So bizarre !

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

JM, I really hope that the work situation can be resolved soon - I think when you have two stressful situations going on, as you have with your Mum and work, one just tends to magnify the other and make it worse all round

Thanks for the info Dotty - I got 15 minutes into the video yesterday, then had a constant stream of phone calls and interruptions, so I'm now going to wait till I have the house to myself, so I can watch it in peace and hopefully take it in - JM, to go back to your point, our CPN said once Mil was under a section 3, then all care costs would be met. However, that aspect has not been mentioned by the consultants/ward managers - instead they have been at pains to point out that the section 3 will be lifted when she leaves the ward, and that it can only run for 6 months maximum anyway - so I am assuming that even if she was transferred to a CH from hospital, that she would still have to pay - unless, of course, I can get CHC for her.

Good luck with 'tidying up' for your Mil, Grace. When Mil thinks she is a cleaner, or works in a shop or factory, its easy enough to see that soem delusions come from her actual past. But some of her delusions, I still can't work out where they have sprung from - unless its from books/TV programmes that she is remembering. Although she has never worked with kids, over the last week or so, she keeps returning to the theme that she is in a job that involves children - she has talked about how she is teaching them songs for a play, running the tuck shop for them, helping a teacher keep them in a classroom, how its her job to see that they 'go to bed and stay in bed' at night - I honestly can't think where this curerent theme has come from at all. Nor can I work out where all the 'accidents and injuries' that she frequently says have happened originate from - OH is as certain as can be that she was never in a car crash, knocked down by a lorry - and she has never driven, so the tale of how she coulden't see properly in the fog so ran her car into a wall - well, we just haven't a clue where thats come from.

Slugsta, I went to see Mil last night, but no chance to grab staff to ask about the meds - I'll try again today.

Visiting last night, she seemed extremely 'switched on' - briefly talking about 'going home' she actually gave the right address, our address, which is really unusual. She also identified her Grandchildren by the right name, and even recalled our dogs names, with very little prompting. In between, however, it was all very much fantasy Island. A complicated account of how she passed her driving test, completely ficticious tales to explain her collection of bruises, telling su that she had been out walking for miles 'on that road that goes to London'. Slightly concerned that she kept 'pinching' at her arms, saying it felt like something was 'crawling' on them Her lower gnashers were missing, and in response to me asking, she simply hitched up her top and retrieved them from her bra - much to OH's surprised! We were there for about 40 minutes, and for the last 10, she started to get clearly worked up, with a determination that she was 'coming home' with us, NOW. Both OH and I had to get quite firm when she was adamant that she was 'just coming out the door with you' - that fixed expression very evident on her face and her frustration starting to build. We were glad to make a hasty escape.

Another meeting set for 8th June, after them saying that she will be there for '2 more weeks at least', not sure if it will be about discharge or not.

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[Batsue]

Hoping you have a peaceful day and that your hip is improving x.

 

[dottyd]

I need to watch it too Ann.Mum coming up for a three month review shortly.

 

[tigerlady]

Ann - I found this fact sheet on CHC which also mentions s117 funding

https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/guide-hlth-socl-care-practnrs.pdf


Also this other fact sheet seems to say - if I understand it correctly - that even if the s117 is lifted, the person is still entitled to funding if the needs are still there.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...lth-act/when-does-aftercare-end-and-who-pays/

Here is another

http://caretobedifferent.co.uk/who-pays-for-care-when-someone-is-sectioned-2/

edited to say I put the links in a pm but your inbox is full so couldnt send it

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann - I think that CHC can be lifted, but once a section 3 and if you come out of hospital a s117 it can't be lifted

Perhaps start a seperate thread - I know Scotland differs to England but think E & W are the same rules

 

[CeliaThePoet]

Does sound a bit like med changes may be starting to clear some of her delusions, though certainly not all. It is often advised that meds take a minimum of 3 weeks to show full effect, which is probably where the "two more week, at least", comes from. A few people show immediate response, but I would doubt that would be the case for her.

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon al,

(((JM))) either your mum orwork would be more than enough to deal with. Trying to cope with both must take far too much energy (especially considering how busy your life is otherwise too). I hope that the work situation is better when the thorns on your flesh remove themselves.

