So bizarre !

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,936
0
North East England
Ann, sorry if this is a scarey thought ....but.....I wondered if MIL was more settled in part because she has been in the same space for a few days. ie not going to Daycare, the shops, or even out of the ward, so her brain is not having to play "location catch-up"?
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Afternoon all,

Yes, I do tend to post later in the day, don't I? I am very much a creature of habit!

Welcome home RedLou, I am looking forward to hearing more about your lovely trip :)

(((Spamar))) sorry that you have not been feeling 100% recently :(

(((Izzy))) crying is not 'pointless and stupid' it is the nature of grieving! Please be kind to yourself.

Grace, it sounds as if you have made a real difference to MIL :) Sorry that you paid for it afterwards though. It is so hard to judge what is 'enough' when the pain doesn't appear until several days afterwards :(

JM, I'm very glad that your son is getting better, here's hoping daughter soon follows suit! You really have had an awful few years, you must wonder if/when it will ever end :( I hope the work situation improves, it is something you really could do without.

Ann, I'm glad that you had a lovely visit with MIL, that the real person was evident. I haven't been on the dementia journey for long, but even I have heard of PWDs improving hugely when they are in residential care, such that the relatives fear they have done the wrong thing. There could be several reasons for this improvement, including Craigmaid's suggestion that being in one place constantly has helped MIL feel more settled. Whatever the cause, enjoy it!

Sorry that your hip and back are still so painful though (((Ann))) :( This is something else that must be taken into consideration when deciding the next step for MIL.

It's hard to know whether your daughter's teacher is arrogant or just stupid! You would have expected anyone in his situation to pull his finger out and do what is necessary. My friend is a school governor and she says it can be very difficult to get rid of a teacher, even if they are under-performing. It sounds as if this man knows that and is playing on it! School years are so important, the kids can never get those back. I understand that people become demotivated but this person doesn't even seem to be trying :mad: I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, on top of everything else Ann.

It's been another lovely day. We met hubby's sister and a family friend at the riverside pub and the kingfishers performed beautifully! We also watched an egret and a pike, so it was a lovely couple of hours. Hubby is one of 7, his Mum died in May 2015 and his Dad 45 years ago, this is the eldest sister who is possibly my favourite of them all. The youngest sister made life very difficult for hubby last year (he was executor of his Mum's will) and is still not speaking to us!

Good idea about giving Mum fewer meds at a time. I usually see her on Wednesday and Fridays but could certainly pop in once more so that she only ever has 2 or 3 days meds at a time.

Hope everyone is getting some sunshine to enjoy. It makes such a difference even if, like me, you don't actually 'sun bathe'.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
Hopefully photo from today, this is part of the kennels where our dog goes a couple of miles from our house and near the cycling cafe. We don't normally stop but the baby foal was so cute.
 

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Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
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0
Morning all,

I'm sat here horrified that you had such a lovely visit with mil.

I'm wondering have all those drugs caused the majority of her problems...like hallucinations.

If so...I'm speechless.

Naturally I'm pleased the vist was good..but horrified at the same time.

I understand exactly where you are coming from, Dotty. When Mil was first given meds, it was lorazepam from the memory clinic, on a prn basis, for the sundowning, which was horrendous, though in between the sundowning, she was lovely at first. But after about 4 weeks, the lorazepam wasn't so effective, and the 'sundowning' was lasting sometimes as long as 20 hours plus :( She had an appointment at her old GP surgery, for a COPD check up, and was 'sundowning' before we even got there - OH and I were a bit desperate at this point, and took her anyway! The nurse there was so horrified at Mil's behaviour that she called the GP in - and that's when respiredone made an entrance. So I think initially, there was a need for some sort of intervention. But as time went on, and Mil's behaviour simply got more intense, its been a case of just more and more drugs being piled on each time we requested help, and I really do think now that there came a point - probably a while ago - where the drugs began to add to, rather than help with, the problems. Its early days yet - we've seen improvements after med changes before, but they have usually been really short term and sometimes after as little as 2 weeks, they have ceased to be effective. At the moment, she is on melatonin, and I think she is also on the lowest dose of memantine and possible orlanzepine now, with both of the latter drugs due to be stopped completely.

