Memory question:How much do they actually retain?

[josephinewilson]

My mother has been in a care home for just over a week, very happily, and I have visited her three times. (She knows me still.) Another couple of nice ladies of about her level of dementia have introduced themselves to me each time anew, having forgotten me from the previous visits.

However, this afternoon when I sat on the lounge with my mother and one of these ladies - who chats quite lucidly except she can't remember me from one visit to the next - I got the impression that my mother and this lady did recognise and remember each other and recognise the other residents and carers, even though they couldn't remember any of their names.

This nice lady sitting next to my mother said my mum is a "good friend" (lovely!) but has she been a "good friend" for just that morning, or do they remember the "friendship" from one day to the next? They were commenting on other residents, saying how one lady "always" has a baby doll with her (she does) and one gentleman "always" likes to sing (he does) so they presumably retain some information?

So - do they remember them /recognise them because they see them every day for most of the day (unlike myself whom they only see on occasional days?) Does there come a point when they might not even remember the carers and other residents and then think each time they go into a room they are in a room full of strangers??

 

[netsy22]

Who knows? I guess it fluctuates. I think a steady routine helps. My mum's memory is at her worst when she has to cope with too much information, so I try to tell her things on a "need to know" basis. I guess the "groundhog day" you are suggesting may happen but it's not a simple process.

 

[Aisling]

My mother has been in a care home for just over a week, very happily, and I have visited her three times. (She knows me still.) Another couple of nice ladies of about her level of dementia have introduced themselves to me each time anew, having forgotten me from the previous visits.

However, this afternoon when I sat on the lounge with my mother and one of these ladies - who chats quite lucidly except she can't remember me from one visit to the next - I got the impression that my mother and this lady did recognise and remember each other and recognise the other residents and carers, even though they couldn't remember any of their names.

This nice lady sitting next to my mother said my mum is a "good friend" (lovely!) but has she been a "good friend" for just that morning, or do they remember the "friendship" from one day to the next? They were commenting on other residents, saying how one lady "always" has a baby doll with her (she does) and one gentleman "always" likes to sing (he does) so they presumably retain some information?

So - do they remember them /recognise them because they see them every day for most of the day (unlike myself whom they only see on occasional days?) Does there come a point when they might not even remember the carers and other residents and then think each time they go into a room they are in a room full of strangers??

I honestly don't know Josephine. It seems to be a day to day situation. T in respite this week and am now rattling around the house on my own today. It doesn't seem to get any easier for us, does it?

Loads of hugs,

Aisling

 

[canary]

Some things they seem to retain longer than others. Mum knows me, but cant remember my name and now doesnt remember that she has a daughter. She has a friend in the care home and both of them are convinced that they have known each other since school days (they met in the care home). She too will say - oh that person is always trying to tidy up, which is true. So its a bit of a mish-mash.

Emotions are remembered far longer than facts - mum may be grumpy because of something someone said (perhaps a reasonable request, or something said quite innocently) and says that they keep having a go at her (she remembers being put out), even though she cannot actually remember the incident.

Then there are the wonderful, amazing days when suddenly they remember things - mum recently spoke to me on the phone (her friend had dialled it for her) when she had not been able to understand what a phone was for months and she knew it was me at the other end. It didnt last long, but a moment to treasure nevertheless.

 

[Quilty]

My mum thought she worked in the past or was neighbours with some of the other residents. I think it was her way of identifying people she liked and felt at home with. I learned to go sling with it. She told me it was lively living with all these old friends. It made her very happy, which in turn made me very happy.

 

[josephinewilson]

Yes - the first time I took my mum there for a visit, she came out happily telling me she'd known some of them for years - and yet she had actually never met any of them before

 

[Dustycat]

What I think is strange in my Dad's home and also in the home my Mum was in is that they spend each and every day with the same residents and the same carers yet my Dad couldn't tell me any of their names. Also when there has been a death they don't seem to miss the deceased or even notice that they are not there. I find it fascinating. X

 

[canary]

What I think is strange in my Dad's home and also in the home my Mum was in is that they spend each and every day with the same residents and the same carers yet my Dad couldn't tell me any of their names. Also when there has been a death they don't seem to miss the deceased or even notice that they are not there. I find it fascinating. X

Yes, mum does that.

