New to this and very scared

souls.asylum

Registered User
Feb 19, 2016
1
0
Hi,

My mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. She was just fine till the start of the year. Then suddenly she started experiencing paranoia, thinking the neighbours were talking bad about her. She started experiencing auditory hallucinations. In a span of a month she has gone from being fine to not talking much, staring into space, forgetting what was said a few hours back. She no longer reads the newspaper, does not use her iPad (earlier she used to love playing games on her iPad). She has withdrawn socially and has lost 12 pounds in a matter of 1 month. She is not willing to accept that she has dementia and thinks her forgetfulness is just age related (She is 74 by the way). I am scared because I think this is progressing quite fast. She also seems to have this fixed delusion that I (her daughter) am stuck in a horrible marriage and suddenly she hates my husband and in laws. She thinks my husband is out to steal her money. She is the only family I have. My brother died when he was 28 years old ( that was 12 years ago) and my father passed away five years ago. I miss my brother and I don't want to lose my mother, not this way. Currently I have got a nurse to stay with her overnight and am looking for a carer during the day. I also visit her almost everyday. I have a 1.4 year old baby and between visiting her and looking after my child I am exhausted. My in laws have been extremely supportive and want my mother to move in with us so that we can take care of her but she is refusing. I am completely tired and depressed with the turn of events. Can anybody let me know what stage is she in and what will happen if she continues to refuse medication? I don't know how to remain strong to take care of her.
thanks
 

Cat27

Registered User
Feb 27, 2015
13,057
0
Merseyside
Welcome to TP :)

As well as the carers have you considered a day centre to try to keep her stimulated?
Think very carefully before moving her in with you. It will have a massive impact on you & your family.
 

Toddleo

Registered User
Oct 7, 2015
411
0
I understand what you're going through, changes with my mum seemed to occur in the blink of an eye.
She was non compliant in all areas; washing, eating;medicine taking etc... thought everyone was going to poison her, and thought I was a nasty bossy person (certainly did not know who I really was!)
It was only following a nasty fall and being hospitalised for 13 weeks that drugs were introduced (by injection and certainly not willingly ) These medications have had a profound improvement in the quality of all our lives-things are far from easy, but she is now back home with 24 hour care and supervision but will allow her self to be bathed, eats brilliantly, and willingly takes her pills too. She also knows who I am Some of the time
 
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Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
Hello soulsasylum, and a warm welcome to Talking Point. I am glad you have found TP, but sorry you have had to, if you know what I mean.

You certainly have a lot going on and it's no wonder you are upset and overwhelmed.

Clearly you need help. I'm not in the UK but others here will advise about how you get assessments for both your mother and for you and start to sort out the paperwork. (Fizzie has a great list that I'm sure she will post soon.) Age UK and the Alzheimer's Society are good resources for information and support and you shouldn't hesitate to ring them. The Samaritans also have a number you can ring if you feel overwhelmed and need to talk to someone. I know it puts more things on the "to-do" list, which isn't easy, but please do get some support.

There may be support options in your area such as a carers package, day care centers, a lunch club, carers cafes, and so forth. Those could be options to provide some practical care for your mother and also to get her out of the house and socializing. Your area carers cafe or other support groups could be a way for you to get some support and also to find out about services in your area.

I'm sorry to say that a lot of the symptoms you describe are familiar to many of us. (My mother is 73 and has Alzheimer's and very impaired short-term memory; she was only diagnosed a year ago but clearly the dementia has been going on for some years.) I know exactly what you're talking about regarding the social withdrawal, weight loss, lack of interest in formerly loved hobbies and activities, the list goes on. It's very difficult and upsetting to watch.

I am especially sorry to hear of your mother's delusion (you are correct, a delusion is a false, fixed belief) about your husband and his family. That puts you in a tough situation with having them help.

