Power of attorney.

[marionq]

Angie it seems brutal but suing for divorce would actually be in both of your best interests financially. You would get half, the other half would be for your husbands care, and they would get only what was left from his care home costs if anything. You really need to discuss this with a solicitor.

 

[angiebails]

All this is so true and in jest I said this to the solicitor today but I wouldn't sink to there level. If there is anyone that is my situation who is married and the step children have POA could you give me advice as to what to expect. No one says what my rights are as his wife who doesn't work now as I am a full time carer. What exactly am I meant to do and what are my rights as to access to money to pay for our every day expenses.



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[Shedrech]

Hi angiebails
just some thoughts
is it in any way possible to record your husband saying he is against their actions - sorry I appreciate you say that he has communication problems but you yourself seem to know what he is communicating - maybe have someone else around to witness that he is speaking freely of his own accord
do you have the energy to speak to a solicitor yourselves - if you believe your husband does have capacity he can alter the POA

on a practical financial note - are all bills paid by direct debit? - if not I'd get all of them paid that way so they are automatically and regularly paid and no-one need change that

have you any income or savings of your own? if so set up separate accounts in your name only

is it worth playing their game a little - I mean, put together a list/spreadsheet of every single regular payment that needs to be made a] to run the house b] to meet your husband's care needs c] to feed and clothe you both, and keep clean and healthy d] those other things that make life worth living eg running the car (!) .... and the same for as and when payments - figure in contingencies eg boiler breakdown, replacing overused washing machine and dryer ... (be creative but realistic - the worst can happen ...)
also list out all your 'duties' as carer - maybe go through a day and list all the tasks you undertake and then add the occasionals eg medical appointments, visits to chemist for meds,
point out the things you no longer do - no more luxury cruises! so that saves quite a bit

maybe find out how much a care home fees are in your area and pass on that information - adding that no LA will consider the house as part of funding while you are living in it, and you would be entitled to half of your husband's personal pension if he were LA funded - may make them realise what good value you are ??

you say you have good friends, maybe someone you trust could help you with this, as I know I'm suggesting a lot of work - I do think 'be prepared' is a good motto, though

I know all this is intrusive and you shouldn't be put in this position - may be time to fight fire with fire

ignore if of no help

I wish you both well

 

[angiebails]

Thank you shedrech you do have some very valid points they wouldn't realise what value for money I am as when they visited to say they were going to do this his daughter said she didn't even know what was wrong with her dad. They know so little as they have spent 3-4 hours max in a year with him. They claimed he didn't recognise them but it was probably shock with them visiting. They even said to the solicitor they wanted to take over his bank account but didn't want to do any more for him. Shallow is an under statement and when I said I would show him the bank statements to prove I hadn't stolen from my husband they wouldn't look at them. The slander they have accused me of is unbelievable and it is 2 against 1 and I will not loose my temper or say anything nasty for the sake of my husband, there father who deserves dignity in his old age and illness.


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[HillyBilly]

Today I learnt that my husbands son and daughter have instructed a solicitor so they can force him to see a doctor so they can prove he has no capacity so they will be able to certify the power of attorney.

Can they actually force him to see a doctor if he doesn't want to?
If you, as his wife, have been managing and will continue to manage his/your joint finances, then there may be no need to enforce the POA...???
But then maybe that's only delaying the inevitable...
Hope somebody may come along with more info for you x

 

[Otiruz]

Can you insist on the doctor having a home visit and arrange for the solicitor to see your husband at your home at the same time? That way you are hiding nothing from either party who will witness hubby's intention and needs whilst explaining your desire to keep things as they are for his benefit. Realise this may present problems but I think you have to act on this fast and take control. Do hope some of our comments help you.

 

[pamann]

Hello angiebails, l don't think anyone can force your husband to see a Dr. if he doesn't want to, l could not get my husband to see the Dr. It took 7yrs before l managed to get him to go, you are his wife, so you are next to kin, l would say its your place to do everything for your husband, as you have been doing, don't let these step children worry you, get advice from your solicitor, take care of yourself.

 

[technotronic]

Hi Angieballs

I don't think they can force your husband to see a doctor. As your husband is aware of what his children want to do, n doesn't want them to that means he still has 'capacity' to know what he does n doesn't want.
I would suggest like others have said, either get the POA altered so they have no control or say our get your husband to do n sign a new one giving you the power of attorney, as you live with him look after him n do everything for him, why shouldn't you be?
As his wife you have more power than his son n daughter who only want to control his finances n who rarely visit him anyway!!


