HELP with choosing new home for my mum

Springy12

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
38
0
Warrington
My mum is currently in a nursing home two minutes from where I live, so I can visit alot, as can my sister. They have told us there can no longer care for mum as her dementia is getting worse and they are not equipped to look after her- she is also wondering alot and going in peoples bedrooms.
We have had an assessment and been told she needs EMI Reseidential.
We are stuck as to where to choose:
Do we choose a dual home(emi res and nursing) so when things do progress she can just literally move rooms, but this would mean not being near us.
OR
Do we choose a local home that has EMI Residential only, so we can still visit alot and take her out while she still enjoys it and is aware of things. Then if the time comes we will have to move her again to EMI Nursing.
ANy advice would be really appreciated as we only have around 3 weeks to sort this out and we really don't know what it the best thing to do.
Family is very important to mum and always has been and I worry she would be upset if she hardly saw us.
Thanks
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
I would always choose the option (when available) of being near family and having quality of life ie as you say taking her out etc. This makes people happier and more comfortable and then cross the next bridge when and if you come to it. One day at a time - there is no point in worrying about the future right now. Research has shown time and time again that family and friends improve quality of life - go for it, sounds as though you are doing an amazing job xxx
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
I can understand wanting to avoid another move later on, I'm sure most of us here can.

However, there is nothing wrong with making the best choice for right now. After all, none of us can predict the future and making plans for how things are right now, with the information you have right now, is not unreasonable.

It's also very reasonable to want to continue to stay geographically close, so you and your sister can visit frequently. As you say, the time to do this is while your mother is still able to enjoy it.

Since you have a little time to make the decision, maybe allow yourself to think it over a bit. Also perhaps visit each location again and spend some time talking to the staff, so you can get a better feel for the place. This might help you decide one way or the other.

Best wishes to you and your family. This is never easy.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
My mum was in an EMI residential, right through to the end, even when she was fully bed bound. District nurses used to be called in when required.

I'd go with the best one now and worry about moving her again if/when it's ever necessary.

Good luck.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Mum is in EMI residential and they will be able to look after her until the end too.
When you go and look at the homes make a decision on everything - obviously the nearer home will have an advantage, but may have other things so that it wouldnt be best for your mum.
Also, ask the manager what conditions they wouldnt be able to manage, which might give you an idea of how long she may be there. Some places that say they are EMI still wont accept people wandering around at night, for example.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
I think I would go for the one that's best for now - a move might never need to happen. Though even if it does, it may not be as difficult as you fear. As a family we had to move an aunt from an ordinary res to EMI, and FIL from an ordinary res to nursing, and despite fears, TBH by that stage in the disease neither of them really seemed to be upset by the move.

OTOH my mother went straight into a dementia-only home (only option at the time since her AD was pretty advanced) which was very good and v. close to me, and was able to stay there for very nearly 8 years until she died.
 

Springy12

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
38
0
Warrington
I would always choose the option (when available) of being near family and having quality of life ie as you say taking her out etc. This makes people happier and more comfortable and then cross the next bridge when and if you come to it. One day at a time - there is no point in worrying about the future right now. Research has shown time and time again that family and friends improve quality of life - go for it, sounds as though you are doing an amazing job xxx

Thank you for coming back to me on this- its so hard to decide.
I have been and looked at a couple today both within 10 minutes from my house- now it will be deciding between them!!
 

Springy12

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
38
0
Warrington
I can understand wanting to avoid another move later on, I'm sure most of us here can.

However, there is nothing wrong with making the best choice for right now. After all, none of us can predict the future and making plans for how things are right now, with the information you have right now, is not unreasonable.

It's also very reasonable to want to continue to stay geographically close, so you and your sister can visit frequently. As you say, the time to do this is while your mother is still able to enjoy it.

Since you have a little time to make the decision, maybe allow yourself to think it over a bit. Also perhaps visit each location again and spend some time talking to the staff, so you can get a better feel for the place. This might help you decide one way or the other.

Best wishes to you and your family. This is never easy.

Thank you for coming back to me, such a hard decision. We have looked at two today and like them both for different reasons, so just waiting for my other sister to look to see what she thinks
 

Springy12

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
38
0
Warrington
My mum was in an EMI residential, right through to the end, even when she was fully bed bound. District nurses used to be called in when required.

I'd go with the best one now and worry about moving her again if/when it's ever necessary.

Good luck.

Thank you for coming back to me, it is so hard. Just started looking locally this morning
 

Springy12

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
38
0
Warrington
Mum is in EMI residential and they will be able to look after her until the end too.
When you go and look at the homes make a decision on everything - obviously the nearer home will have an advantage, but may have other things so that it wouldnt be best for your mum.
Also, ask the manager what conditions they wouldnt be able to manage, which might give you an idea of how long she may be there. Some places that say they are EMI still wont accept people wandering around at night, for example.


Thanks for your reply. I looked at one with my sister this morning and it was lovely. Just got a few more to look at.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
The appearance doesnt matter so much, what you need to go on is the caring. How many carers are there, what is the quality of the care and I would also find out what the staff turnover is like. It doesnt matter if its a bit scruffy round the edges so long as its clean. What you want is a homely atmosphere and good, caring staff.

Dont forget to ask about top-ups.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
The appearance doesnt matter so much, what you need to go on is the caring. How many carers are there, what is the quality of the care and I would also find out what the staff turnover is like. It doesnt matter if its a bit scruffy round the edges so long as its clean. What you want is a homely atmosphere and good, caring staff. .

I would agree with this. The attitude of the staff is paramount. And meet the manager - is he/she someone you feel you could trust?
 

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