Planning to bring recently diagnosed mother abroad on holiday

Pollyanna153

Registered User
Jul 15, 2015
41
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Like Pollyanna and Canary my husband has FTD and we had gone abroad several times in the few years before he was diagnosed.
Shortly after diagnosis I took him to Lanzarote for a week as my daughter and her family were staying in the same resort I had some backup if anything went wrong!
When we arrived it was pouring rain. He, like Canary's husband was catatonic with stress and insisted on climbing the very steep wet steps to our apartment immediately although he has mobility problems. Only for the fact that my son in law was there to help he could easily have fallen.
I tried to make the most of things but he was unsafe to leave alone as the resort had a lot of steps and he was in a state of high anxiety. Towards the end my daughter said to me' this hasn't been much of a holiday for you Mam' and I realized that for a few years previously all our holidays had been like that. Like Pollyanna's husband mine had also spent the time either sleeping in the room or eating or sitting like a zombie flicking the tv channels. Only difference was that then I didn't realize he was ill and could go for a walk or lie in the sun while he slept.

This is a man who still 'seems fine' to people who meet him socially. :rolleyes:

On our last holiday ever two years ago I decided (on one of his good days) to book a week in Portugal. Disaster - he ended up in hospital and on an IV drip. I couldn't leave him for a minute as he was so stressed he would pull out his IV drip or fall getting out of bed. I had to get him a private room and get a bed for myself put outside his so that he would not be able to get out during the night without waking me. He had a bell but no way would he remember to call a nurse if he needed one.
Fortunately his insurance covered his hospital stay but it was a very stressful time and now he refuses to go abroad ever again and to be honest I don't want to take him.

If you do go I would advise booking airport assistance - there is a very steep marble staircase in Faro airport which my husband, with a wheelie case in each hand, insisted on plunging down rather than taking the lift. Reason goes completely and stress makes it worse.
We had assistance on the return journey and it was brilliant!
If you do go i hope it goes well for you all.
Interesting little quote there he seems fine to other people who meet him socially
I think that is what makes things harder for me because I sometimes doubt myself did that happen etc although I know it did we see the full 24/7
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Interesting little quote there he seems fine to other people who meet him socially
I think that is what makes things harder for me because I sometimes doubt myself did that happen etc although I know it did we see the full 24/7

Oh yes - the same here. He even fools a lot of medical people who dont know about FTD. I think its because he is well orientated in time and space, sounds very plausible and passes the MMSE easily. It took a long time to get him diagnosed.
 

Pollyanna153

Registered User
Jul 15, 2015
41
0
Oh yes - the same here. He even fools a lot of medical people who dont know about FTD. I think its because he is well orientated in time and space, sounds very plausible and passes the MMSE easily. It took a long time to get him diagnosed.

I keep being told FTD is so different from what people class as the norm with dementia
It is more communication logic and understanding so they are aware of a lot of things although it hard for them to explain things to us
Do you find things go in like phases my husband has trouble with speech can't do word and voice seems to be going then it seems to come back for a while
For about a week he can't do the volume up on the remote he points it at the ceiling then it no problem he can
Can put his finger on the off button on the radio can't seem to press then few days later he does I say press that one and he starts to press the outer casing on the DVD player really odd
Hope all ok with you today
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Yes, things come and go. You think you are passed a stage and it comes back. He also gets ideas into his head that he cant let go of. He obsesses about it for about 4-6 weeks, then we're onto the next thing. Im mostly having problems with his speech ATM. He never initiates a conversation any more unless it is something he particularly wants to tell/ask me about. Then it all gets convoluted because he just says "he said" or "it went" (who? what?), uses wrong words or goes into long descriptions of something because he cant remember the word ("the long thing with cushions that you sit on"). Sometimes I completely lose track of what he is talking about. And then he does this weird thing of coming out with random comments - I suspect that he is thinking about something and forgets that he hasnt had the conversation out loud. Oh yes, and he misunderstands what I say to him and often thinks Ive said the opposite to what I have actually said.

But hey, he seems fine (sigh)
 

MAMMYGRANNY

Registered User
Jan 26, 2016
69
0
My husband can also fool medical people - they ask him questions and he very neatly turns the question over to me to answer for him. It takes most of them some time to realize that he does not know what illness he has or what medication he takes in fact the only thing he can tell them is his name and date of birth.
He has no idea what day month or year it is and scored very poorly on all the tests. He can only remember the distant past.
But he looks great ;) and I make sure he is spotless for medical appointments. He has always been so friendly and sociable that his conversational skills still carry him. :D
Sometimes he suddenly gets much better for a day or two and I start to think it's me - I'm imagining it too.
 

