guilt and not living my life

[patrizia]

hello
i am new and so introduce myself
I am 52 and my mother is in Ireland ( she got dementia when Dad died)....I am having to move her on 28th Oct from one lovely home to not such a nice home, and so I worry and am not sleeping well and it consumes me.
My brother - doesn't want to know really - he can't believe she is ill and so absents himself and doesn't want to help on any decisions at all. All left on my shoulders and I am raging mad.
Background is that my mother was truly horrible to me most of my life - and I forgive her all that nonsense as she is different now and so that is a bit of a relief.
How not to feel guilt and bad all the time?
I am not living my life much at all - not sleeping etc, not even allowing myself downtime or even a glass of wine once a fortnight. I am punishing myself almost.
I can't afford right now to go to a counsellor.
Patrizia

 

[MeganCat]

Hi Patrizia
Welcome to TP
It is hard caring from a big distance - I do too, and spend the majority of my time eaten up with worry and guilt waiting for the phone to ring with the latest issue (less since mum went into hospital) I'm trying to involve my brother more but he doesn't seem to worry! I wasn't desperately close to my mum growing up and haven't lived with her since about 14 but we had started to get closer after her husband died - unfortunately AD arrived soon after.

You have to allow you to take some time out for you and not feel guilty so that you can be strong - I've been told to remember what they tell you on aeroplanes - fit your own oxygen mask before helping others

Easier said than done!

I'm sure you will get lots of support here - and good advice from people who have got the t shirt

 

[artyfarty]

hello
i am new and so introduce myself
I am 52 and my mother is in Ireland ( she got dementia when Dad died)....I am having to move her on 28th Oct from one lovely home to not such a nice home, and so I worry and am not sleeping well and it consumes me.
My brother - doesn't want to know really - he can't believe she is ill and so absents himself and doesn't want to help on any decisions at all. All left on my shoulders and I am raging mad.
Background is that my mother was truly horrible to me most of my life - and I forgive her all that nonsense as she is different now and so that is a bit of a relief.
How not to feel guilt and bad all the time?
I am not living my life much at all - not sleeping etc, not even allowing myself downtime or even a glass of wine once a fortnight. I am punishing myself almost.
I can't afford right now to go to a counsellor.
Patrizia

Hi Patrizia. What a horrible time you are having - and I know exactly what you mean about your brother. Mine is just the same.

Just wanted to say that when I went for my carers assessment I was told that I was entitled to six free counselling sessions if I wanted them. I don't know if it will be different in different areas but it might be worth finding out about if you feel it would help.

 

[Mollygoose]

You time

We all need me time ! I'm looking after my mother along side of carers popping in 4times a day ! I'm 64 I work in retail doing 20hours a week ! I'm divorced with a big house and garden to manage all by myself and I manage ! I drive to mothers 3times a day it's only 3miles away ! But once you say to yourself yes I can do it and plan your day you will be surprised what you can do ! Whilst I'm doing mothers meals I clean her flat and do her washing ! Try to be organised and you will find the odd hour to have to yourself ! So try and chill out be kind to yourself x x