Ann, sorry if this is a scarey thought ....but.....I wondered if MIL was more settled in part because she has been in the same space for a few days. ie not going to Daycare, the shops, or even out of the ward, so her brain is not having to play "location catch-up"?

A really valid point, Maureen - although the 'space' she is in is not exactly 'calm', to be fair - there are other patients there with really difficult and disruptive issues. Its already something I have made a note to ask about when we have the next meeting though, as I've also wondered the same thing x

Spamar, I have a sister that I haven't spoken to in years - and I don't much care if I never do again. In fact, she has no contact with any of her family - she claims to be a 'christian', though in her case that doesn't seem to mean what you would expect it to mean. She simply uses it as an excuse to critise the rest of us poor mortals, cause arguments and (on occasion) pulled lovely stunts like telling my then 12 year old that she was 'going to burn in hell' because I allowed her to read about the 'devil's work' - AKA, the Harry Potter books :rolleyes: You can't chose your family, unfortunately, and I can only say that though I was really sad when we first stopped having contact, as time has passed I have really appreciated not having her particular brand of stress in my life and accepted that its better for us not to speak. Very jealous of the kingfisher spotting, btw - I have never had more than the odd momentary glimpse of one!

Grace, well done on accomplishing so much for your Mil - but take it easy, for the sake of your pain afterwards, hun! Yes, I asked yesterday about the 'itchy' sensation, as Mil has now complained about that feeling on each of my last 3 visits, and I am wondering if its a side effect? They were due to get a doctor out to check her asap. But, I also wonder if its cellulitis - because when Mil was on MAU, OH and spotted what looked like 'heat lumps' on her upper arm, which she was itching at and we mentioned it to staff on that ward. We have since found out that she was diagnosed with cellulitis, so the last lot of antibiotics were as much for that as the chest infection - and it makes me wonder if there is a chance that this 'itchy feeling' could be it flaring up again.

The drug they have introduced is Clomethiazole. On my list today is looking it up and finding out more about it. It's being used PRN, and they seem to be giving it more or less every afternoon as they are still getting sundowning from about 2pm onwards - after my visit the other day, apparently by mid afternoon, she was banging on the ward doors demanding to be let out. However, they say she responds 'quickly and well' to it, that it calms her down effectively. They also say that she is asking for bed at around 8pm, and sleeping right through till the morning ! Most seem of the opinion that the memantine has probably been causing a lot of the issues with her - an apparent side effect can be an increase in verbal and even sometimes physical, aggression - something we have never been told before! I can't help but wonder why on earth, that being the case, it was ever prescribed!

I visited again yesterday morning, and found her very confused, but still pretty pleasant. She was still in her room, just finishing off her brekkie when I arrived. 'Arnold Rimmer' (I must find out his real name, because I'm running the risk of calling him 'Arnold' to his face at the moment!) came into her room to give me the info on the new med that I'd asked for, and also so I could ask about the 'itchy arms', and I was really shocked when Mil first broke wind extremely loudly, then walked past him to her bathroom, went in leaving the door open and procedded to use the loo, not one bit bothered that she was on full view to one and all - absolutely no embarassment or concern at all! When she came out, she chatted to me about the grandchildren - though I'm not sure she realised they were her grandchildren, she knew they were my kids - and then said, very matter of factly that she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so she wouldn't be tired when her Dad picked her up to go to mass later. And into bed she climbed, told me she would see me tomorrow and closed her eyes. Dismissed again!

Going again today, then having a couple of days off. Two days of asking them to find Mil's missing clothes has resulted in the return of just 2 pairs of trousers, so I intend to be polite - but insistent - that today they pull their fingers out and find her things. Bra's especially - they are probably the most expensive items, at around an average of £25 each, and at least 12 are missing - yes, Mil can afford to replace them - but that isn't the point!