Sent today

 

[angiebails]

Amazing after two separate appointments with the doctor for my husband to tell him he wants me to deal with all his affairs he still won't sign anything because the dementia consultant says they will contest it and it will get too complicated. What happened to the rights of the patient. He had the capacity to attend the doctors and tell him he didn't want his son and daughter to take over his affairs but because they will contest it with there solicitor we have to go through a long and expensive process.
The stress is affecting him because he knows that they do not have his best interests at heart just the thought of his money and there inheritance yet no one will stand up for him. I have tried to fight his corner but I am wasting our time. I shall forget about it and enjoy the summer as until they get it signed over as him having no capacity they will have to leave us alone.
The stress of this illness has got to me big time in more ways than one and only the people that have been through it can understand the fear and anguish that us cares go through, it's my sons wedding on Friday and I feel like I have organised the London marathon just to get my husband there and for us to hopefully enjoy the day. I have aged about 10 years in the last 1. I don't how people cope with all this, as at least I do have the energy as I'm 25 years younger than my husband. I so feel for the other people going through the same thing.


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[Phloxfairy]

Poa

I am named attorney on my hb Enduring POA SIGNED OVER 4 yrs ago. There was a clause that stated it could only be registered when " mental incapacity" was reached. Now that definition is a minefield! However after 4yrs and sadly through legal process( my hb invoked patient confidentialiy because i told Drs about his behaviours and paid for a privatre MRI scan and consult which produced a diagnosis of Fronto - temporal Degeneration) my hb has been declared to have incapacity.

I had to resort to a legal route because no professional would discuss my hb care with me. He is still in the same house and our now 14 yr old child Has spent 5 yrs of her young life with a father who does not communicate with her.

I have been misled by incompetant solicitors on both sides, my hb and mine. My solicitor advocated seperation proceedings/ divorce to protect finances( seperate bank accounts with hb having substantial income, me part time worker/ now effectively sole parent).
My advice is to seek legal advice from a solicitor trained in elderly law i.e. Dementia law. Contact Alzheimers org for a list.

It would appear i could have registered POA when i thought hb capacity failing. As named attorney, only i can do that. The court of Protection will then make decision if you (not named attorney) want to contest this. If incapacity determined then you cannot change POA if Dr can confirm your hb still has capacity then POA. may still be changed.

I am at a legal stage where hb solicitor is with holding POA document from me because my solicitor advised seperation/ divorce to protect finances as last resort to force a capacity hearing. It would appear that both solicitors have been incorrect in their management of our situation. I have been extremely distressedand can no longer carry on. I am now going to hand my case over to a solicitor used by Alzheimers organisation who has dementia knowledge.

My hb sister and brother are now on board to prevent me having POA, because they too have not visited since diagnosis to help us!

Please make careful choices and ensure you get correct advice from a credible solicitor.
And Alzheimers org

 

[angiebails]

Yes it is a minefield and the doctor said he had capacity to change the POA but wanted back up off the dementia consultant who would not commit either way because although he agreed with the doctor he knows the son and daughter would contest it. At the moment he has capacity to tell everyone he wants me to deal with it but no one will back him medically. I wouldn't mind if they wanted to help him but they only visit 3/4 times a year and admitted that they just wanted to keep hold of their inheritance. They have offered no help and don't even know what dementia does to a person. They just revelled on the fact he wanted to throw me out when I had had my affair because that was what they wanted to believe. The fact that his main symptoms of dementia were hallucinations of me with any man walking, and he needed help didn't once occur to them. So that's all I get thrown at me along with me stealing his money. Why do we go through all this stress for nothing when it could be so easily resolved with the right help . My husband buried his head in the sand and would not accept that he had any problems and it took me years to get a diagnosis and some help but now he seems to be wearing a big label on his forehead, dementia patient beware.


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[HillyBilly]

Yes it is a minefield and the doctor said he had capacity to change the POA but wanted back up off the dementia consultant who would not commit either way because although he agreed with the doctor he knows the son and daughter would contest it.

Surely that's none of the doctor's business or concern? The doctor's role should be purely medical. It would then be up to the son & daughter to take on the case and for them and their own professionals to prove otherwise. If it were me, I would challenge the doctor/consultant over this.

 

[Jessbow]

How well does his solicitor know him/he know his solicitor. If reasonably well, can he vocalise to him/her that he wants you to keep control? That should be enough, surely? Then get new paperwork drawn up.

Stuff the fact that they will probably contest- let them.