Jean1234

Registered User
Mar 19, 2015
259
0
Heading for meltdown

Hi everyone
Hooray the house is finally sold in spain! BUT and this is what is sending me rapidly into melt down - just as I had arranged flights down to arrange for the furniture removal and pack everything up ( with OH in tow) he has two appointments for a heart monitor to be fitted just five days after our flight out. So Ok I change the flights, but now the travel insurance company won't cover him for anything he is already diagnosed with, ie Alzheimers, even though they have previously done so, because he has an as yet undiagnosed problem and is undergoing tests! I can't leave him behind as there is no one that can have him for more than a week and I need that time to organise things down there as I am doing it alone. Did some in January and OH was happy to sit in the sun while I got on with it. So I am just going to have to keep my fingers crossed that nothing relating to heart or alzheimers happens while we are away. Just another stress on top of all the rest. I shall be soooo pleased when it is all sorted over there and the final signature is done. I can feel myself slowly unraveling with each thing that is thrown at me. OH thankfully is not stressed, he just says 'do what you want to do' and asks me why I look worried. But obviously can't understand if I try to explain so it's better if I don't try. At my worst moment yesterday I tried to come on TP and it wouldn't let me in until today. Grrrrr. Just a bad day.
 

TedW

Registered User
Feb 2, 2014
32
0
Corfu, Greece.
Hello all,
My mother was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in January and as she does not have a partner my sister and brother have taken it upon ourselves to look after her the best we can. It's already getting challenging but we really wanted to bring her away on a family holiday to Portugal in June to give her something to look forward to - and also give everyone the opportunity to have some good times while it's still possible.

Does anyone have experience of bringing a loved one away on holiday? Are we being overly ambitious to attempt this? She is already beginning to have issues managing going to the toilet and gets very tired from walking too much amongst other things so are we being unrealistic thinking we can do this?

My wife was diagnosed with the same condition 6 years ago and we agreed that we would do as much as we could together, while we were able. We traveled as much as our finances would allow and I have some wonderful memories of our time together and our recent visits to some beautiful Italian cities with some of our family. Our last trip was two years ago and sadly my wife's condition has deteriorated to the point where travel now is just impossible. Things won't always be easy but my advice to you is just do it while you can. You will forget all the tiny inconveniences that undoubtedly will occur and just be left with some very happy memories of your time together.
 

Frank68

Registered User
Jan 28, 2013
96
0
South Coast
I think a cruise should be ideal as you will take the bedroom and loo with you. When we went to China last year we spent 1, 2 or 3 nights in each hotel which meant that the ensuite kept changing position in each room. Mick found that quite difficult in the middle of the night. We added a 5 night Yangtze River cruise at the end and that was easier. Hope you all have a lovely time x


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

Cautionary re cruises: we went on our first ever in the autumn as I thought the controlled environment would work, and whilst day times and entertainment was fine - the cabin was the scene of a major problem in that there was no means of securing the cabin door to prevent OH getting out. The first I knew of this was night 1 at 0115; phone rang and it was reception: " sir, might this be your wife called Sue whom we have found and brought to Reception?!" Light on - empty bed - ****! My guess is that she had got out for a wee and seeing the door ahead of her she went for it, rather than turning right for the ensuite. Night 2: I piled a suitcase and both cabin chairs against the door. At 0230 the same call from reception.... She had so considerately dismantled everything is silence!,
Night 3 onwards: I shut the end of a luggage strap in the top door jam and lashed the door handle upwards, and balanced the metal waste bin on top of the strap filled with loose change. Chairs and suitcase in addition and ensuite door also lashed open. Thank goodness for those years in the Scouts!!
I have since smiled at the thought of Reception staff working their way through every cabin containing a Sue until they got to our H surname - and if any of you were woken up in the search then we apologise!
But it could have had more tragic consequences.... Plus, of course, had we had cause to evacuate the cabin in a hurry .....
Brush up on lashing skills and take some suitable materials perhaps?!
 

Debs42

Registered User
Jan 27, 2013
34
0
Go for it

My husband has not yet been diagnosed, but we are all fairly certain that he has some form of dementia. We are going on holiday in April - he is desperate to go away and get some sun and pesters me until I book something. 18 months ago our trip,to New York for a family wedding was a disaster, as he got very stressed with the crowds and traffic, so now we only go on holidays where we are staying in a hotel, with sunshine and beach and don't have to move very far from the sun bed. Last year in a fancy hotel with all facilities was great. I have decided to do things like writing the room number on his wrist so he can show someone if he gets lost, and we will stay close to each other anyway. I think the break does us all good and we can relax. Not again to shop, cook etc. Just gives me a break, and we get lots of exercise on the tennis court which we both love.
I wouldn't be too nervous about it if you go to the right place