The topic of moving your mother into your home is a very big subject and not a decision to be taken lightly. If you have a look round TP you will find other threads on this subject, both current and past, and also threads from people who are live-in carers. Especially with a very young child at home, I would think long and hard about this and don't feel pressured by your in-laws, the doctor, social services, or anyone else, to do this or even to make a decision about it without having time to consider it. I don't mean to cause you distress, but as I'm sure you know, dementia is a progressive disease. While none of us has a crystal ball nor can predict the future, generally speaking, whatever amount of care your mother needs now will only increase. It could be weeks or years or months, but eventually she will need more care. So on a practical level, you and your husband might think about how you would plan to provide care to your child as well as 24/7 supervision for your mother, with the eventual issues of incontinence, et cetera. You would also need to consider if your home is set up in a way that will be safe for your mother (stairs, grab rails for the toilet, etc) as well as practical for your family. And don't forget the issue of who would care for your mother when you are not able/are ill/go out of town/sprain your ankle/whatever. This is a short version, but you get the idea.

I would also be hesitant about moving your mother in with you as long as she has the delusion about your marriage/husband/in-laws. That just seems like setting yourself up for disaster. That's a very, very difficult situation for you and I am sorry.

As far as your mother not accepting her diagnosis, well, certainly there can be an element of non-acceptance or reluctance to discuss it, but it's also possible that her dementia means her brain is damaged so that she can't understand her diagnosis, or has no awareness that there is anything wrong with her. Google "anosognosia" for more information about this. Again, not to distress you, but it really doesn't matter if your mother does or doesn't know or "accept" that she has Alzheimer's disease, and it's probably kinder not to discuss it with her. (I never say "dementia" or "Alzheimer's" to my mother, as it only agitates and upsets her, which I try to avoid at all costs.)

The Alzheimer's Society has a good website with lots of information about dementia and all sorts of related topics. If you haven't already, I suggest you have a read over there.

To get you started, here is general information about dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=106

This has information about different aspects of caring for the person with dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

And there's a lot more information on their website.

If I haven't already overwhelmed, angered, frightened, and upset you dreadfully, one more suggestion, which is to talk to your mother's GP. If you don't yet have permission for the GP to talk to you, work on that, but in the meantime you can always talk to them. Many of us fax or mail information to the GP in advance of an appointment, so we can share information not in front of the person with dementia, or even hand a note to the receptionist before the appointment, but you can also call. If there's been a lot of weight loss you want to get her checked for nutritional and vitamin deficiencies and it sounds like you are having issues with her taking medications. It might help to have carer visits to give medications, and the GP may or may not have suggestions, but they should be brought up to speed with the situation.

It's a horrible disease and I am so sorry. You sound so upset and overwhelmed and I feel I've just thrown a lot of unpleasant information at you. I also hear that you feel alone and without family to help you. I was sorry to read that your father and brother have both passed away. I know it can feel lonely and isolated when there isn't other family available to help and I'm sure being in this situation makes you miss your family even more. I'm so sorry.

I hope you will be able to get some help, to work through this awful situation.

Best wishes to you and your family.
 

MimoMilo

Registered User
Feb 6, 2016
30
0
Hi,
It's so hard isn't it! I wish I had got on this forum years ago.
My advice would be to get POA ASAP. The forms are on line, take an hour to fill out, then have to have others sign etc and cost about £120 compared to £1,000 from a solicitor. You need these in place as anything can happen at any time and you need to be in control.
Secondly, please share your concerns, I kept mine bottled up and became withdrawn from friends and family.
Tapestry are amazing!
My mum has been diagnosed 3 years, last year been hard with night wandering. Looking back, mums illness started many years before. Mums in a ch at present. Over the last month I've realised mums illness has progressed and my mental state has deteriorated. I also have a young family. I found it good to keep a timeline of events and progression. Like other members, if mum has bad feelings against your husband that could be tricky if she moves in. Keep positing any concerns, thoughts with you x
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,063
0
Salford
Hi Souls, welcome to TP
All the best advice has already been given by the other posters POA, Social Services and all the rest, basically get all the help you can for her.
That said I can identify with what you're saying about how fast things can change, a few days into the new year my wife and I went shopping and had a couple of days on our barge, she'd had AZ for a while but everything was manageable, then she fell off the edge of a (metaphorical) cliff and by Jan 10th was in a secure psych unit detained under section 2 of the mental health act, it can change that quickly.
I don't know what your circumstances are but if you're alone (in the related family sense) and all the decisions are down to you then it's a tough place to be especially as you have a small child and all that goes with that.
Now that you've found us on here just take the issues one at a time and we'll all chip in with our little bit.
You might be scared at the moment but not as scared as I would be at the thought of giving birth:eek: and you managed that, you do that you can do anything:)
K