Grace, do take care at MIL's, we don't want you damaging yourself by falling or trying to lift too much.

(((Ann))) sorry that you are still in so much pain. I find that everything takes more time and effort when I am in pain, so even 'minor' jobs wear me out - I strongly suspect that the same applies to you too.

I'm so glad that the ward are finally starting to realise how severe MIL's problems are, and that she has already been through many combinations of medication. For everyone's sake, I hope they find something that gives MIL some peace.

I'm ashamed to say that, even as a health professional, I never realised how disturbed some PWDs can be, and how little help is available. I still cannot understand why dementia was singled out as the one medical condition that does not qualify for medical funding in relation to care. There would be an absolute outcry, and rightly so, if this were the case for cancer, for instance!

Mum had her plaster off today, much to her relief. They have given her a splint to wear when the wrist feels tired and painful and we are awaiting some physio appointments.

I gave her a new blisterpack of meds on Wednesday - and she has already taken 1 full day's worth extra. Now that I am aware of this, it really is quite a worry

This week's washing comprises a few pairs of knickers and the towel that I removed from Mum's bathroom. The condition of the knicks makes me think that she might need to switch to more absorbent pads (if she is actually using them regularly).

It has been a glorious day here, I hope everyone is going to see some sun over the weekend

 

[jugglingmum]

Odd how you look for posts, I look to see if Ann has posted am and slugsta pm, suspect my posts are mainly pm.

Work have agreed I can sit elsewhere in office (in area where there is a hot desk policy) next week(one day only) and other things will happen for week after, so some positive action I hope. That in itself will create a stir so just have to see whether I feel I can stay there, hard to find jobs that are part time at my level. Depends what happens with Tata as well of course as to what options are.

Slugsta - I've had so many issues in last couple of years I have found myself thinking why me. I know my mum is in early stage dementia, but the initial crisis took one hell of a lot of sorting and had a very traumatic time with dau's bullying issues that started 5 weeks before mum crisis (late Dec 13) until we moved her schools and then settling in period after that, son was also bullied in this period, moved him cubs and he went into early dinners at school, 4 years on and off of battling with school to get son extra help at school - which has always had some result, although never enough, and this issue at work started before Dec 13 as well.

I didn't visit mum thur morning as dau, being a teenager, had borrowed my keys and left them in a coat pocket, so I couldn't get in to her flat, went Thur eve and managed to see her key worker by chance, who said my mum is really settled, and whilst she doesn't like them cleaning, lets them, hides their id badges etc, as a prank and they really love her sense of humour, it reminds me of all the tales she told of an uncle.

Bike ride yesterday, first time in a month, so I got a few hello stranger comments. Took son out today, he has really started to get over his post viral illness, he was out with scouts until late and then managed a decent ride compared to what he has been doing, although still shorter than this time last year (36 miles). A month ago he wouldn't have managed both.

Dau is still not right, maybe post viral we don't know, saw GP who said blood tests, but as she is under 16 can't be done at surgery got to be hospital(paediatric outpatients), and as she has exams week after half term over 2 weeks before an appt.

Dau went to one friend's house last night, 4 of them in total, and another friend's house this afternoon, when I picked her up the mum wanted me to stay and chat but we were BBQing so I couldn't. Hadn't met this mum before, so would have been nice.

Slugsta, hope your mum wears her splint when she should , and that she does her physio. Colleague at work broke hers in Feb and she commented that being in her 40s it is taking ages to get full movement back, and she's paid for loads of physio.

Meds sound a real worry, can you give her less than a week? eg if you visit every other day, just 2 days worth at a time until carers can be sorted?

Due to be nice and sunny here again tomorrow, hoping to get bedding plants in, Oh has progressed quite a bit with bathroom so hope there will be enough done before his sister and family(21 and 25 year old 'children') visit for them to use it (18th June)

 

[RedLou]

Hi all - got back yesterday from trip of a lifetime and speed reading you all to catch up.
JM - I had endless years of stress before and during my father's illness - I feel I didn't have a single decade without some major worry - now I feel it is time for us two, who made it through, if that makes sense. I feel for you so much. This, too, will pass. *hug*

Ann -- relieved to see MiL is not home prematurely.

