So bizarre !

Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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Ann, thank you for the update.

I only enjoy shopping for clothes when I want to, or have a friend to go with who will make it fun, so I hear your pain on that. I especially dislike having to return things.

Good for you for completing your CV and sending it in, given everything that is going on. I wish you the best in terms of the interview/position.

MIL sounds quite poorly so it's no wonder you and DH are worried. I hope that the IV antibiotics and hospital care will help as much as possible. I think it's reassuring to know she has what amounts to a private nurse with her; that can only be a good thing. I hope you are able to feel she is in good hands.

Sending you more warm thoughts and a big hug from the other side of the Atlantic.
 
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Tin

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May 18, 2014
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Sorry to hear about the chest infection Ann. Can be a really worrying time, hope mil picks up soon, at least she is in the right place with treatment and care almost immediately at hand.
 

IzzyJ

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Aug 23, 2015
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Cotswolds
That infection sounds really nasty, it is good that it is being dealt with in hospital, rather than you having to cope with it at home. I'm not surprised you are worried, it must be even harder because you have actually had her with you for so long. A sort of (irrational and false) guilt gorilla feeling that it has happened because she isn't at home. Don't listen, it isn't true!
As ever, you are quite brilliant at getting things done, getting that vital complaint underway, and getting ready for your job app. You are fantastic, you know.
 

jugglingmum

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Jan 5, 2014
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Chester
That infection sounds really nasty, it is good that it is being dealt with in hospital, rather than you having to cope with it at home. I'm not surprised you are worried, it must be even harder because you have actually had her with you for so long. A sort of (irrational and false) guilt gorilla feeling that it has happened because she isn't at home. Don't listen, it isn't true!
As ever, you are quite brilliant at getting things done, getting that vital complaint underway, and getting ready for your job app. You are fantastic, you know.

Nicely put IzzyJ.

Re the school complaint, I think you've done the right thing to escalate it promptly, we haven't always as you don't want to rock the boat. We complain quicker now, sometimes feel like why us, when we have had to deal with bullying of both children at the same time and son's academic issues on top of my mum, with brother not pulling his weight making 2014 an awful year. Work issues that year as well which have resolved.

I typed several replies yesterday and then didn't manage to post them, train tunnels on phone etc.

When my mum had pneumonia she was on MAU after A & E, it was a very high level of support ward, she then moved onto a high dependency ward and then a low level ward. The ward changes aren't ideal for a dementia patient, but medically I can see that it makes sense as there is a high level of staff for the very poorly patients with less staff as the patients get better. As MIL has a one to one with her any ward changes shouldn't make too much difference, and if she improves quickly they may well send her back to the dementia unit. My mum was pretty poorly when she was on AMU, although not at death's door, but I couldn't believe how quickly she picked up with ABs. Hopefully there will be some improvement today.
 
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RedLou

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Jul 30, 2014
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Ann - thinking of you; that you've found the time and energy to progress the complaint and application is brilliant - fingers crossed re: both and for 2016 to improve rapidly for the Macs.
 

Spamar

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Oct 5, 2013
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Good luck for job! I hate clothes shopping, in fact most shopping! So I understand! Mills health must be a big problem but maybe abs will work.
 

Grace L

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Jun 14, 2014
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NW UK
Afternoon everyone....
Just popped in to see how MiL Mac was doing, and to see if there was any new news.
I hope the AB work soon, so she can be moved back to the unit to continue assessment.

Good luck with the job Ann, you deserve it .... give you something to look forward to.

I hate shopping too, I'd much rather look at clothes online, collect in store, then if its not suitable,
return it there and then.
Just had my monthly big shop delivered today, then I can go out locally and pick up fresh as and when I need it. I like supporting my local stores, even if it does cost a little more.

SiL (who lives down the road-ish) wanted to invite herself here to stay for the Bank Holiday so we could go for a drive, via The Trafford Centre (she knows I HATE shopping).
She also told me she was looking forward to my cooking a Sunday roast when we come home.
I had not invited her, she didn't want to be on her own .... and wanted to stay with me Sat/Sun.
I suggested if she fancied a drive, she could always go and see her mum, but she declined.

Anyway..... said I was busy, and that even if I was not, I would not go clothes shopping with her, especially on a Bank Holiday at The Trafford Centre.I'm sure its very nice, just not my kind of 'thing'.
And for SiL to think I was going to follow her around for several hours , doing something I hate, when she knows I cant walk far (bad knees) ... and then come home and cook her a full Sunday roast , shows how selfish she actually is.
I'm not going to be bullied into doing something I don't want to do.


