Advice for the last days please

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
My mum has vascular dementia and is now starting to shut down. She stopped eating and is pouching her food. She is sleeping all day in a chair in the lounge. Today i asked for her to be in bed if she needs to sleep. She has a profile bed with sides. I asked for liquid pain relief and review by the gp. What else do i need to think about? Any help would be much appreciated.
 

betsie

Registered User
Jun 11, 2012
252
0
If your mum does take to her bed and not get up again, make sure she is turned regularly by the carers to prevent pressure sores. Watch out for them on her ears knees, ankles and toes. Sudocream is good for the edge of ears and padded plasters for any other pressure points.
If she stops taking food or liquid all together you can still wipe her mouth out with little sponges to keep it moist. I also moisturised my dads legs and arms with a nice smelling cream.
The nurses told me that your hearing is the last sense to go so I used to have the radio on for dad and read him the paper. This also gave me something to focus on.

It is a horrible time, all you can do is be there as much as you can be and make sure your mum is comfortable and pain free. Also look after yourself and make sure you eat and get some rest as well. Sending you a hug. TP was a great comfort to me at this time.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
((((Hugs)))) Quilty. Been there, done that.
As Betsy said, hearing is the last thing to go. My stepdau and I spent the last evening ( except we didn't know that then, of course) talking over all the good times and, although he couldn't talk, he could do an 'Elvis Presley' lip curl! He did this several times during our chatting and it greatly comforted me to know he enjoyed those last hours.
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,804
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Ireland
My mum has vascular dementia and is now starting to shut down. She stopped eating and is pouching her food. She is sleeping all day in a chair in the lounge. Today i asked for her to be in bed if she needs to sleep. She has a profile bed with sides. I asked for liquid pain relief and review by the gp. What else do i need to think about? Any help would be much appreciated.

Sending you loads of support Quilty. Yes talk to your Mum as hearing is the last sense to go. I know this from experience.

Aisling xxxxxxxxx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
If she gets to the stage where she cant swallow the pain relief she could have patches or a syringe driver.
I cant think of anything else to add apart from a
(((hug)))
 

craftyviola

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
254
0
Malvern
Hi Quilty - you out a lovely comment on a post I put up recently. I have just gone through what you are going through as my Mum died yesterday morning. I agree with the above comments and would also add that although being there when you can might be what you want to do, beating yourself up if you can't will probably not matter too much for your Mum. Remember that sometimes our loved ones find it harder to let go when we are with them. I hope the end will be as peaceful as my dear Mum's was. Cx
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
If she gets to the stage where she cant swallow the pain relief she could have patches or a syringe driver.
I cant think of anything else to add apart from a
(((hug)))

I didn't know about pain patches so thanks for that. She has arthritis so this will be a great idea.
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
Hi Quilty - you out a lovely comment on a post I put up recently. I have just gone through what you are going through as my Mum died yesterday morning. I agree with the above comments and would also add that although being there when you can might be what you want to do, beating yourself up if you can't will probably not matter too much for your Mum. Remember that sometimes our loved ones find it harder to let go when we are with them. I hope the end will be as peaceful as my dear Mum's was. Cx

Craftyviola, I have been thinking about you and your Mum. I hope she had a peaceful passing. Sending you some peace in the days ahead. I hope you can start to remember happier times. We can only do our best, and it is enough. My dad brought me up on that phrase.
 

craftyviola

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
254
0
Malvern
How are things Quilty? I have been thinking of you and your dear Mum and hope that she is comfortable. I hope you are able to have lots of support and can take things easy. So hard. I am a quilter as well and I love your saying at the end of your comments. Take care x
 

Crunchy

Registered User
Feb 21, 2016
43
0
'Awww big hugs to you, it's so sad at the end, you want them to get better but at some point you accept this is natural, they have withdrawn, their body is saying enough now.

Have you contacted a local hospice? My father's care home called in the palliative care team in his last 48 hours. They had drugs to hand to clear his chest secretions when he could no longer cough, and midazolam, an extra pain killer for when he showed signs of more pain than his morphine patch could ease.

