Mum wants a dog!

carrieboo

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
110
0
herts uk
My mum has had dogs all her life, the last one was put down about 3 years ago. She said at the time she'd never have another one because she was too old and it was too painful when they died.

My dad died last June and since then she has often mentioned getting another dog for company.

She is, I believe, in the early stages of AD, the memory nurse wrote that she had "crossed the threshold for a demential diagnosis" and the progression has been very slow and steady, typical of AD.

I have deflected the dog conversations, being very vague about keeping an eye open, or letting her know if I hear about one.

She wants a small female, not too old, not a puppy, no health problems, housetrained, doesn't need much exercise (she hates walking) and I have pointed out, truthfully, that those sort of dogs don't generally end up in rescue centres.

In all honesty, I don't believe she would be capable of caring for it properly. She would either forget to feed it or feed it too much, any veterinary care would be down to me and I don't think she would exercise it enough. Her last dog was very poorly towards the end and had the odd accident and mum would go ballistic, she has very low tolerance for mess or dirt.

The problem, of course, is that as far as she is concerned, there is nothing wrong with her. She is just lonely. In her reality, the little dog would sit on her lap, gazing adoringly at her, it would never be ill/have an accident and she would trot to the end of the road once a day, meet lots of lovely people and have lovely chats, and never be lonely again:rolleyes:

My OH thinks we should just get her one and monitor it, intervene if necessary but I don't think it would be fair on the dog.

It is becoming a real issue because she is now fixating on it, she brings it up every time I see her, often accompanied by tears and accounts of how lonely she is.

We've suggested a cat, but she says that won't get her out of the house. I see her at least 2-3 times a week, phone her every day, have suggested lunch clubs etc but she's rejected all those because she's 'not a joiner'.

I've got 2 dogs and she sees them weekly and occasionally has them for a few hours, but she wants her own...

Any advice?
 

Selinacroft

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
936
0
Being a dog lover myself, I would strongly advise against it for the sake of the dog. If she insisted then perhaps rescuing a very elderly dog who had less desire for long walks and could perhaps grow old alongside your mum would be a sensible choice.
How about finding a charity that helps with "Pat" dogs - well behaved dogs that go out and visit the elderly , I totally get how much your mum must miss having a dog but that isn't a good reason to have one given her diagnosis. Is your mum well enough to volunteer for an animal charity doing occasional dog walking?
 

BONDJDY

Registered User
Dec 3, 2015
22
0
My mum has had dogs all her life, the last one was put down about 3 years ago. She said at the time she'd never have another one because she was too old and it was too painful when they died.

My dad died last June and since then she has often mentioned getting another dog for company.

She is, I believe, in the early stages of AD, the memory nurse wrote that she had "crossed the threshold for a demential diagnosis" and the progression has been very slow and steady, typical of AD.

I have deflected the dog conversations, being very vague about keeping an eye open, or letting her know if I hear about one.

She wants a small female, not too old, not a puppy, no health problems, housetrained, doesn't need much exercise (she hates walking) and I have pointed out, truthfully, that those sort of dogs don't generally end up in rescue centres.

In all honesty, I don't believe she would be capable of caring for it properly. She would either forget to feed it or feed it too much, any veterinary care would be down to me and I don't think she would exercise it enough. Her last dog was very poorly towards the end and had the odd accident and mum would go ballistic, she has very low tolerance for mess or dirt.

The problem, of course, is that as far as she is concerned, there is nothing wrong with her. She is just lonely. In her reality, the little dog would sit on her lap, gazing adoringly at her, it would never be ill/have an accident and she would trot to the end of the road once a day, meet lots of lovely people and have lovely chats, and never be lonely again:rolleyes:

My OH thinks we should just get her one and monitor it, intervene if necessary but I don't think it would be fair on the dog.

It is becoming a real issue because she is now fixating on it, she brings it up every time I see her, often accompanied by tears and accounts of how lonely she is.

We've suggested a cat, but she says that won't get her out of the house. I see her at least 2-3 times a week, phone her every day, have suggested lunch clubs etc but she's rejected all those because she's 'not a joiner'.