Thinking about popping in to see MiL (?Fri) with some new bedding/ planter plants.
Just a quick visit, play it by ear.... wont tell her I'm coming so she does not fret.


Spoke to GP Nurse earlier about chasing up my knee phone calls ... she reassured me I am on the list, and for some reason Doc XXX (the head Consultant) is insisting he does my op , not one of the other Docs, which is causing delays in surgery.
My Doc works more days Privately than he does NHS... so its a waiting game.
 
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Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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USA
Grace L, I was delighted to read your post. That's the spirit, and stay firm with boundaries with SIL (very presumptuous of her indeed; what is wrong with people?) and do what you like, and don't feel guilty!

Good wishes to Ann, and everyone else. You all keep me sane and I am grateful!
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
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Yeah, Grace - join the Bizarre bitches! - we take no truck from no one! (Or something like that. I don't have much street cred.)
Anyway - more seriously - delighted to see you say that. & give yourself a free pass on visiting MiL if it's something that you don't want to do on a sunny Friday.
Amy - hope you are okay.
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
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South coast of England
Afternoon all.

Grace, good for you! The nerve of SIL is mind-boggling :mad: I am so glad you are starting to stand up to her. Sorry that you are still waiting for a date regarding your knees though.

Ann, I'm sorry that MIL is still so poorly. Chest infections can be very nasty for people with COPD, as you know all to well. It does sound as if she is getting good care and is where she needs to be.

The school business must seem like the last straw just now! I'm sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

I don't mind clothes shopping for 'fun' with a girlfriend but hate it when I have to get something. It is Sod's Law that I can't find anything I want on those occasions.

Had my usual coffee and cake out with Mum this morning. She is much more comfortable now, I'm sure the firmer plaster is helping. i took her clean washing back and put it away for her - it was just a few pairs of knicks and a tee shirt (that she wears in bed). Where is everything else?? :confused: Her sheets need changing but I couldn't find another set, so will have to get some more before I do these - I certainly don't feel inclined to strip the bed, get the sheets washed and dried and back on by evening!

I have a bit of a dilemma and wonder if you lovely people can help please? First, a little background info-

Mum has a very good friend (D) who lives in the same block of flats. There is a third 'lady' (TF) with whom D used to live. They were originally partners and is seems that their relationship is quite dysfunctional. Mum used to be friends with TF (in fact, she idolised her) but TF has refused to speak to her for almost 12 months now and can be quite unkind at times. TF controls D's affairs, she has POA and D does not like to upset her.

Mum spends most of her waking hours in D's flat (D is not very mobile), she makes her coffee, does the washing up etc, even now while she is in plaster. D has carers several times a day. She does not mind Mum being present when the carers are there but TF says she must go - and has told the carers this (TF arranged the carers and liaises with them). Mum is happy to go but sometimes forgets.

The care agency phoned the staff where Mum lives and complained about Mum being there while they are providing personal care for D. They don't think they should have to remind her (what bit of 'dementia' are they having problems with? :confused:).

The other issue is that Mum and D like to have their evening meal together. The carers have complained about being asked to put Mum's meal in the micro at the same time ( I don't know whether they are asked by Mum or D). It now takes 7 minutes to cook 2 instead of 3.5 minutes for 1.

The care agency manager suggested that Mum should cook her meal in her own flat and then carry it up to eat with D. That would have been a bad idea even without the broken wrist!

I do understand that they are not employed to do this - but simply don't know what to suggest. I am also worried that Mum won't bother to have a meal if she cannot eat with D. I feel like offering to pay for the extra 3.5 minutes. . .
 

Onlyme

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Apr 5, 2010
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UK
Grace, next time she suggests a trip around somewhere like that I would answer oh good you can push my wheelchair for the couple of hours. I think she would suddenly develop a bad back!

Good for you for standing up to what is the most selfish behaviour.

Slugsta, they would change you the 15 minutes or worse. It's a shame you can pay for 3 15 minutes a week to get your Mum's food heated but I fear they would only do it on alternate days.
 

Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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USA
Slugsta, what a dilemma. I am sorry to say that no brilliant ideas immediately spring to mind, but I will have a think on it, and let you know. (How frustrating that the carers can't be more understanding of someone with dementia, though, in terms of "reminders.") I hope your mother continues to do well with the new plaster. The laundry mystery is one I have with my mother, in the care home. She seems to think that nothing is ever fit for the dirty laundry basket; I'd be interested to hear more about your mother and her laundry.