Have a good day, everyone.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Dotty, still haven't had chance to watch that video in peace! Dau has a show coming up, and yesterday was spent runing her round for rehearsals, catching up with housework and visiting Mil!

tigerlady, thanks for those links (and I'll go and clear my message box now ) - I find the whole funding thing really confusing, I must admit - up till recently, I haven't even thought about it! CHC - although, as I said, I will fight for it for MIl if I have to - seemed almost impossible to get, and until Mil went into hospital, I had never heard (that I can remember) about secion 3 and 117 funding. I think I need to watch dotty's film, and really study those links, then go speak to Mil's social worker (suposing she still has one!) and see if she is likely to be helpful, or if this is likely to be another solo struggle!

JM, the consultant and ward manager were very clear that Mil's section 3 could be lifted at anytime it was deemed necessary or appropriate - but not one mention of 117 or funding from them - if it hadn't been for you people on here mentioning it, I wouldn't have had a clue about it. Makes you wonder how many other carers have not known - and not been told

Between work, dealing with the school for both your son and your daughter, and dealing with your Mum and all of this having been going on for so long, its no damn wonder you are so stressed out JM I've seen the impact of work related stress on OH, and that in itself is simply horrible to deal with, never mind when you add in all the other bits and bobs, including your concern now for your daughter not picking up as she should after her illness! I hope the steps taken in work both help and give you some space to consider what you want to do next, and that either your daughter picks up quickly or that the blood tests provide the info needed for you to get her back on her feet (and bike) asap.

Slugsta, I really feel for you over the meds and your Mum It was a constant worry for OH and I before Mil moved in with us, and not one we found a solution to - we tried rining her at the time she should take them, only to find that she would claim to have taken them already, or she would get offended insisting she didn't need 'reminding like a child, I am capable, you know!'. We tried the automatic dispenser, which only worked for a very short time, and finally home carers - which she hated and she refused to let them 'help' her or even visit twice a day so they could keep an eye on her meds. Its an incredibly difficult issue for PWD's living alone and independently Glad the casts' off, and good luck with the physio appointments - like the meds, another hard one to oversee!

JM, I'm realising for myself how hard and stressful it is to deal with school issues for your kids Up to now, I've been a rare visitor to any of the schools my kids have been to, outside of the usual plays, parents evenings and so on - but this issue with one of my youngests' teachers just seems to be getting worse Despite the formal complaint now going through, she came home Friday evening to tell me he had once again 'vanished' during the lesson, leaving the kids with no instruction on what they were supposed to do. Credit to the kids that according to dau they actually got on with work, rather than goofing off, but honestly - this is the 3rd lesson in 2 weeks where he has either 'vanished' completely or gone into another room, where the kids have then spotted him on his phone and Ipad, making calls and tweeting during their lesson!

Red - welcome home! Fab to hear that you have had the 'trip of a life time' - hoping for more info when you have chance xxxx

I went to visit Mil yesterday, OH being in work, popping in after I had dropped dau at theatre rehearsals. I have to say, its the best form I've seen Mil in for quite literally years! Smiling, relaxed, affectionate, even the old sense of humour occasionally peeping through. She knew who I was, not only my name but that I'm married to her son, she was very clear on the kids being her grandchildren (though somehwhat confused about their ages and what she thought they were doing - she had son down as working on a farm!) and even said very clearly that she was 'looking forward to getting back 'home' to me and her son. There were confabulations about her working with children, a peculiar tale about some lady who sits next to her and makes a sound like a kangaroo (???) and a brief disjointed comment or two about how she thought she was being 'detained' because of her 'mouth running away' with her (?), but honestly - so much more relaxed and calm than she usually is. Again, she did say that she felt 'something' was crawling on her arms and scalp, which is a bit concerning as one arm in particular is heavily bruised from her pinching at it as a result of this 'sensation'. But overall, if she was like that all (or even most) of the time, what a huge difference it would make! I actually quite enjoyed spending an hour or so with her, which was lovely and something I haven't been able to say for a long, long time I'm going in to see her again this morning, when I am hoping, after quite a chat with staff yesterday (all very polite, thankfully) that they have tracked down some of her clothes - its getting to the point now where I really am going to have to go out and buy her more trousers and bra's unless her things can be found!

