So bizarre !

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Morning All,

AnnM, I hope you are OK, take care, look after yourself xxx


Morning Slugsta.... I should of thought of this before....
Have a look at Amazon (other shops available), for 2 tier microwave plate racks.

If its purely 'a time issue', and not a 'health and safety issue', ....it might be possible for carers to heat
2 meals / plates at the same time (if the food mum and neighbour meal is compatible).

Have a good day everyone xxxx

The objection was about the extra time it takes to heat 2 meals together . . .
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Hi everyone,

Grace, I must say I think the two tiered rack for heating two meals together is brilliant - if it is just an issue of time, then its a great solution. However, I suspect that the care agency may go all 'elf and safety and jobsworthy, which seems to be the way these days, and you'll have objections on insurance. That if they prepare the meal for Slugsta's Mum, then they are accepting she is in 'their charge' and there will be a lot of 'what if' this or that happens (Food makes her poorly, she spills something and gets burnt, she chokes . . . ) and they are not insured to take that responsibility. I know it sounds mad, but honestly, that is the type of attitude that seems to prevail these days :( I think your letter is great Slugsta - shows you are aware of the issues and leaves them to suggest a way of dealing with some aspects of it. You never know - the nice and reasonable way its worded may just trigger a rare bout of common sense!

Slugsta, I think in future, should the need arise, then I'll be joining you in having a bee in my bonnet over lack of info when you are facing any sort of treatment - I'm really not impressed at all with the very little I was told about what would happen and what to expect - and the 'very little' I was told was pretty inaccurate and that has made me really cross :(

Got to the hospital for 7a.m., with OH in tow - the day before I had been told that I would be 'fine' coming by myself as I probably would be able to drive aqnd so on, right afterwards, as no anaesthetic was involved. Because I've had cortizone injections and I knew that they can leave you feeling rather brusied and sore, however, we had decided not to risk it - OH would be there to drive, just in case I was a 'bit sore' and couldn't.

It turned out that for minor orthapaedic ops and day treatments, they bring every person on the list for the day, at 7.15 am, no matter what time the procedure is scheduled for. And guess who was last on the list? Even though I was (the booking nurse told me) the only patient not scheduled for any sort of anaesthetic. Not at all keen on the likliehood of waiting on the ward, where I could get drinks but nothing to eat, for perhaps another 7 or 8 hours, I asked if I could leave and come back later? Nope. The consultants might 'shuffle' things round and it was more efficient for the ward to have us all there, all the time. OH had been asked to come to a meeting about his Mum at 2.30 (by which time we had assumed that I would long be home). I explained this, not exactly having been impressed by a rather off hand attitude, and I got a big sigh and a 'I'll have a word with the consultant'. To be fair, that worked and I was called through to a bed in the ward around 8.30 a.m. Given the info that they would take blood, separate out the 'healing properties' and inject them back, and that I could leave after the procedure as soon as I wanted, they took the blood and I was aksed to get changed into one of the awful hospital gowns - the nurse who had booked me in treated me to a lovely eye roll and another sigh when I explained that no - I hadn't brought a dressing gown, no one had told me I had to, and then aother sigh afterwards when she discovered I was wearing earrings and a necklace - I should have left them at home, she informed me. I explained that if I'd been told that in advance, I would have done. Being as I wasn't even leaving the ward, that the injection was being done there and then, this struck me as a little OTT - from everything that had been said to me, I wasn't expecting anything more dramatic than the cortizone jab, and that certainly hadn't taken all this palava. I wasn't overly happy about the large black arrow drawn on my leg either, but I said nothing.

