Dad NOT happy today

[rowtalk]

Hi I have not posted for a while, lots going on just a quick recap on dad, he's been diagnosed with VD since December 2012 in a Nursing Home for nearly 2 years he is 90 in June, has cataracts, glaucoma, degenerative eye problems, I think at his next visit to the eye specialist he will be registered partially sighted, he has very bad hearing (aids in both ears), he has arthritis in both knees,he did have lots of falls and blood pressure drops when he stands, but now he is hoisted into bed and into a wheelchair during the day, he is doubly incontinent, and he is Latvian so he reverts to that language more and more, unfortunately I cannot speak Latvian, and the only thing that he seems to do independently is eat, and sometime he gets in a mess with this, my mother passed away nearly 3 years ago.
Today when I visited him he was in a very bad mood, he had his tea in a beaker and he was throwing it at everyone even me, he has a sore on his bottom that is giving him grief, he was shouting, and when the nurse tried to give him his tablets with tea he spat them out, then he started spitting, what worried me most was his left arm was shaking not his right, he was calm then started again, is this normal in the later stages??
I am sorry for going on but I am very concerned about the shakes?

 

[CJinUSA]

Hi I have not posted for a while, lots going on just a quick recap on dad, he's been diagnosed with VD since December 2012 in a Nursing Home for nearly 2 years he is 90 in June, has cataracts, glaucoma, degenerative eye problems, I think at his next visit to the eye specialist he will be registered partially sighted, he has very bad hearing (aids in both ears), he has arthritis in both knees,he did have lots of falls and blood pressure drops when he stands, but now he is hoisted into bed and into a wheelchair during the day, he is doubly incontinent, and he is Latvian so he reverts to that language more and more, unfortunately I cannot speak Latvian, and the only thing that he seems to do independently is eat, and sometime he gets in a mess with this, my mother passed away nearly 3 years ago.
Today when I visited him he was in a very bad mood, he had his tea in a beaker and he was throwing it at everyone even me, he has a sore on his bottom that is giving him grief, he was shouting, and when the nurse tried to give him his tablets with tea he spat them out, then he started spitting, what worried me most was his left arm was shaking not his right, he was calm then started again, is this normal in the later stages??
I am sorry for going on but I am very concerned about the shakes?

My father developed tremors as his abilities deteriorated. He had VD. My mother has Alzheimer's, and she is starting to get tremors, not always showing them but sometimes having them.

This doesn't help very much, but it does sound like your father might need different medications. Has he been evaluated recently for his meds?

 

[rowtalk]

My father developed tremors as his abilities deteriorated. He had VD. My mother has Alzheimer's, and she is starting to get tremors, not always showing them but sometimes having them.

This doesn't help very much, but it does sound like your father might need different medications. Has he been evaluated recently for his meds?

Thank you for your reply, even though I have had 147 reads and only one reply, I am assuming that this is because that this is a normal occurrence during the later stages of VD, thank you for reading and thank you CJinUSA for the reply, my brother went to see him today and he seemed much better.

 

[Amy in the US]

Rowtalk, I wanted to reply not because I have brilliant advice, but because you sounded upset. Please don't think that because people are reading but not responding, that you are being ignored. I know that I often don't reply because I don't have direct experience of what the OP is asking about or because I don't feel I have any advice to offer, and often, because I live in the States and don't want to pass along incorrect information as our systems work so differently.

I haven't any personal experience of vascular dementia to offer you. Definitely listen to your gut feelings and if you think something is wrong or different, I'd talk to the doctor/staff/nurses about it. It couldn't hurt to ask about the tremors and also about your dad's medications. And I'd definitely talk to the staff about the sore on his bottom, that doesn't sound helpful at all!

On the off chance (you probably know this already) that something here could help you, here's some info from the Alzheimer's Society. Here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

And here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=133

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[canary]

Hi Rowtalk, you are not being ignored. It is normal to get far, far more reads than replies. A lot of this is due to there being many, many more guests (who cant reply) than members on the site. Currently the statistics shown at the bottom of the site state that at this moment there are 99 members and 482 guests reading the forum. Of the members (the only ones who can reply) not everyone will have experience of your problem, or feel that they can add anything useful.
Im sorry, but Im one of those who doesnt have experience and doesnt feel able to offer any help - apart from sympathise. I did feel I had to reply, though, because otherwise I would just have been adding another notch on your "views" tally.

 

[rowtalk]

Thank you so very much for your reply, I suppose that I was a little hasty in thinking that I was being ignored, I am sorry about that I think that sometime I just do not know which way to turn for a little advise and I have not seen my dad like that before so I was just a little taken back. I do go to see him three times a week and take him to all the hospital appointments I have not had a holiday away from home for 5 years so I suppose I am a just a little run down. I have read your links and are very useful.

Thanks you so much again
Rowtalk

 

[Amy in the US]

Rowtalk, no worries, just didn't want you to think you were being ignored. Your dad has a lot of medical issues in addition to the dementia and that's an awful lot to be dealing with. If you visit three times a week and take him to all his appointments as well as all the other work there is, for someone in a care home, no wonder you're feeling tired and worn down.

