So bizarre !

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Citrus fruit it says to avoid on the arthritis uk site ( thanks Essie, just proving I read it! ) that would include grapefruit. However, still had my afternoon orange, though it was only a small one).

I think people are very individual, so people react differently to different foods. Experiment and see what works for you. Many say the weather affects arthritis, but I've never found it so. Anyway, your hip is now largely metal, so no worries unless you are showing signs elsewhere. My mother had no other signs of arthritis once she had her hip fixed. I've got it in many of my joints, feet, hands, shoulders, spine. I think my elbows are OK! Ten years or so ago, I had bilateral carpel tunnel syndrome which would need an op within 2years. Not yet done, and no pain for several years.

I think losing the weight was a reaction to OHs final weeks, I didn't want to eat. Pity really, cos the food at the funeral tea was wonderful, the caterers were friends of stepdau, who arranges weddings in her spare time and hence knows all the decent caterers.
 
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Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
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South coast of England
(((Ann))), even when MIL is not being nasty, she sounds absolutely exhausting! :( Interesting what you say about her eating very quickly. My hubby has always done so and reckons a lot of it comes from being one of 7 children. First finished got first dibs of second helpings, if you took too long you missed out. I wonder if it might be something similar with MIL?

My Mum has always eaten very slowly and that has not changed. which reminds me of an episode when our son was young. He asked why Grandma takes so long over meals and daddy said 'Because she likes to masticate properly'. Of course, son then asked 'why does Grandma masturbate when she eats?' Mum thought it was very funny when I told her and said she would be careful to keep her hands visible above the table at mealtimes in future!

One of the things I noticed a while back is that it is very difficult to joke with Mum now as she simply does not understand. We were talking about her party and I made a comment about playing musical chairs, but she took me seriously and explained that anything active would not be suitable :(

Spamar, your comments remind me of a lady we know who is blind (that is her preferred description, she has no vision at all). When told that she is 'brave' for doing something - whether that is going to the cinema or abseiling - she always points out that she simply has no choice. She is never going to see again so has to make the most of the life she has. Doesn't mean that she's not brave though . . .

Very quiet day for me, I had asked friend to come here for coffee rather than us going out. I think it was a good decision as I can hardly keep my eyes open now anyway!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
There could be all sorts of reasons for the eating quickly. OH eats like your MIL, Ann. Really fast, huge mouthfuls not cut up properly, barely chewed and then swallowed (I agree - not nice to watch) and he too frequently chokes. I was asked specifically about this by his neurologist and apparently its common with FTD! Who knew?! He said it was because people with FTD often get food fixations and they lose the social inhibitions needed for nice table manners.
Not saying its necessarily the same for your MIL, of course.
 

Spamar

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Oct 5, 2013
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I, for one, didn't know that, canary. Though OHs problems were always trying to get him to eat enough. As the disease progressed, his eating was so slow that it could take an hour of feeding him to get about 3 tblsps custard into him.

When I was not feeling very well a few weeks ago, my hypnotherapist decided it was all down to 10 years or so of caring. One of the things she said was to put people off when they said things like, you're doing do well, etc. I couldn't really be so rude, well, I could but only to very close friends! I'm not saying that I'm upset about being called brave, and I think some people on here would deserve that description. I just don't think I do, but you can say it, Essie!
What works for me ( I've had a few hard knocks) is to decide what I'm going to do, and do it. Maybe slowly. I had a playlist for OH and it was only a month ago I could listen to all of it with no ill effects. Just after he died I couldn't even read the titles!
I've learnt not to regret the past. It can't be changed. What's happened has happened. I can forget it, rejoice in it if it's worthy, but get on with life. Next chapter has begun!
So now I'm doing what I have to do, get back to a normal life within my limits. We used to go out a fair bit, so this is a step in that direction. I have more steps planned, but will tell you all nearer the time!
Here ends the lesson from Spamar!

And don't tell me off about overuse of exclamation marks!
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
0
West Midlands
Spamar

Exclamation marks are wonderful

So are - marks


Therefore

- you - are - doing!!!

Good - real good !!!

Hard tho it it is to do

!!!! - !!!!

Hugs xxxxx
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
You might be able to spot I have a child doing KS2 SATS with the following link, we did exclamation marks last weekend!:D

http://www.primaryresources.co.uk/english/pdfs/PC_questexcl.pdf

Sparmar - I haven't really progressed with the paperwork, I felt overwhelmed so it all came to a grinding halt.

