In need of a virtual hug

[Louby65]

Hi everyone , hope you are all well ?

Hi Jenny , thank you for asking how I am. To be honest I don't get asked that very often . I think people just assume I'm ok . Looking after my mum doesn't leave me much time for myself but I have friends who come to the house or I manage to go out when someone can look after my mum . I'm going to plan a short break for my mum and I somewhere soon . Maybe Loch Lomond or St. Andrews . Don't want to go too far . My mums carer said she will come with us , which will be nice . It will give me some company when my mum goes to bed .
Hi Gill , hope you and your dad are doing ok and that you are keeping better .
Hi Jackie . Hope you are well? That's good that you had such s good day with your dad yesterday . Hope you have many good times ahead with him.
Hi Heidi , it is so good to hear from you . I'm so glad that you are pursuing a career in caring for people . You will be so raw emotionally , so I hope you are eating and sleeping as well as you can .
Hi rob , I hope things are settled with you and your OH . Take care .
To all our friends on here I wish you all my very best . Lou xx

 

[Louby65]

Oh Gill , I have just noticed your post . I am so sorry you are feeling so low . Please don't beat yourself up about seeking help with your dad . I know what it's like allowing the guilt monster to feed off of us . Please don't let it . You have done such a good job caring for your dad and remember the caring continues while he is in the CH . Please don't be too hard on yourself , you need a bit of looking after now . My best wishes to you and your dad as always . Lou xx

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Gill
I'm glad that I gave you a smile - here's another
Lou is right you know - your dad is the wonder that he is because of your shared determination and love - he can smile because you made that possible - now you both need a team behind you to continue - it's no bad reflection on either of you, in fact it reflects well that you have the head to realise it's time to share the physical care, and the heart to be the daughter he so badly needs and clearly adores
(and please don't disagree with me because believing that for me and dad keeps me sane)
you're allowed to be down sometimes
we'll make sure you don't stay there

sleep well
you too Lou
and to all
a good night

 

[hvml]

Morning all.

Gill - give it time - for yourself and for your Dad. You have both been through so much and now....in time......you should have the chance to relax into a new phase with your Dad being cared for holistically - not just treated medically. His physical and emotional needs will be taken into account and his comfort. Between you and the staff you will be able to do everything for him, not just "keep him going" as is the main concern in hospital. You will make his room comfortable and homely, find some people for him to make friends with, see what the menu is like and what he enjoys eating and drinking, find out where it is nice for him to sit and get a bit of sunshine, make twiddle muffs for some of the other residents who might not have anyone - lots of little things to look forward to. See if you can get something positive out of it, even if it is a situation that you didn't want to be in. There is every chance that it will be a good thing for your Dad and consequently for you.

Thinking of you xx

Hi Rob. Thanks for your encouragement. I am going to have the weekend off and start again on Monday with renewed focus and vigour. I don't like having to ask oh for money, although it is fundamentally good for the balance of things, as I worked to support us for years and now it is his time. I look forward to the day when both of us are working and we can relax a bit.

Jk - well done for sorting out the attendance allowance. It's going to make a huge difference and will make things much brighter for both of you.

Shedrech - lovely story about your childhood. Mum and Dad gave us a great one and I have a strong memory of thinking that my Dad was the most handsome man in the world.

I will hold the desiderata in mind and strive to 'keep my head' in the face of some complications. You are right - nothing is ever simple.

Lou - as a medical professional, what do you think would be the best way for me to proceed in Care, bearing in mind that I have a background as a language teacher? Any advice would be appreciated.

Lots of love to all.

Heidi xx

 

[jknight]

Sorry for being selfish again, I have read everyone's post but I just can't comment tonight, I am in need of another virtual hug please xx I cannot talk to anyone about how I am feeling not even oh tonight ,except for my tp friends
Got dad settled in today and nipped back across to see him again early evening we took our little dog ,chaos, with us because dad hasn't seen him since December, he sat on his knee and had a lot of fusses and everything felt fine, I came back home and that is when it hit me so hard,the tears have been non stop, I hate myself,if only I could do 24 hour care dad would not be there,I hope that as the days go by I will feel better....so sorry for such a miserable post xxx
Once I get my head back on I will try to support you all back , take care xxx

Oh Gill,
You have done the best for your lovely Dad. You couldn't give him the level of care that he needs (because, with the best will in the world you can't give 24/7)
Look after yourself. Be happy to see Dad (you don't want him to pick up your feelings (he will. The parental feelings are still there))
Be kind to yourself (imagine if it was one of our group posting this. What would you say to us?)
Holding your hand, my friend
xxx

 

[cat64]

Sorry for being selfish again, I have read everyone's post but I just can't comment tonight, I am in need of another virtual hug please xx I cannot talk to anyone about how I am feeling not even oh tonight ,except for my tp friends
Got dad settled in today and nipped back across to see him again early evening we took our little dog ,chaos, with us because dad hasn't seen him since December, he sat on his knee and had a lot of fusses and everything felt fine, I came back home and that is when it hit me so hard,the tears have been non stop, I hate myself,if only I could do 24 hour care dad would not be there,I hope that as the days go by I will feel better....so sorry for such a miserable post xxx
Once I get my head back on I will try to support you all back , take care xxx

Not at all a selfish feeling, a very natural one......you have done so much for so long it will feel like grieving for quite a while. But it sounds like you have a lovely place for him and you will know Dad is safe and secure.

