Planning to bring recently diagnosed mother abroad on holiday

[Kieranconcerns]

Hello all,
My mother was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in January and as she does not have a partner my sister and brother have taken it upon ourselves to look after her the best we can. It's already getting challenging but we really wanted to bring her away on a family holiday to Portugal in June to give her something to look forward to - and also give everyone the opportunity to have some good times while it's still possible.

Does anyone have experience of bringing a loved one away on holiday? Are we being overly ambitious to attempt this? She is already beginning to have issues managing going to the toilet and gets very tired from walking too much amongst other things so are we being unrealistic thinking we can do this?

 

[Beate]

Summer 2012 during the Olympics I took OH on a dream holiday to Iceland. He'd been diagnosed spring 2011, and this was just before his incontinence got bad. We both had a blast. Even now we still go on holiday together though we're staying in the UK now and make sure we holiday with companies that understand dementia and can handle incontinence. Last October we went away with Dementia Adventure. He was the first one across on the zip wire!

I think that if you take some basics into consideration like enough rest times, no sensory overload and making sure they are safe and can't wander off then you should be fine. I remember Izzy took her Bill to Spain last year, with carer, wheelchair and inco products. He was fine.

 

[Kevinl]

I've never done it but before I did I'd see if health insurance was available, what the attitude of the travel company is and how you would handle it at the airport and on the plane. In three months time she may be more challenging than she is now, but hopefully not.
I can only say it's not something I would do, the change of environment may upset her and if you have "toilet issues" now then I've never found a foreign holiday is particularly know for settling the stomach, quite the reverse in fact.
Even if I had 100% cast iron solid insurance in place I'd also have to make sure that if anything did go wrong like she did end up in hospital who'd be able to stay on and care for her, would that be covered on their insurance and all the rest.
Some countries notable Spain, Greece and Portugal have a blatant disregard for an EHIC card scheme so insurance is essential with full disclosure on the insurance application form as any small slip or minor detail wrong may invalidate the insurance.
K

 

[Kieranconcerns]

Summer 2012 during the Olympics I took OH on a dream holiday to Iceland. He'd been diagnosed spring 2011, and this was just before his incontinence got bad. We both had a blast. Even now we still go on holiday together though we're staying in the UK now and make sure we holiday with companies that understand dementia and can handle incontinence. Last October we went away with Dementia Adventure. He was the first one across on the zip wire!

I think that if you take some basics into consideration like enough rest times, no sensory overload and making sure they are safe and can't wander off then you should be fine. I remember Izzy took her Bill to Spain last year, with carer, wheelchair and inco products. He was fine.

Hi Beate, thank you so much for your respons and your advice. It certainly gives hope.

 

[Kieranconcerns]

I've never done it but before I did I'd see if health insurance was available, what the attitude of the travel company is and how you would handle it at the airport and on the plane. In three months time she may be more challenging than she is now, but hopefully not.
I can only say it's not something I would do, the change of environment may upset her and if you have "toilet issues" now then I've never found a foreign holiday is particularly know for settling the stomach, quite the reverse in fact.
Even if I had 100% cast iron solid insurance in place I'd also have to make sure that if anything did go wrong like she did end up in hospital who'd be able to stay on and care for her, would that be covered on their insurance and all the rest.
Some countries notable Spain, Greece and Portugal have a blatant disregard for an EHIC card scheme so insurance is essential with full disclosure on the insurance application form as any small slip or minor detail wrong may invalidate the insurance.
K

Hi Kevin, we were planing on creating our own independent holiday - getting a villa and cooking our own food so there wouldn't be a travel company per say.

 

[1mindy]

I've never done it but before I did I'd see if health insurance was available, what the attitude of the travel company is and how you would handle it at the airport and on the plane. In three months time she may be more challenging than she is now, but hopefully not.
I can only say it's not something I would do, the change of environment may upset her and if you have "toilet issues" now then I've never found a foreign holiday is particularly know for settling the stomach, quite the reverse in fact.
Even if I had 100% cast iron solid insurance in place I'd also have to make sure that if anything did go wrong like she did end up in hospital who'd be able to stay on and care for her, would that be covered on their insurance and all the rest.
Some countries notable Spain, Greece and Portugal have a blatant disregard for an EHIC card scheme so insurance is essential with full disclosure on the insurance application form as any small slip or minor detail wrong may invalidate the insurance.
K

Small print on extortionate insurance usually has a bit about never being left alone. Quick nip for an ice cream , something happens no insurance. Also just think who are you trying to please here. I last went with my OH about 3 years ago, he did it handle the change at all well so a disaster really, I thought it would benefit him.

 

[Trisha4]

Hello all,
My mother was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in January and as she does not have a partner my sister and brother have taken it upon ourselves to look after her the best we can. It's already getting challenging but we really wanted to bring her away on a family holiday to Portugal in June to give her something to look forward to - and also give everyone the opportunity to have some good times while it's still possible.

