In need of a virtual hug

[jknight]

Sorry to butt in Jenny. OH often says she does not want the carers when the bell rings, but gets on well with them. She also says she does not want the hot meal I offer, prefers bludi sandwiches , but then enjoys her meal. So, from my limited experience you are doing the right thing.

Please don't feel that you are butting in, Rob! I am grateful for the reassurance. My instinct is that I am doing the right thing but I feel sneaky taking the notes. I don't want to have a conversation, with mum, about it as it will annoy/upset her and she will have forgotten it by the next day.
Hope both you & OH have recovered from overdoing things?

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Jenny
you are definitely doing the right thing - sneaky maybe, but for all the best of reasons, and sneaky becomes par for the course
I'm glad to read that she's eating better - that's down to you

 

[nae sporran]

Please don't feel that you are butting in, Rob! I am grateful for the reassurance. My instinct is that I am doing the right thing but I feel sneaky taking the notes. I don't want to have a conversation, with mum, about it as it will annoy/upset her and she will have forgotten it by the next day.
Hope both you & OH have recovered from overdoing things?

We are getting back to life now, thanks Jenny. It's going to be cool and wet for a few days, so we will stay in a rest a bit. All the best to you and your mum.

 

[jknight]

Hi Jenny
you are definitely doing the right thing - sneaky maybe, but for all the best of reasons, and sneaky becomes par for the course
I'm glad to read that she's eating better - that's down to you

Thanks Jackie! How is your dad?

 

[CeliaW]

Hi Jenny, carry on as you are I think. I discovered with Mum that often her responses were almost automatic although often it took me a while to work out why. Often it was a refusal for something because she had started off saying she didn't want something in the early days but then when "careful negotiations" meant she had the drink / nailcare/ change of clothes or whatever, she was fine with it. A good carer we had also said to me that often its the path of "least effort" Easier not to have to do or have something because there is a part of them that has a sort of free floating anxiety about it. Its not that they are lazy or not interested but they are aware they will have to make an effort or they may not manage. Sometimes its that they ferl they are losing control of things and so they "make a stand" over something which then morphs into repeated refusal even though they may have lost the reason they objected in the first place.

She explained it so much better than I just have but I hope it makes some sense!

So sad isn't it? You just want to give them a hug and help them understand you are doing it to care for them, not to undermine or stress them xx

 

[jknight]

Hi Jenny, carry on as you are I think. I discovered with Mum that often her responses were almost automatic although often it took me a while to work out why. Often it was a refusal for something because she had started off saying she didn't want something in the early days but then when "careful negotiations" meant she had the drink / nailcare/ change of clothes or whatever, she was fine with it. A good carer we had also said to me that often its the path of "least effort" Easier not to have to do or have something because there is a part of them that has a sort of free floating anxiety about it. Its not that they are lazy or not interested but they are aware they will have to make an effort or they may not manage. Sometimes its that they ferl they are losing control of things and so they "make a stand" over something which then morphs into repeated refusal even though they may have lost the reason they objected in the first place.

She explained it so much better than I just have but I hope it makes some sense!

So sad isn't it? You just want to give them a hug and help them understand you are doing it to care for them, not to undermine or stress them xx

Thanks Celia. That makes complete sense. Mum has never spoken about not wanting the hot meals. I guess she thinks it when the meal arrives, writes the note, then forgets again.
You have hit the nail on the head! I really don't want to undermine or stress her. This caring lark (sic) is the hardest thing, I think, I have had to do. xx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Thanks Celia. That makes complete sense. Mum has never spoken about not wanting the hot meals. I guess she thinks it when the meal arrives, writes the note, then forgets again.
You have hit the nail on the head! I really don't want to undermine or stress her. This caring lark (sic) is the hardest thing, I think, I have had to do. xx

Hi jenny, with dad he always used to say he wasn't hungry and didn't want a hot meal but I used to say " well come and try a bit for me " and once he started he used to clear his plate, but sadly in his last few weeks this was not the case....I don't know why I have posted this ...its not much use to you...I guess its because I'm grieving... Sorry jenny xxx

 

[Louby65]

Hi gill . I've just popped on to ask how you are and to send you a virtual hug. Lou xx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Hi gill . I've just popped on to ask how you are and to send you a virtual hug. Lou xx

Hello lou, thank you, I'm a bit down today but Ok,I've heard from the coroner and we can go ahead with the funeral one the 23Rd of June as planned.. The cause of death was broncal pneumonia, copd and Alzheimers that is what the coroner is putting on the death certificate xxx
I do have a twiddle muff ready to send to you and will pop it in the post as soon as I can
Got a busy few days ahead now xx
Thank you for asking lou xxx

 

[nae sporran]

Hello lou, thank you, I'm a bit down today but Ok,I've heard from the coroner and we can go ahead with the funeral one the 23Rd of June as planned.. The cause of death was broncal pneumonia, copd and Alzheimers that is what the coroner is putting on the death certificate xxx
I do have a twiddle muff ready to send to you and will pop it in the post as soon as I can
Got a busy few days ahead now xx
Thank you for asking lou xxx