RedLou, thanks for the kind wishes. I am sort of okay. I do not want to derail Ann's thread but as some of you may have seen elsewhere, my father-in-law has recently been diagnosed with an advanced stage terminal cancer. He starts chemotherapy next week and we will see how he responds to the treatment. We visited at the end of April and hope to return at the end of May. (My parents-in-law live an 8 hour drive from us, which is not impossible, but not good for quick visits.) Unfortunately, my husband is unusually busy at work right now and has a lot of business travel scheduled, which is making visiting more challenging.

It is very sad, and while I hate dementia with a passionate passion (redundant, but you know what I mean), cancer sucks, if you'll pardon the phrase.

Hope everyone else is keeping as well as possible. Sending more good thoughts to the Mac family.
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
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South coast of England
Amy, I'm sorry that your FIL is so poorly. It must be so very difficult with you being such a long drive away. We in the UK tend to get very insular, an 8 hour drive is almost the other end of the world to us!
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
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Hello everyone x

Grace , good for you Hun - its just fab to read that you are standing firm :)

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} Amy - so hard when a loved one is so far away and they are poorly xxxxx

Slugsta, I think lemony is right, and the only way that the carers would be able to prepare your Mum's food too is if you paid for a 15 minute slot for her - however, it may be that they wouldn't be able to do it at the same time as they do for D (because that slot is allocated to D's needs) :( . You would think that its such a simple thing that it shouldn't be an issue, but I would imagine their reluctance is down to a combination of insurance issues, having to adhere to a care plan that says their visit is purely for D - and the fact that TF is on their case about it means that they would have to be especially careful. Such a shame as I would imagine the company at meal times is as nice for D as it is for your Mum - a pity that TF isn't a little more reasonable. It would be relatively simple, I would imagine, to organise the microwaving of a meal for your Mum, under the heading of facilitating social interaction for D, and having it added to the care plan, which would cover any insurance and 'risk' concerns too. I've had tasks performed for clients' spouses, other relatives, and even friends, included in a care plan before now, on the grounds of 'social interaction', so I'm sure it would be possible.

A failed attempt to visit Mil yesterday afternoon, as once again, after driving round all the car parks at the hospital (twice), I had to give up :( Back home I phoned to see how she was, and spoke to someone who seemed awfully 'wooly' - I wanted to know was Mil any better, and got told 'She's been out of bed to go to the toilet and sounds a bit chesty', which doesn't tell me much :rolleyes: As I was about to hang up, this numpty decided to add that 'By the way, she got moved to another ward last night' - so how she would even know that Mil was 'chesty' still, is a bit beyond me!

Had to pick youngest up from her after school DOE classes, so decided to have another stab at going to see Mil for evening visiting on the way back, and actually managed to get a parking space this time! Found the new ward - you have to ring to get in, but its simply a case of pressing a large and well marked button to get out, so I think that its as well that Mil has 24/7 supervision! Mind you, thats not too much of a worry just now, as Mil was in bed, and looking really rough, and her breathing if anything, sounded a lot worse :( She now has an oxygen 'tube' around her head and nostrils, which she didn't have yesterday. Still confabulating madly, mainly she was back in the days when she worked for a holiday camp again and there were mentions of everything from her being warned that her dad would kill her if he found out she was courting, through to how on 'our' nights off we go round the pub but she has to watch me because one drink puts me flat on my back! An awful lot of half formed and garbled sentences and comments that made little sense. Talking was leaving her awfully breathless, but its like she can't switch off and stop at all. One of the student MHN's was with her, and I think she must be quite new to dementia care as she once or twice attempted to correct Mil's more obvious inaccuracies - at one point laughing and asking Mil how could she be '19 next birthday', when her grandddaughter was nearly 15? Mil firstly just pointed at youngest, then me and told her that ' its because that's the daughter, and that's the Mother', but this nurse repeated the question and Mil was very suddenly aware that she was getting 'something' wrong, IYKWIM, and looked awfully upset and bewildered. I dived in and said it didn't matter and changed the subject, and Mil seemed to instantly forget the confusion, thankfully. The Nurse wasn't being nasty or anything, I just got the impression that she was struggling with Mil saying something that was so obviously 'wrong' that it was almost instinctive to correct her. I guess (hope) she will learn.

