Day care . I'm in turmoil.

[1mindy]

Another quick update. Went to collect him from his secure day care. They pride themselves in the access to the garden where the guests can walk round but not get out. Now having to rethink. Today my OH was walking round outside. Next thing they know he is astride the 6' fence as it was his only route to home ,they managed to talk him down. Don't think they thought of the very physically fit when they planned it . I laughed at the image.

 

[pamann]

Hello Mindy 1 my hubby jumped a 6ft fence yesterday, he is in a CH, he did it the first week he went in there, no other residents are fit enough to do it, my hubby is bodily very fit. He was seen by the maintenance man, who managed to get him back into the home, they gave him a pill to calm him down, he just wants to get out, he thinks he is in prison, l would love to take him home, but know l can not look after him.

 

[1mindy]

Just as t was going so well !!

Had a phone call from day care yesterday to go and collect OH. He has only been there an hour and a half and he had not been any trouble before ( apart from the fence incident ) .Anyway he had decided to leave, into the garden Climbed the fence once more and would not come down. He was abusive, said they couldn't stop him....you get the picture. So today they informed me he could not go back. The stage he is at he is to disruptive and they can't manage him. Just as I was loving my time. Back to S S on Monday to see what they can suggest as if three professionals can't cope for 6 hours a day, how am I the untrained meant to cope 24 hrs 365 (366 this year ) .

 

[fizzie]

Had a phone call from day care yesterday to go and collect OH. He has only been there an hour and a half and he had not been any trouble before ( apart from the fence incident ) .Anyway he had decided to leave, into the garden Climbed the fence once more and would not come down. He was abusive, said they couldn't stop him....you get the picture. So today they informed me he could not go back. The stage he is at he is to disruptive and they can't manage him. Just as I was loving my time. Back to S S on Monday to see what they can suggest as if three professionals can't cope for 6 hours a day, how am I the untrained meant to cope 24 hrs 365 (366 this year ) .

Oh I am so sorry mindy, I really hope SS have a solution, you desperately need some time for you and away from caring.

 

[Scarlett123]

Had a phone call from day care yesterday to go and collect OH. He has only been there an hour and a half and he had not been any trouble before ( apart from the fence incident ) .Anyway he had decided to leave, into the garden Climbed the fence once more and would not come down. He was abusive, said they couldn't stop him....you get the picture. So today they informed me he could not go back. The stage he is at he is to disruptive and they can't manage him. Just as I was loving my time. Back to S S on Monday to see what they can suggest as if three professionals can't cope for 6 hours a day, how am I the untrained meant to cope 24 hrs 365 (366 this year ) .

And that's what I mean about the lack of support carers get. I hope SS recognise how exhausted you are and how much you need a break. Don't be like I originally was, and try to be stoic, you must stress how much you have to have this break, in order to function for the rest of the time xxx

 

[Jinx]

I do hope a solution can be found, really feel for you it's a dreadful situation. xxxxx


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[Toddleo]

Oh 1mindy, I just read through the whole of this thread beginning to end, what an emotional ride you have had.
I am Just going down the route of day care for our mum, and this has been such a helpful thread. I feel for you, and really hope things pick up for you soon.
Best wishes

 

[Aisling]

Had a phone call from day care yesterday to go and collect OH. He has only been there an hour and a half and he had not been any trouble before ( apart from the fence incident ) .Anyway he had decided to leave, into the garden Climbed the fence once more and would not come down. He was abusive, said they couldn't stop him....you get the picture. So today they informed me he could not go back. The stage he is at he is to disruptive and they can't manage him. Just as I was loving my time. Back to S S on Monday to see what they can suggest as if three professionals can't cope for 6 hours a day, how am I the untrained meant to cope 24 hrs 365 (366 this year ) .

Absolutely agree with you Mindy. I hope the professionals can sort things out for you. You need a BREAK.

Aisling

 

[1mindy]

Thank all I will keep you p to date. We both met with my daughter for coffee yesterday she was so quiet an clearly upset. Text her when we got back an got a heartfelt message back just saying how upste she was for me and what a great job I am doing . She really pushed me for daycare and respite to help me. She is coming on Monday her day off to relieve me for a few hours.I try to make light of it as this isn't a burden for them it's for me that's how I think but am grateful for the support of my son and daughter who I think have discussed it and seem to be a lot more visible now . Son called in yesterday with the paper and stopped for breakfast, totally out of the blue. Oh was still in bed so it was lovely to spend time just him and I .

 

[Casbow]

Day care. I' in a turm oil.

Having had a terrible week I have ended up with another Doctors visit and he increased OH tablets for the second time in 3 weeks and suggested I have to look at my options of Carers coming out to help me or him going into care. I don't even want to think of him going away at the moment. What I really need is a few hours a week without having to try to go to appointments taking him with me. To be able to look round shops. To be able to talk to friends in peace. Dementia service lady came here on Thursday and the minute Day care was mentioned my husband said he was not going into daycare and that was that. Most of the time he doesn't seem to take on board much of what is said. So I was quite shocked. He became more agitated and angry and in the end she left saying maybe the social worker could sort something out when she comes next Tuesday. So when I came on here this morning the first letter was about day care or other options. To see how many other people are in the same situation I felt that at least there is TP to read and see what others are doing in the same/similar situation. Everyone keeps telling me I need respite but I don't think I can leave him even if I found somewhere suitable. What a situation. Love to allxxxx

 

[1mindy]

If you can get it grab it with both hands and enjoy xx

 

[gwincy]

Had a phone call from day care yesterday to go and collect OH. He has only been there an hour and a half and he had not been any trouble before ( apart from the fence incident ) .Anyway he had decided to leave, into the garden Climbed the fence once more and would not come down. He was abusive, said they couldn't stop him....you get the picture. So today they informed me he could not go back. The stage he is at he is to disruptive and they can't manage him. Just as I was loving my time. Back to S S on Monday to see what they can suggest as if three professionals can't cope for 6 hours a day, how am I the untrained meant to cope 24 hrs 365 (366 this year ) .

I know how you feel. I thought I had sorted daycare and respite out but after an incident when my husband pushed a lady back into her chair I was told he was too disruptive, so am back to square one. Why is it that just when you feel you can cope with the current situation something comes and slaps you back. What I cant understand is how a home can say it specialises in dementia care but only seems to be able to cope with the people who sit in chairs. Surely the condition means a person will have challenging behaviour. Meanwhile we have to do the 24/7 caring without even a break for coffee. Hope things change for us both soon.

 

[Casbow]

Day care. I'm in turmoil

I know we need something. I lost it today when he shouted at me saying I was always telling him what to do.I resisted home truths but said I'd do everything myself and slammed off. Why does no one seem to understand what it is like.All friends and family make the right noises but no one says I will come over and give you some company or relief. Sorry that's just thought in black and white.

I feel exactly the same. Not many people are prepared to say, go out for a few hours and I/we will look after him. This caring lark is very lonely and dare I say boring. Fed up with either doing nothing or trying to do something that isn't totally successful. Thinking of you.xxx