On the plus side we now have a working bath, but a few weeks of bathroom upheaval to go yet.

Joy of joys - racing season starts next weekend, so about 3 free weekends between now and summer hols in August. I'm doing sat and sun for the next 2 weekends in different places.

Need to get myself to GP re arthritis, pains in thumb joints. I have read food can make it worse, and as my mum had issues from about my age, I have always planned to look into that. Get odd twinges in hips as well. So may not have any grey but other signs of age. Lots of freezing cold white water canoeing won't have helped hands.
 

setchfield835

Registered User
Mar 7, 2016
1
0
Hello to Everyone

Tonight I was driven to seek help and advice on this App following another bizarre behaviour outburst from my mother who has been diagnosed with mixed dementia for about a year now. Having read some of the posts on here, I was strangely pleased to find that I am not alone in coping with this dreadful disease!

Mum is having delusions throughout the day, tonight she left the house about 9pm to visit my Dad (he died in 1998) a few doors away. It is -3 degrees outside, she went out without a coat, wearing slippers and a thin jumper and trousers. My husband went outside to coax her back in, to no avail. I went outside to see if I could help and she became very agitated and started to fling her arms about, refusing to come back in the house! We decided that we needed to get her back inside quickly, so we had to practically frogmarch her back down the drive. No amount of verbal persuasion was working, so we had to physically remove her for her own safety. We live by a busy main road, so it is fraught with danger.

She was very upset and sat with her arms folded at the kitchen table, refusing an offer of a cup of tea, saying, she needed to get to Brian (my Dad) as he would be worried where she was. She eventually calmed down when we told her that he was working away and would be upset if he knew she was outside in the cold looking for him.

Her appetite is dwindling, she will only eat sweet sugary items, eg cakes, biscuits and chocolates, etc. I give her a daily multivitamin to help compensate for her poor diet. She will eat toast all the time, and the odd sandwich, but that's about it.

Her medication is risperidone, twice daily, mirtazapine once daily and lorezapam when agitated (tonight for example). She is due to have a medication review at the end of this month. UTIs are a regular occurrence, however, with only one kidney I am very concerned about regular use of antibiotics.

I was very relieved to read all the symptoms experienced by Dementia sufferers are almost identical to Mum's. It also feels comforting that we carers are not enduring the impact of this horrible disease alone. Thank you for your contributions, they have helped enormously.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
0
Welcome, Setchfield. I found this thread because it is a regular haunt for some of the kindest, most measured and mature posters on TP. & then I ruined it! ;)
It is a ghastly disease. Tbh - I came to the conclusion diet was the last thing I was going to worry about. I regarded my father's addiction to sweet trans-fatty food as his one last pleasure, and the damage had all been done decades before. It was also nice to be able to indulge him rather than being Miss-No-You-Can't, though I did sometimes barter an apple for a third piece of cake! Take care.
Ann - hope you are okay this morning.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Well, yes, Red, are you calling us old ( don't think the rest applies to me!)? All the rest if it I agree with, though wouldn't include myself.
JM! Well that as an interesting read! Can't remember doing anything like that at school. Sorry about the paperwork, though I shouldn't be talking. You should see my study! Overuse of fingers will cause pain, whether it's arthritis or not. I was doing a jigsaw - a real one, nor a digital one - and after turning the pieces to the right side up my fingers were really sore. Gripping on your bike handlebars would do that, I think. Good luck for your races, btw.
2jays, thanks!! Are you coming to Launde as well as York? Catch up then!!!!
Overslept this morning, so running late.
Hope Ann's OK.
Have a good day, everyone.
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
354
0
Hi Essie, thanks for the comments.
I believe my arthritis is my mothers gift! She had a hip replacement when she was 54, practically unheard of in 1971. I did manage to last until I was 57 before my 2 joint replacements!
Interested about the solanaceae free diet. I don't actually eat much of those products. Potatoes, well, I've thrown away more than I've eaten recently, not over keen on tomatoes, do eat a few peppers in stir fries, rarely eat chillies, never eat aubergines. What I did notice that my arthritis got worse as OH progressed with dementia. However, although I did feel a bit better after he died, it didn't last long. Hoping time might heal a bit. Unfortunately it's in hands and feet amongst other places, so just can't walk very far - and I used to walk miles, both for pleasure with the dogs we had then, and work. I have lost 1 1/2 stone, but seem to have stuck. Tell myself it'll be easier in the better weather.