OH was shown into the cubical as I was waiting and the consultant arrived 10 minutes later, as apparently the injection was ready, and OH was told he could stay as it 'wouldn't take long'. A slight fuss as the consultant announced that the needle provided with the kit was a bit 'on the blunt side' and requested an alternative be found, as otherwise it 'might hurt', but that was quickly sorted, a pack given to the consultant, and onto my side I rolled. The injection had to be given, the consultant explained into the 'tenderest' area of where the hip bursar is, in order for it to be effective, and he poked and pressed until he was sure that he had found the spot. I guenuinely did not expect the injection to be very much more uncomfortable than the poking and pressing - but I got one hell of a shock. I was warned to be ready for 'a slight prick' , did catch a brief glimpse of the shock on OH's face (lay on my side, I couldn't see the injection, but OH could) and then nearly went through the flipping roof as the injection went in :( I'm usually fairly stoic and OK with injections and pain, but my God - that really, really hurt - burning, intense and very painful pressure, and I actually yelled :(. It only took about a minute, but it left me in tears and feeling really nauseous. And feeling dreadfully sore - it felt like I'd been kicked by a rather large horse. I was told that I could get dressed when I wated, and leave after the physio had seen me. Physio? Eh?. 5 mins later, in came the physio and a casual 'just wondered if you needed crutches?'. I was still lay there, shaking, feeling sick and snot and tears everywhere and told him no, I just wanted to leave. he left and I started to get dressed - perhaps too hasty saying no to the crutches - trying to bear any weight on that leg was awful. Glad OH was there to help me. The last instruction was 'do everything that you would normally do - and that the pain will allow. It will ease over the next couple of days or so'. Its a good job OH is pretty big and strong - I wouldn't have made it to the car without him more or less taking my weight - and no way could I have driven at that point!

Back home, settled on sofa with leg up, wishing I had strongler pain relief to hand, though glad that the sick feeling had eased. At 2, OH headed off for this meeting about Mil - and thats when it all kicked off.

Back he came to announce that she was coming home the next day. What? We had been told that there would be a discharge meeting 5 - 7 days before she came home. She had only been back on the EMH ward for just over one full day - how had they finished all the assessments after the last med change, which they had previously told us would take a week? OH told me that they had suggested her coming home that very day and that he had only got it put off till the next because I'd had this damn injection. And he was due to start a run of three 13 hour shifts the day after that (today) which would fall over the wekend, and we hadn't been able to set up DC again, or anything.

I lost the plot. I was furious. Why the hell hadn't he said no, reminded them that this wasn't what they said would happen, explain properly that I was off my feet and was quite likely to be unable to physically care for her. Did he know what was happening with her meds? Did they say if they felt that she was any better in terms of behaviours? What if she was no different?. He hadn't thought to ask. Later, when things calmed down (a lot later) his stance was that he had been put on the spot, and caught off guard, he didn't know what to say. I phoned the hospital, then the CPN, then the ward again, getting more and more angry. It culminated in me telling the staff nurse that they had better sort out carers coming in because I was absolutely refusing to be responsible for her care, or to even be left alone in sole charge of her, not until I was over this damn pain. As I was shouting (and I was shouting, too) I could hear Mil in the background being told to 'calm down, now - don't worry - you are going home tomorrow', as Mil demanded repeatedly to be allowed to 'Go home'. :( The staff nurse rather sniffly informed me that sorting out carers wasn't her responsibility - I told her it wasn't mine either, and put the phone down. The next few hours were not nice - I told OH that I would not be here if she came home before Monday, and that if he didn't sort it, I wouldn't be here afterwards either.

By mid morning yesterday, OH was able to tell me that she wouldn't be home till Monday. I have no idea what he said, who he spoke to, or how this was arranged. I absolutely refused to have anything to do with it - not my mess, and not in a fit state to sort it out, either. He is also to sort out DC, her meds and anything else that needs doing. I get that he was put on the spot, but for goodness sake - he was there and saw me having the injection (he later told me that the shocked look on hs face at the time was down to the needle being over 4 inches long, most of which went into my hip!) had seen the pain I was in aferwards, and as far as I am concerned, his first response should have been to consider me - an idiot could see that it was unlikely that I could solo with her, even if she behaved, for a few days at least.

I have also refused to visit again - I'll see her when she comes home, until then, I'm taking it easy as although better, I am still walking with a limp and still pretty uncomfortable. Its also because I am still so angry that should I go to the hospital, I really think I might just let fly - I can't say how disgusted I am. I believe 100% that this is all about bed shortages. All I got in response to 'have you actually changed anything? Is she better?' was a curt 'She is now on the optimum medication - we can't do anything else!'. That tells me nothing.

No idea what next. OH and I have talked a little (once I finished yelling at him :eek: ) and we are going to see how it goes over the next 3 - 4 weeks. The idea of permemnant care is on the table - though again, we were told at the hospital if we wanted to consider that route, it could take months as there are hardly any EMI nursing placements, and that plain EMI homes wouldn't be suitable for her.