When I knew mum needed 24/7 care I felt awful and still do 6 weeks on from moving her[ we kept her in her own home for a long time, but it was never feasible for her to come here as I childmind and just don't have the space].
I feel shell shocked every time I come back from seeing my mum but I know deep down its the right thing to do and I am sure in time you will too.
mega hugs.

 

[exhausted 2015]

Not at all a selfish feeling, a very natural one......you have done so much for so long it will feel like grieving for quite a while. But it sounds like you have a lovely place for him and you will know Dad is safe and secure.

When I knew mum needed 24/7 care I felt awful and still do 6 weeks on from moving her[ we kept her in her own home for a long time, but it was never feasible for her to come here as I childmind and just don't have the space].
I feel shell shocked every time I come back from seeing my mum but I know deep down its the right thing to do and I am sure in time you will too.
mega hugs.

Cat you have hit the nail on the head ....its like grieving xxx I haven't touched anything in dads room and don't think I will xxx thank you for that xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

I'm getting there slowly

Good evening friends, thanks again for being so supportive... Yet again xx
I am only three days in but I'm feeling emotionally better than Friday, its early days but am impressed with the care that dad is receiving, been shopping today to get some bits and bobs for his room and have moved some furniture around ...its looking so cosy now...not that it wasn't so before...have a problem now though because dad won't eat unless I'm there but the carers are telling him " that your daughter gill have asked us to give you this " and there is some improvement
Heidi so nice that you popped on to support me, good luck with the job hunting, I need to start looking once dad is settled ,I know the carers allowance wasn't much but also had aa, p!us council tax discount so it all mounts up...and guess what ...I would like to go into caring...but for now I'm taking your advice Heidi and am knitting like mad to make twiddle muffs for the residents at dads home xxx it takes my mind off things xx
Goodnight all, god bless xxx


Thanks again all for making me feel better about myself, I do hope all is OK with everyone

 

[hvml]

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better about the situation. It must be nice to be helping your Dad settle in and get comfy. The others are going to love their twiddle muffs.

I have had some help with my CV today and am going to make a list of care homes to take it round to by hand, so that they can get an impression of me, rather than just being an anonymous piece of paper. After going through all that we have been through, it seems a natural progression to continue caring. I have found it very rewarding and would do it again.

Have a lovely evening xx

 

[exhausted 2015]

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better about the situation. It must be nice to be helping your Dad settle in and get comfy. The others are going to love their twiddle muffs.

I have had some help with my CV today and am going to make a list of care homes to take it round to by hand, so that they can get an impression of me, rather than just being an anonymous piece of paper. After going through all that we have been through, it seems a natural progression to continue caring. I have found it very rewarding and would do it again.

Have a lovely evening xx

Hello Heidi, I wish you much luck,you certainty are an experienced carer,and a jolly good one too, please let us know how you get on xxx
I think that I will be going down that road too when I'm sure dad is settled
Good luck, take care xxxx



K

 

[Louby65]

Hello everyone , hope you are all well? I've had quite a busy week . My wee mum hasn't been well :-( She has had a chest infection and the wee soul is doing her best to get better . Even with her terrible cough and breathlessness she's still smiling away saying she's ok. I've taken some annual leave to look after her . Her carer is also helping out . To top it all I now have earache so feeling a bit sorry for myself .
Hi Gill , how are you and your dad . Has he settled into his new surroundings . I hope your more settled in yourself too knowing he is being well looked after .
Hi Heidi . So good to hear from you . With your previous experience of being a language teacher would you consider applying to do your nurse training ? You might find that if you have a degree you can enter at second year . It's worth thinking about . Good luck with your plans .
Hi Jackie . How are things with you and your dad . Are you over your cold ? I hope your dad is doing well and is settled .
Hi Jenny , how are you getting on with suggesting a befriender with your mum . I do hope she's amenable, she would benefit greatly from it .
Hi cat64 , how are you and your mum . Have you managed to buy half a dozen red jumpers for your mum ? My mum loves that colour too but I know PWD are drawn to that colour .
Hi rob , I hope you and your OH are well and getting out in the better weather . I hope you manage to get a bit of time to yourself to catch up with things or meet a friend for a pint .
To all the other friends who post on this thread , I hope you and your family are all well .
Best wishes everyone , Lou xx

 

[nae sporran]

Morning all.

Sorry, been reading but not posting on this corner for a week or so.

Good to see you making some progress with the career plans Heidi, Lou is right if you have previous qualifications you can go further in caring and nursing. I noticed with our carers it's the ones with the NVQs who have options. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Gill, it's nice to read your dad is starting to settle in and the whole place will be supplied with twiddle muffs. Good luck with your plans for a new career in caring, you will be a natural.