On our way out, I asked to speak to the staff nurse, as honestly Mil really did look and sound worse. However, she told me that the IV antibiotics have been stepped down to oral medication, which is a good sign, and the hope is that Mil will be able to go back to the dementia unit on Friday - so it sounds like appearances were deceptive, and she must be on the mend. Giving up on afternoon visiting for now, OH and I will pop in this evening and see how she is - if she continues to improve and does indeed go back to the dementia unit on Friday, then I'm going to push for us to have the weekend 'off' from visiting, as OH is now on A/L for just over a week and I think that he (and probably I) could do with a break.

Mixed news on the job - 3 T.A.s are leaving from a local school and through a friend who worked there and who knows I am thinking of going back to work, I was asked to put in my CV - having done that, the current status is that the LA are now considering not filling the posts - ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH !. All is not lost, as its possible that will change, I'm told. There is also a unit for kids with special needs attached to the school and my details have been passed to them as they think I may make a good 'one to one' support staff - and of course, there are also other schools in the area that I can try. I'll just keep pursuing it, and hope, I guess.

I've encouraged OH to go out on his bike with a mate for a good run today, and I intend to make the most of this suddenly sunny and gorgeous weather by pottering in the garden and green house - I have lettuce ready to be 'potted on', and a profusion of flower seedlings that I'm going to have to start finding space for in the garden and tubs - I suspect that finding room for the 18/20 sunflower seedlings might just be a bit of a problem :D

Hope you guys all have a good day xxxx
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,893
0
Scotland
It's good to hear that they think Mil's chest is improving, I hope you manage to persuade OH that having a couple of days off from visiting is a good idea.

Good luck with your job applications xx.
 
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Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Hi all,

Ann, I hope that MIL really is improving and will soon be well enough to return to the dementia ward. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the nurse telling you she was 'a little chesty' as if that were not the reason for her being there!

I think you are right to try and push for a 'weekend off', you and OH have been 'on duty' 24/7 for so long. Even when MIL has been in respite you have spent so much time sorting out her affairs that it hasn't given you a proper break. You are not superhuman and are, in my opinion, very near to breaking point :(

I don't know how much things have changed, I think I got next to no input about dementia when I was training. In those days the 'received wisdom' was to try and gently correct the PWD - you can imagine how helpful that was!

What a ridiculous situation re the job vacancy. I do hope that you find the right 'something' very soon.

Thanks for your suggestions re Mum's situation. I'm pretty sure TF would not agree to heating Mum's meal being included on D's care plan. She really is a very nasty person, her behaviour can be quite 'bizarre' at times - which makes her a perfect topic of conversation for this thread :D

It's been another lovely day here - top temps in the low 20s. I saw a jay today and a very young foal yesterday. No kingfisher though, even though I sat down by the river with my Thursday Man this afternoon.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
Hello MrsTerryN - hope life is OK in your part of the world.

Ann - my mum had oxygen, although at the same time as the IV antibiotics and withdrawn before they were replaced with oral ABs. Seemed fairly routine. Hopefully she'll go back to the dementia ward tomorrow.

Let me know if OH got out on a ride and where he went, you have fantastic countryside on your doorstep. Frustrating if the job doesn't happen, the special needs one sounds like something you'd be very good at.

Amy, thanks for update on FIL, I always read this thread and might not pick up another thread so glad you posted on here. Such a long drive, I presume no flights going in the right direction.

Slugsta - I've got no idea of what would help your mum, suspect it's a lose-lose situation with the dysfunctional relationship (edited to add still chuckling at your response to OH's suggestion of compassionate communication).

Called in on a friend today on the way back from haircut, he had a skiing accident in US, and fractured his pelvis and 3 ribs, is on a frame and not driving for weeks.. Upside (in my opinion) is that whilst in US the carer they had got in to look after his mum(Vascular dementia) said his mum needed a home, as she was unable to look after her, and his twin and nephew arranged it. On going issues as only home they could find quickly is 20mins away, and whilst family like it her friends aren't happy she is so far from them. She seems 'normal' when they visit and one friend told her today that she should still be at home, so care home told my friend when he visited. The friend burst into tears about it all whilst visiting and saying she shouldn't be there. He's letting his uncle and nephew sort it out (he is 56 but has learning difficulties) He kept finding his mum dressed and trying to go out at 2am and was getting little sleep. I told him to suggest they tell friend to stop upsetting her. Think he is fed up of her friends interfering, he is very good at telling it how it is when push comes to shove (lack of tact due to brain damage) so hope he doesn't.
 

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