Morning all,
Running late this morning - Mil being a wee bit of a pain!
Wow, Spamar - well done on the weight loss. And I am so impressed by your determination and the effort you are putting in to trying to get your life back on the track you want it on - I don't think Essie is off the mark with the brave comment, we all know how caring totally knocks the stuffing out of you, how it can impact on your health and confidence, and leave you utterly exhausted - I think such taking such determined steps to get back to what you want to be, in the wake of being a carer, is brave too xxxx
Arthritus, although there are apparently 'slight' signs of it, isn't the issue with me - its general joint pain, especially in back and hip, due to nerve damage, apparently most likely to have been caused by the care work I did for years and years, stretching back to the 'bad old days' where physically lifting clients and so on wasn't realy frowned upon. I do try to watch my diet, am very good about avoiding sweet stuff (My downfall are the savouries- cheeses and dips and crackers and breads) but to be honest, by the time I've sorted food for Mil (taking into acount her diabetes, weight, tendency to anaemia), youngest (at the fairly fussy eating stage now) and OH (who I think goes through food and diet fads like a knife through butter), it does tend to be a case of I grab what's quickest for myself. I must admit, that there is also a bit of a mental block when it comes to diets that are supposed to 'improve this' or 'fix that' - OH constantly bombards me with his latest fad(s) most of which involve him eating a diet that costs a ruddy fortune, or extensive food prep and extra work, and whenever he starts raving about the 'latest' bit of food information and advice that he has come across, I must admit that I tend to respond (quietly) with a sinking feeling, rather than any interest. At the moment, its no wheat/flour, low carb, 'shakes' made with almonds, water and some sort of protien powder, loads of Kale and spinach, low sugar - its fun trying to 'fill up' a 6 foot 4 inch bloke, who is on a 'diet' with those requirements!
R-Anne, Mil was always chatty, but now its as though she has ong periods where its almost a compulsion to talk. She simply can't be quiet and it is awful to deal with - I can't just 'tune her out' at all, I've found and while she is going on and on and on, concentration on anything else is impossible. OH or I can ask her to be quiet 'for just 5 minutes' and she will get huffy with us - but two minutes later, she will be off again.
JM, I do sympathise with the paperwork - I've said before, that's my sticking point, the thing I find hardest to tackle and deal with.
Mil has always, always had a big appetite, especially for sweet things, but really, if its any food she likes, she has always had some problems with finding her 'stop switch'. The bolting the food is something that I've noticed more and more over the last 12 - 18 months - when the food is put in front of her, she rarely thinks to say 'Thank you', she is just so focused on 'head down get stuck in' - if her meal is on the table before she sits, she will grab the cutlery and be trying to scoop up a forkful before her bum even hits the seat. Some days, the only time she is quiet is when she is eating, and she tends to go at the food in the manner of a mechanical digger, spoon or fork being filled and heading towards her mouth before she has swallowed the last lot
She uses the drink she always has with food to wash it down - and the noise and sight of her hurridly chomping toast mixed with tea is really not nice - and the intention seems to be to swallow fast and get on to the next mouthful as soon as she can. She will scrape at bowls and plates, and use her fingers to wipe up the very last morsel of food - OH says if we had patterns on the plates, they would go as well! We often get her asking for more - usually the only time she will speak while eating - when she is only half way through the food. She tries to 'scoop' large amounts, which sometimes means I worry about her choking, but it also means that she often drops food between plate and mouth - she will pick up, from her clothes and the table, any 'dropped' morsels and eat them, I've even had her push back from the table and attempt to pick up food dropped on the floor and then eat it. She is completely oblivious to the noise or the mess she makes. We now don't have puddings when we eat out because seeing something sweet intensifies the issues and she loses completely any idea of table manners - at one meal over Christmas, serving up two different desserts, I took her choice of trifle to the table before nipping back in the kitchen to cut two pieces of gateaux for those that wanted it - by the time I'd cut the cake and carried it out (Must have taken around 3 minutes at most), her trifle was gone, the bowl looked like it had gone through the dishwasher it was so clean and Mil, as soon as she saw what I was carrying, shoved her bowl to one side, picked up the spoon and held her hand out for the cake too - and boy, did she strop when she was told it was for someone else! Once or twice, when she has been in an awful mood, she has refused a meal, very much in the manner of a stroppy kid saying 'Not going to eat that' in an attempt to upset its Mum or Dad. I simply say 'fine - I'll put it in the bin!' - and every time she is sat at the table in seconds, throwing out comments like she 'doesn't see' why she should 'do without', just to 'please me'.