I often thought in that last week that dying is not a spectator sport. There were several times when I had to walk away as I couldn't bear to see him for very long like that, every fibre of my being just wanted to help him. Reading the Alzheimers fact sheet on end stage dementia reassured me enormously, this was normal, it is part of life's rich tapestry, the last patch on the story. Be strong and be there when you feel strong enough, with love and gentle touches x
 
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Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. Mum is in bed now. She stopped eating more than a week ago. She is barely drinking and sleeping almost all the time. The gp does not think she is end of life but i just cant understand why. Being in bed and getting more regukar fluids has perked her a little. I know we dont have long and pray she slips away in her sleep. The biggest thing is the care home staff - they are wonderful. I hope you are managing through your loss. Such hard days. Lots of love quilty
 

Essie

Registered User
Feb 11, 2015
563
0
Thinking of you Quilty, and your Mum, sending peaceful thoughts to you both xx
 

Mercuria

Registered User
May 7, 2014
25
0
I often thought in that last week that dying is not a spectator sport. There were several times when I had to walk away as I couldn't bear to see him for very long like that, every fibre of my being just wanted to help him. Reading the Alzheimers fact sheet on end stage dementia reassured me enormously, this was normal, it is part of life's rich tapestry, the last patch on the story. Be strong and be there when you feel strong enough, with love and gentle touches x

Thank you for saying this. I have felt guilty about not spending "enough" time there (though I live a few hours away) but there never is "enough" time and there isn't anything I can actually do to help, much less cure it.

I think we probably all feel like that, but it can be quite isolating as most people won't really relate to what you're going through unless they have their own first-hand experience of seeing a relative go through it. (And sometimes they judge you but that really is their problem.)
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
In my mind I want to be there with Mum holding her hand, but the reality is just too difficult. I check on her every day for about 45 minutes and the staff and in checking every 30 mins.

I just want to run away from all of this, and for it to be over for all our sakes. My mum is asking where her mum and dad are. She watches my face so closely looking for lies. I just tell her that she will see them very soon.

A big virtual hug to everyone in the same position. The journey is nearly over and I am weary.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
In my mind I want to be there with Mum holding her hand, but the reality is just too difficult. I check on her every day for about 45 minutes and the staff and in checking every 30 mins.

I just want to run away from all of this, and for it to be over for all our sakes. My mum is asking where her mum and dad are. She watches my face so closely looking for lies. I just tell her that she will see them very soon.

A big virtual hug to everyone in the same position. The journey is nearly over and I am weary.

You're doing fine Quilty. When William was dying, I did spend several hours each day with him, but as it was only me, I just found it too soul destroying to spend ALL the time there. And, I have animals that needed looking after. And, the staff weren't anyway sure whether William would last a few days or up to ten days. So I went home at night. The staff checked him regularly, and it was two of the care assistants who were with him when he died. They had gone to check him and found him peaceful, but taking just about his last breaths. Tbh, I'm kind of glad now that I wasn't there.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I think this last vigil is so hard - emotionally sapping and, yes, wearying. I think that, if we are honest, we all want it over and done with.
(((hugs)))) it will come.
 

LeedsLass

Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
107
0
Essex
Dear Quilty sending you love & hugs for this time and hoping it is over soon for you all. Hang on in there X


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Timeout

Registered User
Feb 10, 2012
204
0
Hi quilty, I do hope you are doing ok. You may need to be prepared for that fact that your mum may rally, especially if she is taking fluids. My mum was put on end of life at Christmas and was discharged from hospital to be "made comfortable" at her her care home. After a few days she started to drink thickened fluids then started eating pureed foods. She is now stable, albeit at a much lower level than she was before.

It's a horrible roller coaster that we are all on. We all prepared ourselves for the worst at Christmas and the emotional toll it took on us was awful as we really were thinking we would lose her. Every time the phone rang our hearts sank and mentally we were all over the place.

I wish you lots of strength and love x