Oh, yes, Aprilbday..that's me too. All of you who have responded to this thread..it's me too. I am such a newcomer to this and yet, I know that these symptoms and more have been with me for a long, long time. I just never saw them as dementia and neither did any one else. I was treated for depression, ADD... and maybe those things factored in, but now i see the cognitive decline was beginning with me years ago..just like the decline I observed in my mom--but it was never diagnosed in her. A vascular surgeon has diagnosed me with vascular dementia. but he can't treat me. I have no idea when I will get the appointment to the neurologist the surgeon referred me to...they say not until September at least.
I lose words, they form but will not drop down to my mouth. Sometimes this happens mid sentence. I read but often now the letters seem to reposition themselves or smiply idisppear. I can see the errors in this last sentence..my think my fingers f are in the right place, the reality is they are not. A large number of red underlines bothers me greatly.
What I have learned here is true: there are some good days when I am bright and alert..when my brain doesn't feel like a hundred pound bowling ball; when I can process thought and make decisions without having to go over them again and again and again or when I can recall with little difficulty that I actually ate during the day.
A thousand notes. I find them everywhere now and don't have any recall what they are about..what was I to do with them and when was i to do it. Almost every day is filled with such hesitations and uncertainties. some days I'm terrified;;other days I'm calm in the midst of my chaos. I seem to have lost my sense of good orderly direction.
I try to keep my focus on what I can do: I still know where I am, where I'm going and how to get home. I can still drive, visit friends, go to the store. I can still use the phone. I can still remember names and faces. This helps to take the sting out of the fact that I am beginning to sense a bloom of apathy taking over my emotions and then, without warning- deep anger from some invisible trigger.
I respond verbally now to tv characters..actually found myself carrying on a converstation with one of them on an old Law and Order re-run.
I also see that I am far wordier than I ever used to be. I almost feel that if I don't get them all out right now, I'll forget them and that will somehow diminish me. Perhaps, like creativesarah, Norrms and so many others here I'll try writing daily..some sort of story about me. Maybe try my hand at poetry again.
So sorry for the long post..but thanks, too..aprilbday for starting this thread.. I keep forgetting that I can start a thread, too, when I have questions and concerns or just need to release. Peace, LoisJean