Moving on......

[Scarlett123]

In the Jewish religion, funerals are often the day after the person has died, and there then follows a period of mourning, when friends and relatives visit. I agree the wait between the death and the funeral is awful, and because John had the cheek to die 2 days before Christmas, the whole of the country was shut for 2 weeks.

Wishing you all strength xxx

 

[Jinx]

I've been filling time going through photos and creating a photo book of Bernard's life from baby to the end. Caused lots of tears but has had the effect of replacing recent memories with images of much happier times. I have done this on line and have ordered copies for me, the four children and Bernard's sister who also has dementia. It is poignant that Bernard constantly asked for his sister after he developed dementia and she now constantly asks for him but during their 'healthy' lives they didn't really have too much time for each other.

I have decided that I will go to the chapel of rest and spend a little time on my own with the coffin which will be closed. I ordered a willow coffin just before Bernard died, which was made by a lovely lady in mid-Wales who wanted information about his life and a photo so that she could think about him whilst she wove the coffin. I haven't seen it and think I need to go there on Monday so that my first sight is not in the back of the hearse on Tuesday.


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[Scarlett123]

I've been filling time going through photos and creating a photo book of Bernard's life from baby to the end. Caused lots of tears but has had the effect of replacing recent memories with images of much happier times. I have done this on line and have ordered copies for me, the four children and Bernard's sister who also has dementia. It is poignant that Bernard constantly asked for his sister after he developed dementia and she now constantly asks for him but during their 'healthy' lives they didn't really have too much time for each other.

I have decided that I will go to the chapel of rest and spend a little time on my own with the coffin which will be closed. I ordered a willow coffin just before Bernard died, which was made by a lovely lady in mid-Wales who wanted information about his life and a photo so that she could think about him whilst she wove the coffin. I haven't seen it and think I need to go there on Monday so that my first sight is not in the back of the hearse on Tuesday.


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Your post if full of great positive things that you have done. I cannot tell you how much strength I get through looking through my new photo albums. I had more than 50, and I condensed these into just half a dozen, and they bring back lovely memories.

How nice for you to look at those times too and remember how good life was before. It's wonderful that you are able to fill the waiting days with constructive things, and I'm sure the children and SIL will be so grateful.

What a lovely thing for the lady in mid Wales to ask for a photo of Bernard. We used to have a little holiday home in Mid Wales, near Machynlleth, and your post brought back more happy memories.

It's good that you'll see Bernard's coffin on Monday, and all our love, strength and thoughts will be with you on 12th. You're being so brave Sweetie xxx

 

[Jinx]

Machynlleth is where the coffin was made, isn't that a coincidence! It turned out that that this lady is exactly my age with grandchildren of the same sort of ages too. I've not met her but she feels like a kindred spirit. I was contemplating asking her to make mine too so I could store it away in readiness but it might freak the daughters! I know of one lady who used hers as a blanket box but I don't think I've got room.


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[LadyA]

Machynlleth is where the coffin was made, isn't that a coincidence! It turned out that that this lady is exactly my age with grandchildren of the same sort of ages too. I've not met her but she feels like a kindred spirit. I was contemplating asking her to make mine too so I could store it away in readiness but it might freak the daughters! I know of one lady who used hers as a blanket box but I don't think I've got room.


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Machynlleth is where The Centre for Alternative Technology is. Never been there, but I used to order stuff from them, in days before online shopping was so easy. William visited the Centre years ago. It seemed like a fascinating place.

 

[Scarlett123]

John and I bought the holiday home in 1986, and had this for 12 years. It was just like Little House on the Prairie, a log cabin, in the grounds of a large hotel, and cost £10,000 - fully furnished! Each time we visited, which was about 8 times a year, we went to the Centre for Alternative Technology, which was fascinating.

We loved shopping in Machynlleth. The butcher knew us, the baker knew us, and we were made to feel very welcome. They used to have a market on a Wednesday, and John was so proud when someone in the car park approached him and asked him some questions - in Welsh, because we knew we looked as if we fitted in!

All the clothes we would have normally given to the jumble sales, were our outfits in Wales, as we could go for long walks, and get muddy, and tear things on brambles, without worrying about it. We climbed Cader Idris several times, and felt so elated that we had managed it!

There was a craft centre nearby, and I have a woven bread basket from there. Who knows, perhaps the person who made it, may have been taught by the same person who taught the lady who made Bernard's woven casket.

 

[LadyA]

How lovely to have those memories.

 

[patchworkamber]

How lovely that the maker of the willow coffin thought about him whilst she was weaving. I too have been wondering about sitting with the coffin beforehand. I was thinking I wouldn't but now I know someone else is doing it I will go ahead. The last few weeks have been so busy with 'death admin' that I feel almost that I need space to sit and 'be' with Keith before his final journey. I guess in times gone by the coffin was in the parlour the day before to allow this to happen. And I know that otherwise when I see the coffin in the hearse I will start to crumble. Another week to go till the funeral...