Rarely eat cake these days either, that's trying to lose weight for you. Also few processed foods either. Felt better after cutting down on them! I must say.

Glad something is working for you! The rheumatologist I saw recently tells me it's all osteo, though I was previously told I have some psoaritic as well. No rheumatoid, thankfully, though the markers increase a little with every blood test.

Have you asked your rheumatologist about having infusions? I was like you but have rheumatoid for over twenty years, getting worse, which I must say stress really made it so much worse. In the end the inflammation got so bad it affected my eyes and I was given an infusion of rituximab. It's costly so funding has to be requested but as long as your ESR and CRP figures are high which it sounds like they could be and its affecting your life then the rheumatologist can request it. Takes two sessions of infusions two weeks apart. The effect last time lasted two years, and I'm currently going through a second treatment now. Even when it wore off it wasn't as bad as I was originally with stiff joints, rigid hands and painful joints everyday. I still get my odd days of one joint hurting if I overdo things, or stressed again, but other than that I would recommend it. It has given me my life back for which I'm so grateful even the fatigue has reduced. If you don't ask in the NHS some fob you off with cheap drugs rather than help as they can.
Hope this helps.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Morning all,

Running late this morning - Mil being a wee bit of a pain!

Wow, Spamar - well done on the weight loss. And I am so impressed by your determination and the effort you are putting in to trying to get your life back on the track you want it on - I don't think Essie is off the mark with the brave comment, we all know how caring totally knocks the stuffing out of you, how it can impact on your health and confidence, and leave you utterly exhausted - I think such taking such determined steps to get back to what you want to be, in the wake of being a carer, is brave too xxxx

Arthritus, although there are apparently 'slight' signs of it, isn't the issue with me - its general joint pain, especially in back and hip, due to nerve damage, apparently most likely to have been caused by the care work I did for years and years, stretching back to the 'bad old days' where physically lifting clients and so on wasn't realy frowned upon. I do try to watch my diet, am very good about avoiding sweet stuff (My downfall are the savouries- cheeses and dips and crackers and breads) but to be honest, by the time I've sorted food for Mil (taking into acount her diabetes, weight, tendency to anaemia), youngest (at the fairly fussy eating stage now) and OH (who I think goes through food and diet fads like a knife through butter), it does tend to be a case of I grab what's quickest for myself. I must admit, that there is also a bit of a mental block when it comes to diets that are supposed to 'improve this' or 'fix that' - OH constantly bombards me with his latest fad(s) most of which involve him eating a diet that costs a ruddy fortune, or extensive food prep and extra work, and whenever he starts raving about the 'latest' bit of food information and advice that he has come across, I must admit that I tend to respond (quietly) with a sinking feeling, rather than any interest. At the moment, its no wheat/flour, low carb, 'shakes' made with almonds, water and some sort of protien powder, loads of Kale and spinach, low sugar - its fun trying to 'fill up' a 6 foot 4 inch bloke, who is on a 'diet' with those requirements!

R-Anne, Mil was always chatty, but now its as though she has ong periods where its almost a compulsion to talk. She simply can't be quiet and it is awful to deal with - I can't just 'tune her out' at all, I've found and while she is going on and on and on, concentration on anything else is impossible. OH or I can ask her to be quiet 'for just 5 minutes' and she will get huffy with us - but two minutes later, she will be off again.

JM, I do sympathise with the paperwork - I've said before, that's my sticking point, the thing I find hardest to tackle and deal with.