Hoping that I can get out in the garden after the visit - depends on my back and hip, which are still giving me quite a bit of pain - heartily fed up of it, to be honest, I hate the limitations its putting on me

Hope you all have a good day and get chance to enjoy the sunshine (which I hope is what you are all getting!) xxxx

 

[Spamar]

Morning all, thought I'd better post today to welcome Red back! Hope you are refreshed, Red!

JM, I don't know what to say. My step grand dau was bullied for quite a long time, firstly cos she wore glasses, then cos she was vegetarian! Now, she has, in the last month or so, started eating meat, and doesn't have to wear glasses all the time! Doing GCSEs at the moment! I know her parents went lots of times to try and sort things out.
I had a bullying boss once, gave me a breakdown. Fortunately OH ( except he wasn't then, of course!) appeared on the scene and whisked me away from all that!!

I went out and bought a few bedding plants on Friday, thought it might get a bit busy over the weekend! Didn't do anything yesterday cos I really didn't feel very well. Will see how it goes today. It's cloudy and quite windy at the moment, though sun is forecast!

Ann, at least TP is helping you with knowledge about payments you might get. Not something I'm familiar with, OH died before we got very far with that. The home didn't help either. I didn't have the will or the strength to pursue it afterwards.

Have a good day, everybody!

 

[Batsue]

I hope that Mil's good mood persists, the bit about the kangaroo did make me laugh.

 

[IzzyJ]

Just dropped in to say welcome back to RedLou (and want to know where you have been!) and hello to everyone. Ann, it is good to hear that dropping off various meds cocktails seems to be good for MiL at the moment. This whole "keep funding info secret" makes life really difficult, but I do think some of it is that it is so complicated that doctors and nurses can't keep up and just feel woah, don't even mention it or they'll blame me if they can't get it!
Still reading your reports on the teacher problem for your dau with horror - he's just asking to be sacked, isn't he? If he disappears during a lesson again, a small group of them should go to the school office and report that they have been left again - and keep doing so.
It's been a difficult few days here - just when you think life is beginning to pick up again, you do a lot of crying. Pointless and stupid, I know. I had to read a lot of past paperwork about my mother, and the extent of her mental health problems over decades just jumped out. The way she affected my dad (as well as the rest of the family) was desperate to read. It is forgotten how bad it is for quiet, private people like him - particularly of a generation who felt mental illness was a stigma to be hidden.

 

[Ann Mac]

Spamar, you guys on TP help me an awful lot - and not just with info on funding Hope you manage to get out in the garden today and you're feeling better xxx

Thanks sue x

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} Izzy - so sorry you've had a rough few days, Hun xxxxx Yep - I'm staggered at the teachers behaviour - he must know about the formal complaint, so to carry on like this is arrogance beyond belief! Daughter told me that 2 of her friends who are unlucky enough to be in his English class, had him pull the vanishing act the day before their GCSE English lit exam, last week - he apparently stuck a film on, told the kids to watch it and was gone. The kids - when they realised he wasn't coming back - turned the film off and went on bitesize, to revise by themselves. I just find it so shocking!

Off to visit Mil in a moment - having trouble dragging myself away from the patio, where I have been sat with coffee and camera and laughing myself silly over the antics of the birds at the feeders - lovely way to spend a few hours

 

[dottyd]

I'm sat here horrified that you had such a lovely visit with mil.

I'm wondering have all those drugs caused the majority of her problems...like hallucinations.

If so...I'm speechless.

Naturally I'm pleased the vist was good..but horrified at the same time.

 

[LadyA]

Sounds like that teacher has an "addiction problem" to social media. Which of course, will be treated with a softly-softly approach because of political correctness - whereas neglecting his class to goof off on the internet could earn him a kick in the pants! But yes, IzzyJ's idea of a group of students going, repeatedly & persistently, every single time he does it, to the office should get some result. It's not fair on them - and not fair on the Department that pays the teacher.

Gosh Ann - what a transformation in MIL!! So, what exactly, have they done differently? Have they actually changed meds or just removed some? How lovely that no matter what - you will now have seen that she is still there, underneath all the paranoia etc. Long may that continue, whatever happens as regards her future.