 

[Jinx]

Yes that's exactly how I feel Patchworker, somehow at the moment it all seems a bit unreal and to be suddenly faced with the reality with everyone around is going to be too much I think. Having said that I'm stupidly feeling quite nervous about going tomorrow and can't really think of any rational explanation. I'm sure I will feel relieved once I have spent a little time with Bernard before his last journey though. I'm sorry you've still got a week to go the waiting is horrid. x


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[Aisling]

Yes that's exactly how I feel Patchworker, somehow at the moment it all seems a bit unreal and to be suddenly faced with the reality with everyone around is going to be too much I think. Having said that I'm stupidly feeling quite nervous about going tomorrow and can't really think of any rational explanation. I'm sure I will feel relieved once I have spent a little time with Bernard before his last journey though. I'm sorry you've still got a week to go the waiting is horrid. x


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Thinking of you Jinx and sending you support and love.

Aislingxx

 

[Jinx]

Thank you Aisling, how are things with you? x


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[Grannie G]

I was so sure I wouldn`t sit with my husband`s coffin and refused the Funeral Director`s offer outright.

I then had second thoughts .

I`m as glad I saw my husband in death as I was in life. He looked so lovely I went again on the day of the funeral and our son came too. It was good for both of us.

 

[LadyA]

Will be thinking of you Jinx.
I didn't sit with William's coffin before the funeral. It was closed, according to his wishes, and he hadn't been embalmed, also in accordance with his wishes. And of course, it was less than a week since his death, and I had sat with him in the nursing home after he died, before the funeral directors removed him.
I was fine the day of the funeral. I think subconsciously, I just wouldn't break in front of all those people. It was the next day, when just the family went to the grave, and it looked so tiny, I lost it completely.
Hope everything goes well jinx. I wonder if our boys are comparing notes? William is probably a bit envious of Bernard's willow coffin. Had he known there was such a thing, I'm sure he would have wanted one! In fact, I bet he would have wanted one of the new "eco pods" where, after you are buried, a tree grows from the burial pod! He would have loved that idea!!
Blessings for tomorrow, dear jinx. You've done a sterling job for your Bernard. xxx

 

[Quilty]

When i saw my mum at the funeral directors she looked so lovely and like her old self that i felt so much of my hurt and pain floated away. I still felt the hurt but no longer had a deathbed picture in my head. It did help me. I do understand others who choose not too. Its a very personal decision.
I hope all things tomorrow meet your wishes. Sending you strength and will be thinking of you.

 

[Jinx]

Will be thinking of you Jinx.
I didn't sit with William's coffin before the funeral. It was closed, according to his wishes, and he hadn't been embalmed, also in accordance with his wishes. And of course, it was less than a week since his death, and I had sat with him in the nursing home after he died, before the funeral directors removed him.
I was fine the day of the funeral. I think subconsciously, I just wouldn't break in front of all those people. It was the next day, when just the family went to the grave, and it looked so tiny, I lost it completely.
Hope everything goes well jinx. I wonder if our boys are comparing notes? William is probably a bit envious of Bernard's willow coffin. Had he known there was such a thing, I'm sure he would have wanted one! In fact, I bet he would have wanted one of the new "eco pods" where, after you are buried, a tree grows from the burial pod! He would have loved that idea!!
Blessings for tomorrow, dear jinx. You've done a sterling job for your Bernard. xxx

Thank you LadyA. I am glad I went today just to be alone with him one last time. Although I was there with my daughters when he died and we spent some time with him afterwards it was all very emotional and I was trying to help them too. I'm sure the 'January' boys are looking after this year's 'March' boys. I rather liked the idea of the "eco pods" too but my younger daughter didn't, which I thought was a bit strange as she's an ecologist. Anyway we've decided as the crem has beautifully maintained gardens we will have his ashes scattered there and just have a vase and a little plaque so we have somewhere we can visit and the grandkids can take flowers if they want to. xx


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[Scarlett123]

An Ode for Bernard from the January Lads

Well hello, you must be Bernard, now come and have a seat
All our girls have sent us messages, and said we soon would meet

And because today's your funeral, and you are here, not there
We've got a prime position, where you can place your chair

Though your darling Jinx is grieving, and friends and family too
They're relieved your pain has left you, and once again you're "you"

Though their lives are filled with sorrow, there's still joy amidst the tears
Your beloved Jinx is thankful that you shared such happy years

All the girls we've left behind us, we miss more than words can say
But we love them, and watch over them, as they go on Life's Way

And we often say how great it is, that through adversity
They've made friends with one another, through that special site, TP

**********************************************************

Thinking of you Jinx, and hoping the funeral is everything you want it to be. We're all circling you with our love xxx

 

[Scarlett123]

I know the time reads 11.37 pm, but it's actually 20 to 1 now, - I don't think TP is geared to British Summer Time.

 

[chick1962]

Thinking of you today Jinx as we all will be . Big hugs xxxx


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[Jinx]

Thank you, Scarlett, for Bernard's poem - it's lovely. Thank you too, Chick, for your thoughts.

Such mixed feelings - relief that today has finally arrived, sadness that it had to come, anticipation of seeing lots of family and friends I haven't seen for ages, apprehension about coping with the service and the future, fear that I haven't got it right, worry about how our daughters and grandchildren will be especially my 9 year old grandson who has taken the loss of the dog and then Grandad very hard. Too many thoughts crowding in - one step at a time me thinks!


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[Batsue]

My thoughts are with you today Jinx xxx.