Does anyone have experience of bringing a loved one away on holiday? Are we being overly ambitious to attempt this? She is already beginning to have issues managing going to the toilet and gets very tired from walking too much amongst other things so are we being unrealistic thinking we can do this?

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's over 3 years ago but there were problems before the diagnosis as with many people.
Last year we went to China in the spring and Lanzarote in the winter. We also had a couple of trips to Belgium.
The year before we went to Panama and to Iceland. In a couple of weeks we are going to Panama again to visit family. We both enjoy travelling and my husband's security is me so as long as he is with me he is happy to go anywhere.
I appreciate everyone is different so this is purely personal experience.


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[Morganlefay]

My OH was diagnosed a couple of years ago and is getting iller very slowly. But he does get very fussed and disorientated by airports, noise, crowds, and becomes very tired if confronted with these. We are flying to Mallorca this Sept and I have organised a scheduled flight from our nearest airport, transport at the airport (for me as I have bad knees and can't walk far) I will see that there is also room for him on the little cart thing) and a car to fetch us for the trip to the hotel. I'm hoping that making life as easy as possible will help, because he loves being on holiday if not necessarily getting there can you do something similar so that your mother doesn't have to walk too far and so you have help at the stressful points ? let us know how you get on, and best wishes for the trip.

 

[tigerqueen]

My OH was diagnosed with AD 4 years ago and we have continued to travel to far flung places for our bird watching hobby. Although this year I'm not travelling further than Europe as he's now becoming hard work and as he's not building new memories now it seems pointless spending so much money. I always prepare well for trips and here's some tips that helped us: I never travel alone with him, I always have insurance with AD declared (expensive but necessary), if travelling from Heathrow I book into a hotel the night before if flight is early to allow as much rest time as possible, if possible I book into an airport lounge where you can wait in a calm environment, I contact the airline to arrange special assistance to help through security where there is a possibility of getting separated, I build in extra rest days as OH gets tired more easily, i always make sure there is an en suite and leave the bathroom light on, and finally I pack my sense of humour to laugh about all the things that happened that I hadn't planned such as the night he got confused where the bathroom was and peed in our walking boots.
Enjoy, it can be done.

 

[canary]

I think there is a difference between FTD and Alzheimers, as well as consideration about what stage they are at.
My OH has FTD and (like a lot of people with this type of dementia) he is completely reliant on routine. After a couple of disastrous holidays when he became completely catatonic through stress I know that we will not be able to have any sort of holiday again.
Think about it carefully, maybe plan a holiday in this country instead, in case of problems - the last time we went abroad (Italy) OH ended up in hospital where there were very strict visiting hours and I wasnt allowed to stay with him and no-one spoke English so I couldnt explain the problems. If you think she can still cope then enjoy the holidays while she still can.

 

[Caz60]

Hi ,I say "go for it ".Plan careful ,good insurance and I think you will know when it can't be repeated.I keep thinking maybe this will be our last time but ,up to now have managed a few stressful situations but overall we got quality .Good luck xxxxx

 

[cragmaid]

I took my late Mum out to her Grandson's wedding in South Africa, three years before she died. She had been visiting there nearly every year for about 25 years sometimes staying up to 6 months at a time so she was very familiar with the place. She was to stay with my sister while me and OH actually had a holiday so she was in a very familiar home environment.
When we got on the plane to come home, two weeks later, she turned to us and said " what were we there for?"..... I didn't take her back later that year for Grandson No2's wedding.

 

[Kieranconcerns]

Hi ,I say "go for it ".Plan careful ,good insurance and I think you will know when it can't be repeated.I keep thinking maybe this will be our last time but ,up to now have managed a few stressful situations but overall we got quality .Good luck xxxxx

Hi Caz, thanks for the advice and good luck to you too

 

[Kieranconcerns]

I think there is a difference between FTD and Alzheimers, as well as consideration about what stage they are at.
My OH has FTD and (like a lot of people with this type of dementia) he is completely reliant on routine. After a couple of disastrous holidays when he became completely catatonic through stress I know that we will not be able to have any sort of holiday again.
Think about it carefully, maybe plan a holiday in this country instead, in case of problems - the last time we went abroad (Italy) OH ended up in hospital where there were very strict visiting hours and I wasnt allowed to stay with him and no-one spoke English so I couldnt explain the problems. If you think she can still cope then enjoy the holidays while she still can.

Very good point, I will certainly bear this in mind. Cheers

 

[Kieranconcerns]

My OH was diagnosed a couple of years ago and is getting iller very slowly. But he does get very fussed and disorientated by airports, noise, crowds, and becomes very tired if confronted with these. We are flying to Mallorca this Sept and I have organised a scheduled flight from our nearest airport, transport at the airport (for me as I have bad knees and can't walk far) I will see that there is also room for him on the little cart thing) and a car to fetch us for the trip to the hotel. I'm hoping that making life as easy as possible will help, because he loves being on holiday if not necessarily getting there can you do something similar so that your mother doesn't have to walk too far and so you have help at the stressful points ? let us know how you get on, and best wishes for the trip.

