Sad night tonight

[Livveywills]

I've go a mantra to try to get through time with mum without going berserk. 'it's not her fault, it's the dementia talking'. Sometimes it works, other times, well it just doesn't. Tonight it just didn't.

I struggle so much with the crazy thoughts and delusions, I don't know how to just go with them.

Like the invisible people who frequent my mums house and this week managed to eat a huge block of her cheese and stole her milk, or her carer who loves the job so much she breaks into the house to rearrange mums bedroom on her day off.

I want to scream with reasonable answers which of course are useless, but when I go with it she is still angry, or upset or distressed.

I seem to spend 99% of the time getting it wrong and it's so disheartening, I want to be able to like my mum and to spend time with her, but every time I see her, she moans and complains and accuses and tells me I'm awful. Today she wrecked our family dinner as she was sulking.

She is threatening to stop going to the day centre, I will crumble if that happens, 3 nights a week we get to have dinner without mum as the carer sorts out a light tea after daycare. When mum didn't go one day last week I nearly cried, those nights where we can be ourselves are just too precious.

 

[chick1962]

I am so sorry to read your post but I do know about nights. I spent many of them wanting to protect my husband from his bad dreams and confusion. It's heartbreaking at times . Wish I could offer some advice but can only send some big hugs and understanding xxxx


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[Mrsbusy]

I know it's easy to say but just don't argue but agree, it's easier. I try humour like in the bedroom scenario I would answer 'well I wish she would come and do mine too'. Very wearing I know, and like you I get to screaming point so I'm not a saint but if I didn't see the humour I'd crack up. Saturday my mum told me she went somewhere because she remembers her meal was swan! Wow, have to go there again.

i think myself you are like me becoming resentful of the time taken up with dealing with everything it comes with when your time is precious enough especially time you are doing family things. If Mum sulks, let her. Ignore it as you would a child, as if it ruins a meal then she is winning isn't she, so just pretend not to notice.

I'm like you I hate the constant change in situations, when you think things are sorted etc and they through a spanner in the plan and you're left sorting it all out again. Drives me mad.

You sound tired out, and if she says about refusing day centre etc say to her well I don't think you have a choice or the doctors may tell us off if she doesn't go. Always blame the powers that be if she has to do something she fights against. Don't always rush to her unless emergency of course, as attention seeking is sometimes something done I find. Once given its like a sponge, they want more and more and you feel the life sucked out of you! Good luck you are doing the best you can that's all you can do.

 

[Livveywills]

Thank you for the advice and support, good to know it's not just me. And you are right I need to let things go and go with the crazy comments somehow. It is true I resent the precious time that mum takes up when I have so little of it to spend with my kids after work, and at the same time feel guilty as I shou do more for her and want to spend time with her