In denial

[heartbroken]

my step mum also is obsessed with money we have had her pention paid into my dads account as we dont know where it was going it must be somewhere in the house but where? its so good to find we are not alone. dad gives her a few pound coins each time we go out so she can buy her paper she never reads and no one can touch

 

[annmitt]

My mum thinks we steal things from her house (myself and my three daughters). She tells me that she watched my daughter stand on a stool in her kitchen and take her earrings. Also I'm supposed to have gone in around midnight, and taken some cups and plates - aswell as re-arranging everything so she can't find anything! Anna

 

[rose_of_york]

I would never have believed that there are so many people out there who are being accused of stealing things.

How does it make you feel? With your help I am beginning to realise that it is the illness and not her that is causing it. However I am now nervous of mentioning anything to do with money in front of my mother, and hope she does't receive a bank statement or bill or something that might set her off.

I feel guilty about the fact that I resent running around after somebody who is so horrible to me.

Love from Barbara

 

[Christinec]

Hi Barbara,
Well being accused of stealing definatley made me realise something serious was wrong. We were all accused of stealing - probably worst for my Dad. I remember at one point starting to wonder if I really was doing it and had developed some kind of split personality. Mum was so sure that we were stealing everything out of the house. Hard to explain to anyone who has not experienced how it feels and I did not tell many people as you could see them wondering what to make of it. I remember telling people that if I was going to steal from my parents it would not have been my plan to steal all the old clothes - honestly I would have stolen something worthwhile. It was very upsetting at the time which was about 7 or 8 years ago and it was things that had been thrown away years before but some loop in Mum's memory thought they had been stolen. My children also accused and they were distraught.

Anyway medication seemed to stop this sympton - any chance your Mum might get something. Mum still thinks carers at the home take things when she "mis places" them but it is now easier to reassure her on this and generally everything does turn up again. As touched on in another post because she is iller now it is easier to distract her.

Hey try not to feel to guilty about being resentful. There may be some people who cope perfectly but I am sure lots of people are like me. Resentment of your whole life being turned upside down, feeling isolated, never knowing what will happen next, wanting to cry when the phone rings and trying to juggle the rest of your world and knowing you cannot make it better and watching people you know suffer. Seems to me resentment might be an understandable reaction.

Wishing you all the best and the strenght to keep going.

 

[Clive]

Hi Barbara

It really is horrible how AD affects people, and how they often turn on those who are helping them.

My mum was always counting her money but could not understand where it came from. (She said she was living on her own and not going out to work. The fact she was 90 was completely immaterial to any discussion about income).

After the Government stopped Pension Books it became impossible to explain to mum where her money came from. She just could not understand the concept of direct payments into a bank account. Bank Statements and computer printouts were just pieces of paper… meaningless.

Mum did not often express a concern about me stealing her money… but she would get very very angry with me because she thought somebody was secretly GIVING her money because she had become a “charity case.” She would get all concerned that the money would (or had) run out and she would be taken to “the Work House”.

Mum would get locked into a downward spiral of depression, until suddenly she would be distracted for a second and all her money concerns were forgotten… until the next time.

Clive

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you Clive.
This is just what`s happening with Dhiren. He has lost understanding of the retirement pension system, and worries we will not have enough to pay the bills because neither of us is working.

And because he no longer handles money, except what`s in his wallet, he has lost track of incomings and outgoings as they are all processed through the bank.

I think this adds to his confusion.

 

[Clive]

Hi Barbara.

Just noticed your original comment that your mum pulled the TV plug out.

My mum started to do this with the TV… because she said it could overheat and catch fire (which they did in the 1950s).

But then she went on to pull out or turn off ALL the plugs and switches she could find… but not on the same day. Next was the electric kettle which she had to both turned off at the wall and unplug, (but could not remember to plug it in again).

Then mum found the switch for the fridge / freezer, which defrosted and flooded the kitchen. (That day I was 300 miles away when she rang me to say she had a water leak in the kitchen and could I sort it out).

After dad died we installed central heating for mum (as dad would not have it as it made you soft). Mum could not understand that the system worked automatically and would go round turning off each individual radiator. Then one day she found the main electric switch for the central heating and hot water and turned the whole system off.

Then mum found that the telephone wire could be unplugged from the wall socket !!!! (Sometimes upstairs... sometimes downstairs... and sometimes at the main socket in the hall).

I eventually fixed all the various bits of equipment in the on position with sticky tape.

Now I can look back and see the funny side to the many concerns we had, but at the time they all seemed to be major calamities that were only happening to us.

All the best

Clive

 

[Clive]

Hi Sylvia

What makes it so frustrating is that you know that previously ones loved one would have had no problem in understanding the issues.

Mum was trained in book keeping and would have had no problem in balancing the books for her employer.

Clive

 

[ishard]

Being accused of stealng things from Mum has actually lead me to 'steal' my own things back from her. lol

As Mum is so often around my house she sees the same crockery day in and day out so it gets twisted into being HER crockery so she takes plates and dishes by slipping them into her bag before she goes home. Most times we can distract her and search her bag but if we cant then I do indeed have to go and 'steal' them back.

Lol I noticed that I couldnt get to 2 of my large cooking dishes in time and she has marked the bottoms with an indelible pen so she can call the police if they go missing again!

Oh well no lasagane for us then lol

 

[Carolynlott]

Appliances

Hi everyone,
This loss of ability to operate things is so heartbreaking. It was the first sign with my Dad that I knew something was seriously wrong. They had a thermostat installed on their central heating, and Dad couldn't understand how it worked. We explained it over and over, and he got so wound up he started to hyperventilate and said "I wish I'd never got rid of the coal fire" - which they had never had in their bungalow.

Now Mum is starting too. She switched the boiler off at the electric socket off a while back. Now she can't remember how her washing machine works and keeps stopping it mid cycle. Her hearing aid is a problem - she thinks "turn it off at night" means "take it off at night". There is something wrong with the TV because she is pressing two buttons on the remote control together and getting channel 23. There is something wrong with her boiler because one of her taps drips. And now - this hit me like a train yesterday - she doesn't understand the thermostat.

It is so tempting to say "nothing has changed from yesterday and you could work it then". I've tried that and all I get is a blank stare - I know it's a really horrible thing to say.

 

[AJay]

Hi all

I used to steal all Dads money and Justin used to steal Dads tools. Even when shown the offending items Dad just used to claim that he'd spotted me putting them back.

Dad stopped being able to understand his bank accounts quite a few years ago to the point where he drew everything out so that he could count it all and I had to cope with the resulting mess of unpaid direct debits, snotty letters etc etc etc. When we cleared Dad's house out to move him a couple of years ago we found nearly £2,000 stashed away in teapots, books, between the pages of books, all over the place, even behind the gas meter in the shed. I shudder to think how much we threw away. We were prepared this time and found £4,700 stashed away in various places. It's all now residing safely back in the bank though Dad has little need for it in the care home and now seems to have forgotten all about his money.

He also forgot how to work even the simplest of things and always blamed me when he couldn't get them to work. He developed a fascination for unplugging and unwiring things aswell and still blamed me. I just got to the point where I would grit my teeth, grin and wire it all back up again knowing full well that it would all be undone again the next day.

Oh well, I don't need to worry too much about it any more but yes it is all so sad, and extremely worrying that at some point an injury might happen as a result.

AJay xxx