Calling a Family meeting

[Linbrusco]

Long overdue I feel , but have told my sister that we need a family meeting soon with our Alzheimer's Key Worker, about Mum who has declined since before Christmas, cognitively, ever increasing short term and now long term and start of incontinence.
Unfortunately Dad with MCI adds to the issues.

2.5yrs later and he still doesn't understand, cope with, or even remembers strategies that I have told him to do or say. Suggestions are met with "Yes I know what you mean", but in reality he does and says the opposite. Compassionate communication is out the window, and know now it is partly Dads MCI and partly his personality.
Some of my added battles are between Mum & Dad themself and I no longer feel like a daughter but their parent, carer and referee.
I work part time ( already reduced 4 days to 3 for Mum) a husband with health issues and two teenagers. I am worn out physically, mentally and emotionally, and its just not a weeks respite I'm needing.

Taking Dad to see his doctor the other day for a checkup, I talked to him about how it must be stressful 24/7 with Mum. He won't admit to it. In fact he makes jokes about it... but thats his style, using humour to cover up uncomfortable situations he doesn't want to talk about.
But I have seem him before with tears and frustration in his eyes.
His checkup ended up with having an ECG as his pulse was irregular. Ended up being OK ... but who knows if its due to stress?! He's already on blood pressure tablets since Mums AD.

My sister said what good would a family meeting do, that Mum was not ready for Care and you only go into Care when you are a danger to yourself.

Hmmmmm she has seen and heard many examples over the past two years how Mum is a danger to herself already.
All that remains is for her to go wandering and get lost, or have a major fall or get hit by a car because she has no traffic sense.
I don't want to see any of these scenarios happen but then with POA for Health & Welfare its me ultimately who makes the decision to place Mum into care.
Mum GP has already said Mum is incapable of making her own decisions, we just need to register a medical certificate with the Lawyer.

If you have had a Family Meeting before with SS or other, any points I should consider or raise?

 

[Grannie G]

Good Luck Lin.

I never had a family meeting regarding my mother because my sister just didn`t want to know, however one points worth remembering is the person who has been responsible for the last x number of years should be heeded.

 

[canary]

It sounds to me like you are in an intolerable situation Lin.
I dont know what to suggest about the meeting, Im afraid, because, like grannie G my sibling just wasnt interested and left everything to me (still does).

 

[EmilySd]

Hi, I hope you are ok . We've not had a meeting as yet for my Granddad other than Doctors and a mental health nurse that comes to visit him. My Grandma is struggling now and we can't be there as much as we'd like so we're looking into speaking to SS but it's been a tough one as he's declined so quickly these past few days so we've not been prepared for anything. I'm not sure what to advice for you to raise in a meeting but I hope it goes ok, and please keep us updated . Hug


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[susy]

We have had a family meeting. We don't have the issues you have though.
At our meeting we discussed my dads care needs and future care needs. We now have a 45 minute care call every morning to get him washed and dressed in clean clothes. Prior to that he had always already been in the shower. (He still often thinks that but still complies). He goes to a day care centre twice a week and has transport to take him and bring him back. That way he will actually go.

We discussed the intricacies of his 45 min visit to ensure all his needs were on the care plan and have involved SS and the care agency when it became apparent that the carers were not following the care plan.
SS have also brought in an occupation therapist to organise rails around the house and their leaking shower to be removed and replaced with a wet room.
All of this had a start point of meeting up with family and discussing it. Even if members were not actively doing anything they were able to have their say. If an invisible member disagreed they were asked to explain fully why and although listened to (very important) they were given examples of the behaviour quite calmly of how things had moved on now.

It's different for everyone but I found it much easier to keep my calm and not get excited about anything whilst having such a meeting as when someone gets excited it often gets a negative response.

Please do let us know how you get on. X