are no easy answers when the person is uncooperative.

 

[canary]

Mum did this a few months ago.
She had previously been in hospital for pneumonia, where it had all been a bit touch and go. A few weeks later she stopped eating and the carers said they thought she was giving up, so I prepared myself for the worst.
Then she perked up again and started eating. She is still with us.

You never know with dementia.

 

[hancmont]

I think you need to step back mentally if not physically. She needs time to work through this phase and move on - and she will. You and brother can help her more if you don't get too distressed about it. Try and get her interested and chatting and if she wants to back off food and meds don't make an issue of it. If she complains of her health then remind her there is some very good meds she can take to help her feel better. If she puts up a barrier then only visit for very short spells until she gets over this. There are no easy answers when the person is uncooperative.

I actually told my brother not to stay long if she wasn't speaking to him and to probably not visit tomorrow but just call. Apparently when I spoke with him later he said that the carer who had been on duty that morning reported that she did agree to take her morning tablets and eat a bit of toast and that she was pleasant enough. She's obviously putting all her frustrations out on my brother and I not the carers! I can at least physically step back as I live 250 miles away, mentally it's hard but we try. Thanks for the advice

 

[karen1967]

meds

Mum refuse to eat or take her meds on us while she lives with us we still couldn't make her do anything she didn't want, so we called her heart nurse for advise as to how long and how many days was safe for her not to have her meds, we was told 1 day was as long for our mum, after that a nurse would come and try to get her to take her meds.