Plus I imagine it was startling and upsetting to see him as you describe. I think anyone would feel that way.

You say you haven't had time away in years. I wonder, could you take a holiday, even a short one? Or maybe a break at home, or a day out somewhere you would really enjoy? Visit a friend you haven't seen in a while? That sort of thing might be just what the doctor ordered, for you.

Or would you consider cutting back your visits just a little, even just temporarily? You can always phone the care home staff for updates on your dad.

Either or both strategies might give you a chance to rest and recharge a little bit.

I know it's really easy for me to suggest these ideas and really not so very easy for you to do them, or maybe even think about them.

 

[Essie]

And of course none of us have ever felt like that or snapped or sulked or had a hissy fit or...... Let it out on here rowtalk, especially if you have nowhere else to vent.

With ref to your Dad I too am concerned about the sore - not only would that be extremely painful for him - that alone would make me flipping grumpy - it's also not a good sign in terms of the care he is receiving - sores simply shouldn't happen if he's being looked after properly. I can't comment on the tremors as I don't have experience of that but as others have said, trust your instincts, that inner voice that says 'errmm...is that really OK...?' Listen to your instincts. Speak to the staff, get the doctor out, ask lots of questions and set deadlines if action isn't immediate so that things don't drift too much.

 

[1mindy]

When I read the post like Essie I thought with all that going on he is entitled to be very grumpy.Not only must he be in pain he can't see well he didn't really understand what is happening either. I certainly would be throwing things about. You need them to get onto the sores he should not have them at all.
Re the shaking , my OH walked smack into the dormer /eaves in the bedroom the other night. It totally felled him and I noticed his right arm was really shaking. Got him back up and into bed and it stopped , no idea why So not a lot of help. Since moved him to a bedroom where he can't walk into them again.

 

[Onlyme]

Mum had V dementia and would have hand or arm shakes from time to time. I put it down to the wiring in her brain changing as her illness progressed. She was checked out by the Dr anyway who said he would keep an eye on it.

 

[rowtalk]

Mum had V dementia and would have hand or arm shakes from time to time. I put it down to the wiring in her brain changing as her illness progressed. She was checked out by the Dr anyway who said he would keep an eye on it.

Thank you everyone for the replies it is a great comfort to know I can moan sometimes AND be listened to, I went to see him tonight apparently he was in another bad mood just before I got there he cheered up when he saw me, unfortunately he thought I was his sister and had to listen to him speaking in Latvian the whole time and I am afraid I do not understand the language, but at least he was happy so I just kept nodding. He has to go for a ear syringe in a couple of weeks when he has used his drops and they asked if I could escort him I said I have no holidays left to which they replied that there would be a charge of £9 an hour for a carer to escort him, I have a week off after that so I have to rearrange to escort him myself!!!!!

 

[jknight]

Thank you everyone for the replies it is a great comfort to know I can moan sometimes AND be listened to, I went to see him tonight apparently he was in another bad mood just before I got there he cheered up when he saw me, unfortunately he thought I was his sister and had to listen to him speaking in Latvian the whole time and I am afraid I do not understand the language, but at least he was happy so I just kept nodding. He has to go for a ear syringe in a couple of weeks when he has used his drops and they asked if I could escort him I said I have no holidays left to which they replied that there would be a charge of £9 an hour for a carer to escort him, I have a week off after that so I have to rearrange to escort him myself!!!!!

Rowtalk, we are all listening, moan away! Those of us who listen but don't reply usually have no experience of the situation you are in. Doesn't mean we don't care x

 

[Shedrech]

Hi rowtalk
I'm just wondering, is there a Latvian community/club local to your dad. It might be that someone would be able to visit your dad to speak in Latvian with him. Or guide you towards a Latvian interpreter. Someone may be able to just listen to him over a mobile to let you know what he's saying.
It may put your mind at rest about what he's saying. He may be saying nothing of significance, he may even be just chuntering on and not making sense (a lovely man in dad's care home talks non-stop but very rarely makes any sense or responds to what others are saying to him; he's quite content though).
And you may be able to learn a few phrases - though I suppose that may backfire if your dad thinks you can speak Latvian and gets frustrated that you aren't really answering him.
best wishes

 

[rowtalk]

Hi rowtalk
I'm just wondering, is there a Latvian community/club local to your dad. It might be that someone would be able to visit your dad to speak in Latvian with him. Or guide you towards a Latvian interpreter. Someone may be able to just listen to him over a mobile to let you know what he's saying.
It may put your mind at rest about what he's saying. He may be saying nothing of significance, he may even be just chuntering on and not making sense (a lovely man in dad's care home talks non-stop but very rarely makes any sense or responds to what others are saying to him; he's quite content though).
And you may be able to learn a few phrases - though I suppose that may backfire if your dad thinks you can speak Latvian and gets frustrated that you aren't really answering him.
best wishes

I will look into this, though I do know that the one he and the family use to go to is closing down, I will try to find out about an interpreter though
Thanks