Update

[elizabethkatie]

Hi Everyone,


I registered a while ago and have meant to be in touch again sooner. How is everyone. My Ma has AD and is in a Nursing Home in Ireland. My last visit back in February was a good one, as she was a lot perkier & chattier than the previous visit. I try to go across every month. I havent been coping well recently & have been signed off work by my doctor. I get very down at times, remembering how active & giddy my dear mother used to be. I struggle also with the unfairness of it all as my Ma retired back to Ireland in 2002 & was then diagnosed with this awful illness, which has been very rapid. She worked so hard all her life, brought my sister & I up on her own, so it all seems so unjust & unfair now that she is so frail & dependant on others. I love her dearly & its so sad.
Iwas just wondering if anyone has any ideas for coping better & ways to look at the situation without always feeling so incredibly down & sad.
I only have an Aunt, as there is no communication between my sister & I & my Aunt is not one for talking/sharing her thoughts & feelings. She has never been easy to talk to or very expressive
I know everything in life happens for a reason & to teach us lessons, to help us become better, stronger etc but I do struggle often with WHY? Why did this have to happen to such a good, kind , hard working person who never had great joy in her life. I have also struggled with guilt about the worry I caused her growing up,as she was on her own & worried hugely about me. I know this is natural & really unhealthy but I just cant help it sometimes. I also wish Id appreciated her more when she was well & expressed my love for her more. I tell her all the time now & she always says it back, which is magical but still I have these constant regrets. I lived with my Ma in Oxford for many years so we spent the most time with each other, so missing that person plays a huge part as well.
Im sorry to sound glum, just wanted to share this & get it off my chest. I look forward to hearing back from anyone & maybe recieving some advice. The only solace i Sometimes feel is that everything is temporary & eventually my Ma will have eternal peace.
Warmest wishes,
Elizabeth.

 

[looby97]

Hi Elizabeth

i know just how you are feeling. i went thru a phase of thinking"why" and "life is so unfair". My Mum and Dad worked all of there lives to support me and my little sis. Five years ago Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She fought it and won the battle but had to retire from her work as a home help. Just as she was getting back on her feet Dad's behaviour became increasingly odd to say the least. We put it down to the stress of Mum being ill. He was finally diagnosed 2 years ago and whilst it was a relief to know exactly what it was we felt really angry.

I can remember as a kid only seeing Dad just as I was going to bed - he would work from 7am to 8pm most nights. We weren't well off but we were comfortable. Dad pushed us to study as he didn't want us to have to work in a factory as he and Mum did.

I wish I had said thanks to Dad before this cruel illness struck. Alas i didn't so all I can do is pay him back in giving my all to look after him. We are lucky at the mo in that Dad is well enough to be at home with Mum who can care for him. He attends day centre and still has his sense of humour and we are thankful for this.

I have stopped beating myself up about the illness now and try to be positive for Mum. Rest assured there are always people you can talk to here. I have found that. My sister is good for me though at times she will clam up. i too had three months off sick last year and I think it was a culmination of a few things, Dad's ilness being one of them. I have managed to sort things in my head now and when I'm feeling down abbout Dad I focus on the good times and am thankful that at least we had them.

Take care and please chat again if you feel the need

Anita

 

[elizabethkatie]

Hi Anita,

Good to hear from you & thank you for your reply. Im sorry to hear your Mum was ill but glad she is now better, sorry also about your Dad. Its good though that he still has his sense of humour & it sounds like you are all pulling together & coping well. Its good to hear as well that you are now back on track after having some previous time off work also. Thanks again for your reply. Lookafter yourself.

Warmest Wishes,
Elizabeth.