Hiya. Thank you for your advice, it's really useful. I will let you know what we decide

 

[Kieranconcerns]

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's over 3 years ago but there were problems before the diagnosis as with many people.
Last year we went to China in the spring and Lanzarote in the winter. We also had a couple of trips to Belgium.
The year before we went to Panama and to Iceland. In a couple of weeks we are going to Panama again to visit family. We both enjoy travelling and my husband's security is me so as long as he is with me he is happy to go anywhere.
I appreciate everyone is different so this is purely personal experience.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

Thank you Trisha

 

[Rachc79]

Myself and Mum are taking Dad on a 5 day cruise in April to see how he copes with a much needed holiday.
He and Mum have done cruises before and we went away to London this weekend to visit family but mainly to see how Dad coped with the changes in routine.

I think you should go for it, I got his insurance and it asks "will there be someone you know with you at all times" and if it's a family holiday it will be nice for you all.

 

[Trisha4]

Myself and Mum are taking Dad on a 5 day cruise in April to see how he copes with a much needed holiday.
He and Mum have done cruises before and we went away to London this weekend to visit family but mainly to see how Dad coped with the changes in routine.

I think you should go for it, I got his insurance and it asks "will there be someone you know with you at all times" and if it's a family holiday it will be nice for you all.

I think a cruise should be ideal as you will take the bedroom and loo with you. When we went to China last year we spent 1, 2 or 3 nights in each hotel which meant that the ensuite kept changing position in each room. Mick found that quite difficult in the middle of the night. We added a 5 night Yangtze River cruise at the end and that was easier. Hope you all have a lovely time x


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[Pollyanna153]

I think there is a difference between FTD and Alzheimers, as well as consideration about what stage they are at.
My OH has FTD and (like a lot of people with this type of dementia) he is completely reliant on routine. After a couple of disastrous holidays when he became completely catatonic through stress I know that we will not be able to have any sort of holiday again.
Think about it carefully, maybe plan a holiday in this country instead, in case of problems - the last time we went abroad (Italy) OH ended up in hospital where there were very strict visiting hours and I wasnt allowed to stay with him and no-one spoke English so I couldnt explain the problems. If you think she can still cope then enjoy the holidays while she still can.

My husband has FTD which as you say is different
I have taken him abroad several times thinking he will enjoy the sun and I have booked four weeks self catering in Spain in May
Seriously considering not going as I have been thinking recently that we spend a lot of money and he usually sleeps on the sun bed. Then goes to room and sleeps. Has dinner has a drink or two back to room sits like a zombie watching foreign tv oblivious to the language .
Also don't know about your OH but mine has hallucinations hotel being rebuilt around us etc
It hasn't really been a holiday for me for a long time last time we got home he said flight was too long and you are right routine and comfort zone
There is also that we don't have conversation properly anymore all very sad

 

[MAMMYGRANNY]

Like Pollyanna and Canary my husband has FTD and we had gone abroad several times in the few years before he was diagnosed.
Shortly after diagnosis I took him to Lanzarote for a week as my daughter and her family were staying in the same resort I had some backup if anything went wrong!
When we arrived it was pouring rain. He, like Canary's husband was catatonic with stress and insisted on climbing the very steep wet steps to our apartment immediately although he has mobility problems. Only for the fact that my son in law was there to help he could easily have fallen.
I tried to make the most of things but he was unsafe to leave alone as the resort had a lot of steps and he was in a state of high anxiety. Towards the end my daughter said to me' this hasn't been much of a holiday for you Mam' and I realized that for a few years previously all our holidays had been like that. Like Pollyanna's husband mine had also spent the time either sleeping in the room or eating or sitting like a zombie flicking the tv channels. Only difference was that then I didn't realize he was ill and could go for a walk or lie in the sun while he slept.

This is a man who still 'seems fine' to people who meet him socially.

On our last holiday ever two years ago I decided (on one of his good days) to book a week in Portugal. Disaster - he ended up in hospital and on an IV drip. I couldn't leave him for a minute as he was so stressed he would pull out his IV drip or fall getting out of bed. I had to get him a private room and get a bed for myself put outside his so that he would not be able to get out during the night without waking me. He had a bell but no way would he remember to call a nurse if he needed one.
Fortunately his insurance covered his hospital stay but it was a very stressful time and now he refuses to go abroad ever again and to be honest I don't want to take him.

If you do go I would advise booking airport assistance - there is a very steep marble staircase in Faro airport which my husband, with a wheelie case in each hand, insisted on plunging down rather than taking the lift. Reason goes completely and stress makes it worse.
We had assistance on the return journey and it was brilliant!
If you do go i hope it goes well for you all.