Heartbreaking

[annmitt]

My daughter became pregnant about the same time as my mum was diagnosed with AD. It was such a positive thing for my mum, and when my granddaughter was born, my mum almost seemed 'normal' again, fussing around her and giving advice on how to look after her!
My grandaughter is fourteen months old now, toddling around and getting into things, as they do. She seems to have formed a bond with her great grandmother, but yesterday when I was at my mums with my daughter and granddaughter, I asked if she knew who she was. She whispered to me she recognised the face, but could not think who she was

 

[Nutty Nan]

Dear Annmitt,
One of the saddest moments during my husband's illness was when I realised he did not recognise me ..... just another 'little bit' broken off, but what a hugely important 'bit'!
I have come to realise, though, that there are many different levels of 'recognising': remembering a name / knowing a person's connection / recalling memories linked to that person - or quite simply feeling good in someone's company. That's where we are now, most of the time. Just very occasionally I feel that he knows 'who' I am, but as long as he appears comfortable in the company of family and friends, we are happy.
Your Mum will have good days and less good days. But I bet when she is relaxed, she will always respond positively to her great-granddaughter. Babies and young children have a very special gift of sneaking into the hearts of the older generation

 

[Carolynlott]

Dear Annmitt,
I think people with AD (and other forms probably) know that someone looks familiar but that is all. For ages before he went into a home my Dad knew I was someone related to him but thought I was one of his grandsons (I am his daughter). He would ask me how my cricket was going, and I would tell him "I'm not Ben" and he would be very sorry, then he would be back to calling me "this fellow". I used to get very frustrated and think surely he can see who I am. But I have since realised that the vision he could see was not being interpreted by his brain into some stored image he could relate to. The memories of "me" had gone.

Now my Dad doesn't know me at all, although occasionally he will ask "how are the little ones". Although they are grown up and tower above me, I just say they are fine.

 

[zonkjonk]

about 7 months ago, when visiting my MUM in the NH, I found her in quite a state in the lounge, wanting to "go home"
so I took her by the hand and led her back to her room.
"thats better" she said.
I then started "chatting" about stuff...I am not naturally a good chatterer.
I commented that she was wearing her favourite jumper and asked who helped her with her clothes, she said..."my daughter helps me"
I thought
"OMG mum has NO IDEA who I am"
in this progression, that was one of the most devastating moments ever.
I thought, but I didnt have the heart to tell her I was the daughter she was referring to.
she then went on to show me her favourite photo on her bedside table (about 4 times I think) each time telling me
"these are MY PEOPLE"
her true meaning"I have a family"

she was showing me my wedding photo
that was when I fully grasped emotionally what was happening to her and that was when I started to grieve for the mum I had lost.
it hurts, and its awful.

now my Mum cant even talk.
annmitt, your mum trusts you enough to whisper her shortcomings to you. that is admirable. she recognises that she should know, but she doesnt.
hugs
Jo

 

[annmitt]

Thanks everybody, I'm quite a new user but its true what they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.