Feeling very let down, cross about the lack of warning about the impact of this jab, furious at the hospital, only just friends with OH again - goodness knows what happens now :(

Take care everyone xxx
 

CeliaW

Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
5,643
0
Hampshire
I am astounded Ann and so sorry for all of you. Huge hugs, I do understand your upset with OH but its awful that its so badly affecting you both. No bright ideas to help but couldn't read and run. Take care xx
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
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Ann - you hold all the cards. Don't have her home on Monday if you're not 100 per cent. This may take longer to recover from than you think. What is the 'optimum medication' and how has that changed? Just refuse to have her back. What are they going to do about it? In short, they'll have to listen to you and explain their actions.
Jeez - the last thing you need. Stick up for yourself, girl. You deserve consideration in all this and you're getting precious little. :mad:
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Oh Ann, things just couldn't be worse!
I can understand about your injection. They are putting fluid into a non-space, it's bound to hurt. But rather disgusted that you weren't told the ramifications of it. I remember having the jab in my elbow when I had tennis elbow. I swore all the way through! Apologised for the language and was told most people used much worse language than that! I must admit the doctor was a friend, not sure what I would of said if it was a stranger. The following day I couldn't move any of the arm without pain! W hen offered the injection for my wrist, years later, I refused. The doc said, I don't blame you!

Mil - well, totally unacceptable. I do not believe that they have sorted her meds in that time, I think she is beyond their control and they are getting rid of her. It is totally unacceptable and, at the very least, complaint letters are in order. Have you thought you may not be well enough by Monday to look after her? I'm sure you have. Then what? And if meds and DC are sorted, I'll eat my hat!! Of course it's their job to sort out what happens on discharge. They are saying the equivalent to the fact that if she lived alone, they would send her home, just like that. It's not the done thing, and they know it. Though I recognise that increasingly it is done! They're just waiting for you to take over in your capable way. Maybe the injection is a blessing in disguise with regard to mil!

Lots of ((((hugs)))) and I hope you have a better day.
 

annebythesea

Registered User
Oh Ann, so sorry. It's all just too much to cope with. Hope OH can get everything sorted for the time being. It sounds as though the hospital have not understood at all that asking to 'go home' does not necessarily mean your home, and hearing mil saying that must have you hearing warning bells. Hope your hip continues to improve and that what you have been through with the injection brings some benefit after you recover.

Edited to add another thought (for OH obviously as not your job to sort), but given that mils mobility now so much worse, has anyone actually checked that she can manage the stairs? Given all that has been in the press this week about unsafe discharge you would think (in a sensible world) that the hospitals would be trying a little harder to get it right.
 
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doodle1

Registered User
May 11, 2012
257
0
Hello Ann
I am horrified at what you are going through. A quick question ,you said that the hospital said that if you were to consider permanent care then EMI ordinary care would not be enough it would need to be EMI nursing,how on earth do they expect you to cope at home?
I would seriously ring your MP and start making waves about how this is not good enough. Also complain to the Medical Director( head honcho) at the hospital . I really feel for you there is no worse thing than feeling wretched oneself and having still to deal with all the **** bureaucracy involved in the care of MIL.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
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Chester
Ann- everything sounds pants

You should have been given much more info re hip - and no painkillers at all :eek::eek:

As for MIL's discharge - as Spamar says sounds like they can't manage her, how on earth have they sorted ehr meds whilst she wasn't on their ward. Cynically is it because the Section 2 is running out (28 days) and if she is put under a Section 3 they have to fund her if she transfers to a home?

The stairs question is a very good one - if she is relying heavily on her frame.

Please consider locating a suitable home or two and getting her on waiting list, as I've seen elsewhere on this forum, when she gets to top of list you can defer but if she isn't on the list, a long wait.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Oh Ann, things just couldn't be worse!
I can understand about your injection. They are putting fluid into a non-space, it's bound to hurt. But rather disgusted that you weren't told the ramifications of it. I remember having the jab in my elbow when I had tennis elbow. I swore all the way through! Apologised for the language and was told most people used much worse language than that! I must admit the doctor was a friend, not sure what I would of said if it was a stranger. The following day I couldn't move any of the arm without pain! W hen offered the injection for my wrist, years later, I refused. The doc said, I don't blame you!

