When its all over ??

Norrms

Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
5,631
0
Torquay Devon
WHEN ITS ALL OVER
WHAT NEXT ?
WHERE NEXT ?

This will be a very hard post for some, but I am hoping, although hard to read, it helps.

On the day that a loved one is finally released from the awful clutches of dementia, what next for the loved one, carer left behind? The VOID must be HUGE, not only in their hearts and minds but socially as well. I have heard, in absolute HORROR, that some memory cafes do not allow those left behind to carry on attending the groups that have helped them so much in the past. Isn’t this the most important time when loved ones, carers etc need help, support, friendship and reassurance??

They have worked so very hard all those years, not only being a carer, a wife/husband / mother / father. daughter / son , but also nurse, social worker, heath worker, caregiver and much more, and then suddenly, all that is is over, all those hours of loving care and making memories, GONE, not forgotten but gone none the less, it’s a void that needs to be filled in so many ways.

Too many times we forget about those left behind whom have had every minute of their day taken up by the most selfless act of all, giving up their lives to look after others. This is exactly the time we should all rally round and offer to help. All those hours given are now free, free to do what they like, but its never as easy as that. This is when the Guilt Monster as we call it is at its most menacing, and will try and convince the person its wrong to just sit back and try to start all over again, well its NOT!! And with the help of friends, relatives and Social groups who understand, it will help them so much to get back into a routine and hopefully start to live their life again.

Here at the GLOBAL Purple Angel DEMENTIA AWARENESS CAMPAIGN we welcome anybody who has memory problems, or anybody who is worried about their or a friend / family member’s memory. You don’t have to have a diagnosis of dementia to come to us, that’s why we call the “Memory Cafes” and not dementia cafés, we are here to help no matter what and we will support you long after a loved one has passed.

To all CARER`S/ CAREGIVERS

WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU + THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Norrms, Diagnosed aged 50, eight years ago and still FIGHTING IT xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
Our memory cafe is run by Carers Association so carers are always welcome, whether caring or post caring. We are happy for people living with dementia to attend too. Nothing separates carer from cared for.

My title has changed from carer to widow and I am still more than welcome to attend. I might a little later on become a volunteer but right now I want to stay as a welcome non carer.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Like you, Jaymor, I've changed from carer to widow.
However, our local Alzheimers group, of which I/we have been members ever since he was diagnosed, had a policy if stopping ex-Carers one year after their loss. However, this group has now closed.
Just note that 4 sufferers have died in the last 9 months. Two of us have been trying to get the local gps on board to tell the newly diagnosed and their Carers about the group but we have had no success over nearly 2 years. Years ago the local Alzheimers society rep would visit the newly diagnosed to help with forms etc.
No more, alas.
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
413
0
Glasgow
Hey, Norrms.. I wasn't aware of this. Thank you for raising awareness. I seek support and information through TP, but I can imagine there are many people out there who look for more 'human contact', and rightly so.. So thank you, and thanks for your lovely words. Hope you're doing well. G X


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Margaret79

Registered User
May 11, 2010
2,077
0
Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Oh Norms, your post has me in floods of tears.

I cared for my MIL for six and a half years and had her living with us for 5 of those years. She passed away on 15th April and I am lucky to have our 7 chocolate labrador puppies who were born the day after MIL passed to keep me busy.

I'm glad for her that her suffering is over but looking ahead I've no idea what will fill that void once the puppies go to their new homes. I'm not sure at 60 and with my health the way it is whether I'll be able to get or hold down a job of any sort.

Having put my life on hold for all those years restarting it feels like quite a challenge. One day at a time me thinks is how it needs to be.

Thank you for your wise words. I so admire you for all you do. xxx
 

Maisy76

Registered User
Mar 24, 2016
114
0
Hey guys just a thought. Have you looked at meetup.com?

Amazing development started initially in the States after that awful September 11th thing when the people in New York realised they didn't know each other but wanted to pull together.

Now it's gone global. Well since joining meetup I've never looked back. I have a lovely group of pals but when they are busy I look on meetup and have been to all sorts of events including lunches, walks and dog walks, pub nights, live music events, a pantomime, dog racing, and even a three week trip to Goa! There are all age groups involved. I am in my 40's hence joining because quite a few of my pals now have young families and so are not as able to get out as much as they used to.

However as well as meeting people my own age and younger, I have made friends with people in their sixties, seventies and above. Many are widows or widowers who just hit a wall of despair once the person they were caring for passed away, but who have now started to build up their social lives again.

Actually the chap who organized Goa is 70-something and thinking of doing it all again next January!

I hosted Swanage Blues Festival March 2015 for a meetup group because my friends were either busy, working or couldn't afford to go, and we had such a great time. One lady even decided to go back to the festival in October last year with me for part of her 70th birthday celebrations! Go girl!

Of course I am not so insensitive as to say it will ever replace the loss of a loved one, especially at first, but surely it is healthier than staying in and looking at four walls.

Have a little look, and please do remember to tell me how you all get on. And if you're feeling a bit shy about attending your first meetup then bite the bullet and do it, because remember we all went to our first meetup at some point.

Good luck, Maisy xx