In need of a virtual hug

[exhausted 2015]

Couldn't agree more! I can't ever imagine not keeping in touch with the fabulous people who help me on a daily basis!

I'm so lucky to have you all xxx I though it had been hard caring for my dad for the past 8 years day in day out but not having him here anymore is so very very hard, I'm still feeling numb and haven't started to grieve yet , I thought I would of crumbled as me and dad were so close....what is wrong with me xxxx
I do hope that you are all OK xxxi its nice to hear from you again 2jays xxx
Please keep me informed about how you all are xxx

 

[2jays]

I'm so lucky to have you all xxx I though it had been hard caring for my dad for the past 8 years day in day out but not having him here anymore is so very very hard, I'm still feeling numb and haven't started to grieve yet , I thought I would of crumbled as me and dad were so close....what is wrong with me xxxx
I do hope that you are all OK xxxi its nice to hear from you again 2jays xxx
Please keep me informed about how you all are xxx

Nothing wrong with you. It's normal for you

and don't let anyone tell you - or let you think - you are not normal xxxxxx

 

[Louby65]

Hi Gill , how are you? I know that's a bit of a silly question . Are you any further planning your dads funeral ? It is such a sad difficult time for you but please know that we are all thinking about you . Lots of love , Lou xx

 

[Louby65]

Hello everyone . Hope you and your families are well. Such a sad time for Gill but I hope the rest of our wee group are doing as well as they can . Everything okay with my mum and I , just plodding along as usual . I've promised her we will go out once a parcel I am waiting on is delivered . She has now taken up residence at the window waiting on the delivery man . Best wishes everyone . Lou X

 

[nae sporran]

Gill, you shouldn't feel bad about anything. When my granny died it was only when we scattered her ashes that we said goodbye properly. Look after yourself.

Lou, nice to see you keeping in touch. Hopefully your parcel has arrived and you are out enjoying a trip somewhere.

 

[exhausted 2015]

Hi Gill , how are you? I know that's a bit of a silly question . Are you any further planning your dads funeral ? It is such a sad difficult time for you but please know that we are all thinking about you . Lots of love , Lou xx

Hello Lou ,I'm stuck in no mans land at the moment can't make any funeral arrangement's until I hear from the coroner, I can't even bring myself to start clearing dads bedroom,I walk in and then walk out again, but thank you for asking xxx
Hope that you were able to go out with your mum today and she didn't have to wait too long for your parcel to arrive xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Gill, you shouldn't feel bad about anything. When my granny died it was only when we scattered her ashes that we said goodbye properly. Look after yourself.

Lou, nice to see you keeping in touch. Hopefully your parcel has arrived and you are out enjoying a trip somewhere.

Thank you all for your reassurance and that my feelings are normal xxx perhaps I will also feel differently when dad is laid to rest xx
Look after yourselves xxx

 

[Louby65]

Evening Gill. Believe it or not I was just thinking of you and your dad just now , when I seen your message . I was thinking of when I lost my dad and how I felt . I remember someone saying when her mum died her heart felt broken . The pain I felt in my heart really was physical , as if it was breaking , so I really empathise with you . I was trying to send you a verse that a friend sent me but for some reason it wont copy but I will keep trying . Can someone help you with organising your dads belongings . Don't do it yourself . Take your time with everything , there's no rush and remember to look after yourself . Lou xxx

 

[Louby65]

Evening everyone , unfortunately the parcel never arrived but we had a good day . I bought my mum some Aqua cards that have a hidden picture . You apply water with a paint brush using strokes and the picture starts to appear the more you 'paint'. My mum was delighted . Once it's completely dry it goes white again and you can ' develop ' the picture again . We also baked , so put the day to use . I had thought my mum would be like a caged animal as she always wants to go out , so im surprised she was quite content . Hope everyone had a good day and are enjoying the weather . Lou X

 

[exhausted 2015]