Tomorrow, a zoo day, with youngest and one of her mates - JM, did you know that the animatronic dinosaurs are back at the zoo at the moment? Hoping to get some fun shots of them :D Wednesday, OH can visit solo, then I'll see how I feel about going in on Thursday.

Hope you all have a good day and that you are all getting the same lovely sunshine that we currently have here in Wales xxxxx
 

lizzybean

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
1,366
0
Lancashire
Slugsta, re the problem of the meds. I don't know where your Mum is in her dementia but what I did for MIL about 2 years ago was have a half A4 sheet of paper for everyday, with the day printed on the top. Underneath were two circles, one labelled breakfast the other tea. I used to put her tablets in these circles, underneath that I had the words "these to be swallowed with water" Two of her teatime meds had to be chewed so there was a circle within the circle with an arrow leading off saying that they needed to be chewed.
This worked for about a year & it meant that there was only ever a maximum of a day or twos tablets on view (I hid the meds where she couldn't reach them) However if your Mum is on meds 3 or 4 times a day I realise this would be a lot harder to achieve. Also my MIL was not on any life threatening/preserving meds.
Towards the end of this system I would sometimes find that she would have fiddled with them & they were mixed up, or the breakfast ones were in with the teatimes ones etc etc.

Feel free to dismiss if it is a daft idea.
 

Grace L

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
647
0
NW UK
I'd love to join you at the zoo, have a lovely day x

I've promised my Niece (sisters child) , when she is old enough I will treat her (and me :) ) to shadowing a 'tiger keeper' for a day'. I've /we have always loved tigers.


AnnM.... I wonder ..... If you provided the hospital with a large net washing bag, would they use it?
How can so many things go missing?

I used a rucksack for my husbands dirty washing, and put a 'sign up' on the white board behind his bed.
Sign was taken down after 2 days, but at least they used the bag provided.


Bed-bound man in bed next to my husband, his wife had put up a sign saying ... 'I'm not deaf !!'
Staff had been talking about 'boyfriends' :eek:, not realising he understood.


I used to speak to this man, he was not great at communicating, but if you took the time, you could understand him. My husband and him had several 'chats', not sure what about.....

He was really pleased with me talking to him as staff had been ignoring him, not realising he could talk.
I managed to make him laugh a few times, it was lovely to see him smile.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Ann, Im glad MIL seems to be improving. I do hope that she gets her medication sorted.

I have been hesitant to post this and I might be out of order, but now she seems more settled on the ward I am wondering whether you are seeing "hostess mode" when you visit......
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Afternoon all,

Canary, this is a very valid comment, whether or not it turns out to be the case.

Grace, I adore tigers too! How lovely to be able to 'shadow' a keeper for a day :) I don't think I would be able to cope with that now but would have loved it a few years ago. I do hope your pain is settling back down to 'usual' levels after your trojan work at MIL's.

Lovely photo JM :)

Izzy, thanks for the suggestion. My initial reaction is that it wouldn't work, but I will give it some thought. TBH, I'm trying to avoid having to go in and do this myself every day - but that might not be possible, at least in the short term.

Hubby is one of 7, the youngest SIL has always been difficult, made things very unpleasant last year when hubby was executing his Mum's estate and is still not speaking to us. I don't consider it a huge loss (as long as we still see our nephew)!

Ann, I am glad you have had more pleasant visits to MIL. After all the aggression and nastiness, it must be so nice to get back the lady you once knew. I think clomethiazole is the drug I mentioned, it used to be called heminevrin and was used quite a lot, in the olden days :p, for agitation in the elderly as well as alcoholic withdrawal. I'm afraid I don't know why it stopped being used.

Mum also seems to have lost any sense of needing toilet matters to be private. It is one of the reasons I always 'escort' her when we are out. Not just so that she doesn't get lost but also so that I can stand and hold the door closed!