Mil has always, always had a big appetite, especially for sweet things, but really, if its any food she likes, she has always had some problems with finding her 'stop switch'. The bolting the food is something that I've noticed more and more over the last 12 - 18 months - when the food is put in front of her, she rarely thinks to say 'Thank you', she is just so focused on 'head down get stuck in' - if her meal is on the table before she sits, she will grab the cutlery and be trying to scoop up a forkful before her bum even hits the seat. Some days, the only time she is quiet is when she is eating, and she tends to go at the food in the manner of a mechanical digger, spoon or fork being filled and heading towards her mouth before she has swallowed the last lot :( She uses the drink she always has with food to wash it down - and the noise and sight of her hurridly chomping toast mixed with tea is really not nice - and the intention seems to be to swallow fast and get on to the next mouthful as soon as she can. She will scrape at bowls and plates, and use her fingers to wipe up the very last morsel of food - OH says if we had patterns on the plates, they would go as well! We often get her asking for more - usually the only time she will speak while eating - when she is only half way through the food. She tries to 'scoop' large amounts, which sometimes means I worry about her choking, but it also means that she often drops food between plate and mouth - she will pick up, from her clothes and the table, any 'dropped' morsels and eat them, I've even had her push back from the table and attempt to pick up food dropped on the floor and then eat it. She is completely oblivious to the noise or the mess she makes. We now don't have puddings when we eat out because seeing something sweet intensifies the issues and she loses completely any idea of table manners - at one meal over Christmas, serving up two different desserts, I took her choice of trifle to the table before nipping back in the kitchen to cut two pieces of gateaux for those that wanted it - by the time I'd cut the cake and carried it out (Must have taken around 3 minutes at most), her trifle was gone, the bowl looked like it had gone through the dishwasher it was so clean and Mil, as soon as she saw what I was carrying, shoved her bowl to one side, picked up the spoon and held her hand out for the cake too - and boy, did she strop when she was told it was for someone else! Once or twice, when she has been in an awful mood, she has refused a meal, very much in the manner of a stroppy kid saying 'Not going to eat that' in an attempt to upset its Mum or Dad. I simply say 'fine - I'll put it in the bin!' - and every time she is sat at the table in seconds, throwing out comments like she 'doesn't see' why she should 'do without', just to 'please me'.

Hiya Setchfield, nice to meet you x Your Mum sounds very like my Mil, in a lot of respects - the looking for her late husband, the verbal persuasion being largely ineffective. We've also had to 'frogmarch' Mil on occasion - we try not too, but sometimes, safety outweighs dignity, sadly :( I am glad that she will accept to some extent, lwl's (little white lies) for you - at least its a way of sometimes bring both a little calmness for her and a little relief for you. Mil has also been on the respiredone/memantine mix, with the lorazepam thrown in for excessive agitation. Initially, the respiredone and the lorazepam worked well, but we found that after some months, the lorazepam was almost making her worse - she would become even more verbally abusive after taking it, and our CPN did tell us that tolerance to the drug can build to the point where it can act as a disinhibitor. The resperidone was stopped when her diagnosis was changed from mixed vasc and AZ to LBD and Parkinsons - I honestly can't say that there is much difference on the alternative medication, Orlanzepine and Duloxetine, other than we have had periods of her being awake though the night and the dosage seems to have to be adjusted upwards with frightening regularity as she seems to build up tolerance really quickly. Mil also had repeated UTI's, which were hell on earth to deal with, for both her and us. Mil doesn't have the kidney issues that your Mum has, so is on a low maintenence dose of AB's - we combine that with an almost OCD like usage of anti bac hand gel (before she eats, after the loo, when she first comes home from any outing) and I also think that now she is using pull ups exclusively, the fact that they draw any urine away from contact with her 'bits', has helped - she hasn't had a UTI for over 12 months now. The one big difference is that although Mil does love her sweet treats, she will also eat everything else as well :)

Red, if it wasn't that at the stage Mil is at, the only having sweet stuff would cause so many other issues, I'd be exactly as you are - eating is one of the very few things she totally enjoys - it would be nice to indulge her in something that gives her pleasure x

Last night - confusion central again. On and on about a 'Mrs Mulhan' (?) initially, and then a streeam of disjointed and obscure queries and comments. But almost all aimed at OH - I was barely spoken to, again. Not an horrendous evening by any means and no big issues with bed time, either. All quiet through the night, but from about 6a.m. this morning, very noisily banging round her room. I was up and down to her like a fiddlers elbow. Each time, she would answer 'nothing' when I asked what she was doing and head back to her bed. I asked a couple of times did she want to get up and got a very curt 'NO' in response. At just before 8, I found her on the landing, leaving the bathroom, and asked her to go back in as it was time for her to get washed and dressed. She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and told me she was going back to bed, it was Sunday. I explained no, it is Tuesday and that she is going to DC. Eyes still closed, through gritted teeth, she told me she 'bloody well wasn't' - and refused to move. I took her arm, got an instant yell of 'Don't pinch me!'. After nearly 5 minutes, I shouted for OH to come and sort her. She at least opened her eyes, but steadfastly refused to move - she had been sick all night (she said), her legs wouldn't work, she wanted to spend the day in bed, she didn't care that I had things to do and that OH had to go to work, she could just stay here and look after herself . . . . in the end, she had to be - well, not quite frogmarched, but physically guided to the bathroom. Once in there, she just stood, and I had to undress her - she didn't resist, but she didn't help either. She did wash herself, but it was really half hearted and I had to repeatedly ask her to do it properly. She tried the lobbing the flannel at the sink of water - I caught it and very seriously told her if she soaked me, I would soak her back. Got her sorted, pull ups, bra and dressing gown on, and back to her room. 10 minutes later, there was nothing but complete silence up there, so I went up and she was just sat on the bed, gown off but no attempt to dress. I simply told her that she was running out of time to eat and that she needed to think about how daft she would look going into DC in just her undies, and left the room.

She came down within 10 minutes, sat herself at the table, turned her head to OH and told him he was a 'Right B*******' ! OH calmly but firmly told her to stop with the bad language and acting like a child. She continued to argue against going to DC, saying she would stay in her room, not be a bother, go to town out of the way. OH wouldn't respond and she only stopped when the food went in front of her. Got pretty much the silent treatment right up until I did her hair and OH left for work, and then had a very intense 15 minutes of the coat loop, combined with threats to tell the 'woman who owns this house' just exactly what i get up to when her back is turned - she kept saying that she would 'never understand' why that old woman was stupid enough to let me move in - because its not like I even help out around the house let along pay rent (?).

When the driver turned up, I warned him she wasn't in the best of moods - he said that she had been 'really bad tempered' at DC the day before, banging on the doors and demanding to be let out, telling people that 'Matron' had said she could go and very abusive when staff wouldn't comply - which explains the hot a sweaty state she was in when OH picked her up, despite him being told that she had been 'fine'. I'm guessing that 'fine' actually translates as 'same as usual' these days, the agitation and the anger being pretty much the norm for her now when she is there :( I suspect that by 5, they are as glad to wave her goodbye then, as I am to wave her goodbye in the mornings!

Some shopping, a few jobs around the house to do, and hoping to crack on with some editing. OH in on a 12 hour shift, so not looking forward to this evening. Unless she gives me the silent treatment again - I can cope with that!

Hope you all have a good day xxxxx
 
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Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
0
Liverpool
Would it be possible to get your Mil a set of child's cutlery, being smaller she might not be able to get as much into every mouthful? It might reduce the chances of choking? Hope that's not too daft a thought.

Lavender x
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Would it be possible to get your Mil a set of child's cutlery, being smaller she might not be able to get as much into every mouthful? It might reduce the chances of choking? Hope that's not too daft a thought.

Lavender x

Thats actually a really good idea, Lavender - thank you! I'm off shopping this morning, I will look out for a set, hopefully I can find one that doesn't look too childish - it might slow her down and little, as well as limit the amount she tries to cram in -cheers x
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Setchfield835, forgive me, forgot to say welcome to our midst!
Mrs Busy, never heard of that, but will ask next time I have an appt with consultant or gp, thanks.
 
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jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
Ann re cutlery - a christening set might do the trick, I have seen them in the cutlery shops in Cheshire Oaks and Debenhams and John Lewis, not sure what is at Broughton, don't go there as got Sealand Rd (B & Q so favourite destination for OH at the moment) and Cheshire Oaks/Coliseum close to me.

I was near you last weekend as son did a fencing course at Gresford on Sunday, and I'll be at Llandegla this Sunday for the first round of the Welsh Mountain Bike Series.

Sparmar - thanks for good luck wishes, I'm not racing mainly dau racing although son will do a few, I am driving for the next 3 weekends, Southport 12, nr Wrexham 13 (only 30 mins for that one), Southport 19, Whinlatter in the middle of the lakes 20, 27 is a training day in Lancaster, so can't go to club dinner the night before. Those are the 'nearby' warm up races! Then we move onto S Wales, Sunderland, Plymouth and Isle of Man for April. Plenty of work making sure kit is clean, food including energy stuff is packed without driving for them.
 

Grace L

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
647
0
NW UK
Morning All,

I’ve been busy. Thought I’d better let you all know what I’ve been doing …

Saturday went well. MiL now has her 4 new window boxes, and her 2 planters at the back door …
and more importantly, her new phones are installed without too much of a bother.

Day before we had snow here and at MiL (lives further North) and I thought it might be cancelled.

MiL was kept busy outside , while the new phones were installed.

Only 1 extension to bedroom needed, lounge one using same socket as before.
She still needs to get the hang of putting the phone back in the ‘cradle/ holder’ … and to be aware of the little ‘bars’ that show the phone needs to be charged…

Phones still need to have the speed dial numbers put in...
Niece said she would show Granny another day. She will call in without kids and can do it without interruptions
SiL (Nieces Mum) didn’t bother seeing her mum over the weekend. No surprise there.


I had to planned to pop in, not on the Saturday, but maybe on the Sunday, but then I had a call from my decorator asking if he could come and make a start on the 2 rooms I am having done up
(I’m making it look nicer for selling later in the year) .

He was due to come next month, but had someone cancel on him.
Rang Friday evening, and wanted to know if he could come first thing on the Saturday.
I had to stay in on the Sunday as he called to say he had left his phone here. I didn’t see it till I began the tidy up on Sunday morning.

I now have a lovely freshly painted hall, ceiling , coving, cupboards all glossed , all my doors and skirting.
I want whoever buys my home to walk in an see a bright, fresh hall… and say ... I love it, I’ll buy it!
He’s coming back next month to paint my front bedroom…

Have not told any in laws (only Niece) about my decorations as they would want to come over and see me… asap... and say ‘as I am coming over, I may as well stop and have lunch, dinner, whatever’…


I wonder why eating fast is a common with Alz?
My husband also used to stuff his face, eat fast, not chew, sometimes choke …
He also had a stage where he would stuff his face, not chew, the spit out huge mouthfuls of food.
Then look at me, and laugh, waiting for me to say something. I would not respond, get up, walk away.
If I told him off, he would do it again…

(Stopped going out to eat at that stage, I don’t like it, and I did not wat others to see him do this).

Then he had a stage of having to eat with his fingers , like a toddler, and a stage of trying to scoop/ pick up food with ‘his palm’ if that makes sense.
I also had the scraping the plate over and over, and using fingers to wipe gravy… and even lifting the plate and licking it.

Later stages he took so long to eat, we stopped eating together , I would eat first, then sit with my husband while he ate a few minutes later. Sometimes he would even dose off, as he was taking so long to eat…

Good idea about the small cutlery, I tried my husband with a set from the £1 shop, then when he got used to them, bought a proper set from JohnL.



Well done from me as well Spamar on the weight loss.
Thankfully, that’s one thing I don’t have to do to help my arthritis (knees) I’m just about 8st.

I’ve not thought about changing my diet to help …. I love pepper and chillies …

I’ve been to see the Pain Clinic AND My GP Nurse told them I was not happy being kept waiting.
Letter I had from the Hospital said I was still on the list, and they couldn’t give me a date for surgery.

Consultant Doc at Hospital said he thinks I have Carpal Tunnel in my left hand/ wrist now… and is sending me for repeat Nerve Conduction Studies. I've already got arthritis in my wrists .

My sister has arthritis in her neck, spine and shoulders… her hands and knees are OK.


Welcome setchfield835 …. keep posting xxxx
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Hi all,

Hello and welcome setchfield, it's good to 'meet' you although I am sorry that you have need to be here.

Ann, you must long for the days when MIL won't speak to you!

Nice to see you again Grace, it sounds as if you are making good progress. I'm glad you are happy with the decorating.

RAnne, it is several years since I realised that Mum doesn't cope well in social situations. It was my birthday and we had gone out for afternoon tea - me, hubby, son, Mum and my best girlfriend + her husband. Mum looked quite befuddled for most of the time. I thought then that it was her poor hearing - of course, that didn't help but I now think that it was also dementia related.

Mum also has an appalling diet now. She will eat cake all day but otherwise doesn't bother with lunch. She has instant oats for brekkie and a Wiltshire Farm Foods meal in the evening (I think/hope!) Her fridge usually contains ribena, yoghurt and long-life milk plus mints, toffees and chocolate biscuits. Sometimes other sweeties/chocolate too. She doesn't have problems with diabetes or her weight so I reckon one of the benefits of being 90 is eating what you like!

We have the physio from the falls clinic coming for a follow-up visit tomorrow after lunch, so we will pick Mum up later than usual and have lunch with her, then back in time for the appointment.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Morning all,

Thanks JM - will check out those shops, as I found nothing suitable yesterday. She may accept smaller cutlery if its plain - but I can't see Mil going for bright plastic or patterned handles, which was all I spotted while I was out :)

It sound slike you are getting lots sorted and feeling really positive Grace - good, I'm glad. Just hope that the the hospital to get their act together and give you a date - it does seem like you have been waiting for an awfully long time now x Thankfully, haven't had the spitting out food here, but have had the using fingers (which to be honest, doesn't bother me) and as I've said, there have been one or two close shaves with choking due to the size of the mouthfuls Mil will try and eat.