Your poor old dad fought a hard battle Gill. Look after yourself the next few hectic days, and I will send you a hug and all my best wishes. Rob

 

[jknight]

Hi jenny, with dad he always used to say he wasn't hungry and didn't want a hot meal but I used to say " well come and try a bit for me " and once he started he used to clear his plate, but sadly in his last few weeks this was not the case....I don't know why I have posted this ...its not much use to you...I guess its because I'm grieving... Sorry jenny xxx

Don't be sorry, Gill. You have given me a useful tip. You need to talk about your dear Dad and where better to do so than here!! We may never meet, in person, but I consider all of our group as friends and can't imagine being out of touch!! Do feel free to PM. I lost my dad to cancer (pneumonia at the end) so I know how you feel. Much love to you xxxxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Don't be sorry, Gill. You have given me a useful tip. You need to talk about your dear Dad and where better to do so than here!! We may never meet, in person, but I consider all of our group as friends and can't imagine being out of touch!! Do feel free to PM. I lost my dad to cancer (pneumonia at the end) so I know how you feel. Much love to you xxxxx

Thank you jenny and rob , I don't know what I would do without you all xxxx

 

[hvml]

Hi Gill. I would agree. With me, the carers allowance continued for 8 weeks after the bereavement and I just kept away during that time. I did my own job searching on the computer - set up an email alert on "Indeed" and they sent me care jobs. I approached the job centre and they gave me a one off session to address my CV. If you feel like doing a bit under your own steam, you might feel more in control of the situation. Rob's right. Not very compassionate. I did my CV, researched Care Homes in my immediate vicinity and took my CV to reception. That is how I got into the BUPA process. You can also look up CQC reports to see if you feel that you would like to work with them. That is how I felt more in control of the situation. Your Carers allowance should run on for 8 weeks though. It must be a national rule.

For me, I have found it useful to have a focus, but then......my brother organised the funeral. With all that you have going on, it might be best to wait till you have laid your Dad to rest and then start. The CA run on is supposed to enable you to do that.

Thinking of you.

Lots of love, Heidi xx xx

 

[jknight]

Thank you jenny and rob , I don't know what I would do without you all xxxx

Always here for you x

 

[exhausted 2015]

Hi Gill. I would agree. With me, the carers allowance continued for 8 weeks after the bereavement and I just kept away during that time. I did my own job searching on the computer - set up an email alert on "Indeed" and they sent me care jobs. I approached the job centre and they gave me a one off session to address my CV. If you feel like doing a bit under your own steam, you might feel more in control of the situation. Rob's right. Not very compassionate. I did my CV, researched Care Homes in my immediate vicinity and took my CV to reception. That is how I got into the BUPA process. You can also look up CQC reports to see if you feel that you would like to work with them. That is how I felt more in control of the situation. Your Carers allowance should run on for 8 weeks though. It must be a national rule.

For me, I have found it useful to have a focus, but then......my brother organised the funeral. With all that you have going on, it might be best to wait till you have laid your Dad to rest and then start. The CA run on is supposed to enable you to do that.

Thinking of you.

Lots of love, Heidi xx xx

Hi Heidi, my carer's allowance ended back in march when dad went to the assessment hospital because he was going into care xxx I have contacted the job centre because would you believe it since signing on my spinal problems have really flared up again,it feels like I have pain everywhere and have lost some feeling in my left arm and fingers... they advised me to get a medical note from my gp which I have now done so am now waiting to see what happens as at the moment I'm not fit for work....it never rains but pours doesn't it.....take care xxx please let us know when you start your new job xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Always here for you x

Bless you jenny, hope your mum is OK xxx

 

[nae sporran]

Hello lou, thank you, I'm a bit down today but Ok,I've heard from the coroner and we can go ahead with the funeral one the 23Rd of June as planned.. The cause of death was broncal pneumonia, copd and Alzheimers that is what the coroner is putting on the death certificate xxx
I do have a twiddle muff ready to send to you and will pop it in the post as soon as I can
Got a busy few days ahead now xx
Thank you for asking lou xxx

Morning Gill.
Not sure if you will have time to come on here, but I remembered your dad's funeral was this week and thought I should say hello and see if you are alright. Best wishes, Rob

 

[exhausted 2015]

Morning Gill.
Not sure if you will have time to come on here, but I remembered your dad's funeral was this week and thought I should say hello and see if you are alright. Best wishes, Rob

Morning rob, thank you for remembering, dad's funeral is on Thursday, thank you for asking I'm Ok for now, hope you and oh are well, take care xxx

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Gill
I just wanted to say that I hope all goes as you wish tomorrow
thinking of you

 

[tryingmybest]

I will be thinking of you and am sending you much love and strength for tomorrow. Hugs. Xx