Question

[Irishgirl57]

Tonight while my husband and I were out to dinner, I used the wrong word for something. He corrected me by telling me the not the correct word, and I Very nicely told him what it felt like when he corrected me. Let me say that I have the world's most awesome husband, Supportive loving and is on this dementia rode with me.

I said that I would rather him not correct me, because if I say I'm eating a palm tree, and mean tomato, I'm not aware of the wrong word and it doesn't matter to me and most times he knows what I mean.

He felt that he was steering me in the right direction and doesn'r mean anything by it. I feel corrected and that I'm doing something wrong when he corrects me and points out the correct word ...... I do this often.

I told him I was going to post this to see how other dementia patients feel when people correct them when they use the wrong words. There is no right or wrong answer to this. Just curious

 

[Cat27]

As a carer I find I correct dad without thinking almost.

 

[joggyb]

Tonight while my husband and I were out to dinner, I used the wrong word for something. He corrected me by telling me the not the correct word, and I Very nicely told him what it felt like when he corrected me. Let me say that I have the world's most awesome husband, Supportive loving and is on this dementia rode with me.

I said that I would rather him not correct me, because if I say I'm eating a palm tree, and mean tomato, I'm not aware of the wrong word and it doesn't matter to me and most times he knows what I mean.

He felt that he was steering me in the right direction and doesn'r mean anything by it. I feel corrected and that I'm doing something wrong when he corrects me and points out the correct word ...... I do this often.

I told him I was going to post this to see how other dementia patients feel when people correct them when they use the wrong words. There is no right or wrong answer to this. Just curious

I'm not a dementia patient, but I care for my dad, who has advanced mixed dementias. I have never corrected him because I had the impression that what he said all made sense to him - and that to correct him would have therefore unnecessarily confused or annoyed him. You've just confirmed that I'm probably right to think that, which is reassuring - so thank you for posting this!

 

[jaymor]

Like Cat27 I found myself doing it automatically when it started to happen with my husband.

You are right, we should not pick up on a word, it does not matter. I think most of us know not to contradict something said that we know to be untrue as it causes agitation and upset and we need to know the odd wrong word picked up is as bad. Thank you for bringing this up, we too as carers need help from time to time. There is a lot to learn and carer and caree can both be the teacher.

Take care.

 

[Zana]

I care for OH.

He uses strange words or discriptions for things. I dont always correct him but sometimes Im not sure what he means so I just repeat what he has said.
When he hears me say it he realises where he has gone wrong and we play charades (he will give clues to what he means) until we work out what it is he is talking about.

 

[Selinacroft]

Dad doesn't come out with the wrong words but I do try to bite my tongue and not jump in and finish his sentences. If he is really struggling I will do so at the point when he looks more relieved than annoyed at the intervention. A really hard thing to do.

 

[john51]

My wife is really supportive but she can't help correction me when I use the words wrong and ends sentenced for me. It's really frustrating. I wish she wouldn't. I will get there even

 

[Angie1996]

My dad talks a lot and comes out with some odd words, I have learnt that he is trying to tell me something and most of the time I can work it out, its like charades with us.

I never correct him, I gave up trying to do that as did not see the point, rather he is happy bumbling along merry and oblivious to it all

Its so nice to hear what its like for the person going through this!

Regards
Angie

 

[LoisJean]

Hi, Irish..

I have dementia. I especially get hung up on descriptive words and often insert some odd-ball word into a sentence. There have been occasions when people have corrected my usage of a word...usually they'll say, "Oh, you mean ......", and then put in their own word. It used to make me feel self conscious..angry and give me yet another reason to feel victimized. Now I just tell people that I like my word better. Now they basically leave me alone. Sometimes I'll catch myself using a renegade word and often it's really good for a laugh when I realize how out of place it sounds. Actually I think that we who have dementia need to unite. Our vocabulary and how we use it is unique to us. Kinda like Klingon.

Peace and that in abundance to us all...LoisJean

 

[aprilbday]

I think it depends on the stage the person is in. My daughter instinctively knows what I mean...she use to correct me, now she just seems to understand. When I am around others, I freeze up and say as little as possible because I look like an idiot if I can't think of a word, name or what I was trying to say. I literally freeze up because if someone corrects me, it makes me feel worse.
If your dad senses it was the wrong word or if he is aware of it-I say don't correct. Actually- the more I think of it---don't correct. It's humiliating enough already.

 

[The Chewtor]

Hey Irishgirl, I think that mostly I have been lucky and have not been corrected on the many and varied mistakes. maybe no-one cares enough to correct me or they are too polite or scared of my reaction or hopefully realise it makes no difference as I will make the same mistake next time anyway.

I used to notice body language or facial expression changes when i had used an incorrect word and would then try to stop, think what it could be and maybe put it right. most of the time i could not find the incorrect word and had now forgotten what i was saying. i then just decided to give up trying to put things right and would just carry on if i saw a reaction. now i do not even notice reactions anymore so job done.

probably no-one listens closely enough to even notice now.

luckily when i write, which is how the bulk of my communicating is done now, i can check ,check again, spellcheck it, grammar check it then pass over to dave for proofreading before i post. this way it 'appears' that i do not make too many mistakes.

also using BIG words mostly means people don't know if it is right or wrong ha ha!

Wayne x

 

[Sue J]

also using BIG words mostly means people don't know if it is right or wrong ha ha!

Lost most of my big words and I love language

I don't mind if people I know well, who understand give me a nudge by saying it for me but do get a bit when same people correct me when it is obvious, well to me anyway that I can't do a lot about it at the time or I would have said the word 'correctly' in the first place. My reaction depends on how good or bad the day is and what other symptoms I am contending with at the time.

 

[Irishgirl57]

Thanks for all the feedback. Discussed with the darling husband and he said thank you, I get the point. Today had good laugh, I said can you get me one of those things in the freezer, he's put things in the freezer, I said the round lifesaver. They were actually Carvel ice cream flying saucers.... Well at least I got the round part correct and we both got a good laugh

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry Irishgirl and everyone with Dementia. I know my own tendency to correct OH tends to vary with how tired I am. It's good that you could both laugh about it afterwards.

 

[Irishgirl57]

No apologies necessary... Depends on my level for the day how I respond. For the most part we laugh, but if I'm having one of those days... It feels like criticism...


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[annnie]

When Mum uses the wrong word but it doesn't stop the flow of what she is saying I don't correct her but if like yesterday she said "look at that rabbit in the tree" and knew it was wrong I suggested "squirrel" so she nodded and carried on.
Years ago when I was ill I often could not get the right words out, I once said " give me some Hawaii" thankfully my son passed me the bread. The wrapping had a palm tree on it and he guessed what I meant. I know how off putting it is to see a " what did she just say " look on someones face and so I try to go with the feel of the conversation rather than the exact words. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry.