Having complied a rather long message in my head, instead I'll cut to the chase.
Does anyone have any experience with regard to being challenged on a decision they've made under an LPA?
The situation in brief:
MIL has always been financially incompetent (she hasn't opened a bank statement for at least 10 years).
Financial LPA executed last year (hubs and his sister). Registered by hubs and in action.
Applying now for H&W LPA (although it may be too late, we'll see what MIL's solicitor has to say).
MIL lived in her house for 30 years. Utterly refused any help, even a cleaner. Totally dependent on others to get her out of the house, even to do food shopping. For the last few years in the house, increasingly nervous of using the cooker (she probably hasn't actually cooked a meal for three years or more and stopped even heating soup over a year ago). She went from a size 16 to size 12 in two years.
Won't use the washing machine unless there's someone else in the house. Increasingly unable to use the central heating thermostat. For several months, would try any ruse to stop people fro leaving after a visit.
She has never had any hobbies; never learned to drive, never reads, even a paper, doesn't do crosswords or other puzzles, has no interest in socialising, converses pretty much solely with family plus a few people like her visiting hairdresser and long term chap who did the garden (also did odd jobs, and has been ripping her off for years). Constantly worried about her vast selection of long term medications (most of which she's been taking for 20 years since her husband died). Spent most of the time sitting in her chair doing nothing, then spending hours making repeated phone calls to her sister ('I haven't spoken to anyone all day and I've only eaten banana sandwich') the hairdresser (who stopped taking her calls and wants nothing more to do with her) the neighbours (they stopped taking any calls in the evening in case it was her) us and her daughter. Clearly frequently distressed, and adamantly refusing any assistance in relieving the distress. Unfortunately, she is also very self-centred, very stubborn and incapable of consequential thought. If there is a conversation that doesn't suit her, she will change the subject. This is not the dementia, simply her character.
Her replacement hip broke last July. She was in hospital for 6 weeks and we had to fight the consultant to ensure she got a replacement (she's 81 and healthy apart from dementia). She's now fully mobile but has become psychologically dependent on using a 3-wheeled walker, an because she hasn't regained much strength, needs a wheelchair if we take her for much of a walk.
She went for 'respite' to a lovely care home in September - absolutely without question the best place for her. She's well fed, has company, doesn't have to worry about her medication, is warm, doesn't have to do her own washing.
There is absolutely no doubt in the minds of anyone who cares for her that she is better in herself, infinitely better nourished, and in better spirits that she had been for at least a couple of years before the fall.
But she wants to go home.
Financially, and she is self-funding, her savings will last for about another year. So the house has to be sold, and the process has to begin fairly soon to ensure continuity of available funds. What we cannot do is wait any longer, because if for any reason she does go home, then there will have to be sufficient funds available to keep her going for as long as possible thereafter, unless a mortgage is taken on the house - not ideal.
She absolutely refuses to sell the house (the implications of the LPA have never really registered, and wouldn't have done even before the dementia).
Hubs takes extremely seriously the requirement under LPA not to dismiss the wishes of his mother simply on the basis of her decision being different to his, and being, in his opinion, the 'wrong' decision. In reality there is no-one who would challenge him if he simply told his mum she's not going home and he's selling the house. But it feels so damned harsh!!!!!!!
As far as we can see, there is no legal definition of 'best interest'. We have started the process of telling MIL firmly that she won' t be able to cope at home (her previous network has broken down due to the fact that her sister is in ill health, and the previously friendly neighbours have a serious health problem within their own family and are totally out of the picture). We have moved from London to Lincoln to be closer to her, but have commitments that take us away for weeks at a time. This would mean she would not be able to get any shopping, go out for a coffee, do any form of shopping apart from when her daughter comes to visit, which is once every three weeks.
Despite numerous attempts to discuss the matter, she cannot put together any kind of realistically strategy (how would you get your shopping in - you didn't manage on your own before the fall?' 'Well I'd manage, I'd HAVE to manage'....but no ideas on how!). However she informed her sister yesterday that she was going to sell the house and move to a bungalow. This is the house that she'll NEVER sell, and from a woman who hasn't been able to use her cash card for over two years, because she can't remember the number.
Oh dear, it's turned into a rant, hasn't it? Sorry. Point is, even with LPA, how do you stop someone from going home, without explicitly going against their wishes, which is equally explicitly against the terms of the POA? The care home suggests that we take her home and leave her there for a couple of days, but we feel that's a little cruel, as she really couldn't cope and all her fears would come back.....plus we'd be willing her to fail. Plus the fact that once she does return, we would have no chance of getting her to return to the home, because no matter how unhappy/anxious/lonely she was, she really is very stubborn.
Anyway, hopefully the question is reasonably clear, in amongst all this waffle! Any thoughts/experiences/advice gratefully received. Thank you xx
Does anyone have any experience with regard to being challenged on a decision they've made under an LPA?
The situation in brief:
MIL has always been financially incompetent (she hasn't opened a bank statement for at least 10 years).
Financial LPA executed last year (hubs and his sister). Registered by hubs and in action.
Applying now for H&W LPA (although it may be too late, we'll see what MIL's solicitor has to say).
MIL lived in her house for 30 years. Utterly refused any help, even a cleaner. Totally dependent on others to get her out of the house, even to do food shopping. For the last few years in the house, increasingly nervous of using the cooker (she probably hasn't actually cooked a meal for three years or more and stopped even heating soup over a year ago). She went from a size 16 to size 12 in two years.
Won't use the washing machine unless there's someone else in the house. Increasingly unable to use the central heating thermostat. For several months, would try any ruse to stop people fro leaving after a visit.
She has never had any hobbies; never learned to drive, never reads, even a paper, doesn't do crosswords or other puzzles, has no interest in socialising, converses pretty much solely with family plus a few people like her visiting hairdresser and long term chap who did the garden (also did odd jobs, and has been ripping her off for years). Constantly worried about her vast selection of long term medications (most of which she's been taking for 20 years since her husband died). Spent most of the time sitting in her chair doing nothing, then spending hours making repeated phone calls to her sister ('I haven't spoken to anyone all day and I've only eaten banana sandwich') the hairdresser (who stopped taking her calls and wants nothing more to do with her) the neighbours (they stopped taking any calls in the evening in case it was her) us and her daughter. Clearly frequently distressed, and adamantly refusing any assistance in relieving the distress. Unfortunately, she is also very self-centred, very stubborn and incapable of consequential thought. If there is a conversation that doesn't suit her, she will change the subject. This is not the dementia, simply her character.
Her replacement hip broke last July. She was in hospital for 6 weeks and we had to fight the consultant to ensure she got a replacement (she's 81 and healthy apart from dementia). She's now fully mobile but has become psychologically dependent on using a 3-wheeled walker, an because she hasn't regained much strength, needs a wheelchair if we take her for much of a walk.
She went for 'respite' to a lovely care home in September - absolutely without question the best place for her. She's well fed, has company, doesn't have to worry about her medication, is warm, doesn't have to do her own washing.
There is absolutely no doubt in the minds of anyone who cares for her that she is better in herself, infinitely better nourished, and in better spirits that she had been for at least a couple of years before the fall.
But she wants to go home.
Financially, and she is self-funding, her savings will last for about another year. So the house has to be sold, and the process has to begin fairly soon to ensure continuity of available funds. What we cannot do is wait any longer, because if for any reason she does go home, then there will have to be sufficient funds available to keep her going for as long as possible thereafter, unless a mortgage is taken on the house - not ideal.
She absolutely refuses to sell the house (the implications of the LPA have never really registered, and wouldn't have done even before the dementia).
Hubs takes extremely seriously the requirement under LPA not to dismiss the wishes of his mother simply on the basis of her decision being different to his, and being, in his opinion, the 'wrong' decision. In reality there is no-one who would challenge him if he simply told his mum she's not going home and he's selling the house. But it feels so damned harsh!!!!!!!
As far as we can see, there is no legal definition of 'best interest'. We have started the process of telling MIL firmly that she won' t be able to cope at home (her previous network has broken down due to the fact that her sister is in ill health, and the previously friendly neighbours have a serious health problem within their own family and are totally out of the picture). We have moved from London to Lincoln to be closer to her, but have commitments that take us away for weeks at a time. This would mean she would not be able to get any shopping, go out for a coffee, do any form of shopping apart from when her daughter comes to visit, which is once every three weeks.
Despite numerous attempts to discuss the matter, she cannot put together any kind of realistically strategy (how would you get your shopping in - you didn't manage on your own before the fall?' 'Well I'd manage, I'd HAVE to manage'....but no ideas on how!). However she informed her sister yesterday that she was going to sell the house and move to a bungalow. This is the house that she'll NEVER sell, and from a woman who hasn't been able to use her cash card for over two years, because she can't remember the number.
Oh dear, it's turned into a rant, hasn't it? Sorry. Point is, even with LPA, how do you stop someone from going home, without explicitly going against their wishes, which is equally explicitly against the terms of the POA? The care home suggests that we take her home and leave her there for a couple of days, but we feel that's a little cruel, as she really couldn't cope and all her fears would come back.....plus we'd be willing her to fail. Plus the fact that once she does return, we would have no chance of getting her to return to the home, because no matter how unhappy/anxious/lonely she was, she really is very stubborn.
Anyway, hopefully the question is reasonably clear, in amongst all this waffle! Any thoughts/experiences/advice gratefully received. Thank you xx