Deafness and patience

[Morganlefay]

In some ways my OH is perfectly normal with a really good memory but in others he really struggles, mainly with spatial things - can never see or find things. He is also now seeming to be deaf - has anyone else found this ? I don't know if he just has blocked up ears, or is going deaf, or if it's the illness and though I have always been a patient person I am finding it very hard not to snap at him as I repeat things over and over again. We don't talk about his illness which makes it very hard, so I can't even get the doctor to check his ears and although I know this sounds trivial to people struggling with much worse things it is making life quite hard here.
AND can anyone suggest any sort of technique they employ in order not to be snappy. I hear myself saying things in a sharp voice and I know I should just take a deep breath and smile as I repeat things for the fifth time, but I'm finding that very hard - has anyone got any sort of a technique that I could use to stay calmer please ?

 

[tigerqueen]

If someone can come up with the recipe for constant patience they could make a fortune, just remember you are doing your best. If you think your OH does have a hearing problem please try to encourage him to get it checked it can cause endless issues with withdrawal and isolation. However my OH is in mid stage and doesn't appear to actually listen to what I tell him until I raise my voice to him or sharply call his name to get his attention. I'm sure it's partly caused by all the years we've been together and the fact he tunes me out. So like you I get irritated and lose my patience often, but I do find using a distraction helpful like thinking of something nice or listening to the birds when I'm finding him particularly annoying.

 

[Kevinl]

It depends on where you live but in most places you can get NHS hearing aids from most High Street opticians these days. They have to be NHS accredit and they will prefer to sell you the all singing, all dancing ones they can charge extra for the NHS standard ones are free as is the hearing test.
There's a link below to a well known High Street shop where from you postcode you can see if this is available in your area and not a recommendation you use them, the chemist Boots do them too but there may be other places in your area too.
You can just go in and get an appointment if you're over 50, you don't need a doctor to refer you.
They will do all the checks first and if there is an issue may refer you to your GP if anything does show up that concerns them.
If he wears glasses you could tell him it's the optician but they need to check his ears too! so his glasses don't fall off
I would very much encourage you to get him there if you can my late mum and my wife both had hearing aids and when they didn't wear them it was a right pain.
Loss of hearing can lead to social isolation (see the second link) so if at all possible I'd do it as soon as you can.
K

http://www.specsavers.co.uk/hearing/hearing-aids/nhs-hearing-aids
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/pa...ntists-probe-links-hearing-loss-dementia.html

 

[Lawson58]

Prior to getting his diagnosis of AD, there were times when I wondered if OH was getting a little deaf though he was adamant that he wasn't. During one of our many wrangles over his dementia symptoms, he accused me of being deaf so I got him to agree to a hearing test by saying that I would have my hearing tested if he would do the same.

Neither of us have a hearing problem so I have come to the conclusion that he was actually experiencing confusion at understanding what I was saying to him.

Sorry I couldn't have been a little more useful.

 

[Springtime16]

In some ways my OH is perfectly normal with a really good memory but in others he really struggles, mainly with spatial things - can never see or find things. He is also now seeming to be deaf - has anyone else found this ? I don't know if he just has blocked up ears, or is going deaf, or if it's the illness and though I have always been a patient person I am finding it very hard not to snap at him as I repeat things over and over again. We don't talk about his illness which makes it very hard, so I can't even get the doctor to check his ears and although I know this sounds trivial to people struggling with much worse things it is making life quite hard here.
AND can anyone suggest any sort of technique they employ in order not to be snappy. I hear myself saying things in a sharp voice and I know I should just take a deep breath and smile as I repeat things for the fifth time, but I'm finding that very hard - has anyone got any sort of a technique that I could use to stay calmer please ?

Hi,I know how frustrating this is my husband would not accept he had hearing problems said it was me mumbling!he had initial test in opticians ,they noticed a problem we then went back through gp ,he now has 2hearing AIDS when he goes on and gets agitated I walk away it diffuses situation.he also gets confusions which has happened with our grandchildren too.we have explained to them it's grandads memory because when he comes to he has asked them where he is and they are young .dont be hard on yourself with getting snappy you are trying your best the last few days with the sun shining I have been able to get out in the garden I told him I'm pottering! I was also given some breathing techniques which I do try to do but it's not always easy at the time .takecare

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Morganlefay

It could be a hearing loss but it could also be a change in word processing ability. Either way it`s as well to get it checked out.

You don`t need to talk about your husband`s dementia , you just need to refer to the fact he doesn`t seem to be hearing you properly. Maybe his ears need syringing.

Please try not to snap. As one with a long term hearing loss it`s quite upsetting when people lose their patience with me over something I have no control over.

 

[wink62]

Your role

If someone can come up with the recipe for constant patience they could make a fortune, just remember you are doing your best. If you think your OH does have a hearing problem please try to encourage him to get it checked it can cause endless issues with withdrawal and isolation. However my OH is in mid stage and doesn't appear to actually listen to what I tell him until I raise my voice to him or sharply call his name to get his attention. I'm sure it's partly caused by all the years we've been together and the fact he tunes me out. So like you I get irritated and lose my patience often, but I do find using a distraction helpful like thinking of something nice or listening to the birds when I'm finding him particularly annoying.