 

[Amy in the US]

Hi, Josephine, good to hear an update from you and very glad to hear your mum seems to be doing well at the care home. I hope you are feeling less anxious and upset. I know it's a big adjustment and change for everybody.

The memory of other residents is an interesting topic and I'm glad you brought it up, as I've wondered about this as well. Overall, I agree that memory is a slippery thing and it's hard to understand, and impossible to predict, what is and what will happen.

My mother has been in her care home for just over a year now and she eats meals with the same three ladies daily. Two out of those three, she knows by sight but cannot consistently name. The third lady (let's call her Miss Wendy), my mother always recognized and calls by name, and can recall her name even when Miss Wendy is not present.

My mother and Miss Wendy spend a lot of time together outside of meals and are often in and out of each other's rooms, so perhaps it's the daily contact, or the emotional connection, or...who knows? One of these days I will ask my mother's neurologist about that and see if he has any insight.

I usually see Miss Wendy every time I visit and for the first few months she introduced herself to me each time, but she seems to recognize me now. Sometimes she addresses me by name, and sometimes she does not, but I always get a warm greeting with a hug and a kiss, and she does always remember I am my mother's daughter. I am not sure exactly what sort of issues Miss Wendy has, but her short-term memory is certainly impaired and I suspect there is some form of dementia at work as well. My mother does not tend to refer to any other resident by their name.

As far as the staff go, they wear nametags and so my mother will sometimes read their nametags and address them by name, but doesn't seem to recall their names at other time. She does know faces, and they do wear uniforms, so they are identifiable as "staff." She can usually remember the name of the chef (he talks to all the residents every day and has weekly meetings for them to comment about the food and menus) and she can always remember the name of one nurse in particular that she's taken against, for whatever reason.

My mother also says that she's been friends with Miss Wendy or other residents "for a long time" and will sometimes say, I met (this or that resident) "when I was here before," but of course there was no before. She will also sometimes say that she has "taken care of (so-and-so) for a long time," which may be a confabulation based on two former older and infirm neighbours whom my mother did help on a regular basis, for the past 20 years or so.

I don't understand the context she is inventing for herself, and it changes, but as long as it works for her and she is content, I do not care.

I don't know if any of that is helpful, Josephine, but it's all interesting! I hope all continues to go well for you and your mum.

 

[josephinewilson]

Thanks for the replies - they are all very interesting and useful thankyou
I guess the main thing is, whatever she remembers or doesn't, she certainly seems happy to be there and repeats constantly to me that the people are "lovely".

I just wondered because the lady who says she and my mum are very good friends has much better speech than my mother and doesn't seem to repeat herself (but she obviously has something, as it's a dementia/Alzheimer's specialist unit) When I sat together with them, my mother simply smiled and repeated the same sentences over and over, while the other lady chatted nicely about various things, such that you wouldn't necessarily think she had a condition. I wonder if this other lady (Lizzie) realises or notices that my mother keeps repeating herself? Would she get fed up of it? Or do you think it passes her by and she is just pleased to have a nice lady like my mum (albeit a repetitive one!) to sit and chat to?

 

[Otiruz]

I wonder whether the underlying need for human companionship overrides the logical/intelligence based requirement for social interaction. My Mum (with a personality disorder) has not had a friend in the real sense of the word for over 50 years. Her disorder and latterly her dementia drove her to shop incessantly twice a day. This was driven more than anything else, by a need to socialise. Albeit on a very limited basis, Mum could chat with people on the bus, people who served her at the checkout and people waiting at the bus stop. She could interact with them on a very superficial level but not have to develop a real friendship. Mum, now in a home for 3 weeks, seems to have a friend who has a very limited vocabulary, but who Mum seems to enjoy spending time with. They chat... Mum's friend seems to nod, smile and enjoy the 'conversation'. It's a poignant reminder that a PWD retains facets of everything we all hold dear. I am enjoying the experience with them both and for Mum I hope it brings her the feeling of friendship and happiness she was unable to experience throughout most of her adult life.