Hiya Setchfield, nice to meet you x Your Mum sounds very like my Mil, in a lot of respects - the looking for her late husband, the verbal persuasion being largely ineffective. We've also had to 'frogmarch' Mil on occasion - we try not too, but sometimes, safety outweighs dignity, sadly
I am glad that she will accept to some extent, lwl's (little white lies) for you - at least its a way of sometimes bring both a little calmness for her and a little relief for you. Mil has also been on the respiredone/memantine mix, with the lorazepam thrown in for excessive agitation. Initially, the respiredone and the lorazepam worked well, but we found that after some months, the lorazepam was almost making her worse - she would become even more verbally abusive after taking it, and our CPN did tell us that tolerance to the drug can build to the point where it can act as a disinhibitor. The resperidone was stopped when her diagnosis was changed from mixed vasc and AZ to LBD and Parkinsons - I honestly can't say that there is much difference on the alternative medication, Orlanzepine and Duloxetine, other than we have had periods of her being awake though the night and the dosage seems to have to be adjusted upwards with frightening regularity as she seems to build up tolerance really quickly. Mil also had repeated UTI's, which were hell on earth to deal with, for both her and us. Mil doesn't have the kidney issues that your Mum has, so is on a low maintenence dose of AB's - we combine that with an almost OCD like usage of anti bac hand gel (before she eats, after the loo, when she first comes home from any outing) and I also think that now she is using pull ups exclusively, the fact that they draw any urine away from contact with her 'bits', has helped - she hasn't had a UTI for over 12 months now. The one big difference is that although Mil does love her sweet treats, she will also eat everything else as well
Red, if it wasn't that at the stage Mil is at, the only having sweet stuff would cause so many other issues, I'd be exactly as you are - eating is one of the very few things she totally enjoys - it would be nice to indulge her in something that gives her pleasure x
Last night - confusion central again. On and on about a 'Mrs Mulhan' (?) initially, and then a streeam of disjointed and obscure queries and comments. But almost all aimed at OH - I was barely spoken to, again. Not an horrendous evening by any means and no big issues with bed time, either. All quiet through the night, but from about 6a.m. this morning, very noisily banging round her room. I was up and down to her like a fiddlers elbow. Each time, she would answer 'nothing' when I asked what she was doing and head back to her bed. I asked a couple of times did she want to get up and got a very curt 'NO' in response. At just before 8, I found her on the landing, leaving the bathroom, and asked her to go back in as it was time for her to get washed and dressed. She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and told me she was going back to bed, it was Sunday. I explained no, it is Tuesday and that she is going to DC. Eyes still closed, through gritted teeth, she told me she 'bloody well wasn't' - and refused to move. I took her arm, got an instant yell of 'Don't pinch me!'. After nearly 5 minutes, I shouted for OH to come and sort her. She at least opened her eyes, but steadfastly refused to move - she had been sick all night (she said), her legs wouldn't work, she wanted to spend the day in bed, she didn't care that I had things to do and that OH had to go to work, she could just stay here and look after herself . . . . in the end, she had to be - well, not quite frogmarched, but physically guided to the bathroom. Once in there, she just stood, and I had to undress her - she didn't resist, but she didn't help either. She did wash herself, but it was really half hearted and I had to repeatedly ask her to do it properly. She tried the lobbing the flannel at the sink of water - I caught it and very seriously told her if she soaked me, I would soak her back. Got her sorted, pull ups, bra and dressing gown on, and back to her room. 10 minutes later, there was nothing but complete silence up there, so I went up and she was just sat on the bed, gown off but no attempt to dress. I simply told her that she was running out of time to eat and that she needed to think about how daft she would look going into DC in just her undies, and left the room.
She came down within 10 minutes, sat herself at the table, turned her head to OH and told him he was a 'Right B*******' ! OH calmly but firmly told her to stop with the bad language and acting like a child. She continued to argue against going to DC, saying she would stay in her room, not be a bother, go to town out of the way. OH wouldn't respond and she only stopped when the food went in front of her. Got pretty much the silent treatment right up until I did her hair and OH left for work, and then had a very intense 15 minutes of the coat loop, combined with threats to tell the 'woman who owns this house' just exactly what i get up to when her back is turned - she kept saying that she would 'never understand' why that old woman was stupid enough to let me move in - because its not like I even help out around the house let along pay rent (?).
When the driver turned up, I warned him she wasn't in the best of moods - he said that she had been 'really bad tempered' at DC the day before, banging on the doors and demanding to be let out, telling people that 'Matron' had said she could go and very abusive when staff wouldn't comply - which explains the hot a sweaty state she was in when OH picked her up, despite him being told that she had been 'fine'. I'm guessing that 'fine' actually translates as 'same as usual' these days, the agitation and the anger being pretty much the norm for her now when she is there
I suspect that by 5, they are as glad to wave her goodbye then, as I am to wave her goodbye in the mornings!
Some shopping, a few jobs around the house to do, and hoping to crack on with some editing. OH in on a 12 hour shift, so not looking forward to this evening. Unless she gives me the silent treatment again - I can cope with that!
Hope you all have a good day xxxxx