I've got 2 dogs and she sees them weekly and occasionally has them for a few hours, but she wants her own...

Any advice?

Hi I think it would be a big mistake ,especially as you say she would forget to feed it ,exercise it ,just let her have the company of yours ,we all know this cruel disease will only worsen over time then would you be prepared to take the dog on ,we all want to try and please but I cannot see a happy ending for a poor little dog .
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
I agree I don't think it would be fair on the dog, do you have some friends with a dog who could fill the gap by allowing her to go for short walks with an 'adopted' dog or looking after it for a couple of hours - it might fill the need and give her some canine companionship
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Please don't give in to this one, no dog or cat. Your post gives all the reasons why not and I know of so many more. My mother and her little dog have lived with me for 2 years and it has not been easy, if fact her obsession with the dog runs a close second to her obsession with her son, a nightmare.
 

betsie

Registered User
Jun 11, 2012
252
0
Please don't. My mum had a dog and she loved it too bits but as her dementia worsened she fixated on the poor thing. She was convinced it didn't eat and would force feed it. She gave it lots of unhealthy food, feeding it with her dinners.
The dog would hide under the bed and she would be on the phoning crying because it was lost or begging me to go round to get her out from under the bed. She asked strangers in to get the dog from under the bed.
She eventually forgot to feed it, would leave the front door open so it went out and loads more things.
Thankfully the dog is now very happy living with my niece since mum went into a
Care home.
Maybe consider an older cat,at least they are more independent.
 

tigerlady

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
427
0
I agree with the others - it would not be fair on the dog. My husband was so attached to our dog -he always remembered her name, even during the episodes when he was saying our home wasn't his and I wasn't his wife, but he was always feeding her toast, sweets, even when he was eating a proper meal he would take food from the plate and give it to her. She became overweight as I couldn't stop him doing it, as he got very angry.

As she was the thing he fixated on all the while, I was so worried when he went into care, so I got him a life sized toy border collie dog which looked very similar to ours. It gave him a lot of comfort and helped the staff get him to bed, as they said it would be with him. He even tried to feed it, as often there would be food stains round its mouth. I take our dog in on almost every visit, and always called the other one the pretend one that would be with him all the while when the real one couldn't be there. He seemed to accept that and often carries it around with him.

I got it online and some of the customer reviews said that it had been bought for an elderly relative who had lost their dog, as even though it wasn't real, it was a comforting presence in the house and something to cuddle. Maybe your Mum would accept one of those if you tell her its until you can find something suitable. There are other breeds available - just use a search engine.
 

Frederic H

Registered User
Apr 1, 2015
75
0
Devon
Mum wants a dog

My mum has had dogs all her life, the last one was put down about 3 years ago. She said at the time she'd never have another one because she was too old and it was too painful when they died.

My dad died last June and since then she has often mentioned getting another dog for company.

She is, I believe, in the early stages of AD, the memory nurse wrote that she had "crossed the threshold for a demential diagnosis" and the progression has been very slow and steady, typical of AD.

I have deflected the dog conversations, being very vague about keeping an eye open, or letting her know if I hear about one.

She wants a small female, not too old, not a puppy, no health problems, housetrained, doesn't need much exercise (she hates walking) and I have pointed out, truthfully, that those sort of dogs don't generally end up in rescue centres.

In all honesty, I don't believe she would be capable of caring for it properly. She would either forget to feed it or feed it too much, any veterinary care would be down to me and I don't think she would exercise it enough. Her last dog was very poorly towards the end and had the odd accident and mum would go ballistic, she has very low tolerance for mess or dirt.

The problem, of course, is that as far as she is concerned, there is nothing wrong with her. She is just lonely. In her reality, the little dog would sit on her lap, gazing adoringly at her, it would never be ill/have an accident and she would trot to the end of the road once a day, meet lots of lovely people and have lovely chats, and never be lonely again:rolleyes:

My OH thinks we should just get her one and monitor it, intervene if necessary but I don't think it would be fair on the dog.