Evening Gill. Believe it or not I was just thinking of you and your dad just now , when I seen your message . I was thinking of when I lost my dad and how I felt . I remember someone saying when her mum died her heart felt broken . The pain I felt in my heart really was physical , as if it was breaking , so I really empathise with you . I was trying to send you a verse that a friend sent me but for some reason it wont copy but I will keep trying . Can someone help you with organising your dads belongings . Don't do it yourself . Take your time with everything , there's no rush and remember to look after yourself . Lou xxx

Thank you Lou for thinking ofme xx I will get round to organising dads belongings and as you rightly say there's no rush but do feel that when the time is right I will want to do it on my own xxx
Sorry that you couldn't go out with your mum today but the cards sound like fun xx did you bake something nice ? xx
If at anytime you would like one of my twiddle Muff's for your mum you must let me know I would be happy to post one to you xx
The same goes for anyone else if they would like one please ask xx

 

[Louby65]

That would be very kind Gill. I will PM my details to you . We made a red velvet cake , which we both enjoyed making and eating !! Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight . Take care . Lou xx

 

[Louby65]

Hi Gill , how are you ? Lou xx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Hi Gill , how are you ? Lou xx

Hi Lou, I'm not too bad but have started to grieve now been very tearful the last two days but I'm OK,just want to make plans for the funeral but we are still waiting to hear from the coroner xx
Ihope that you and your mum are OK,the red velvet cake sounded delicious xx
When you get chance please pm me and I will send your mum a twiddle muff xx
Thank you for asking how I am ....you are all truly good friends xxx
I will always be so very grateful for all the support that you have given me, dads last twelve months have been so very very difficult I couldn't of got through iit without you all xxxxx

 

[Shedrech]

Hi all
I've been having laptop problems so haven't been able to post

Gill, I can only imagine a little how things may be for you - everything 'on hold' - I don't think it completely came to me that my mum was not going to be present in my life until months after her death - I pretty much went numb for some time, working like clockwork and felt I was walking through treacle - everyone feels and copes in their own way - you'll know when the time is right for each action - so leave your father's room until you find yourself walking in there one day and you start to tidy without thinking, that will be the time
I did find that two things helped me - I found a lovely picture of mum smiling and waving, put it in a pretty frame and placed it somewhere I would see it at times all through the day; I smiled and waved back at her - and I have a cardigan of hers that is pretty and comfortable, so I would put it on and have a hug from her - daft and comforting

Lou, glad you and your mum had that good day - those aqua pictures sound wonderful, may pay a visit to the local art/craft shop

I'm fine - will be spending some time tidying dad's house as grandson has moved out - I really didn't want to go back in and was so disappointed when I did - why did I expect it would be in the same state as I left it?!
dad seems to have had another downturn; he's not even walking well enough to get to the garden, incontinence worse, not grasping how to go about doing things such as getting into the right position to sit, and sadly not very happy in himself, though he does seem to settle a bit more when I visit - it's all just so saddening - maybe the heat is getting to him (why do I try to find excuses; so hard to keep accepting what's happening) - but he still told me to take care of myself when I left tonight

sleep well everyone

PS Gill, your tears are tears of love - be teary, be quiet, be whatever you need to be at each moment - and keep posting - we're still here to hold a hand

 

[exhausted 2015]

Hi all
I've been having laptop problems so haven't been able to post

Gill, I can only imagine a little how things may be for you - everything 'on hold' - I don't think it completely came to me that my mum was not going to be present in my life until months after her death - I pretty much went numb for some time, working like clockwork and felt I was walking through treacle - everyone feels and copes in their own way - you'll know when the time is right for each action - so leave your father's room until you find yourself walking in there one day and you start to tidy without thinking, that will be the time
I did find that two things helped me - I found a lovely picture of mum smiling and waving, put it in a pretty frame and placed it somewhere I would see it at times all through the day; I smiled and waved back at her - and I have a cardigan of hers that is pretty and comfortable, so I would put it on and have a hug from her - daft and comforting

Lou, glad you and your mum had that good day - those aqua pictures sound wonderful, may pay a visit to the local art/craft shop

