dread visiting Mum

[valmo]

I am putting off as last visit Mum was awful towards me. I know I shouldn't take personally but Mum spoke to me, and my Dad, like this before Alzheimer's. She is ok most of the time but when she starts shouting and accusing me of all sorts, I eventually have to go away for short time. I don't feel guilty but feel a sense of duty.............

 

[Princess t]

I am putting off as last visit Mum was awful towards me. I know I shouldn't take personally but Mum spoke to me, and my Dad, like this before Alzheimer's. She is ok most of the time but when she starts shouting and accusing me of all sorts, I eventually have to go away for short time. I don't feel guilty but feel a sense of duty.............

My dad died in 2011 my mom hasn't been the same since then, and this year she's been diagnosed with dementia. I hate going to hers, I have to pick up courage to go, you don't know from one day to the next what you will get. Today it's taken me till lunch time to go. Got there and she was lovely, so I really know how you feel.

 

[Nut]

Me too

I dread it too as I do not know what I will get. Mum has been unkind over the years and her unerring ability to be nasty at times is undimmed by her dementia. I hate it, it stresses me out, it makes me depressed and miserable and angry. I want to walk away. I come home feeling ill and it takes me days to gather myself together. She lives 100 miles away and still refuses to move near me even though she wants to see me as often as possible. If she had been a gentler kinder less critical person and changed into someone less pleasant I could definitely say "never mind it is the disease". But that is not the case. The disease is there, it makes her more frightened and angry and accusatory and has taken away a lot of the other sides of her being. But still, the unkindnesses hurt badly and I wish I knew how to deal with them better and to protect myself.

It is so liberating to write this stuff down! To be able to write freely with no judgment. Thank you for starting this thread!

 

[looviloo]

I'm sure many of us (sadly) can relate to these feelings. I can't say that dad has been unkind or aggressive, quite the opposite, but my visits continue to be emotionally draining. It has been this way for years. On a good day we can laugh a little and share stories. On a bad day he can unwittingly chip away at my happiness and well-being, and I come away needing time to recover. Sometimes I don't even notice the drip-drip-drip of misery that I'm being fed until much later :-/.

 

[valmo]

NUT..sounds so much the same. I am only 10 mins away from mum so I can't say it's too far to go! Thanks for responding.
Thank you all.

 

[valmo]

I'm sure many of us (sadly) can relate to these feelings. I can't say that dad has been unkind or aggressive, quite the opposite, but my visits continue to be emotionally draining. It has been this way for years. On a good day we can laugh a little and share stories. On a bad day he can unwittingly chip away at my happiness and well-being, and I come away needing time to recover. Sometimes I don't even notice the drip-drip-drip of misery that I'm being fed until much later :-/.

Mum was rather scathing towards me. It was so bad I used to just go away and cry. I was actually frightened of her. It was not until the age of 50 that I grew up and just told her I had enough! Our relationship ship improved after that but now it has reverted. Thanks

 

[valmo]

I'm sure many of us (sadly) can relate to these feelings. I can't say that dad has been unkind or aggressive, quite the opposite, but my visits continue to be emotionally draining. It has been this way for years. On a good day we can laugh a little and share stories. On a bad day he can unwittingly chip away at my happiness and well-being, and I come away needing time to recover. Sometimes I don't even notice the drip-drip-drip of misery that I'm being fed until much later :-/.

Yes after visits I am exhausted when she is like that. Other times she is fine....well ok. Thanks

 

[Princess t]

Yes after visits I am exhausted when she is like that. Other times she is fine....well ok. Thanks

I had a really nice day with my mom saterday, she was so happy and normal, but for some reason I felt really emotional all weekend, silly but it really made me sad and unhappy....can't win!!