Tough question

[EmilySd]

Hi all, Emily here

I hope you're all ok?

So it's been a few weeks now since I started staying over at Grandma's to help out with Granddad on a Friday night. It's been helping Grandma a lot as it gives her something to look forward to and she says it's nice to have a 'Normal' conversation at night time, it breaks my heart.
It's extra nice for her as Mum comes for tea on the Friday, leaves at around 7 and I stay the night, and Mum comes back up on Saturday for a bit then we go and do some shopping. Granddad is finding the adjustment of having someone new in the house over night a little hard to cope with but he's getting there.

His Dementia seems to be declining more and more, he is getting aggressive (He doesn't hit or hurt us) but he gets really sharp, agitated, slams things down and he keeps saying he's dying; has anyone else experienced this with a loved one? He is also obsessive over things, so every night he will do things 4 times over. He'll lock the door, open it, lock it etc.

He has Vascular Dementia, we don't really know what caused it but all we know is that it is Vascular and he has small strokes. Does anyone know how many stages there are of this, how much worse he will get?

Thanks everyone

Emily (Carer of Grandfather with Dementia)

 

[Beate]

Hi Emily

It's great you're helping your Grandma like this.

Have you seen this factsheet about vascular dementia?
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

 

[Amy in the US]

Hi, Emily. I'm sorry to hear about your granddad. Any kind of dementia is challenging to deal with and I think you are all providing great support for your grandfather, and each other.

I don't know if you've had a chance to read a bit on the Alzheimer's Society website but they have really good information there. Here is a factsheet on vascular dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

I'm not an expert on vascular dementia but know the progression can be different than what you see with Alzheimer's-type dementia. With Alzheimer's, it tends to be a slower, more gradual progression, but with vascular dementia, especially if there are strokes, there can be sudden "drop-offs," if that makes sense. I think the factsheet explains it better than I do.

Having said that, everyone with dementia is different and there is no certain way to know or predict what will or will not happen.

There is some general information about caring for someone with dementia here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

Sadly, aggression can be a common symptom of dementia, I'm sorry to say. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=96

The obsession or repetitive behaviour definitely goes with dementia territory. I imagine we could all share stories about that. I would say that as long as it's harmless, doesn't cause agitation, and doesn't lead to dangerous behaviour, I would probably let it go.

I wish I had better information and suggestions for you. Wishing you and your family all the best.

 

[jknight]

Oh Emily.

What a star you are, helping your Grandma!! I do hope that didn't sound condescending. I think you are brilliant! It's tough and I am guessing that you are quite young?

 

[CJinUSA]

Hi all, Emily here

I hope you're all ok?

So it's been a few weeks now since I started staying over at Grandma's to help out with Granddad on a Friday night. It's been helping Grandma a lot as it gives her something to look forward to and she says it's nice to have a 'Normal' conversation at night time, it breaks my heart.
It's extra nice for her as Mum comes for tea on the Friday, leaves at around 7 and I stay the night, and Mum comes back up on Saturday for a bit then we go and do some shopping. Granddad is finding the adjustment of having someone new in the house over night a little hard to cope with but he's getting there.

His Dementia seems to be declining more and more, he is getting aggressive (He doesn't hit or hurt us) but he gets really sharp, agitated, slams things down and he keeps saying he's dying; has anyone else experienced this with a loved one? He is also obsessive over things, so every night he will do things 4 times over. He'll lock the door, open it, lock it etc.

He has Vascular Dementia, we don't really know what caused it but all we know is that it is Vascular and he has small strokes. Does anyone know how many stages there are of this, how much worse he will get?

Thanks everyone

Emily (Carer of Grandfather with Dementia)

Hello, Emily. Lovely that you are helping with your grandfather each week. I'm sure it's an immense relief for your grandmother to have some of her family there helping her cope with insurmountable and endless struggles with your grandfather.

My father became inconsolable, aggressive, angry, and uncontrollable finally. He would pace, talk about things related to his childhood (so nothing we could relate to to try to take him off track), and not sleep for days on end. Vascular dementia, unlike Alzheimer's, doesn't quite have stages in the same way as Alzheimer's. That's because its primary cause is stroke. Are your grandfather's medicines under control, and does he have a pill for high blood pressure? A generic form of Plavix is the drug my mother takes to ward off strokes. (She has had strokes in the past, in addition to seizures related to her Alzheimer's.)

I hope you can help get this resolved soon. Have you talked with your family about whether they can manage to help your grandmother on a permanent basis? It's a commitment that is often much longer than anyone can imagine.

You'll be in my thoughts. Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

 

[EmilySd]

Oh Emily.

What a star you are, helping your Grandma!! I do hope that didn't sound condescending. I think you are brilliant! It's tough and I am guessing that you are quite young?

Thank you so much! I'm 21 , so I guess I cam still quite young!

 

[EmilySd]

Hello, Emily. Lovely that you are helping with your grandfather each week. I'm sure it's an immense relief for your grandmother to have some of her family there helping her cope with insurmountable and endless struggles with your grandfather.

My father became inconsolable, aggressive, angry, and uncontrollable finally. He would pace, talk about things related to his childhood (so nothing we could relate to to try to take him off track), and not sleep for days on end. Vascular dementia, unlike Alzheimer's, doesn't quite have stages in the same way as Alzheimer's. That's because its primary cause is stroke. Are your grandfather's medicines under control, and does he have a pill for high blood pressure? A generic form of Plavix is the drug my mother takes to ward off strokes. (She has had strokes in the past, in addition to seizures related to her Alzheimer's.)

I hope you can help get this resolved soon. Have you talked with your family about whether they can manage to help your grandmother on a permanent basis? It's a commitment that is often much longer than anyone can imagine.

You'll be in my thoughts. Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

Thank you very much for your help and support. They recently put Granddad on some Anti Depressants and he is on medication to prevent the strokes etc, his dose is pretty stable at the moment. Between us all we've worked out the best care plan so far, but with our working hours it is impossible to provide care like a full time carer would, sadly

 

[EmilySd]

Hi, Emily. I'm sorry to hear about your granddad. Any kind of dementia is challenging to deal with and I think you are all providing great support for your grandfather, and each other.

I don't know if you've had a chance to read a bit on the Alzheimer's Society website but they have really good information there. Here is a factsheet on vascular dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

I'm not an expert on vascular dementia but know the progression can be different than what you see with Alzheimer's-type dementia. With Alzheimer's, it tends to be a slower, more gradual progression, but with vascular dementia, especially if there are strokes, there can be sudden "drop-offs," if that makes sense. I think the factsheet explains it better than I do.

Having said that, everyone with dementia is different and there is no certain way to know or predict what will or will not happen.

There is some general information about caring for someone with dementia here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

Sadly, aggression can be a common symptom of dementia, I'm sorry to say. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=96

The obsession or repetitive behaviour definitely goes with dementia territory. I imagine we could all share stories about that. I would say that as long as it's harmless, doesn't cause agitation, and doesn't lead to dangerous behaviour, I would probably let it go.

I wish I had better information and suggestions for you. Wishing you and your family all the best.

Those links are really great, thanks so much!

 

[EmilySd]

Hi Emily

It's great you're helping your Grandma like this.

Have you seen this factsheet about vascular dementia?
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

That's great, thank you!

 

[fizzie]

Thank you so much! I'm 21 , so I guess I cam still quite young!

I think you are bloomin brilliant and you all sound like a really lovely caring family xx
This might be useful when the going gets tough -this leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

Do have a look at it
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf