Visits to CH, I'm so tired.

[Gwendy1]

I'm really struggling. Work is a nightmare-full on. I'm visiting dad every day still after work- it's fine at the weekends when I'm off. But I'm getting so very tired. He is so frail, so changed in the last 5 months. I'm scared to stop going daily, incase he slips away. I feel bad posting this, as I know there are carers here who look after people at home 24hours a day. Last few visits he hasn't spoken to me, at all. I help him with his dinner, he chokes his way through it. I'm remembering when my mum was dying, of cancer, a couple of years ago. I saw her daily- I feel I should be doing the same with dad- but.. There is no timescale here -that sounds even worse:-( Other family visiting doesn't help me ( they visit weekly) because I still feel that 'I' need to see my dad- for me, probably, I accept that. I'm just so very tired.


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[jasmineflower]

Hi Gwendy
At this rate you are going to make yourself really ill and then you won't be able to visit your dad at all.

None of us have superpowers unfortunately, so you do need to rest. I know you will find it hard not seeing him everyday at first, so you could try allocating 2 rest days during your next working week. Plan a lovely evening so you don't sit there worrying: maybe a bath and book, or cinema with a friend? Make it relaxing for you. You deserve it.
Maybe try that for a couple of weeks. See how your dad is and maybe then start visiting on alternate days. Your dad is warm, clean, safe and looked after. You won't be neglecting him.

Hope you feel better soon xx

 

[Aisling]

Hi

I'm really struggling. Work is a nightmare-full on. I'm visiting dad every day still after work- it's fine at the weekends when I'm off. But I'm getting so very tired. He is so frail, so changed in the last 5 months. I'm scared to stop going daily, incase he slips away. I feel bad posting this, as I know there are carers here who look after people at home 24hours a day. Last few visits he hasn't spoken to me, at all. I help him with his dinner, he chokes his way through it. I'm remembering when my mum was dying, of cancer, a couple of years ago. I saw her daily- I feel I should be doing the same with dad- but.. There is no timescale here -that sounds even worse:-( Other family visiting doesn't help me ( they visit weekly) because I still feel that 'I' need to see my dad- for me, probably, I accept that. I'm just so very tired.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Dear Gwendy,

If you continue like this you will become ill from exhaustion. If this happens you will not be able to visit your Dad at all. You can't do everything.

 

[canary]

(((hugs))) gwend
As you say - there is no timescale
You will make yourself ill - carer breakdown is no fun. Why not give yourself a break a couple of times a week and phone the CH to see how he is when you dont visit as that will reassure you.
Then get a big stick and knock that guilt monster off your shoulder so that you are not listening to it whispering in your ear.

 

[1mindy]

Why,put yourself through this you must be totally spent. If there is a change for your dad they will phone you.. If he is well cared for, you don't have to do it. As you say this is not for your dad's benefit. Take a few days off each week and your visits will be .much more rewarding . And it doesnt matter what others do.

 

[Jaff]

Hello

Hi Gwendy1 this is my first time writing to a other t. P... listen to the support the others are giving out...... they are helping me a lot... I know how you are feeling. I am doing both my parents.... I fined I am so so tied and now I have rest days... please do this... your dad's safe. And you can ring up I do that now.... on my rest days.. I would be lost with out these lovely people. Who write on here..... so please from one tied carer to another.... have a couple of rest days... big hug love jaff

 

[The Chewtor]

Dear Gwen, thinking of you all. Be strong as ever. You WILL do the right thing because that is your way. Do whatever you feel is right for you and DAD will love you for doing the right thing for you, whatever that is.

Wayne
xxx

 

[Gwendy1]

Hi Gwendy1 this is my first time writing to a other t. P... listen to the support the others are giving out...... they are helping me a lot... I know how you are feeling. I am doing both my parents.... I fined I am so so tied and now I have rest days... please do this... your dad's safe. And you can ring up I do that now.... on my rest days.. I would be lost with out these lovely people. Who write on here..... so please from one tied carer to another.... have a couple of rest days... big hug love jaff

Hi Jaff, thank u so much for your lovely message, and I'll take that hug! I'm trying to think of a way to find a balance.. You must be exhausted. Much love to you. Thanks again. G X

 

[Gwendy1]

To all who have replied, I hear you. Thank u so much. I'm between a rock and a hard place, I think. The pain in dad's eyes is more than I can deal with- I looked at him this evening... I'm going to speak to my boss ( lovely, lovely person) about my hours. There will be an answer, I'm sure. Dad's birthday tomorro! I just hope he knows how much he's loved. ❤️️X

 

[canary]

Happy birthday to your dad for tomorrow. Im sure he will know that he is loved