 

[tigerlady]

Glad the links are still there, Ann - I am so nervous now of sending links (after having a link deleted that I posted) that I wanted to send you them as well via pm, but as you still have access to them I wont clutter your inbox

I don't have any personal experience of Section3 and s117 funding, but I looked up a lot when my husband was sectioned under Section 2, as my sister, who was a legal secretary, told me that if he was detained for more than 28 days he would automatically go on a Section 3 and then he would be funded. However, that is no longer the case, as he was put on a DoLS instead which doesn't automatically mean funding.

However, he did qualify for CHC without any trouble, a lot to do with the notes and verbal evidence from the staff at the assessment unit, and the fact up to that point no homes that the LA had told me about would take him. After the granting of CHC, I had to look at nursing homes, which we couldn't have afforded without the CHC, and after a bad start in a bad one, he is now in a very good one.

So glad you had a good visit with your MIL - it does seem that they are getting the medication right at last

 

[Grace L]

Hello .... I've been reading and trying to catch up ....

Welll.... MiL visit in the week was really good.
My plan to clear some space and move bags of 'stuff' and bags of books to the garage worked !

I think because I was not looking to throw things out, just 'move' things, she was OK.
The storage crates (with lids) are clear, MiL can 'see' what is in them.

I didn't even bother looking through the book bags , just put them in each crate.
Managed to get 2 full bags of books in each crate.

Should of bought 6 more, had I know it was going to be that easy.
They are stacked 3 x 2 just inside on the garage wall. I was going to label them, but didn't need to.
They are only 2 high, so if MiL goes fishing for her things, with the weight of them they should not fall on her.

Also managed to move 2 sewing machines that were blocking the patio door, and a hall/ slim table.

I've made a start, a tiny hole in a cluttered space.... but OMG she has so much clutter.

MiL looks like she is storing things for someone in her garage, I'm not sure who it could be.
I didn't bother asking her what the 2 HUGE stepladders (triple section) were doing there.
MIL lives in bungalow, she does not need ladders that go up 3 heights !!

And there is some furniture I don't recognise , dresser and some chairs....
I don't think ?? MiL had been buying furniture.

I could of moved a lot more, at least she can now walk all the way round her dining table, and not fall over.
Now she open the patio door to get some air coming in.
My next task is getting a couple of spare keys cut for the patio door. I think she only has 1 key.

Overdid it a bit with my knees and hands (arthritis) , didn't feel it until 2 days later.

Niece called in to see Granny , and she was still pleased with the tidy-up. She had put on a fresh table cloth , and offered her a drink at the table which is something she has not done in months !!

 

[Grace L]

AnnM...

When my husbands meds were being changed, one of his seizure drugs (I know MiL does not have seizures)
he said it left like 'creepy crawly sensation' under his skin , and then a widespread rash developed ...
He was picking and pulling at his arms, neck and shoulders.

I wonder if the med changes have made your MiL feel some side effects?

Ann, have you ever been offered a Carers Social Worker ?
I had one for a while (not that they were much good), they did not like my knowing more than them.

HHmmm .... its hardly surprising 'they' keep quiet about funding.
I found some interesting information .... Got a few things to do, but will post later if I have time.

Take care x

 

[jugglingmum]

I'm sat here horrified that you had such a lovely visit with mil.

I'm wondering have all those drugs caused the majority of her problems...like hallucinations.

If so...I'm speechless.

Naturally I'm pleased the visit was good..but horrified at the same time.

I had thoughts along those lines, although I was also thinking is it because she is now settled in a very stable environment, with less day to day changes and no outside world. We often read on here of people settling in a CH and then relatives enjoying visiting again and wondering why they couldn't cope at home as the person seems to have changed, but the quiet routine of the CH is what gives this, compared to much more going on in a busy household.

My mum had severe agitation issues at times before I settled her in her flat and with hindsight I think she had had these long before the crisis as she could not cope with working out what was going on. Issues arose looking back at some of children's birthday parties as she didn't understand what was happening and even if I explained it just didn't make sense, eg the order party food was served as at a play barn as it wasn't what she would have done.