Lou, sorry to hear your mum has not been well. Sounds a bit like my OH still smiling through. Look after yourself and hope you can get some treatment for your earache.

We have been busy with OH's daughter and her birthday lunch in a very nice Italian restaurant in town, ate too much but didn't regret it.

All the best to everyone, will catch up later.

 

[Louby65]

Hi rob . Sounds like my kind of birthday lunch . Glad you had a good time and keeping busy . Best wishes to you an your OH . Lou

 

[jknight]

Hi all,

Well, things have moved on bit here. Mum went to the bus stop, this morning, and collapsed. A kind lady called for an ambulance and got mum a pillow and blanket. Mum's next door neighbour arrived to catch the bus and, along with the kindly stranger, stayed with her until the ambulance arrived. The paramedic tried to call someone on her mobile but no credit. He picked a name (my daughter's) and rang her. She then got hold of me (I had just arrived home from a dental appointment - nervous patient - no breakfast!) My husband & I hurtled off to the hospital, where we have been all day (no food as there was no way I was going to leave her)
Upshot is that she has a UTI. Home now with antibiotics.
I was taking introducing meals on wheels, befriender, gardener etc very slowly but this has changed that plan, completely.
Tomorrow, I will organise meals on wheels just until she is "better". Hopefully then it will be the new 'normal'. I will get a local care agency who do 'befriending' to get involved (make sure she is taking her medication)
On the positive side, I can now tell mum 'the hospital' has said she needs the help so I won't be the bad guy!!
Hope everything is OK with you guys

Jenny

 

[nae sporran]

Sounds a bit scary Jenny. I like your attempt at using it to persuade your mum to accept carers and befrienders, so hopefully work out for the best in the long run. Hope you are ok with all that and the dentist. All the best, Rob

 

[jknight]

Sounds a bit scary Jenny. I like your attempt at using it to persuade your mum to accept carers and befrienders, so hopefully work out for the best in the long run. Hope you are ok with all that and the dentist. All the best, Rob

Thanks Rob!! I am looking at it as the silver lining to a dark cloud. I have eaten so feel better!
Hope your OH is OK? And you?

 

[hvml]

I was just thinking, every cloud........what a thing to happen. Thank goodness for kindly strangers. You must have been frantic when you got the call. UTIs are really horrible and disruptive and they just appear out of nowhere. I bet your Mum was ready for her bed by the time you got home. You will all sleep well tonight.

Xx

 

[Aisling]

Hi all,

Well, things have moved on bit here. Mum went to the bus stop, this morning, and collapsed. A kind lady called for an ambulance and got mum a pillow and blanket. Mum's next door neighbour arrived to catch the bus and, along with the kindly stranger, stayed with her until the ambulance arrived. The paramedic tried to call someone on her mobile but no credit. He picked a name (my daughter's) and rang her. She then got hold of me (I had just arrived home from a dental appointment - nervous patient - no breakfast!) My husband & I hurtled off to the hospital, where we have been all day (no food as there was no way I was going to leave her)
Upshot is that she has a UTI. Home now with antibiotics.
I was taking introducing meals on wheels, befriender, gardener etc very slowly but this has changed that plan, completely.
Tomorrow, I will organise meals on wheels just until she is "better". Hopefully then it will be the new 'normal'. I will get a local care agency who do 'befriending' to get involved (make sure she is taking her medication)
On the positive side, I can now tell mum 'the hospital' has said she needs the help so I won't be the bad guy!!
Hope everything is OK with you guys

Jenny

Thank God for kind people Jenny. Hope things work out well for you. Am in my cave a bit at the moment but you and other TPs are in my thoughts and prayers.

Aisling xx

 

[jknight]

Thank God for kind people Jenny. Hope things work out well for you. Am in my cave a bit at the moment but you and other TPs are in my thoughts and prayers.

Aisling xx

Think of you as well! You kow where I am. Please keep in touch. You might be in your cave but you can have company xxx

 

[jknight]

I was just thinking, every cloud........what a thing to happen. Thank goodness for kindly strangers. You must have been frantic when you got the call. UTIs are really horrible and disruptive and they just appear out of nowhere. I bet your Mum was ready for her bed by the time you got home. You will all sleep well tonight.

Xx

Hello Heidi!

Hope you are well. How is the job search?
Mum is exhausted today. Doesn't want to eat (have made her sandwiches and left them by the bed) Sleeping a lot. I have applied for meals on wheels and have approached a reccommended care agency who will come out and assess her next Friday.
Mum will hate this but she is missing her important medication. This morning I arrived as she was taking her breakfast back to bed. What have you got, I asked. Porridge was the reply. It was a sachet of microwave porridge. Only problem was mum had poured the oats into a bowl and added cold milk. I cope with most things but mum's breakfast really upset me (I have removed the porridge and replaced it with Weetabix)
Anybody got any advice?

Jenny