I wanted to share a lovely experience.
To quickly recap - Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia nearly 4 years ago just after Dad died. She lived at home in their bungalow and refused any and all help. Spiralling downwards etc etc. Mum's difficulties were compounded with a longterm personality disorder from meningitis. February she landed in hospital with a knee problem but was also diagnosed as having limited mental capacity. My LPA kicked-in and Mum went into a care home, originally for respite. I believed this experience would be horrendous for her but there was no other option and I was on the brink of carer's burnout.
Despite all my anxieties Mum settled reasonably well on the ground floor with residents whose needs were not too extreme and who are more or less continent and within reason, intelligible. A few weeks into her stay she developed a urine infection coupled with what was described as, a probable TIA.
During this period and with my agreement, she was moved onto the 1st floor with a higher number of staff/resident ratio where she could be nursed and cared for more intensely. I got used to the sundowning residents on this floor, the inability for these lovely people to be able to have any kind of conversations but to still have a valuable, sometimes funny, sometimes emotional experience and, I have to be honest, I have grown very very fond of them. Quite often (when mum was difficult with me), I enjoyed many interactions. It doesn't matter that I cannot completely understand - I can read emotion and I can easily empathise. As I nearly always turn up with cakes to share I drove my Mum mad, because of course food and attention win friends! But it was clear to me that, once mum had levelled-out and recovered from the infection/TIA - that she was clearly more lucid than her co-residents. However, she could not recognise their difficulties. Why did they enter her room or wander off with her belongings? She was cross that some were not polite, especially at mealtimes and during the afternoons they seemed to her, to be downright obnoxious and confrontational. She began to withdraw. Last week I wondered whether it was becoming too much for her and that I should speak to the home's manager. My thinking was that if I could see it, surely they should!
When I visited on Monday the shift-manager asked to speak to me and said that during a meeting they had discussed whether I would agree to having mum moved onto the 2nd floor (there are only 3 levels) where the residents are quieter, able to converse but some have more nursing needs, which my mum now requires. They said no decision about moving mum would be made without my consent. I honestly don't know how I didn't cry. We discussed how mum's needs had changed and they recognised and acknowledged this and wanted to act upon it. Yes, it was noticed that mum was keeping herself apart and she clearly was struggling. I agreed almost without hesitation. I then viewed mum's new room.
They rang me this morning to say today was the moving day and I have returned from an evening visit. Mum has a lovely view and will enjoy more stimulation on this floor in keeping with her level of comprehension. She spent lunch talking to one resident and teatime with another.
I wanted to share this experience to illustrate how positive care home life can be for residents.
To quickly recap - Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia nearly 4 years ago just after Dad died. She lived at home in their bungalow and refused any and all help. Spiralling downwards etc etc. Mum's difficulties were compounded with a longterm personality disorder from meningitis. February she landed in hospital with a knee problem but was also diagnosed as having limited mental capacity. My LPA kicked-in and Mum went into a care home, originally for respite. I believed this experience would be horrendous for her but there was no other option and I was on the brink of carer's burnout.
Despite all my anxieties Mum settled reasonably well on the ground floor with residents whose needs were not too extreme and who are more or less continent and within reason, intelligible. A few weeks into her stay she developed a urine infection coupled with what was described as, a probable TIA.
During this period and with my agreement, she was moved onto the 1st floor with a higher number of staff/resident ratio where she could be nursed and cared for more intensely. I got used to the sundowning residents on this floor, the inability for these lovely people to be able to have any kind of conversations but to still have a valuable, sometimes funny, sometimes emotional experience and, I have to be honest, I have grown very very fond of them. Quite often (when mum was difficult with me), I enjoyed many interactions. It doesn't matter that I cannot completely understand - I can read emotion and I can easily empathise. As I nearly always turn up with cakes to share I drove my Mum mad, because of course food and attention win friends! But it was clear to me that, once mum had levelled-out and recovered from the infection/TIA - that she was clearly more lucid than her co-residents. However, she could not recognise their difficulties. Why did they enter her room or wander off with her belongings? She was cross that some were not polite, especially at mealtimes and during the afternoons they seemed to her, to be downright obnoxious and confrontational. She began to withdraw. Last week I wondered whether it was becoming too much for her and that I should speak to the home's manager. My thinking was that if I could see it, surely they should!
When I visited on Monday the shift-manager asked to speak to me and said that during a meeting they had discussed whether I would agree to having mum moved onto the 2nd floor (there are only 3 levels) where the residents are quieter, able to converse but some have more nursing needs, which my mum now requires. They said no decision about moving mum would be made without my consent. I honestly don't know how I didn't cry. We discussed how mum's needs had changed and they recognised and acknowledged this and wanted to act upon it. Yes, it was noticed that mum was keeping herself apart and she clearly was struggling. I agreed almost without hesitation. I then viewed mum's new room.
They rang me this morning to say today was the moving day and I have returned from an evening visit. Mum has a lovely view and will enjoy more stimulation on this floor in keeping with her level of comprehension. She spent lunch talking to one resident and teatime with another.
I wanted to share this experience to illustrate how positive care home life can be for residents.
