bringing dad home

[lfc1970]

My dad has been recently diagnosed with VD.he aso has other health problems but the VD is the main issue at the moment. He has just been discharged to a nursing home following a stay in hospital.He was admitted following a fall at home.

His health has been declining of late and both him and my mum refused any support at home so the fall and subsequent admission were a matter of time. Assessment/discharge arrangements were all a bit of a blur in the hospital with the health professionals appearing reluctant to engage with me and my sibling.

He is now in the care home (following a MDT in the hospital that we were not included in) and very unhappy and distressed, constantly asking to go home.I have tried to remain objective but my my mum, myself and sibling agree that home would be a more appropriate environment for him, even if it is not forever.He is fully mobile with a walking stick, no problems eating and drinking. He does require support with personal care. I am at a loss ( as are the staff in the home) as to why he was ever felt to require a nursing home. I am also thinking of my mum as the daily visits and his level of distress at not wanting to be in the home are exhausting. I know bringing him home will not be easy and he will need domicillary and respite care.
Has anyone been through this scenario and where did you start to organise the support required to facilitate a safe discharge?
Thanks

 

[Beate]

Think very carefully about this. What makes you think it will be different this time round? If your Mum refused any help before, she is likely to do so again. Plus there is usually a good reason for a nursing home - those places aren't given willy nilly. If your Dad hasn't been in the home long yet, you need to give him some time to adjust. If daily visits distress him, cut down on them. Have you asked the nursing staff how he is when you're not around? That sometimes paints a different picture.

Get in touch with adult social services to see what kind of support would be available for him at home. He needs a needs assessment and your Mum a carers assessment.

 

[fizzie]

I agree with Beate that this needs careful thought but I do think that it would be a good idea to ask for a reassessment of the placement and to see what alternatives are available. Your first stop is adult care services to get advice and can I suggest also that you find out about your local carers cafe where you will get a lot of local information, friendly faces, a cup of coffee and some face to face support as well but the local info is invaluable

 

[chickenlady]

trust your instincts, if you have room for him and your mum then bring him home, you won't have them forever and why not give it a try, what's the worst that can happen, he may have to go back but at least you'll have tried. You only get one set of parents so be brave, go with your instincts and don't let others put you off you are every bit as capable as anyone else of showing him love and he won't get that from professional carers. I'm a qualified nurse and strongly believe that families should be supported to look after one another. Social services may be slow to help but don't take no for an answer, if you want him home just agree it with your Mum and Dad and tell the home that you're going to try him out at home on weekend leave so that way they won't give up his bed straight away. Good luck and as I said, trust your instincts you only get one set of parents and he may have to go to residential care later but don't let that stop you from having the chance of some happy times now.

 

[Padraig]

chickenlady, What a wonderful post. The best thing I ever done was to remove my wife from a Nursing Home. There's no medicine to compare with love. You'll never know what you're capable of until you try and love is a powerful motivator.
The sad truth is our days are numbered, treasure each of them as they run down. When it's all done the pain in the question; "What if? and If only?" is everlasting.
Been there and done it.

I'm still exploring what's possible after losing my complete stomach to cancer. To day I feel great as I've discovered I'm slowly getting back in shape after my morning run. I've set myself a target time to reach by the time I reach age 85 in October. Exploring one's capabilities enriches life.

 

[LYN T]

You only get one set of parents so be brave, go with your instincts and don't let others put you off you are every bit as capable as anyone else of showing him love and he won't get that from professional carers. .

Chickenlady, whilst I agree that the OP is every bit as capable of showing her Dad love, I disagree that he won't get that from professional Carers. My late Husband was shown so much love in his CH-and he was by no means easy to look after. When Pete passed there were so many tears from the Carers and they still keep in touch with me now.