I'm fine - will be spending some time tidying dad's house as grandson has moved out - I really didn't want to go back in and was so disappointed when I did - why did I expect it would be in the same state as I left it?!
dad seems to have had another downturn; he's not even walking well enough to get to the garden, incontinence worse, not grasping how to go about doing things such as getting into the right position to sit, and sadly not very happy in himself, though he does seem to settle a bit more when I visit - it's all just so saddening - maybe the heat is getting to him (why do I try to find excuses; so hard to keep accepting what's happening) - but he still told me to take care of myself when I left tonight

sleep well everyone

Hi Jackie, yes I'm going to leave dads room ,I just can't touch anything yet, I too am going to frame a nice photo of him xxx its so strange but at the moment the only item of clothing that I want to keep are his pajamas the ones he was wearing when he passed,I have bought them back from the hospital and washed them but have this great need to keep them xx
Hope that your dads house wasn't too messy, we have a few very untidy family members... So I can imagine what it was like xx
I hope that your dads downturn is just due to the weather, the heat can be has bad as the cold with the elderly... Please keep us informed xxx
Your dad told you to take care of yourself... Its so familiar... Those were dads last words to me ( well very similar) xxx he used to say watch what you are doing and also take care of yourself.... Dads eh always looking out for their daughter's xxxx

 

[hvml]

Hi Gill. I am so sorry to hear that your Dad has gone. Gone, but never forgotten. He will live on through you, like my Mum and Dad do through me and my brother and sister. He will always be with you. You will always think - Dad would have said...such and such, or Dad would have done such and such. Hard in the beginning and it will bring a tear to your eye, but in time it will give you a warm and comforting feeling. I had such a moment this morning and smiled to myself.

For a lot of us, the next big hurdle coming up will be Father's day. I am planning to go to Chapel to feel closer to him. He was a lifelong Chapel man. It would be nice for you to find something symbolic to help you through the day.

Now that your situation has changed, it's time for you to take stock and find your direction. Bereavement counselling is high on my list. I'd think it would be good for you too. (It takes time, so put in the paperwork soon, if you can). In terms of work, I think you are also in an ideal position to go into Health and social care. You have the experience, the empathy and will be able to do the qualifications on the job. (I'm still waiting for my DBS, so haven't started yet.) I think that after all we have been through, it is a good decision and a mark of respect consolidate and crystallize our hard won skills.

Please be aware that you have done your absolute best for your dear Dad. It's been a shining light in every one of your posts and has guided me in my thinking. I do admire your determination and dedicated selflessness.

Well done, my dear.

Am thinking of you.

All my love and (((((((((hugs)))))))))
Heidi xx xx

 

[hvml]

Gill - I'm having trouble doing a PM. If you feel that you would like to, PM me and I will send you my email address. I'm not on the forum so much nowadays, but would love to keep in touch.

Lots of love, Heidi xx

 

[nae sporran]

Gill - I'm having trouble doing a PM. If you feel that you would like to, PM me and I will send you my email address. I'm not on the forum so much nowadays, but would love to keep in touch.

Lots of love, Heidi xx

Good to hear from you Heidi. Did you have haven't started you new job yet, or just the training? All the best, Rob.

 

[nae sporran]

Hi Lou, I'm not too bad but have started to grieve now been very tearful the last two days but I'm OK,just want to make plans for the funeral but we are still waiting to hear from the coroner xx
Ihope that you and your mum are OK,the red velvet cake sounded delicious xx
When you get chance please pm me and I will send your mum a twiddle muff xx
Thank you for asking how I am ....you are all truly good friends xxx
I will always be so very grateful for all the support that you have given me, dads last twelve months have been so very very difficult I couldn't of got through iit without you all xxxxx

How are you doing Gill? Hope you have some progress from the coroner and cand start to plan a fitting send off for you dad. All the best, Rob

 

[Shedrech]

Hello all

Heidi, what a lovely post you wrote to Gill - do pop back here once in a while to keep sharing your experience and understanding - I hope all continues to be well for you and your partner and that you are soon settled in to your new career

Gill, thinking of you - I'm hoping you are taking some time for yourself to grieve and settle your mind and heart

Rob, hi - hope you and OH are trundling along

I'm off in a minute to see to dad's house; it needs airing
Dad's OK, but it's a definite downturn - and I do treasure his goodnight words to me

very best to everyone