OH won't let me leave him alone

[Alicenutter]

This is my problem. Joseph wants me with him 24/7, and I'm already starting to feel like I'm cracking. I have little patience, and keep bursting into tears.

He is fit, healthy (apart from the dementia) and just terribly dependent on me. Looking back, this has been the case increasingly for the past two or three years, and wasn't at all before that.

Any ideas?

 

[theoh]

Poor You! I can fully share the feeling. My OH wont let me out of his sight as well I have to be sitting in the chair next to him. cannt have a soak in the tub, even going to the loo resulting in yelling through the door that I will be out in a minute.

I got to breaking point just before Christmas as all I do is work (he has a day carer) come home and care. Weekends are just caring not seeing anyone just him and me. Nothing else. I was tearful and resentful of the situation - there admitted it! Gave myself a long hard talking to and now use my lunch hour for yoga 3 times a week which has de-stressed me considerably and love that an old bird can now get in bendy positions that my kids can not achieve.

this has meant I am more relaxed and ready for the evening stint. Weekends are still a problem but little steps at a time. I feel I am able to give him the support, time, consideration and understanding a lot better now I have this special time for me three times a week. Stress not a saint, none of us are and we all have bad times and it is a rollercoaster of emotion.

You need help - can you get someone to sit with him? even an hour at a time and build up? can you doctor help? is there a volunteer organization to come and chat to him or take him out or a day care Centre? can family come in and watch a movie with him or just have a cup of tea with him to give you a break. You need that time for yourself and interaction with others.

read through the posts on this forum we all get to breaking point as we try and help and support our loved ones as best we can with this horrid horrid illness.



you are not alone

 

[canary]

Sounds like you have reached the "velcro" stage
Because his short-term memory is so poor he has become dependent on you and needs you there beside him all the time to direct and reassure him. If you leave him for just 2 minutes it feels to him like you have been gone for days and have abandoned him.
As theoh has said - can you get someone to sit with him? In UK there are a couple of charities that have volunteers who will come and sit (although some do charge). Do you have anything like that in USA?

 

[Spamar]

When OH was at that stage he was used to going to daycare, and he coped with that. At weekends he still like going for coffee and cake, or driving out to look at the sea or the river. At least it gave me somewhere else to see. Plus a different set of questions!
It was at that stage that I felt I had lost my freedom, so more daycare, and taking him out helped tremendously. This was the stage I had to stop work, as well. Try and write a report and was constantly interrupted by do you want a coffe, and I had to come to the loo, so I thought I'd just see you're OK. Yes, I'm fine, just forgotten the sentence I was about to write! Grrrr!

 

[Scarlett123]

I never had the luxury of a wee in private and had to take John everywhere. You wouldn't leave a toddler within reach of the kettle, or anything, so he had to come with me.

I do sympathise, and this dependency is so hard for you.

 

[tuffydawn]

This is my problem. Joseph wants me with him 24/7, and I'm already starting to feel like I'm cracking. I have little patience, and keep bursting into tears.

He is fit, healthy (apart from the dementia) and just terribly dependent on me. Looking back, this has been the case increasingly for the past two or three years, and wasn't at all before that.

Any ideas?

i am in the same position and driving me mad feel like a prisioner in the house when i do go out to get shopping or essential trips i get constant phone call shouting where the bloody hell are you my phone is full of voice mails from hin saying it and yet when i am with him he is either in bed or doing his crosswords with no conversation for hours he is quite safe alone just hates it and is in early to mid stage of fld i am only 57 and my life is over !! i feel for you a lot

 

[Alicenutter]

Thank you for all the support. When we get back to France in a couple of weeks I will know more about where to look and who to ask... I'm going to have to work there anyway so it will be a necessity. Our son is coming for a few nights this week so that will help.


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[Aisling]

This is my problem. Joseph wants me with him 24/7, and I'm already starting to feel like I'm cracking. I have little patience, and keep bursting into tears.

He is fit, healthy (apart from the dementia) and just terribly dependent on me. Looking back, this has been the case increasingly for the past two or three years, and wasn't at all before that.

Any ideas?

Am so sorry. It is awful. I have same experience with OH. First few years were ok and then the dependence issues crept in. I hate to say this but it has grown to total dependence now.

The dependence is totally exhausting. You are on your toes all the time. It has drained me. I am like a prisoner in my own house. Can't relax, go anywhere.

Getting respite is excellent.

Aisling