It is becoming a real issue because she is now fixating on it, she brings it up every time I see her, often accompanied by tears and accounts of how lonely she is.

We've suggested a cat, but she says that won't get her out of the house. I see her at least 2-3 times a week, phone her every day, have suggested lunch clubs etc but she's rejected all those because she's 'not a joiner'.

I've got 2 dogs and she sees them weekly and occasionally has them for a few hours, but she wants her own...

Any advice?
If possible don't ! We have a dog 12 years old and lovely and my O/h loves it but. .she cannot walk it or feed it or take it to the vet or clear up after it if it has an accident.
Whilst I am fit and well it is no problem I love it too, and I dread the day that it passes on as I know she will want another but I will resist it.
Incidentally I have made arrangements with the Cinnamon Trust to take it If I pop off first.
Good luck !
 

carrieboo

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
110
0
herts uk
Thank you so much for all your comments.

You've confirmed what I felt really, it's just so difficult when you want to make someone happy. In the short term it would be lovely company for mum and I'm sure she'd cope - for a while - but a dog is for life, as they say.

Will just have to continue being vague and try to change the subject...
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
I agree with the others - it would not be fair on the dog. My husband was so attached to our dog -he always remembered her name, even during the episodes when he was saying our home wasn't his and I wasn't his wife, but he was always feeding her toast, sweets, even when he was eating a proper meal he would take food from the plate and give it to her. She became overweight as I couldn't stop him doing it, as he got very angry.

As she was the thing he fixated on all the while, I was so worried when he went into care, so I got him a life sized toy border collie dog which looked very similar to ours. It gave him a lot of comfort and helped the staff get him to bed, as they said it would be with him. He even tried to feed it, as often there would be food stains round its mouth. I take our dog in on almost every visit, and always called the other one the pretend one that would be with him all the while when the real one couldn't be there. He seemed to accept that and often carries it around with him.

I got it online and some of the customer reviews said that it had been bought for an elderly relative who had lost their dog, as even though it wasn't real, it was a comforting presence in the house and something to cuddle. Maybe your Mum would accept one of those if you tell her its until you can find something suitable. There are other breeds available - just use a search engine.

At this very moment I am dealing with mum's sundowning and it is all about going home and her dog, her anxiety levels are way up and the poor dog is hiding under my chair, its quite safe and just wants to stay away from my mum, that however is not what my mum wants!

Where did you get life size soft toy? I have googled and 2 companies have come up, one in America and 2nd one I think is in uk and makes them to order from photos of your pet but has no information of costs etc.

Really think it might be a good idea to get one for mum now rather than later.

Where did you get the life size soft toy
 

tigerlady

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
427
0
At this very moment I am dealing with mum's sundowning and it is all about going home and her dog, her anxiety levels are way up and the poor dog is hiding under my chair, its quite safe and just wants to stay away from my mum, that however is not what my mum wants!

Where did you get life size soft toy? I have googled and 2 companies have come up, one in America and 2nd one I think is in uk and makes them to order from photos of your pet but has no information of costs etc.

Really think it might be a good idea to get one for mum now rather than later.

Where did you get the life size soft toy

I will pm you as not allowed to mention specific firms here
 

jorgieporgie

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
1,982
0
YORKSHIRE
I also would advise not too. My SIL got one for her husband, he was fine at first but as the dementia escalated he started to be mean to it and even tried to stab it on the nose with a fork. SIL had to have it re-homed and it broke her heart. My BIL always loved dogs and always had one, but they are not the same person with dementia and can not be reliable to look after them. It really isn't fair on the dog. x
 

TooHard

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
109
0
I'm afraid I'm another one saying 'don't do it'.

Mum has a wee dog. She has taken to feeding it too much (a few weeks ago I counted 11 plates down for him in three rooms including her bedroom), the wrong things (a plate of bread, a plate of cheese cubes, a plate with lumps of butter etc - no dog food because "he doesn't like it"....yes, he does and when he's given it he scoffs it quick style) or not enough (no food down for him and no water). Her bed is full of dog chews.