You have no idea how much better that makes me feel, about how I reacted to the injection, Spamar! Because I had been given no warning about how painful it would be, I had felt really embarressed, thinking I was being a wimp! OH pointed out that they must expect it to be painful, and for walking to be difficult, if they have a physio on stand by to organise crutches, if needed - but the whole attitude towards it had been so almost laid back and casual, I was left very shaken and stunned by how bad it had been. I guenuinely didn't expect it to be more than perhaps moderately uncomfortable and a little achey afterwards. I said to OH as we left that the nearest pain I had ever experienced to that before was when giving birth - those ladies who have been through it will know the burning, very painful sensation of a babies head crowning - it was honestly quite similar :( I think that if they suggest that I go through it again (which apparently they might do, as sometimes two injections are needed) then I will be telling them No - and not too politely either.

Red, OH has been warned that I will refuse to care for her if I am not better by Monday and that he will have to sort it out if I am not - I can and will walk out if he brings her home and I feel that physically I can't support her. Its down to him to deal with the hospital. Its possibly petty and childish, but I have now said that I will not have any dealings with the hospital at all - I forgot to say that while I was ranting at the ward sister, she told me that the consultant feels that if there has been no change in Mil's behaviour once she is home, then any further medication alterations can be dealt with without admitting her - In other words, same as before - they play with the doses, I run round sorting it and I deal with side effects and any other issues. Back to square one, or what? My response was Oh no, not going to happen - because I will not take responsibility for that again. I may have calmed down, but I haven't changed my mind. Its one of the reasons why I will not visit her between now and her discharge - I am not going to be given a list of things that they want me to do (and that includes the OT's list of activities that they were talking about) in order to deal with issues that they were supposed to be sorting out. At this point, I don't even know if she has enough clean clothes and toiletries - and I don't much care, which may sound heartless, but while I am recovering, I am saying a very firm 'Not my problem' - if they decide to phone and give me a hard time, then they will be told that if they had followed the procedure for discharge that they had told us would be followed, then we wouldn't be in this position - their mess, not mine. And I'll hang up if I have to. I have told OH that I am NOT answering any phone calls that come up 'withheld' anyway, so that situation shouldn't arise. They have OH's mobile - he can deal with it.

Thanks to everyone else for the good wishes and support. It does mean a lot. I have been left feeling that maybe I went a bit OTT in the way I reacted, but you have all made me feel better (because I really lost it, both with OH and on the phone to the various hospital staff I spoke to).

Doodle1 - the point about them saying that only EMI nursing care would be appropriate if we went down the permenant care route hasn't been lost on me, either. Carers must cope in situations are deemed too difficult for professional care - we've seen it over and over on the forums, look at what Rageddy Ann and Tin have to cope with, for example :( Its that same old attitude - you point out what you are dealing with, ask how you are supposed to manage and ask what help can you get and each and every person you speak to tells you that yes, they agree that its wrong, and unfair, and not perfect, but you get the same old list of excuses. "Its not a perfect world, unfortunately. I agree but there is nothing I can do about that. Its not in my/our remit to deal with that. Unfortunately thats the way things are these days. Its dreadful, but there is nothing I/we can do about that. I understand your frustration/point of view, but I can't do anything about that" . And they wonder why carer breakdown is on the increase?!

I think that in the last 48 hours, the combination of shock and pain at that stupid injection and having to deal with the curveball the hospital have thrown at us has possibly caused me more stress than I have felt at any time before. I certainly don't feel 'right' emotionally even now - can't get past how let down I feel and how angry I am about it :mad:
 

Moonflower

Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
773
0
To be honest, I use the tactic of refusing to have her home and asking that she is discharged to whatever residential care they believe she needs. They say that it would take a long time to find an EMI nursing place. By the time they do, you will have had a good long break and could change your mind and agree to have her home. They do not seem to be considering at all whether care at home is feasible or not. You do not have to do this.
 

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
Speechless and boy did you do the right thing!

And not to be given an anaethetic was just brutal and barbaric....Ann you have been short changed through so much of this sorry saga ...no wonder you blew your top. I don't blame you ...and as for your husband....well. Good job he's not in this room with me, I'd have a few choice words to say to him...as I'm sure you did.