I also remember visiting the elderly aunt of our son's ex girl-friend. She was in hospital, just prior to going into residential care due to dementia, and suddenly said 'Oh, have I got any knickers on?' and lifted her skirt right up to check. Hubby didn't hang around for long enough to find out the answer (which was 'no' :( )! It's all part of that social dis-inhibition that dementia brings and, as such, is harder for us than the PWD.

It's not so nice here today but still dry at least. We had Mum over for tea, she enjoyed her scone with jam and cream. And then enjoyed picking every single crumb from the surrounding area and eating it :rolleyes: At 3.15 I asked whether she was OK to stay for a while or would rather go home (she doesn't like being away from her friend for long), she said she wanted to stay. At 3.18 she asked to be taken home . . . I always have very mixed feelings - part of me is hurt that she wants to be with D rather than me, the other part is relieved that she wants to go back as I find the time passes very slowly when I am with her :eek: She really cannot make, or join in, conversation and I don't know how else to try and fill the time.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
0
Hello all --
Good to catch up a bit with all of you. --Holiday was the best we've ever had -- we went to the South Luangwa Park in Zambia on safari for a few days and I fulfilled my wish to see a leopard in action. (Previously only seen one lolling in a tree.) The guide tracked it from its spore and prints and then he spotted a herd of Impala all alert, with their noses pointed in one direction -- he told us the leopard would be in the thickets they were looking at and suddenly I saw this brutal, sleek shadow under a tree and we set off in pursuit of this magnificent female leopard, about 2 years old. Photo below. Along with one other of the wildlife.
Then we went to stay by the Zambezi and the lodge seemed to have upgraded us because not only did we have a gorgeous bedroom suite, with sitting area and changing area and huge walk-in rain shower (photo below) but we also had a second bedroom suite (in case OH snored!?) and a sitting/dining suite, a private plunge pool and deck. Oh, and our own personal valet, who seemed to be telepathic. We'd get back from some activity and he'd have drawn a bath for me, or have a glass of champagne at the ready. I wish I could have brought him home.
Victoria Falls was unforgettable. We saw the lunar rainbow, which was a gossamer, ethereal light show, and the next day went back and walked along the opposite bank under the solar rainbows, getting soaked. I never knew water could make you laugh and cry at the same time but Vic Falls did that to me. We also took the helicopter ride over the falls as we'd come so far it seemed silly to penny-pinch and not do it. :D
It was so wonderful, with sunrise and sunset cruises, and pampering, that it helped me over the difficult fact that it is the one year anniversary of my father's death.
See pix below:
 

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Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Hi Red,
What fabulous pix! That leopard looks ready to jump out of the page!
So glad you had a great time. You needed recovery time!!
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Morning all,

Red - that sounds absoultely amazing! My dream holiday - really hope you have some more pics to share xxx

I'm going to be absent for a few days - I had a phone call last night to tell me that My Mum passed away late yesterday afternoon. As most of you know, over the last 2 years, I've had little/no contact with her - she had major issues about me looking after Mil, and was very unpleasant to both me, OH and my kids when Mil moved in with us, mainly because she felt that if I looked after anyone, it should be just her. She caused a lot of upset, not for the first time unfortunately, and at that point, I made the decision that I couldn't and wouldn't put up with the way she behaved - not when it involved her upsetting my children, especially. All 3 of my sisters had broken off contact with her some years before, because of very similar issues with her. I've kept an occasional eye on her, sort of from a distance, through my step dad, but otherwise had no contact. So I feel very 'odd' about the news - mainly sad that our relationship ended up the way it did, but still don't know what other choice I had about breaking off contact the way I did. I wish it could have been different and I regret that it wasn't. My Step Dad is devastated, and I need to be here for him for the next little while, so don't know if I'll have much chance to get on here.

Take care, everyone xxx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
I'm sorry to read that news Anne, especially in such difficult circumstances. Sending my condolences.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,444
0
Kent
It`s sad news Ann .

I know how it is. You did what you could but it would never have been enough. My condolences.
 

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