He has taken to biting her (and anyone else who tries to put his lead on or pat him) - we've had him checked over by the vet but there is no obvious physical reason for this. My SiL is a vet (lives in Ireland though) says it's most likely behaviour in response to mum's erratic, confusing behaviour. He has drawn blood and left her with very nasty cuts and bruises.

There is no doubt that her wee dog keeps her going and she loves him to bits but it's not fair on him and I think her care of him verges on cruelty. It's yet another thing to feel guilty about.
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
538
0
Shropshire
from what you have posted you seem to be settled now in the no camp. i would say the same. we had a new dog last year 12 months later he had to go as my oh had declined so much I could not cope with both, he did get a very good home fortunately.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
I'm afraid I'm another one saying 'don't do it'.

Mum has a wee dog. She has taken to feeding it too much (a few weeks ago I counted 11 plates down for him in three rooms including her bedroom), the wrong things (a plate of bread, a plate of cheese cubes, a plate with lumps of butter etc - no dog food because "he doesn't like it"....yes, he does and when he's given it he scoffs it quick style) or not enough (no food down for him and no water). Her bed is full of dog chews.

He has taken to biting her (and anyone else who tries to put his lead on or pat him) - we've had him checked over by the vet but there is no obvious physical reason for this. My SiL is a vet (lives in Ireland though) says it's most likely behaviour in response to mum's erratic, confusing behaviour. He has drawn blood and left her with very nasty cuts and bruises.

There is no doubt that her wee dog keeps her going and she loves him to bits but it's not fair on him and I think her care of him verges on cruelty. It's yet another thing to feel guilty about.

Bites and bruising definitely due to your mum's behaviour. Same here and as mum and her dog live with me, I have seen how bad it did get. I have only recently been able to pick dog up, was just so fed up being man handled, for a while she turned this normally friendly little dog into a snarling, little yapper that would bite anyone who got too close. When dog did bite mum for second time, I had to step in, but at same time dog started to turn more to me and of course this caused jealousy. Mum is still pestering the poor dog with endless questions but it now comes to sit behind me. So things have improved for the dog. For a short time mum turned her attention to one of my cats, but cats are not as easy to handle and objected strongly to being picked up out of comfy basket. She now leaves the cats well alone!
 

theunknown

Registered User
Apr 17, 2015
433
0
If you can't look after an animal in a way which is good for them then you shouldn't have them.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
I will pm you as not allowed to mention specific firms here

It's OK to mention the company if it's a personal recommendation :)

TP terms and conditions state

.3.4 Messages containing personal endorsement of products and services that may be of benefit to our users, may be permitted. Messages, usernames and profile information deemed to contain commercial advertising, and unsolicited messages for the purpose of advertising a product or service, are not permitted on this site.
 

carrieboo

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
110
0
herts uk
I'm afraid I'm another one saying 'don't do it'.

Mum has a wee dog. She has taken to feeding it too much (a few weeks ago I counted 11 plates down for him in three rooms including her bedroom), the wrong things (a plate of bread, a plate of cheese cubes, a plate with lumps of butter etc - no dog food because "he doesn't like it"....yes, he does and when he's given it he scoffs it quick style) or not enough (no food down for him and no water). Her bed is full of dog chews.

He has taken to biting her (and anyone else who tries to put his lead on or pat him) - we've had him checked over by the vet but there is no obvious physical reason for this. My SiL is a vet (lives in Ireland though) says it's most likely behaviour in response to mum's erratic, confusing behaviour. He has drawn blood and left her with very nasty cuts and bruises.

There is no doubt that her wee dog keeps her going and she loves him to bits but it's not fair on him and I think her care of him verges on cruelty. It's yet another thing to feel guilty about.


Thank you, this has definitely made my mind up. I am a 'doggy' person and adore my two so understand what great pleasure they give. BUT.. like children they do need consistent handling and treatment and I don't think mum would be capable of this for much longer.

I can't bear the thought of the poor dog being mistreated, even with the best of intentions, and I definitely don't need something else to feel guilty about!!:(