That's wonderful news - the smiling part - though the last nerve standing has its own poignancy, too. You have been facing such a hard road, and you have been so supportive to so many of us. I do wish you could get some help there, so you could have some days entirely to yourself. Thinking of you.
Nursing homes
- Thread starter Aisling
- Start date
That's wonderful news - the smiling part - though the last nerve standing has its own poignancy, too. You have been facing such a hard road, and you have been so supportive to so many of us. I do wish you could get some help there, so you could have some days entirely to yourself. Thinking of you.
T got a weeks respite Monday.! Am catching up with meetings etc. been in to see him for past two days. He is contented TG.
Aisling xx
Hi Aisling,
Been wondering how you're doing - glad to hear of the respite & that T is content. We're not too advanced here yet, TG & I often wonder if I will be as strong as you when we get to that stage.
Sending a big hug
I resisted for years but there came a point when I had to think of best care for OH. It is awful. If things work I will still be his advocate and watching him like a hawk.
Aisling xx
I just checked on my posts!! I sound so logical! I know but my heart is in turmoil again........ The other unmentionable problem is having a " field day"
Decision is made and waiting game is on but the guilt monster is alive and well. I can't explain it well but it feels like the end of a great marriage. I know I will continue to be highly involved in his care plan and will be his advocate but it is hard.. Friends and people in our local community have disappeared and I feel like a hermit! How can friends of thirty years just disappear ? Have accepted it but can't understand it.
I know I can visit as often as I want to, take him out etc, but it is different.
I hate this disease.
Aisling
Know exactly how you feel. All I can say is that with William, once he settled in the nursing home, it didn't feel as much like the end of our marriage as the awful times that preceded the nursing home did. The time when my entire life was an exhausting round of trying to get his meds into him, trying to get him to eat something - anything - and/or drink something. Of trying to keep him reasonably clean, get his clothes changed and pads changed without him attacking me. Of being woken every hour or two. Believe me Aisling, it felt a lot more like a good marriage to have him so thrilled to see me, to be able to sit and relax with him and watch TV, or go for a walk or whatever.
It will be different, of course it will. But you will cope. Of course you will.
Thank you Lady A. I know I am taking care of T in the best possible way and he now needs Nursing Home care. Consultions and doctors assessments etc agree that he needs nursing home care and more importantly is that I know he needs specialist care too. I have picked the best place for him. Excellent staff, excellent care and exceptional atmosphere.
Beautiful gardens and grounds. Great menu with breakfast in bed when requested. I will be totally involved with his care and care plans.
I get upset with some posts saying that we are putting people into care. I am not putting Tim into care. He has an illness and now needs professional nursing care.
My heart is heavy but thank you for your positive reply.
Your photograph is georgous.
Aisling xxxxxx
I know what you mean. Someone on Facebook referred to a nursing home that had gotten a glowing report as "quite a good dumping ground". I found it very upsetting - especially since the person had a relative in that nursing home. Of course, she herself had not been caring for the person!
Nursing home or care at home?
My Mum is finding it very difficult to care for my Dad as he has had dementia for many years, she is exhausted and not getting enough sleep. She has been reluctant to get any help and also feels bad thinking about a nursing home for him. The family have all tried to help but he just takes his anger out on her. I thought it would be good for him to go into a NH but other sibling think he should stay at home. We are looking a day care for him now, just to give my Mum a break. Unfortuntley there is no family close by to help with day to day things.
My Mum is finding it very difficult to care for my Dad as he has had dementia for many years, she is exhausted and not getting enough sleep. She has been reluctant to get any help and also feels bad thinking about a nursing home for him. The family have all tried to help but he just takes his anger out on her. I thought it would be good for him to go into a NH but other sibling think he should stay at home. We are looking a day care for him now, just to give my Mum a break. Unfortuntley there is no family close by to help with day to day things.
Has he been assessed Wildflower?
Aisling and I are both in Ireland, and the system is completely different here. If you start a new thread, I'm sure others more familiar with what steps to take to get some help for your mum in the UK system would see your post quicker. Caring for someone with advancing dementia is not a job for one person. If your siblings think your dad should stay at home without a lot of help coming in, then they need to step up and be prepared to put their lives on hold, so they can help with caring for your dad. Your mum can't be "on duty " 24/7. Unfortunately, so often, when people aren't actually living with it, they just don't realise how the constantly interrupted sleep, and the sleeping with one eye open in case he goes wandering, etc
can really exhaust a person. It's the relentlessness of it all - it wears you down.