Even if put on the spot , his first concern should have been your welfare and he let you down badly there. I'm not going to eat about the bush. He did as I'm sure you told him. Pain is wonderful for bringing down barriers and getting to the truth of things and I think your barriers came crashing down and you let them all have it, the system, your husband, nurses and the idiots . Be proud of yourself for getting it all out like a nasty, festering sore when it erupts.

I think you will have found it very cathartic and you may actually start to feel a lot better in yourself. We hold emotional pain in our bodies. A mind and body that is perfectly in balance does not get sick.

Good luck with todaydear Ann...and do not feel guilty;-)
 

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
In case this helps...my mum when they couldn't cope with her in her ch triggered a Dst meeting and it was deemed she needed a nursing home.

The one she's in now isn't much different to the other one to be fair. I've had to move her out of the county because there wasn't a place in our town. She seems a bit more content and staff say she's lovely. So maybe the solution for mil is to bypass the ch and go straight for nursing home.

I honestly think its time for someone else to look out for her. I've read the whole saga and she sounds so similar to my mum. Mum doesn't have all the hallucinations. Mum isn't very vocal but cAn get very aggressive and sadly very messy.

That's what I would press for because sadly you do not know what problems are comi g back to you. I suspect mil's condition has changed so much since she's been away that her coming back will just be one huge disruptive nightmare.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
I don't blame you for your reaction one iota, Ann. After several years of mil you are run ragged and I feel, no, I KNOW I would have collapsed before now!
Good point about the stairs as well. Will she cope. I mean, it's not just the couple of steps the OTs use, it's a whole flight! And if she tries that in a rush......consequences, unfortunately are all too imaginable!!
Stick to your guns, girl!
Love and more ((((hugs)))))
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
Thanks to everyone else for the good wishes and support. It does mean a lot. I have been left feeling that maybe I went a bit OTT in the way I reacted, but you have all made me feel better (because I really lost it, both with OH and on the phone to the various hospital staff I spoke to).

I'm afraid that I've lost it more than once with hospitals pharmacists etc. Oddly things then happen BUT I (and all of us) shouldn't need to be pushed that far that the only way we get things is to have a toddler tantrum.

I hope OH has now realised the situation because you have been putting your best face on over it all for a long time now, and he needs to put you as his number one priority, which means you can't cope with MIL so he has to do it all.
 

angelface

Registered User
Oct 8, 2011
1,085
0
london
So sorry for the dreadful time you are having. Just when you think it can't get worse,it does,doesn't it?

Please forgive me for speaking so plainly. My thought is that you and OH still want to be together when all this is over. Having mil with you for so long has put a dreadful strain on your family,and some of this strain needs to stop before you all collapse under the weight.

You or OH need to tell the hospital that mil cannot return to you. She is their responsibility to sort out.

I understand that OH should have put you first.If he can't do that properly right now, then you really need to do that for you.

Hoping so much that things ease.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
0
Ann - you have not gone OTT. You have stuck up for yourself and sometimes getting heated is the only way people take notice. Often, it's too easy for the 'professionals' to fob you off otherwise. & it's often, I think, a default man mode to ignore a crisis brewing and hope it will go away!
I think, from the outside, we can all see very clearly that there is a crisis with MiL. It may be that there is nothing medication, and changing it, can do for MiL's agitation and the 'nasty' mode she sometimes gets into. Can you cope with that for year after year after year? --I was chatting to an older friend at my yoga class this week. She's mid-70s - very active -- plays golf, goes fishing, walks, as well as the weekly yoga. She was telling me how she's noticed her leg muscles getting weaker despite all this and I became very aware of how our bodies will simply get frailer no matter what we do. --Applying this to your situation -- you are already in pain regularly from your back. If MiL comes back, less mobile, more messy, and you step up, what are you doing to your future mobility and health? It's not OH who's going to be in pain in his 60s or 70s, or who will see his daily life constrained by niggles and aches. He has to take his blinkers off and see what this is doing to his wife, whom - I have no doubt - he loves very deeply. I'm sorry - this is a bit blunt - but we are all on here very concerned about you and your health, not just now but in the future.
Now - if you want to tell me to b***** off with my opinion, feel free! Many do!! ;) But know that if you want to draw that line in the sand, finally and irrevocably, the Bizarre cheerleaders are standing right behind you with their pom-poms at the ready!! (& I think that mental image completely deserves an :eek: !!)