Lol Slugsta - I have to admit, the 'silent' treament can feel more like a reward than an insult, quite a bit of the time :p Like your Mum, there are a lot of social situations that Mil can't cope with now. A casual meal out, with just OH, myself and the kids (at most) is about her limit. If she is aware that that there is a special occasion - someone's birthday for example - then it often triggers the attention seeking, so these days, its takeaways rather than a meal out for birthdays, unless she is in respite. Early last year (after we took her to see youngest during her first stint in the Joseph Chorus) we made the very deliberate decision that we couldn't include Mil in anything like that that, again. It really got to me, because Mil has always, always been so much a part of things like that and it was horrible to realise that she couldn't be any more. But it was just too much for her, her behaviour was appalling, her stress levels through the roof (as were mine and OH's!) and within minutes of coming out of the theatre, she had no memory of where she had been or what we had done at all, all she was left with was the upset and stress. And that was just about the last of several 'special occasions' over several months, that she had not been able to cope with - including other shows, days out at the sea side or the zoo and her oldest Grandchilds B.A. graduation :( Its her 75th this month and though we will quietly spoil her, anything more is out of the question, both for her peace of mind and ours :(

When I went to pick Mil up last night, as always, she had her coat on and was raring to go but I had to ask her to wait so i could nip to the office and top up Mils account (I leave a sum there to cover paying the visiting hairdresser, and there are occasional things like clothes or craft parties that she may want to buy things from). When I'd done that, her bad mood at being asked to wait was added to by her suddenly realising that she had 'lost' her bag - it was found quickly, but by then she was in a tizz and was being quiet rude to another lady (who admittedly, does like to park herself in doorways, so no one can get passed) . Everyone else was coaxing the lady to move - Mil was stood there, telling her to 'SHIFT, NOW!' :rolleyes: When we got to the door, I discovered that a very large bolt was now in place, right at the top and out of Mils reach - from what the staff was able to mutter to me, the constant fiddling at the door by Mil (and apparently, one other lady has also started doing it) has done 'something' to the keypad/lock system and broken it - Mil had apparently managed to open the door a couple of times, just (they think) by giving it a damn good rattle - good job they have an alarm on the door too, that had alerted them to her actions.

In the car, really foul mood - straight into she was never going back to 'that place' again. Ranting on about how there was never anyone there, it was being closed down, the place is always 'dead' - I very firmly had to ask her to 'shhhhh' as the route between DC and home is currently like a modern day version of Running the Gauntlet, due to 3 or maybe 4 lots of roadworks, so its miserable enough driving it without the added moaning from the back seat.

At home, the whole evening was one long kitchen loop. Every couple of minutes she was up off her seat and heading for the kitchen , to 'cook the tea', 'wash the pots', 'turn the gas off', 'get those papers I need', 'fetch my purse', ''put that shopping away'. We now tend to stick with reminding her that she has been 'poorly', has had or has got an 'infection' and that until its completely gone, its best if she doesn't go into the kitchen - this doesn't work brilliantly, but its more effective than attempting to distract in any of the other ways we have tried. Last night, several times I said to her 'Come on, Missus - you know you can't go in the kitchen' and she responded with something along the lines of 'I know I have an infection - but I don't care', and on one occasion she added 'I'm just doing it to p*** you off'!. At just before 8, ready to pop at her, as a last resort I tried her with the Monkey World TV series I've recorded for her - and success, believe it or not! Within minutes, chuckling and 'Awwwwing' at the animals, seeming totally engrossed - and we got a full hours peace before it was time for porridge, meds and bed :)

I was going to head out with the camera today, but its bouncing down and blowing a gale, so I will just 'pootle', I think, and maybe even get the pics from the beach last week finally finished.

Hope you all have a good day xxxx
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Choosing food...

Ann, when MIL choked you mentioned a lump of food being too big. I've been cutting up everything on my husband's plate into small pieces for some time, as I also noticed the choking, or nearly choking. He sometimes manages better using a spoon.

Eating out I always choose the same for him as I'm having, chop mine up, remove the risky bits, and then swop plates. I get some odd looks but he manages fairly well, although he resorts to using his fingers when he thinks no one is watching.
 

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