Hi I am a carer for a 79 yr old deaf husband with dementia and was nearly going mad with the stress of it until a lady in my church reminded me that I am the best person to walk this difficult path with him and that this is my role .my faith does help and I use it to strengthen my resolve when I feel like running away .the marriage vow which says for better or worse in sickness or health comes to mind ,but God is good and I always come through the bad bits .this horrible disease is very difficult for them and us try and get all the help on offer ,don't be proud .god bless you both .

 

[Morganlefay]

Thank you all for good advice. Sadly I have walked this path before as I looked after my deaf mother who developed very severe Alzheimers following a fall and a hip operation. I know that snapping is not kind or helpful and that I shouldn't do it, but I find it very hard indeed and was really wondering if anyone had any tricks, little mantras or techniques to distract them from being sharp. I am not Christian and know that if I were there would be support from a belief, but that's not an option and when I snap occasionally I feel so bad that I am sinking into depression because of what this horrible disease is doing to us both. I will get him to have his hearing tested but just wondered if the illness sometimes masquerades as deafness when it's really just lack of ability to concentrate on what others are saying.
Thank you everyone !

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Dear Morganlefay - Please don't be too hard on yourself. Of course we all should exercise patience at all times towards PWD, but being human none of us can succeed at all times.

Before dementia my OH had tinnitus therefore some hearing loss but since dementia invaded and took over our lives, his brain no longer "processes" sight and sound messages. He used to love reading but now his "eye to brain" communication is not working. Similar problems with hearing. Repeating every little thing several times is very trying, especially when added to all the other issues we have to cope with.

Although I am a Christian and I do take comfort from my beliefs I get thoroughly sick of the platitudes trotted out by people who have no idea but think they know all. There must be many Christians who are genuinely helpful and that would be a real blessing but over the years I have not had that experience.

By all means get hearing tested in case ears need syringing but be assured that we all snap at times. Looking after PWD is so hard - but give yourself a pat on the back, you are doing a wonderful job.

Lilac xx

 

[InnerGeek]

I find it very hard indeed and was really wondering if anyone had any tricks, little mantras or techniques to distract them from being sharp.

I'm not Christian either, but I do find the prayer of serenity very helpful. I'll do other things like concentrating on my breathing, or consciously tensing and relaxing a single muscle but as others have already said, we're only human and I don't think it's possible to never get snappy. The real trick is to learn to forgive yourself for those moments, which I know is easier said than done but you are doing so well.

 

[Trisha4]

In some ways my OH is perfectly normal with a really good memory but in others he really struggles, mainly with spatial things - can never see or find things. He is also now seeming to be deaf - has anyone else found this ? I don't know if he just has blocked up ears, or is going deaf, or if it's the illness and though I have always been a patient person I am finding it very hard not to snap at him as I repeat things over and over again. We don't talk about his illness which makes it very hard, so I can't even get the doctor to check his ears and although I know this sounds trivial to people struggling with much worse things it is making life quite hard here.
AND can anyone suggest any sort of technique they employ in order not to be snappy. I hear myself saying things in a sharp voice and I know I should just take a deep breath and smile as I repeat things for the fifth time, but I'm finding that very hard - has anyone got any sort of a technique that I could use to stay calmer please ?

A few years ago my husband was given hearing aids before his dementia was apparent but they didn't seem to help. With him I don't think the issue was, or is, deafness. I think it's more about comprehension.
I have to repeat things many more times than five I'm afraid. It drives me mad. If I do get really beyond it and eventually say, 'it doesn't matter' he is upset by that.
So no solution I'm afraid just empathy with how uptight I and you can become. I guess one strategy I've employed is not to make small talk which is very sad in itself. I tend to communicate what is needed rather than 'chat'. It's letting him slip away a bit more but it's probably easier for both of us.


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[ka7e]

My husband had moderate hearing loss diagnosed in his 70s and was prescribed 2 digital hearing aids. The initial referral came from our GP and OH had a comprehensive hearing test at our local hospital. Luckily they have weekly drop-in audiology clinics, dispensing batteries and rechecking settings.

Since his mixed dementia diagnosis, I've noticed his hearing has deteriorated dramatically. I asked for a review and he was issued new aids with much higher amplification of the frequencies he misses. His overall hearing is improved - thank goodness the TV is now on a reasonable volume setting! - but he still can't hear (or doesn't recognise) the doorbell, some telephone ringtones and some musical tones.

A friend used Specsavers as they had the smaller in-ear hearing aids, but after 2 years he's switched to NHS as he needed an upgrade and they would have cost another £1000 privately. The newer design NHS aids are supposed to be very stable, rarely failing but they eat up batteries at an alarming rate!