Aisling and I are both in Ireland, and the system is completely different here. If you start a new thread, I'm sure others more familiar with what steps to take to get some help for your mum in the UK system would see your post quicker. Caring for someone with advancing dementia is not a job for one person. If your siblings think your dad should stay at home without a lot of help coming in, then they need to step up and be prepared to put their lives on hold, so they can help with caring for your dad. Your mum can't be "on duty " 24/7. Unfortunately, so often, when people aren't actually living with it, they just don't realise how the constantly interrupted sleep, and the sleeping with one eye open in case he goes wandering, etc
can really exhaust a person. It's the relentlessness of it all - it wears you down.
Not missing anything
My heart goes out to you Aisling.
My parents are both living at home, both have Alzheimer's and we receive care from SS though this has not been straightforward and the catalyst to receiving the care that they do was an incident with a live in carer (whilst I was away as although I don't live with them, I needed this in place for piece of mind as I live near by and am on hand as needed). Dad hit the carer and so we are on the radar with SS as it were.
My hope is to keep M&D supported at home for as long as possible because at the current time I believe this is the best solution, but I also recognise a time may come when this is not viable. The moment they move into a home they would become totally self funding (at the moment they pay towards SS care based on the fact they have savings about a certain threshold), which seems ridiculous. That said, if that becomes the best solution then that is what we will do - I don't think you should worry yourself about any inheritance as this shouldn't ever be expected - at the end of the day it's about getting the right provision for your OH and you, and using funds you have if that is needed. I don't think you should feel any shame either if you feel CH/NH is the right option.
In the meantime though I would fight for getting the services and provision you need, at home if that is the right place, and my understanding is that SS should work with you provide that level of care. When we initially put a care plan in place it was thru an external provider as SS were unable to resource. That subsequently changed as in house resource became available. I do sometimes feel I am a lone voice (my sibling has differing views) although SS have been generally supportive. The skills I think you need are self belief, determination and fighting your corner, but I'm guessing you already have those as do all the other Carers doing a brilliant job on behalf of their families.
Edit to post.........I just realised I was replying to your early post and not most recent comments...sorry. I have read that the situation has moved on. So I hope all is well currently.
All the best.
G x
My heart goes out to you Aisling.
My parents are both living at home, both have Alzheimer's and we receive care from SS though this has not been straightforward and the catalyst to receiving the care that they do was an incident with a live in carer (whilst I was away as although I don't live with them, I needed this in place for piece of mind as I live near by and am on hand as needed). Dad hit the carer and so we are on the radar with SS as it were.
My hope is to keep M&D supported at home for as long as possible because at the current time I believe this is the best solution, but I also recognise a time may come when this is not viable. The moment they move into a home they would become totally self funding (at the moment they pay towards SS care based on the fact they have savings about a certain threshold), which seems ridiculous. That said, if that becomes the best solution then that is what we will do - I don't think you should worry yourself about any inheritance as this shouldn't ever be expected - at the end of the day it's about getting the right provision for your OH and you, and using funds you have if that is needed. I don't think you should feel any shame either if you feel CH/NH is the right option.
In the meantime though I would fight for getting the services and provision you need, at home if that is the right place, and my understanding is that SS should work with you provide that level of care. When we initially put a care plan in place it was thru an external provider as SS were unable to resource. That subsequently changed as in house resource became available. I do sometimes feel I am a lone voice (my sibling has differing views) although SS have been generally supportive. The skills I think you need are self belief, determination and fighting your corner, but I'm guessing you already have those as do all the other Carers doing a brilliant job on behalf of their families.
Edit to post.........I just realised I was replying to your early post and not most recent comments...sorry. I have read that the situation has moved on. So I hope all is well currently.
All the best.
G x
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Hi Georgina,
Am now waiting to get the Irish Fair deal for T. It is a waiting game now. I have Nursing Home picked out. T was in it for respite and it is excellent for him.
Am exhausted!!
Thank you for your message. Appreciated. It gets lonely here at times and on red alert all the time.
Aisling xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you Lady A, assessments etc done. All form submitted and resubmitted..... Seems to be a waiting game now!
Aisling xxxxxxx
